I know most dudes value a chick for the size of her tits, but I am just not that kind of objectifying superficial guy, because I value chicks on other things, mainly the condition of their pussies and I know that despite Aguilera having a rockin’ set of big fake tits, I just can’t fall into her manipulative trap not only because I hate fake tits, but because I know her pussy’s not doing so well considering the whole baby thing.
I guess the other thing I like about a girl is one that doesn’t look like some kind of bleached, haggard monster with blood stained lips but that’s usually something I can look past because it’s not gay to let a transexuals suck your dick, it’s only gay if they do it with their boner in their hand.
Christina Aguilera seems to be repetitive in her dressing like a neurotic old Jewish man who owns 14 pairs of the same shoes, 10 pairs of the same jeans and 4 pairs of the same glasses because he knows what he likes. She was seen yesterday wearing the same fuckin’ dress, with the same fuckin’ tits just in a different color yesterday. I blame her husband.
The beauty of Christina Aguilera’s tits is that she got them because of insecurities. She was always less popular than Britney and she probably spent nights up in bed trying to figure out why and all she could come up with is that guys like Genie’s in a Bottle better when they are stacked. Now she probably thinks she made all of our dreams come true, while lookin’ like Pam Anderson or a porn slut that was considered hot back in the 90s than the little 16 year old hispanic girl with a voice we all wanted to fuck, when all she really had to do was release her birthing video, but that’s just because I get off to girls giving birth, since birth is the product of sex and reminds me of the success I feel after taking a huge shit after eating at a buffet.
BONUS – Christina Aguilera and her Weak Chin Showin Some Big Tits in an Animal Print Bra
The pregnancy weight seems to be gone – but the implants aren’t. I guess that’s the deal with with implants, shits just don’t go away, you can be burried with the fuckers after you die and when some pervert digs you up to have sex with your skeleton, he’ll be pleasantly surprised that he chose the right grave and there’s more for him than just a skull to fuck and will have some tit to play with before getting off, then getting arrested and locked up for a really long time for having a really sick fetish that makes bringing your girlfriend home to meet your mother a pretty awkward and gross experience.
Either way, here’s Christina Aguilera and her fake tits busting out of her shirt, which is about as impressive as the time I paid my rent all by myself, using my wife’s money. She just doesn’t deserve any respect because anyone with 5000 dollars can make this shit happen and that’s just part of the reason I hate fake tits.
I make a point of not watching Ellen, maybe because I don’t own a TV, but also because she’s fucking annoying and I hate lesbians. I only have patience for them when they are dyking out in front of me and don’t look like Ellen.
Either way, Christina Aguilera made an appearance on her show and her tits are exploding out of her dress and you can tell that Ellen’s got a total soft on for those tits. She’s acting even more awkward as she normally does trying to lure that new mom pussy into her dressing room….if it doesn’t work out, at least she has this footage to run one out to and so do you….
I like new mother’s and their new tits and that’s part of the reason I am banned by numerous coffee shops in my area, because it turns out that during afternoons when real people are at work, bitches on maternity leave meet their other new mother friends, because some obnoxious BFF’s like doing everything together especially when it means having babies together so that not only can they enjoy this new stage of life together but they can raise their babies to be BFF’s and grow up to have a lifelong lasting friendship just like them. Either way, they shoot the shit about being new mothers and how raw their nipples are and how their sex lives have suffered or are better or how they are planning on losing the pregnancy weight or how much cuter or more advanced their baby is because they are competitive whores all while breast feeding….and I get to watch.
It’s my daytime porno and it’s free, just like these clips of X-Tina.
Christina Aguilera may look like a cheap hooker who was raped and left to die but came back to life because she had some exclusive event she was hired to escort some rich dude to and that hope of having a big break gave her the will to survive, but the reality is that she’s a mother and deserves a little more respect than that, even though your perverted self is blinded by her tits. I think it’s important to remember that those big tits aren’t something to jerk off to but are a source of nourishment to another life and we can all just keep our dicks in our pants and accept the fact that her baby gets more action than you. Who cares that the girl had big fake tits before the pregnancy and even bigger milk filled fake tits with the pregnancy and it’s pretty much nature’s way, except for the fake tit part, so our making a spectacle of them is pretty fucking desperate. I guess the same can be said for her, but her body is probably beat the fuck up and has things hanging where they never hung, so drawing some sexual attention to herself with her tits is probably some kind of need to still feel wanted….because she knows when she looks in the mirror that even she wouldn’t fuck herself, but we all know you would and probably while the baby watched, because you’re a sick exhibitionist like that…but I can’t blame you, we’ve all got needs.
