cleavage Archives - Page 13 of 28 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the cleavage Category

2008

Dec

Hilary Duff is a Titty Cutter of the Day

Hilary Duff is speaking my language….there’s nothing sexier than a blade to a perky young tit…at least that’s what this hockey player once told me when I was working for a cleaning company that happened to have the contract for the Montreal Canadiens changing room and where I’d happen to hear conversations these fucking guys would have about how they mistreat women, they’d go off about gangbangs on the road, and this one dude would only fuck the girls he was cheating on his wife with up the ass because that didn’t count as cheating, and another dude would talk about sucking his cum out of some groupy’s pussy, and the shit just got weirder and weirder, and was borderline rapist and abusive shit, like I am talking a serious boys club who treat whores like whores and last time I checked, Hilary Duff was dating a hockey player so if you’re wondering what happened to her tit….you should see her pussy. Turns out skates don’t make good dildos.

Posted in:cleavage|Cut|Hilary Duff

2008

Dec

Britney Spears Busting Out of Her Shirt of the Day

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Britney Spears has tits and guess what, so do most girls. It gets boring talking about them, when all I really care about is touching them. Not necessarily Britney’s tits, but any tits that don’t feel like a grocery bag half filled with bacon fat that I’m used to because my wife’s a slob, but not the hollywood rich girl slob like Britney, but the real fuckin’ deal. Sure, she doesn’t shave her head or have self-induced breakdowns or even release hit albums even though the music on them is garbage, but she’s huge in her own way, and that way unfortunately starts at her ankles and works its way to her head. She still manages to squeeze into really big elastic waist band pants like Britney manages to squeeze into a tight dress that she busts the fuck out of all in celebration of her 27th birthday, one people thought she’d never see, but I always knew she was too soft to actually end it all and with her new revamped, hard new look, her tits look a lot better than the post pregnancy, nipples to the ground mess we saw a few months ago so I’m posting the pics. I am also trying to get tickets to her show here in March, so if you know anyone who can help make that happen, email me.

Posted in:Britney Spears|cleavage

2008

Dec

Paris Hilton’s Push Up Bra Magic of the Day

5 Comments »

The single Paris Hilton is really out on the prowl, you know with wearing latex every chance she gets, trying to convince us that she’s this outrageous fuck, but like every slut who dresses like she’s in some kind fetish club chained to a fucking wall getting gang raped, she’s just fronting for the laziness that we’ve all seen and know, because she’s the kind of girl who loves herself so much, that she thinks just being present while getting slammed is enough fucking effort in making the sex a good experience. The truth is, a lot of people have taken her on a ride, but just because she’s got herpes, doesn’t mean she knew what she was doing when getting it, like this dumb bitch I know who got drunk and let her first boyfriend go down on her when he had a coldsore, not realizing that coldsores are fucking herpes and can scab your shit up and was now tainted and still a fucking virgin and who didn’t get it by being strapped to a fucking wall getting gang raped, like a real sexual liberated deviant who earned her herpes would.

Either way, she’s really got some skills in making her tits look bigger than they actually are and I guess that should count for something, even if that something is trickery that pisses me the fuck off because I like knowing what I am getting myself into, even if it’s in my imagination, because I’d never fuck Paris Hilton, mainly because she’d never fuck me, but also because it’d end up being a story that inspires an episode of CSI, because I hate her and hate fucking usually ends up in a crime scene, and I’d just plead self defense, cuz that pussy is a biological weapon.

Posted in:cleavage|Paris Hilton|Push Up Bra|Tits

2008

Nov

Aly Michalka Looks Like a Fake Titty Gameshow Prop of the Day

4 Comments »

Here is one half of the Disney Sisters you may or may not have wanted to fuck when they were on Disney or when they followed up their Disney stint with a couple of albums you may or may not have heard, fallin in love with, and played to yourself everynight on your ipod while falling asleep dreaming about the day you will one day be together.

She looks like a fake titty gameshow girl from the 70s, the kind would you’d see on Price is Right acting all inappropriate with a new fridge, or ice skates or dining room set, or even with a NEW CAR like the cheap slut that she is, before going back stage and letting Bob Barker eat her asshole. You know the what I’m talking about….

