Candids Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

31

Oct

I am – Britney Spears Candid Photos Leaked of the Day

Some assistant to Britney Spears leaked these candid pictures of Britney drinking and Swimming in Dita Von Teese’s champagne glass and they pretty much suck. When it comes to Britney Spears and her entourage, you’d think that the only thing leaking would be her used up vagina right down her leg, leaving a puddle on the ground for her dogs to lick up when Britney forgets to give them water and they are desperate for survival, kinda like Britney was in her career, but has somehow managed to turn that around with a huge song, ringtone and huge album sales. It’s kinda like she won the lottery. I hate playing the lottery, because it always manages to disappoint, like everything else in my life. That sounded a lot sadder than it actually is but only because I can laugh at my misfortunes.

Related Posts:

Britney Spears Bikini Dance
Britney Spears Cleavage
Britney Spears Vagina Shot
Britney Spears Upskirt Pictures

Posted in:Bra|Britney Spears|Candids|Drunk|Unsorted

2007

19

Sep

I am – Hayden Panettiere Taking Her Dogs Out for a Walk of the Day

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I just woke up. It is noon. If I was 16 again, my foster mother would be very mad at me. I decided to post these Hayden pictures as a celebration that her dog eats her dirty tampons, provided she can even get her period. I have heard that midgets generally can’t reproduce, and since bitch is built like a midget with her life size head and a scaled down fat chick body, I think it’s safe to assume she can’t either. Her dog also sees her shit, watches her fuck, hears her fart, licks her dirty underwear and maybe even makes messes that she has to clean up just to see her get her hands dirty when the hired help is at home. This dog pretty much owns this bitch and if only he could talk or operate a camera, we’d have much more interesting shit to post.

Either way, she’s got a new boyfriend, I don’t remember his name, he’s probably some poofter riding her celebrity like he was Zac Efron, because pretending to be straight for your career is what people do in Hollywood without realizing that we all know that everyone in hollywood are fags because straight guys are too busy working construction and fucking chicks to care about crying on screen for 1,000,000 dollars.

Here are those pics and I am not going to mention how fucking lame her t-shirt is…or the fact that she thinks she’s Doctor Doolittle, because it’s pretty obvious that the bigger dog is a utility dog she uses to help her out. Otherwise he’d be in more than one picture. He’s like the slave dog she uses to help her get dressed like the midget who lives by me who has no hands who has one just like hers and it helps him open doors, cross streets, get things off high shelves and it keeps him company when no one will talk to him for being a midget with no hands.

Related Posts:

Hayden Buying Sexy Panties for Her New Boyfriend Pictures
Hayden Panettiere Picking Her Thong Out of Her Ass Then Licking It
Hayden Panettiere Eating Pictures
Some Hayden Panettiere in a Bikini Pictures

2007

24

Jul

I am – Michelle Williams is a Unisex Nymph of the Day

6 Comments »

Michelle Williams

I am gonna tell you how you spent last night, virigins. You got home from your job at the video store where you play the playstation on the display console when your boss is drinking in the boiler room. You ate the broccoli you mom over-cooked as quick as possible so you could jump into your old childhood bed. You took your trusty flashlight beneath your 30 year old Spidey sheets, and re-read some fantasy Tolkien knock-off involving dragons, beasts, and fairies, and arrows. Your favorite character is the tiny elfin nymph whose sexuality is left ambiguous. You put the book down and proceded to jerk off to the thought of the warrior-hero fucking the unisex fairy. This unixes fairy looks exactly like Michelle Williams, a 13 year old boy with a striking resemblance to Mia Farrow. You have to keep telling yourself that the book is wrong and the nymph is a woman and so is Michelle Williams, so you are not a homo or a pedophile.

I am not knocking your life choices, come on, I was a fucking hooker and am currently on welfare healthcare. But at least my life choices have always involved having real sex and not virtual elfin book sex with a character that probably looks like Michelle Williams. Here is your favorite boy-girl nymph strolling around Brooklyn yesterday without her husband Heath Ledger.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

Related PostsI am â€“ Britney Spears Clubbin in a Bikini of the Day
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I am â€“ Colleen Mcloughlin Bikini Pics of the Day
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I am â€“ Alyssa Milano Bikini Lip Slip of the Day
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Posted in:Candids|Michelle Williams|Saggy|Unsorted

2007

09

Jul

I am – Megan Fox isn’t that Hot and is Banging David from 90210 of the Day

4 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Megan Fox at some airport with her lame fucking boyfriend from the other day. The reason I am posting these is because I often think a girl is hot until realizing who they are banging and then I get totally turned the fuck off of them. This bitch is all the rage lately and everyone wants a piece of her and all I can see in this pictures is a half decent girl with shitty fucking tattoos that match her useless boyfriend’s shitty fucking tattoos together making a couple that is not so hot and desirable but wealthy in shitty tattoos.