Here’s Christina Aguilera showing her vagina, because like all ready to drop mothers to be who are in and out of doctor appointments showing the world their cunts at least once a week, it’s not that big deal. Not that it ever was for her, because based on her music videos you’d think she was some kind of whore sex addict, but the reality is that most girls who talk sex and live sex and do sex dances for the world to jerk off to, don’t actually have sex. It’s just one of those things called marketing.
Another one of those things is that she knows that the her vagina will never be the same again and figures she should let the world know what it was like in its glory days. Unfortunately, I don’t have super virgin powers and can’t make out any lip, so this vagina slip is a fuckin’ bust by my standards becasue I’ve seen more pussy on my dad and I never even met my dad, but I used to pretend ever dude my mom would bring home to fuck for money was my dad, and based on the shit I saw, those fucker’s got mad pussy cuz she was cheap and easy. Kinda like Aguilera.
I never understood the pride a girl takes into being pregnant. I always see these pregnant girls rubbing their bellies and posing in pictures holding their stomachs or even taking pictures showing the progression of how big they get. We get it, you’re pregnant, you fuck and you let a dude cum inside you and now you’ve got some parasite growing inside of you that you would probably be better off hiding away because you don’t always have to constantly remind us that you’re damaged goods. There’s no point in making a fucking spectacle of it….
Single mother’s are easy pickings at the bar. They rarely go out and when they do it’s because they want to fuck and that may be a good time, because they have all this other shit going on in their lives, so they only want your cock and if they want some repeat business, and call you to hook up, they just want to hook up. They generally don’t want their kids knowing how much of a whore they are, so they try to keep you as far away from them as possible and you always get with them on nights when the kid is at the father’s, which is one about 4 days a month, so it makes for a good time, with little amount of effort to put in. The problem is that the second they get hooked on you and think you’re a good guy, is the second you become a fuckin’ real stepfather, and as a stepfather, I can tell you that it fucking sucks. You have to put up with shit from annoying kids that aren’t yours, so it’s really like dating 2 or 3 people, instead of dating the one you’re fuckin’…..not to mention, becoming a family man takes away from getting pussy from other girls, because they feel like homewreckers and despite some girls getting off to that shit, it’s a hard fuckin’ sell. Not that any of this really affects you, you have enough trouble having sex with yourself, because you’ve been doing it for so long it’s become a chore, like having sex with your wife after being married for 30 years and she’s no longer than hot piece she once was.
Either way, Christina doesn’t make a hot pregnant chick, she looks like the town whore who had one too many abortions and had no choice but to bring the baby to term. All her make-up doesn’t hide the fact that her time in every teenage boys masturbation fantasies is done….because she’s going to be a fuckin’ mom…..and that shit is worse than AIDS, unless you’re the baby daddy, then it’s just a smart business decision.
I wasn’t going to cover any Emmy Awards shit because the Emmy Awards are fucking lame and it was my attempt in protesting them. Reality is that I tried to watch them yesterday because I figured it would inspire me to hate the world more than I do or maybe even take the 4 hours of my life away from me. I promised a reader that I would live-blog but that didn’t happen. Life lesson, never trust a drunken Mexican.
I first tuned in on my neighbors TV during the pre-show red carpet shit and saw the fag from Queer Eye doing fashion play-by-play like it was a fucking sports show. I thought the concept was stupid and was forced to change channels, but that was after I saw lesbian Ellen and her wife who is not so lesbian but realizes that eating Ellen’s pussy is good for business, being interviewed. Ellen was a manic weirdo who must have been jacked on something and it made me question why we let Lesbians on TV.