And I guess there’s nothing wrong with that, or the fact that she got herself a set of fake tits….because everyone’s allowed to spend their money trying to better themselves, even if breast implants are the worst fucking thing ever, not only do they look like shit, but they also come with shitty quality girls with shitty attitudes and it annoys me…

Posted in:Aly Michalka|cleavage|Implants

2008

Nov

Scarlett Johansson Does Wizard Magazine of the Day

5 Comments »

I never heard of Wizard magazine but I have a feeling that having a subscription to the shit is pretty much a passport to an underground realm in the kingdom of loser that assures you and everyone you know that you will never reproduce biologically, because you will remain a virgin, despite marrying your computer and an RPG character and all efforts you’ve made to redefine the word virginity in the Dictionary by writing strongly worded letters to the president of Myriam Webster about how you are technically not a virgin because you’ve had cybersex with a webcam girl you paid once and the whole thing was embarrassing because you prematurely ejaculated because you were so shy, and that will keep your socially awkward genetic lineage in your pants and not in the pants of a poor unsuspecting girl who you wish would think you’re a good enough guy even though you’re totally not the usual guy she goes after, you know you’re more complex, with your medieval swords in the basement and your own language you invented on weekend for you and your online friend in Istanbul to communicate in chat rooms without other people knowing what you’re saying…..but she doesn’t know you exist, because no one knows you exist and the people who do know you exist, pretend you didn’t exist because watching you is depressing…

Either way, Scarlett Johansson got involved and brought her tits to the magazine and I am sure there was a massive orgasm in basement apartments around the world the second they finished cutting out the picture of her in geek costume and stapling it to their pillow, the previously housed pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and some Hentai bitch with huge tits….

Posted in:cleavage|Scarlett Johansson

2008

Nov

Brittny Gastineau Has the Lamest Nip Slip of the Day

3 Comments »

She’s some socialite or whatever the fuck you call rich tacky whores who go to events to flaunt their shit because they are rich tacky whores and have nothing better to do and she’s showing off her tits as best as she can….If you have your really desperate to see nipple glasses on, the ones that double as your reading glasses and seeing far distance glasses because you are flawed, you can see some of her nipple, which is pretty tame for a rich tacky whore, you’d expect her to at least flash her underwear in hopes of having people talk about her, you know get some of the attention her daddy never gave her back….

Posted in:Brittny Gastineau|cleavage|Nipple

2008

Nov

Scarlett Johansson’s Married Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

Scarlett Johansson reminds me of a childhood friend I used to spend time with’s sister. She wasn’t really anything amazing to look at, you know always had a dumb look on her face and a bit of a dumpy body, but she had huge tits and for some unknown reason (her huge tits), all the guys in our school wanted to fuck the shit out of her.

I used to try to convince my friend to take pictures of her showering or in her underwear or pretty much anything exclusive that only he’d have access to because he was an insider and he would always get mad at me, you know telling me shit like “Dude, that’s my sister”.

I would always tell him that that was the beauty of the whole situation, firstly she’d never expect him to be doing that or lookin’ at her like that, so she’d be more comfortable and willing to be naked or topless around him because she didn’t see him as the predator but as family.

I would also tell him that if I had a sister, I’d totally bang the shit out of her, because at the time I was horny and appreciated the idea of having pussy sleeping in the bedroom next to me, and he would just freak out on me.

I then did some research at the local library to prove that there is no evidence that fucking your sister would lead to flipper babies, especially if you’re wearing a condom. The whole flipper baby theory was the government’s way to control people into being too scared to marry their family members and reproduce with their family members, before TV existed. You know, make them think if they do it, they’re going to go to hell and their demon child will be the proof that will get them caught, and I was just asking for some nudes, I wasn’t asking him to go out and crawl in bed with her and slide his hand in her panties while she was sleeping, and by hand, I mean penis.

Needless to say, I never got the pics, we stopped being friends and my persuasion didn’t work out as well as I had hoped, but every time I see Scarlett Johansson, I think about that girl and the set of tits I never saw. Here she is at some event.

