Bikini Archives - Page 80 of 93 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

28

Aug

I am – Amy Winehouse Bikini Pictures of the Day

I realized today that my life is lacking something and that something is a little more Amy Winehouse in a bikini, thank god my dreams were answered, so that I can go on another day like Owen Wilson.

I don’t know what it is about crackheads that are half naked and wet, because it’s something you can see pretty much any downtown strip, but knowing that Winehouse has boatloads of money makes shit a lot more exciting. Poor addicts are played out.

There’s also something exciting about an emaciated crackhead like the fact that their heads look massively huge and I love horses, they are classy and the fact that her uterus is already hanging halfway out her box, all you gotta do is throw your load at her and hope some sticks, if you’re trying to K-Fed her and that’s a lot easier than those frigid bitches with tight pussies and internal reproductive organs…who probably wear underwear and don’t put out.

I just noticed her top is see through, and crackhead nipples are way cooler than any non-crackhead nipple because all you gotta do is wave 5 dollars in front of their noses to get a piece instead of actually having to talk to a slut…Try to prove me wrong asshole.

Related Posts:

Amy Winehouse Bra
Amy Winehouse Dirty Underwear
Amy Winehouse Nipple and Prison Tattoo
Amy Winehouse Nipple and Meth Skin

2007

28

Aug

I am – Hilary Swank Bikini Pics of the Day

1 Comment »

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

No matter how hot Hilary Swank ever looks all I can ever remember about her is that she played a girl pretending to be a guy in that stupid movie Boys Don’t Cry, and forgot to mention her husband in her Oscar acceptance speech, which is probably why he divorced her. You tell yourself that being attracted to girls that dress up as guys isn’t as gay as just being attracted to guys, which is wrong, but if thats what you need to tell yourself to get through the day, thats fine. Homo.

I freaked out a roomful of people the other night at a party when I said I wouldn’t turn down having sex with a Male to Female tranny, and that the idea of fucking a chick with a dick was actually really appealing to me. The minute a person has a vagina, it turns them into a catty, whiney fuck (and I know this because I have one), and I figured having the dick there avoids that, and the tits add to the overall play factor during sex. But I’m not gay, I’m just Kinky.

I guess I’m pretty lucky. As a women, me being interested in this type of thing makes me “open minded” but when someone like you is into that type of thing, it makes you a fag.

hugs and kisses
Marie-eve Martinez

Hilary Swank Bikini Pics of the Day
Carmen Electra Bikini Pics of the Day
Monica Cruz Bikini Pics of the Day

Posted in:Bikini|Hilary Swank|Unsorted

2007

28

Aug

I am – Danielle Lloyd Bikini Pictures of the Day…

2 Comments »

I don’t know when these were taken, but they seem to be doing the internet rounds today and being the slowest fucking blog to update, I figured I might as well post them. Her name is Danielle Lloyd, she’s pretty much useless unless you sell bikinis, because she is always in fucking bikinis and because I don’t know who she is, but then again I have no idea who anyone is, I also had no idea that Owen Wilson tried to kill himself yesterday, I had no idea that Carmen Electra was white, and I think I started feeling the anxiety of being a total hack, or like that the pressure was on or some shit because I ended up dreaming that I was at some party with all the other bloggers and no one would talk to me, I would just sit there getting wasted and yelling at random people as they passed by while a group of guys in the other room sat and played nintendo and guitar. It was the closest thing I had to a gay dream in years, there were no girls, just blown up laminated posters of some of their most famous posts, like the Jessica Alba bikini ass on all fours picture and shit.

Either way, I am a hack, I am just waking up, this is Danielle Lloyd and I am not a gay blogger, and if I was invited to one of their get-togethers which I wouldn’t be, because they don’t consider me one of them, I wouldn’t go, and if I did go, I’d bring a crackwhore to piss randomly in random placed when I got bored, on demand, ideally a stinky fucking pee on the couch just to scare the virgins a bit.