It seems like girls who all the guys find hot and worth around consistently go out and find the biggest fucking cunt out there as a way to make us all feel like bigger losers than we already are. I remember meeting this girl when I was in my 20s who had everything going for her, a job, money, looks, an education and was probably the best lap dance the city had to fucking offer, but one day while smoking a cigarette outside the club she worked at, I saw her get into the car with some asshole in a tracksuit. At first I thought that dude was just her driver but a month later I saw her at a club with him and a few weeks after that I saw them holding hands walking downtown together and I realized that this bundle of hair gel and muscles and a tattoo that said “Italia # 1” was actually her boyfriend. It made getting a lap dance from her a struggle, because no matter how bad I loved her naked and grinding on me for 10 dollars a song, I couldn’t get over that she was involved with that dude. Eventually, I would only get dances from her out of spite, it was like a “Hate Fuck” but a little more expensive and a little less naked on my part.

Either way, I know that I am not as popular as David from 90210. I know that he’s been banging pretty decent lookin’ bitches since his last role as David on 90210, 10 years ago, but the only reason for that is because girls in their mid 20s grew up wanting his cock and now they are living out that dream while he is a hell of a lot more accessible. Megan Fox was a nobody up until this Transformers shit hit, so hopefully this new role as the hottest bitch in movies of the summer will open her up to some new cock that is a little easier for people like me to stomach. Until then she’s not a hot slut I want to see more of, she’s just wasted pussy on some useless f-lister, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to see her get stuffed like a Turkey on Thanksgiving….let’s just hope this Brian Austin Green asshole isn’t giving her acting tips.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Brian Austin Green|Candids|Megan Fox|Unsorted

2007

09

Jul

I am – Megan Fox isn't that Hot and is Banging David from 90210 of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Megan Fox at some airport with her lame fucking boyfriend from the other day. The reason I am posting these is because I often think a girl is hot until realizing who they are banging and then I get totally turned the fuck off of them. This bitch is all the rage lately and everyone wants a piece of her and all I can see in this pictures is a half decent girl with shitty fucking tattoos that match her useless boyfriend’s shitty fucking tattoos together making a couple that is not so hot and desirable but wealthy in shitty tattoos.

It seems like girls who all the guys find hot and worth around consistently go out and find the biggest fucking cunt out there as a way to make us all feel like bigger losers than we already are. I remember meeting this girl when I was in my 20s who had everything going for her, a job, money, looks, an education and was probably the best lap dance the city had to fucking offer, but one day while smoking a cigarette outside the club she worked at, I saw her get into the car with some asshole in a tracksuit. At first I thought that dude was just her driver but a month later I saw her at a club with him and a few weeks after that I saw them holding hands walking downtown together and I realized that this bundle of hair gel and muscles and a tattoo that said “Italia # 1” was actually her boyfriend. It made getting a lap dance from her a struggle, because no matter how bad I loved her naked and grinding on me for 10 dollars a song, I couldn’t get over that she was involved with that dude. Eventually, I would only get dances from her out of spite, it was like a “Hate Fuck” but a little more expensive and a little less naked on my part.

Either way, I know that I am not as popular as David from 90210. I know that he’s been banging pretty decent lookin’ bitches since his last role as David on 90210, 10 years ago, but the only reason for that is because girls in their mid 20s grew up wanting his cock and now they are living out that dream while he is a hell of a lot more accessible. Megan Fox was a nobody up until this Transformers shit hit, so hopefully this new role as the hottest bitch in movies of the summer will open her up to some new cock that is a little easier for people like me to stomach. Until then she’s not a hot slut I want to see more of, she’s just wasted pussy on some useless f-lister, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to see her get stuffed like a Turkey on Thanksgiving….let’s just hope this Brian Austin Green asshole isn’t giving her acting tips.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Brian Austin Green|Candids|Megan Fox|Unsorted

2007

04

Jun

I am – Some Lohan Personal Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

Lohan Personal Knife and Tit Pictures

Here are some pictures of Lohan showing us all how she is a broken down teenager with major fucking issues. I am talking goth chick who cuts herself, or crazed drug induced psychosis, or just some freaky fucking fetish shit that I don’t fucking understand, but you probably do because you’re a fucking creep….