Posted in:cleavage|Scarlett Johansson|Tits

2008

Nov

Paris Hilton’s Got Her Crazy Push-Up Bra Again of the Day

7 Comments »

Paris Hilton may be dull in the bedroom, dull in her everyday life, useless and not attractive. She may have no talent and she may be a genius playing stupid, but I like to think she’s actually a stupid person with a smart team of advisors who spin her stupidity to work in all of their favor to make them money like the tool that she is. She may be have sold her soul, intergrity, vagina to the devil and she may be shameless and totally irrelevant now. She is a has-been who’s milked us for as much as she’s going to get, and she may be better off dead, but damn, this girl knows how to make A-Cup tits look like C-Cup tits better than anyone I’ve seen in my everyday life.

I don’t know what straps and harnesses and gel filled cup she’s using, but it’s definitely something she can sell to seventh grade 12 year old girls, maybe it’s already in the works as her next product line and I am sure all those girls are as excited for it to hit as they are for their period to hit, because this will revolutionize girls being teased for being flat, feeling insecure for being flat, and will put an end to them having to wait until they are 15 to really get the male attention they are craving….I figure since Paris Hilton already made the youth vapid little sluts in training, she might as well give them the tools they need to really maximize it and that’s the end of this post.

Posted in:cleavage|Paris Hilton

2008

Oct

Cheryl Tweedy’s Got Some Hot Cleavage of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures of Cheryl Tweedy’s tits that are probably old, but my advisor told me before throwing these out there, that the orgasm they may help produce will be new, so it doesn’t matter when they were taken. My advisor, was unfortunately, myself, I haven’t got big enough to afford people to consult, but I decied I should just post them and get on with trying to find some fresher shit and that wasn’t a reference to Cheryl Tweedy being married to a black guy, therefore no longer fresh, if that’s what you’re thinking Racist, I just mean that if you’ve already seen them this is a huge waste of your time, but since I don’t mind wasting your time, since there’s a lot of it to be wasted, I figure, I’ll just post them, since when you masturbate on your computer, you don’t need to know who the girl in the video is, when the video was shot, or if she’s even still alive. So why not use the same logic when doing a post on some UK Spice Girl impersonator’s tits, because there’s really nothing else to talk about, except maybe the fact that you can get off to pictures of cleavage, in which case, you are probably 12 years old and should not be reading this site.

Posted in:Cheryl Tweedy|cleavage

2008

Oct

Traci Bingham’s Tits for Her Reality Show of the Day

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Traci Bingham is on a reality show, that instead of no name celebrities competing in dance, they are competing to get their own reality show. So basically, it is a reality show about landing a reality show, and the concept is decent I guess, I mean it’s a little complex for my small brain to handle, and it screams that networks are running out of ideas, because it’s like watching a bad making of video, with challenges and obstacles thrown into the mix, only to see who gets their own show and then being forced to watch that shit, it’s like a 2 tier reality tv concept with all kinds of spin-off potential, when in reality, I’d rather none of these people get a show, they are played out and seeing them living their scripted lives is insulting and boring.

The other thing I know is that these staged paparazzi pictures are fucking annoying me. I started posting celebrities acting like idiots or embarrassing themselves because it made me happy to rip them apart in their own natural habitat, since they invade my natural habitat everywhere I fucking go. I figured people liked laughing at them, because they felt the same way about them as I did, but the caught on to that, and saw it as a way to get more press, so the got out there in more bikinis, more see through shirt, released more sex tapes, had more fake relationships, pretended they were gay, pretended they were drunk, got arrested, and all these other things, that would otherwise have never happened, and it is so fucking obvious that it takes away the fun in laughing at them.

It’s like we get it, your life is a joke, your persona is your money making tool, you want us all to know your name and talk abotu you because boys in your high school didn’t want to fuck you and you dad was molesting your sister and not you, leaving you feeling inadequate, but paying the paparazzi to take pictures of you, is breakin’ the rules of being famous. Working with the people who sift through your garbage, is wrong and taking away our entertainment that we got out of seeing you in compromising positions unwillingly, and forcing us to see fabricated situations, like your life is one big horribly written script, is mean.

But the one thing that keeps me going is my belief that us as a whole we have the power to ruin these people and take away the glory they don’t deserve. I mean not that anything about Traci Bingham is glorious, except for maybe the fake tits, and we can’t hate her for milking the opportunity because it’s there, but, you you can fight the lying and manipulating people who make Hollywood by making them go bankrupt by not going to their movies or watching their TV shows and that is something I am willing to executive produce.

Posted in:cleavage|Tits|Traci Bingham