I tuned in again for the opening performance that was some Family Guy shit, Stewie and the dog were singing about how shitty TV is, I think I laughed a few times but I was drunk and don’t really remember. I do know that I like Family Guy and think it’s the best written show, so I hope they won something.
Ryan Seacrest came on and didn’t make me or anyone in the audience even crack a smile. His jokes weren’t jokes and it was nice to see his Seacrest ship sink, I can only hope this continues in the next events he is involved in, because his demise is well deserved. He’s a 5 minutes of fame gone wrong situation, you know the kind of dude you hate that gets on some Dating Show but somehow turns it into years of success when his talent only should have got him to the elimination round….
The second Ray Romano came on was the second I turned the shit off. I hate his voice and seeing him on TV reminded me why I don’t watch TV. I used to go crazy everytime his show came on, I am talking throwing shit at the TV to make the pain stop.
I also kept catching my neighbor staring at me while rubbing his leg, and despite being all for dirty old men, I can’t accept dirty old men giving me the eye mainly because I am not into gay but also because I am disgusting looking and anyone giving me the eye whether man or woman is clearly fucked in the head and someone I don’t want to be around…I felt like I accidentally walked into some kind of secret gay man hook up zone like a public bathroom that fags use as a meeting place to fuck while their wives are out shopping or some shit…and despite it being more exciting than the Emmies, I still had to get the fuck out.
Here are some pictures of the event:
Christina Aguilera and Her Pregnancy Tits
Eva Longoria and Her Mexican Ass
Hayden Panettiere and Her Floppy Tits Hiding Under a Tent of a Dress I can only assume she wanted to wear adult sizes for once and this is the result
Heidi Klum is Living Beauty and the Beast
Jaime Lynn Sigler Brings Her Eating Disorder as Her Date
Jaime Pressly 4 Months After Letting The World Knows She Has Unprotected Sex By Having a Baby
Jennifer Love Hewitt Hiding Her Fat Ass We All Know She Has…
Kaley Cuoco Because She’ll Never Be On TV Again
Katherine Heigl is the Big Winner…Literally…
Kristen Bell Because I Don’t Know Who She Is…
Lisa Rinna Because She Hasn’t Been on TV for a Decade…But Her Fake Tits Get Her Past Security…
Maria Menounos Because She’s Greek and Takes it in the Ass
Michelle Pfeiffer is Old But Still Hotter Than Anyone You Know…
Phoebe Price Because Her Dress Has Windows
Portia DiRossi Because She’s a Fake Lesbian and We Like Fake Lesbians Because It Means They Will Let Us Fuck Them While They Eat Out Their Friends…
Teri Hatcher Because She Banged Ryan Seacrest
I am sure there are more, but this took me long enough to do and I am over the Emmy Awards….
Bonus – Christina Aguilera Performance with Tony Bennett
So we all know that Christina Aguilera is pregnant and we all know that her husband isn’t the best looking dude in the world, because he kinda reminds us of the kid who had no friends growing up. The funny thing about the kid with no friends growing up was just a little socially awkward and funny looking, but all that alone time and rejection lead him to learn some kind of skill, That skill was making enough money doing whatever the fuck he does to get in circles where girls like Christina Aguilera hangs out for long enough to pull his dick out and blow her away with what’s gotta be some kind of heavy machinery, because this slut looks like a size queen….so here he is knocking some popstar up when every girl who ever turned him down or laughed at him is sitting in her shitty home in the shitty town they are from looking at her shitty husband who was the highschool hero but now can barely make enough money to pay for their shitty car, listening to Augilera songs while cooking their shitty dinner with food they bought with coupons, knowing the whole time that life coulda been a lot better for her, had she not been such a superficial fucking cunt. I guess karma is a bitch.
Unfortunately, you’re the socially awkward kid everyone avoided because you smell and you have no skills that will ever take you to places popstars hang out and if you were there you wouldn’t be able to impress her with your huge penis you’d just probably make her laugh or run away, something you’re used to by now…but thanks to these pictures you don’t need to get into any celebrity high profile circle to make out this bitches tits she’s doing all the work for us….in a few months these fuckers are going to have a baby dominating them, so enjoy it while they last….