Speaking of creep, I was on the roof of some bar patio this weekend smoking a cigar next to some Persian chick. This middle aged man started chatting her up and thought that I was trying to move in on his game. I wasn’t really interested because I don’t pick up chicks. I was kickin’ back watching their TV and dude was telling her how I was trying to look down her shirt. I let his bullshit slide the first few times then I took it personally. Reality is, when you are constantly called a fucking creep day in and day out for begging girls on the net to get naked, eventually you either start believing it or become pretty defensive and angry when people say it….

I decided to tell him that he’s got shitty game and that there’s no way that Persian girl will ever let him ride her oil well. That was my Iranian reference of the day. I don’t remember how heated shit got with him, because I lost interest and zoned out to finish smoking my cigar, but I am pretty convinced that the girl was on my side in the end and just wanted him to fuck off because he was the creep….

The point of my story is to never judge a book by its cover. Sure I look like a sleazy fucker and I say sleazy fucking things and I like looking at girls naked and I like checking out their tits and trying to see them naked…okay, maybe I am a creep and you should keep me away from your girlfriends, but I think it should be because they will fall in love with me and not because I will touch them inappropriately, even if I want to.

Lohan on the otherhand is a well oiled machine. Everything she does is strategic and has a team of consultants telling her how to act. I can only assume that these pics of Lohan are staged and bitch isn’t as creepy or intense or morbid as these pictures make her out to be, she’s just full of fucking shit and trying to be hardcore in some cocaine rage. I am convinced that she just sits at home, self medicates, is insane and counts her money while she’s not letting male models cum inside her….the knives are just props to make us all believe her bullshit story…otherwise shit would have never hit the internet. Believing the bullshit is just feeding into the fucking hype that is a little freckled slut for Long Island.

Posted in:Candids|Lindsay Lohan|Tits|Unsorted

2007

01

Jun

I am – Nicole Richie Still Has Nipples of the Day

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I hate Nicole Richie. Mainly because she’s a rude little whore who loves ripping into people but when people turn on her she becomes this hypersensitive twat. I am basing my Nicole Richie opinion on the one text messages she sent me where she called me a looser…reality is no matter how loose I am…I am sure I am not quite as loose as her anorexic dancing hips. Slut.

I heard that she was pregnant because she had a little pot belly action in some pics but I don’t think anorexic addicts can get pregnant, they actually lose their periods. I think she just hadn’t taken a shit that week, or maybe bitch went and got her monthly abortion, it is the best for of birth control in a place no one where condoms….

Point of the post is that she’s got some oversized glasses and some erect nipples to distract you from her rat face, more proof that the loss of 2 of her friends to the law has her made her a little more considerate to humanity. I wrote about this already. I never said I wasn’t repetitive.

Posted in:Candids|Legs|Nicole Richie|Nipples|Unsorted

2007

31

May

I am – Jessica Biel Takes Out the Trash of the Day

1 Comment »

I am not sure if these are taken outside her house or if they are some set of a movie, but since this bitch barely works and is barely famous and has barely had any career other than paparazzi taking pictures of her jogging, I can assume that they were taken outside her house or if anything they were taken on set of a “Borax” commercial. I don’t know what “Borax” is but it’s gotta be something paying Biel to promote it. Everybody’s got to make a living somehow and I am trying to make a living talking about where pictures of Jessica Biel were fucking taken. That is a lot lamer than it sounds and it sounds pretty fucking lame to me.

Either way, I learned that the key to being a success is by telling people how amazing everything you produce is. I was invited to the Gwen Stefani show the other night, because my stepduaghter’s rich friend had a ticket for a chaperone, because as a rich kid, her parents wanted nothing to do with anything that involved her. I didn’t get free tickets because people want me at their event like I was Perez Hilton, but I am fatter than him.

Either way, before Gwen Stefani dropped a song she’d say that that song was her favorite and everyone would fucking scream. If I was ever on stage, I’d be like “I don’t know what I was thinking when I wrote this smut, but since you bought tickets to see me do this, here it goes” like I was your dancing monkey…

So the life lesson is that if you tell someone that something is amazing, most people will believe you, because most people are idiots who need to be told what’s up, so even if what you do is shit, pretend it’s amazing and your conviction will convince….

Either way, here are those Biel in a Bathrobe pics for your Bathrobe and Slipper Fetishists….and remember, this is one of my favorite posts of all time, now believe it. Asshole and remember there’s a Gwen Stefani performing video that’s going to hit one day soon. Watch out for it. Asshole.

Posted in:Bathrobe|Candids|Garbage|Jessica Biel|Unsorted

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