Who the fuck is Kelly Brook and why the fuck is she dressed like a fucking Easter Bunny, when we all know that it’s not fucking Easter, it’s still fucking winter and we’re not fucking celebrating the death of Jesus by eating fucking chocolate and hiding hard boiled eggs around the house for our asshole kids, and we’re not at fucking Church or bible camp, so you can wipe that smile off your face and stop celebrating how great your life is, because you really just look like my hangover piss with a set of tits….something that would probably make my hangover piss more fun to clean up off the walls, floor, bed, and everywhere else it ends up.
Paris Hilton is pretty much over and done with as far as I’m concerned, but she manages to get attention by re-inventing herself with a push-up bra or a bra stuffed with a couple of those silicone inserts that make me feel uncomfortable because they turn me on. I guess she’s too much of a pussy to get real implants, I guess you become a pussy when your vagina takes over your life. If its not tending to the scabs and applying topical cream, it’s finding random dick to put into it and I figure if the whore wants to hold onto the attention she’s used to getting, she should just get a set of fucking tits instead of pretending to have one. Pretending just pisses people off, like the time I pretended to masturbate outside an all girls school on their school on lunch break and ended up getting chased by security. It’s like if I had just gone out and did the real thing, I coulda tuned on the awkward girl enough to make her my future girlfriend interested in further exploring my small penis, because boys she knows just don’t like her, instead I left with an asthma attack from running. Not that it matters.
What does matter is that I hate jacked up movie magic to make tits look like tits when there is no tit to begin with….
Speaking of the rich person weirdness, what the fuck is Ivana Trump into in these pictures?
Rose McGowan made a joke about there being no such thing as a free ride, because I guess the car she is in is sponsored or something, and everyone laughed and laughed until they couldn’t laugh anymore then they laughed some more. I have no idea what I am talking about but there are pics to compensate for my shitty insight and lack of inspirational words since it’s fucking Friday and I should be Drunk.
I met a make-up artist on Twitter since it’s my new hang out . I pretty much use it to respond to random famous people and make stupid comments about the shit they write and the whole thing is pretty funny to me, but like everywhere else in my life, I get ignored and I can’t get as many followers as even the most useless pornstar, but I guess none of that matters.
What does matter is that this make-up artist told me that Carmen Electra is a natural beauty and by lookin’ at her tits, I think it’s safe to say the only natural there is the fact that I want to cum all over them. She’s older and has seen more and more cock as the years go on, but she still looks good to me and by me I mean Lenny from Motorhead, but let’s face it, his sexual catalog of pussy he’s fucked, is trashy old strippers from small towns with shitty tit jobs and a deep love for the song “Ace of Spades” because it has been a huge part of their livelihood and life all these years and just having the opportunity to meet him will let them die happy if for whatever reason they go home with a bad john, take bad drugs, or hang themselves from the shower curtains because their lives fucking suck.
That said, here’s some Carmen.
Here’s some Lenny from Motorhead singing Ace of Spades for the whores out there…
***UPDATE***UPDATE***UPDATE***UPDATE****UPDATE***
I didn’t check my email today – because I am lazy – but my good internet friend over at Antiquiet sent it these pictures that he took at the Chelsea Girls show all this went down at…..
I don’t know why I am wasting my time on these Denise Richards pictures, I assume it’s gotta do with how I waste my time on pictures of useless people everyday, it’s a distraction from actually living and having to come to terms with how shit life really is, like seeing Denise Richards on Dancing with the Stars, when I used to think she had so much potential in her life back in that lesbian scene she did with Kevin Bacon, only to end up divorced, cheated on, a failed reality star, hanging on by a fucking thread by doing the one thing that will take her and she’s lookin pretty fit while doin’ it. Good times.
Megan Fox went out on a walk somewhere irrelevant in some black tank top showing off a set of perky tits. Now I don’t care for this girl and think she is overrated and I see through her attempt at being a sex symbol, whether it’s saying Jenna Jameson is her idol, or that she’s a bisexual or any of the other shit she spews, I know that she goes home every night to David from 90210 and that’s about has about as much sex appeal as any girl you’ve had sex with, which isn’t very much. It’s obvious that she’s insecure, has low self esteem and her whole act is nothing but an act, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t let her sodomize me with household objects but only if David from 90210 was there to participate. He’s so dreamy.
When people say that this Bianca Gascoigne chick’s got a big head, they aren’t talking about her fucking ego. They aren’t talking about how being a rich girl has got to her head and made her unbarable. They are talking about her actual head and that shit is scaring me.
Sure you can try to convince me to look at those tits, because they are big and busting out and fucking retarded that I am sure she uses to distract from her retarded head, and by retarded I mean Downs Syndrome.
Coco went to some Aubrey O’Day 25th Birthday party, because white blonde girls who black guys go nuts over like to stick together and she brought her crazy fucking tits.
Speaking of crazy fucking tits, I was supposed to go to the strippers last night with an old friend of mine. We used to go 6 or 7 nights a week depending on how wrecked we were come Sunday, but as we got older and he got a job, that all ended.
We had some pretty useless times there getting to know some of the girls, getting to know some of the staff, never getting anything for free, never getting laid out of it, and never even getting these girls to give us their real names or to invite us out to party with them, because we weren’t drug dealers in our 20s, but instead creepy old guys who smell.
It sucks how superficial the world we live in is and that’s all I have to say about this Coco bitch who everyone knows is just a live-in prostitute except for Ice-T.
Also at the event, some slut named Whitney Thompson and Her Stupid Floppy Tits
When I was growing up I had a poor friend. Dude wasn’t as poor as my family back in Mexico, but he was fucking poor compared to everyone else in my school. He would wear the same jogging suit, he would always smell, he was always greasy and had muddy hands, he was skinny and grey, had black teeth and chain smoked and was only 12. I remember he’d never have school lunches, he’d always beg for my bologna sandwiches and he was fucking angry and annoying as shit.
One day he came to school with a paperbag that was filled with candy. I am talking a paper bag filled with fucking candy and dude carried that thing around like it his life depended on it. No other kids asked for any candy because they were disgusted by him, but he still got nervous if you got close to it as if it would disappear and he’d never get to eat it. By the end of the week, shit was getting tired, the bag was ripped and falling apart, but everywhere he went that fucking bag went with him.
Aubrey O’Day reminds me of that kid. You know going everywhere with her Playboy cover because it’s all she has going for her. She’s beating that shit like a dead horse, or even like a retarded kid who got a trophy for participating in Track and Field who just won’t let it go because he’s retarded and feels so fucking honored and special, despite everyone in the class getting the same fucking trophy. If you know what I mean.
I guess the good news is that she’s doin’ it all with some crazy cleavage and I couldn’t ask for much more from a slut, except for maybe a porn tape, but I’m sure that’s on it’s way….
Here she is talking about herself on Chelsea Lately…
Since I am on this old slutty bitch’s with money kick, I figured it would only make sense to post these pictures of grandma Goldie Hawn and her sloppy saggy grandma tits in a see through dress, because I have a feeling this new fetish of mine is only going to last a minute, and because some of my fondest memories were spent peeping on my grandma getting ready for church, you thin grey arms and ridiculously large bra that scarred me for so many years, have finally found a place in my masturbation catalog.
That said, for those of you who aren’t feeling the whole sex with an old lady thing, I figure these pics can double as some Friday the 13th shit that horror movies and nightmares are made of, but I just think you’re being close minded….but then again if her tits aged this grcefully, and by gracefully, I mean shitty, just imagine what her pussy looks like…I’m thinking a monster, or rotting flesh or maybe even some sort of sea creature of some sort and none of that matters cuz here are the pics.
