I'll Make You Famous…

Archive for the Cannes Category




La Fille Inconnue Premiere in France was the Hot Spot of the Day

Seems like a lot of whores went to the premiere of this movie in Cannes:

The Unknown Girl (French: La Fille inconnue) is a 2016 Belgian film directed by the Dardenne brothers and starring Adèle Haenel. It tells the story of a female medical doctor who sets out to find the identity of an unknown young woman who died after she was refused surgery.

It was the place to jerk off…in your tuxedo, or if you’re like me, in your janitor’s bucket after sneaking onto the the scene…

Seriously, so many models…I guess these Belgian dudes work in fashion…why else would all these opportunists who already have rich husbands be there…other than for a luxury red carpet media hit..

I guess what I am saying is that this looks a lot like my summer pool parties…except less obesity, exposed mouth herpes, and teeth….

Alessandra Ambrosio and her Implants were there:


Eva Herzigova was There Dressed Like Marilyn Monroe


Rosie Huntington Whitely was there in Red


Laetitia Casta wore some Slutty Outfit Like the 90s


Irina Shayk Was There – She’s Perfect – But Looks Horrible…


Helen Mirren Was There


Posted in:Cannes|stepEVENTS|stepNEWS




Tara Reid in Cannes of the Day

Tara Reid is still alive. Just a heads up.

I feel like death.

Let’s hope this is some Ghost whisperer preminintion shit to rid the world of a cunt like me.

Posted in:Cannes|Tara Reid




Phoebe Price is in Cannes of the Day

I know you don’t care about this bitch, but I accidentally downloaded these pictures of her thinking they were see through, and I never turn down a see through picture, but I was wrong. The truth is that along with Dlisted, I am fascinated with this bitch. Not because of her red pubic hair, a weakness of mine, but because she has never really done anything, but manages to be everywhere, including Cannes. I assume she comes from money and that her trust fund just supports her “acting” career, and I guess none of that really matters.

What does matter is that I was at a fashion show a couple weeks ago for a local college, in efforts of seducing bright eyed young girls into thinking I could help their confused selves find a career now that school was over and they don’t know which way to turn, and I fell in love with a Phoebe Price of my own. Tall, Red and luxurious, but she never answered my Craigslist misconnection, maybe it had to do with the ten bullet points of what I wanted to do with her vagina, but I like blame the Craigslist killer for fuckin’ up my game. Taking responsibility for yourself is a waste of time.

Posted in:Cannes|Phoebe Price




I am – Rosario Dawson on the Beach in Cannes of the Day


How’s this for fucking boring. Rosario Dawson who is a big breasted girl who I want to see in a bikini or naked is at the beach. Only her kind of beach involves not wearing a fucking bikini and some summer dress that reminds me of hanging by the pool at the luxury Old Folk’s home I used to do the landscaping at….

The highlight of these pictures are when the summer dress rides up her ass like it was her thong, but even that makes these pics not worth posting. But having no editorial standards and being lazy has left me no choice but to follow through…a lot like how Rosario Dawson didn’t pull through in these pics…

Point of the story is that seeing a girl with great potential not pull through on the beach by wearing what is equally as bad as a snowsuit is like running into your highschool valedictorian and learning he’s become a crackhead, it’s like finding out the hottest girl who you wanted to bag all your life got fat, it’s like finding out that you are adopted, it’s like finding out that your girlfriend has been sleeping with your best friend the last 2 years of your relationship, it’s like having a one night stand the night you lose your virginity and finding out you got AIDS, it’s like

It’s safe to say it’s one of life’s great disappointments….and bitch isn’t even that hot…it’s just the principle….

Posted in:Beach|Cannes|Rosario Dawson|Unsorted




I am – Noemie Lenoir in a Bikini on the Beach at Cannes of the Day


Who the fuck is Noemie Lenoir? Someone google that shit because I am too distracted chatting with guys pretending to be a 14 year old girl in some chat room trying to set up meetings in the park because I want to do my own stepOFFENDER feature and I figured that’d be a good place to start, then I realized that I may end up luring in one of you, because I think it’s safe to say, my readers are fucking strange.

I made friends with a girl who had a black on blonds fetish, I have seen these kinds of girls around, the blond chick on the arm of some thug. I just assumed that it was mainly strippers dating black dudes because of the whole stripper lifestyle being gangster. I have also seen the pretty obese looking white girls who are with black dudes, but I thought was just because black dudes are the only dudes with dicks big enough to get around their fat asses, so I always thought black on blond porn was designed for black dudes, but I never really stopped to think that black dudes aren’t on the internet, they are out and about doing black things like driving around in Escalades and standing on the street corner rapping to each other and that this porn is really designed for blond girls to get off to…how twisted is that….I am still convinced girls don’t watch porn….so it was like a revelation, if you’re wondering where the tie into the post is, this bitch’s name means “the black” in english and based on these pics I have no idea if she’s black or white, she’s all Michael Jacksoned and I am confused….

I do know that she’s got some major mound exposed…it’s all toe for you…

Posted in:Bikini|Cameltoe|Cannes|Noemi Lenoir|Unsorted




I am – Sharon Stone Bikini of the Day


The last time I saw a 50 year old in a bathing suit was when I worked at the YMCA for a week before getting fired for walking in the women’s locker room by accident at rush hour. The problem with my plan to walk into the women’s locker room to see all the younger and hotter pieces of ass that worked out there was that I didn’t think things through properly. If I had been working there a little longer before making my move into voyeur janitor, I would have figured out that all the young tight bodied women who go to the YMCA show up in their workout gear and leave in their workout gear. The only people who get naked and stay naked for an hour while getting ready are the chicks with white pubic hair. They are also the ones who took the aquarobics class and would slowly make their way to the pool to play in the shallow end strutting their stuff like their very own Baywatch….

Now Sharon Stone may not be in an aquarobics class and she may not looks like a senior citizen yet, but her ass does and that’s all that really matters to me.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Cannes|Sharon Stone|Unsorted|Yacht




I am – Bai Ling Nipple Slip of the Day


My site is running like shit and I really don’t know why. I’d say that it was unfortunate but I think it’s all part of the charm of running a piece of shit. It’s like when you get into one of your friend’s shit box, sure it’d probably be easier to get pussy if you had a Porsche and sure, the Porsche would probably start everytime and the Porsche definitely wouldn’t break down on the fucking Highway everytime you go about 60, but something about it wouldn’t feel right. It’d feel like you didn’t belong in a Porsche, because all your life you were accustomed to taking the fucking bus. Point being that if this site was nice, flashy and worked, I don’t think it would be mine, because nothing in my life is flashy or works, including myself.

Speaking of not working, here are some pictures of Bai Ling’s Nipple Slip because that is pretty much all this bitch does. I’ve never seen her in any movies, on any TV shows, just on red carpets hanging her tit out and in Playboy once….That said, maybe nipple slips are a job because bitch is still getting invited to events where photographers take pictures and care enough to post them on the net and you’re not…

Posted in:Bai Ling|Cannes|Nipple Slip|Unsorted