So the life lesson is that I will not take a night off of drinking and I will keep ripping off other blogs so that they continue hating me…so that I don’t become one of them…

Related Posts
Danielle Lloyd in a Pink Animal Print Bikini
Danielle Lloyd White Bikini
Danielle Loydd in a Bikini for Cancer
More Danielle Lloyd In a Bikini, It Seems to Be All Bitch Does

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Danielle Lloyd|Tits|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Elle Macpherson Surfing of the Day

1 Comment »

It seems like surfing is the new thing for middle-aged celebrities to learn. I am going to admit that I have always wanted to be a surfer because they get all the bitches and are living the dream, unfortunately I don’t know how to swim, I am drunk too often, and I am too fat for any surfboard to support my weight – but I still like to believe that one day I’ll be living the dream….

Here are some pictures of a SLAMMIN’ Elle Macpherson in a bikini that someone sent in to me. She was one of the original bikini models who opened my eyes to bikini models and I remember spending endless nights curled up to my Sports Illustrated 1988 or 89 video where here nipples were exposed numerous times…..

I came across this story I wrote a while ago and figured I’d post it because I don’t think I have yet and since it’s a true story, you need to read it….

I knew this gay kid who was from a gay family. He had a brother and he had a father and he never really spoke of his mother, but it is safe to say that she is either dead or fucked off on them. They grew up in a good part of town and they had a nice house and a good female influence in the shape of a 250 pound aunt who was the biggest leather wearing dyke in the county. His dad was a fag, his brother was a fag and he was a fag but he was in the closet, his dad was in the closet and his brother was in the closet. They were all in the fucking closet for fear of being judged, disowned or whatever because the dad played the front of the homophobe while doing dudes in his spare time.

The family had an unfortunate experience of finding out that each other were into the cock when they all accidentally ended up at the Gay Sauna on the same night and one brother happened to be on the receiving end of the Glory hole and another brother ended up on the left side glory hole and his dad ended up on the right side of the glory hole and dude ended up servicing each of them to completion unknowingly until the meet at greet in the hot tub where the dad decided that it was time for a sit down and talk about him being a faggot and the faggot way of life.

So the point of the story is that the gay kid I knew sucked off his dad and his brother in one sitting, one night, a series of unfortunate events and that story is more fucked up that these pictures of Elle Macpherson could turn any man straight…..

Related Posts:

Elle Macpherson is Insane
Elle Macpherson and her STD
Jennifer Garner Paddle Surfing
Courtney Cox Surfing

2007

26

Aug

I am – Jennifer Aniston’s Small Bikini Showing Her Ass of the Day

8 Comments »

Jennifer Aniston Small Bikini Clad Ass

I know Greek girls are supposed to have big child bearing asses and that’s why they take it up the ass so easily, so it’s possible that these Jennifer Aniston shots are some kind of optical illusion and she’s really rockin’ a XXL, but by the looks of it, she’s in a XXS and shit’s barely covering her ass. Maybe next time she’ll get it right and use the bikini bottoms to cover the real offensiveness in these pictures and that’s her face. I am talking busted down pick-up truck face that reminds me of last week’s kitchen garbage or maybe even an old catcher’s mitt, but her body is pretty banging and I do my best to not hate on bitches with hot bodies, even if they look like they were mauled by a bear when camping as a child or some shit…

I was out in some random club in some random town with some random people. I ended up there by getting in the car with people I didn’t really know and going for the ride because they were cool with taking me along with them and I was pretty tired of being downtown and ready for a change in the outskirts of hell. It turns out that the outskirts of hell attracts a hell of a lot of slutty looking girls who like talking to random people, not so much me because I look like an overweight mountain man and chicks that have bleached hair and fake tits and halter tops get enough of that at work when old men like me pay them 10 dollars a song to grab their tits…Either way, at one point in the night these 3 ugly chicks all with fake tits were doing shots in the corner. I wanted to join in but they weren’t having it but I did get to listen to their conversation and all they were talking about were their fake tits, how many CCs they had in each, who their doctor was, whether they had sensation back and all this fake tit shit. It was like seeing three guys with the same car randomly meet in the shopping center parking lot and start comparing their engines…..

Aniston may not have fake tits, but she does have hot tits, and that’s pretty much the end of this post. I’d ask for your feedback, but I really don’t give a fuck about what you think. Asshole.

Related Posts:

Jennifer Aniston Bikini Top Pictures
Jennifer Aniston Bikini Pictures…
Jennifer Aniston’s Nipple

2007

26

Aug

I am – Jennifer Aniston's Small Bikini Showing Her Ass of the Day

No Comments »

Jennifer Aniston Small Bikini Clad Ass

I know Greek girls are supposed to have big child bearing asses and that’s why they take it up the ass so easily, so it’s possible that these Jennifer Aniston shots are some kind of optical illusion and she’s really rockin’ a XXL, but by the looks of it, she’s in a XXS and shit’s barely covering her ass. Maybe next time she’ll get it right and use the bikini bottoms to cover the real offensiveness in these pictures and that’s her face. I am talking busted down pick-up truck face that reminds me of last week’s kitchen garbage or maybe even an old catcher’s mitt, but her body is pretty banging and I do my best to not hate on bitches with hot bodies, even if they look like they were mauled by a bear when camping as a child or some shit…

I was out in some random club in some random town with some random people. I ended up there by getting in the car with people I didn’t really know and going for the ride because they were cool with taking me along with them and I was pretty tired of being downtown and ready for a change in the outskirts of hell. It turns out that the outskirts of hell attracts a hell of a lot of slutty looking girls who like talking to random people, not so much me because I look like an overweight mountain man and chicks that have bleached hair and fake tits and halter tops get enough of that at work when old men like me pay them 10 dollars a song to grab their tits…Either way, at one point in the night these 3 ugly chicks all with fake tits were doing shots in the corner. I wanted to join in but they weren’t having it but I did get to listen to their conversation and all they were talking about were their fake tits, how many CCs they had in each, who their doctor was, whether they had sensation back and all this fake tit shit. It was like seeing three guys with the same car randomly meet in the shopping center parking lot and start comparing their engines…..

Aniston may not have fake tits, but she does have hot tits, and that’s pretty much the end of this post. I’d ask for your feedback, but I really don’t give a fuck about what you think. Asshole.

Related Posts:

Jennifer Aniston Bikini Top Pictures
Jennifer Aniston Bikini Pictures…
Jennifer Aniston’s Nipple

2007

24

Aug

I am – Pam Anderson's Vagina Puppy of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures of Pam Anderson with something fuzzy between her legs, and I am not talking about the fungal infection or the obvious STD Joke that you should insert here, I am talking about her little puppy. I am kind of upset that shit’s not a cat so that this post could write itself but I guess the powers that be hate me, but I could have probably told you that before these pictures came out because if you look at my life, it pretty much seems like god took a shit on me when I was born, but enough about me.

Life worked out a lot better for Pam Anderson, she was destined to be a stripper but for some reason she had some kind of golden horseshoe in her ass as part of her stage-show and some asshole from LA who happened to watch her going at herself one end in the cooch the other in the ass was like “This bitch has that it factor” and recruited her to be a lightweight stripper, lightweight pornstar and all-american dream…

I met a stripper with a dream yesterday, and that dream was to make 450 dollars in her shift. She came up to us saying she was 6 songs away from her objective. When I asked her what the hell she did with 450 dollars a day because to me that’s an insane amount of money, she said she supported her boyfriend, bought clothes and partied….I didn’t end up taking her in the back, because I don’t have that kind of budget, but I have a dream too and that dream is to have her boyfriend’s job.

Either way, here are some Pam Anderson with a dog between her legs, covering up her old rotting body because she cares about the people and about expediting an already dying career. I don’t know if expedite is a word but i used it anyway cuz I am fucking crazy. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Pam Anderson in Short Shorts
Pam Anderson in a Short Dress
Pam Anderson Parties in a Hooters Uniform
Pam Anderson Bikini Action
Pam Anderson’s Nipple and Ass in a Bikini

2007

24

Aug

I am – Pam Anderson’s Vagina Puppy of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures of Pam Anderson with something fuzzy between her legs, and I am not talking about the fungal infection or the obvious STD Joke that you should insert here, I am talking about her little puppy. I am kind of upset that shit’s not a cat so that this post could write itself but I guess the powers that be hate me, but I could have probably told you that before these pictures came out because if you look at my life, it pretty much seems like god took a shit on me when I was born, but enough about me.

Life worked out a lot better for Pam Anderson, she was destined to be a stripper but for some reason she had some kind of golden horseshoe in her ass as part of her stage-show and some asshole from LA who happened to watch her going at herself one end in the cooch the other in the ass was like “This bitch has that it factor” and recruited her to be a lightweight stripper, lightweight pornstar and all-american dream…

I met a stripper with a dream yesterday, and that dream was to make 450 dollars in her shift. She came up to us saying she was 6 songs away from her objective. When I asked her what the hell she did with 450 dollars a day because to me that’s an insane amount of money, she said she supported her boyfriend, bought clothes and partied….I didn’t end up taking her in the back, because I don’t have that kind of budget, but I have a dream too and that dream is to have her boyfriend’s job.

Either way, here are some Pam Anderson with a dog between her legs, covering up her old rotting body because she cares about the people and about expediting an already dying career. I don’t know if expedite is a word but i used it anyway cuz I am fucking crazy. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Pam Anderson in Short Shorts
Pam Anderson in a Short Dress
Pam Anderson Parties in a Hooters Uniform
Pam Anderson Bikini Action
Pam Anderson’s Nipple and Ass in a Bikini

2007

24

Aug

I am – Jenny McCarthy Bikini Pics of the Day

No Comments »

No one seems to care that Jenny McCarthy is dating her long lost brother, I guess they think it is magical that 2 retarded faces came together like puzzle pieces from across the country and met in hollywood to be together. Their parents would be so proud.

I remember the first few time I watched porn in the early 80s, they always had an incest theme, which is kinda weird, but I guess was a fantasy of the era. I am talking more than one movie that I saw was about a father fucking his daughter or a sister fucking her brother, and that’s the shit people were getting off to. I didn’t think it actually happened, it was just so naughty that they got off to the concept and not to their siblings…if you know what I mean…

Then I met Roy, this dude who lived in the suburbs who was about 14 and dude came into school one day bragging about how he got laid. This went on for about 3 months before we called him out on who he was banging and all he would say was this older chick. We ended up finding out that his fat sister was jealous of all her friends who were getting cock so she started banging him, she was probably 18 or 19 at the time and we were all disgusted because she was his sister but that was before realizing how hot the shit was except for her being fat…

Either way, here are pics of Jenny McCarthy in a bikini with her rockin’ tight body for a 40 year old…

Related Posts:

Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carey on the Beach
Shitty Jenny McCarthy Upskirt of the Day
Jenny McCarthy Hangs With Carmen Electra

Posted in:Bikini|Cameltoe|Jenny McCarthy|Tits|Unsorted

2007

22

Aug

I am – Courtney Cox Bikini Bottoms of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures of Courtney Cox trying to reclaim her youth by surfing and pretty much only embarrassing herself. I guess the one positive thing you can say about her, other than the fact that she’s got an old lady mom ass, because she’s an old lady and I am so over hot tight teen booty, is that she’s not being a cunt about things by paddle surfing like her best friend ever Jennifer Aniston, because she realizes that that shit is so fucking homo that I am considering changing my DJ AM is gayer than bicycle shorts line to DJ AM is gayer than paddle-surfing, but you don’t care about that.

What you do care about is this girl I once dated for about 8 weeks. She was pretty fucking hot by my standards, which means that she had at least one leg, one arm, one eye and one tooth, but that’s no the point…We hooked up drunk for about a week but she’d always stop me at the panties. I felt like I was 14 again and bitch was pulling the panty-rule on me which at first was kind of exciting because I made a point of breaking down that cotton wall, and put more effort into getting her horny enough to give in. I will admit that I found it weird for a 50 year old broad to be pulling this shit on me but it doesn’t matter, after a week of not breaking through, I got mad and wanted to fuck her saggy old lady ass and she said it was because she got her period.

Now the main reason I was banging this grandma was because I figured she was dried up and unable to get knocked up, unable to get her period which suited my needs when I was 24 of no baby and constant sex as long as I had a tube of KY next to the bed, but she dropped the fucking period line, something I never thought I’d have to deal with with her….

Now for the 8 weeks we were “seeing each other”, I never got up in her because she always had a tampon in her, and I never pulled it out to see if it was actually used. So either this bitch had a serious gynecological problem and was bleeding for 8 weeks, or she was a total mental case who had some weird OCD about keeping tampons in her or the most likely case it was her way of keeping me the fuck out….and it worked.

I wish I could say the same for Courtney Cox, but the way she’s lookin’ at me in these pictures, I know she wants me…