Fat Archives - Page 8 of 13 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Fat Category

2009

Feb

Jessica Simpson’s So Fat You Can’t See the President Behind Her of the Day

It’s nice to see that America really focuses on what’s important, you know Jessica Simpson’s weight gain. I could think of 1000 more relevant issues to talk to the President about, but leave it up to your fucked up priorities to get down to business about why the bitch has gained 20 pounds, despite everyone knowing that it is because of laziness, relationship and a bad diet.

On a side note, I was emailed this story where Kim Kardashian takes on Jessica Simpson. No they Aren’t Fighting Over Who Gets the last piece of cake, if anything another fat celebrity she has come to defend Jessica Simpson’s Fat Ass.

I felt the need to share….

Kardashian is really getting furious and “offended” over the media’s coverage of Jessica Simpson’s photos.

She took time out from Super Bowl festivities to post on her blog:

“I was doing Super Bowl interviews for my Leather & Laces party I’m hosting down here in Tampa, Florida, and EVERYONE seems to be asking me about Jessica Simpson’s alleged weight gain.

I think it’s absolutely ridiculous!!! She is not fat at all and I am actually offended that people are giving her such a hard time over this!

LEAVE HER ALONE!!! First of all, her outfit was FABULOUS! I loved that Fendi leopard belt with those high waisted jeans.
She is so drop dead gorgeous and the fact that the media is sending this message out to young girls is mind blowing!
?I am probably twice Jessica’s size, so what do you guys think of me then???”

So it’s official, Kim Kardashian doesn’t read this site, because if she did, she’d know that I think she’s fat.

The good news is that they both came out for the superbowl, not because their boyfriends are star football players, but because they thought superbowl meant some kind of new invention that was way bigger than any other bowl they’ve ever seen. You know, one they can pile all kinds of food inside and emotionally eat that is reminiscent of the trough these pigs should be eating out of.

Here’s Jessica in concert.

Posted in:Fat|Jessica Simpson|Obama

2009

Jan

Jessica Simpson is Fat and Everybody Cares of the Day

3 Comments »

Jessica Simpson is fat and everybody cares for some reason. You can’t argue that she’s not fat no matter how hard your little activist fingers type. All I know is that I wish I got that kind of attention when I started on this path to heart disease, high blood pressure and premature death. I am pretty jealous of the love all these really famous people like her sister and obese Kim Kardashian coming out to root for her. Jessica Simpson hasn’t got this much attention since she cleared out the desert tray at the all you can eat buffet, oh no, that was my wife, but you get the idea, I’m sure Jessica Simpson got her fair share of fat habits, like talking about what she’s going to eat the next day while lying in bed at night, or eating rolls of cookie dough while crying about how her younger sister had a kid before she did and her younger sister’s a fucking lesbian married to a woman or whatever else us fat people do. I just don’t get why no one’s announced that she’s pregnant yet. You know a little hole in the condom, missed birth control pill pregnancy planning to get what she feels she deserves, a baby of her own. I guess we’ll just have to wait for the shotgun wedding for that one, because that is God’s way and good ol’ Christian girls take God’s way pretty fuckin serious.

Here are some pics of her reveling in the excitement of the new found publicity.

Posted in:Fat|Jessica Simpson

2009

Jan

Some More of this Coleen Rooney Bitch in Her Bikini of the Day

2 Comments »

I can’t help but post these Coleen Rooney Pictures, mainly because there are so many of them circulating the internet, and because after last week I’ve become obsessed with this girl and her pudgy little upper pussy area. I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s that her name is Coleen and I’ve always wanted to fuck a girl with such a dirt name, but I think it just has to do with me being a desperate fucking pervert who can distort everyday garbage into finding at least something arrousing about it and it this case it has nothing to do with her tits that are too small for her thick frame and everything to do with that shit stain on her ass that no matter how many times she swims, never seems to go away…. Here are those pictures of her keeping busy in a bunch of different bikinis…because having a different bikini for everyday of the year is what the life of luxury is all about…and part of the reason she married her rich soccer husband instead of dumping him like most high school sweethearts do….

Posted in:Bikini|Coleen Rooney|Fat

2009

Jan

Kim Kardashian’s Wearing Work Out Gear of the Day

4 Comments »

Kim Kardashian in work-out gear is the same thing as an anorexic girl at an all you can eat buffet. It just doesn’t make sense to me, because she’s fat. The fact that she’s got a work-out DVD coming out is like an anorexic landing a cooking show. I am sure there are better analogies, but today’s not a good day, especially after writing about this useless bitch with about as much substance as my dog’s shit, that seems to have an endless supply, but always stinks, if anything I should win a fucking award for trying to come up with something out of nothing for the last 4 or 5 years….

Posted in:Ass|Fat|Kim Kardashian|Work Out

2009

Jan

Kim Kardashian is Too Lazy to Take Her Shoes Off of the Day

7 Comments »

Kim Kardashian went to try on thousand dollar shoes because she’s rich and excessive but more importantly because fat chicks love shoes and she’s a fat chick, despite popular belief. The reason fat chicks love shoes is simple. It is the one article of clothing they can indulge in that doesn’t make them feel bad about themselves when they try them on. They are the same size that they’ve been since they were 16 and often times they can squeeze into a smaller size than their skinny counterparts. So if you ever roll past a shoe store, you’ll notice the dollar spent on shoes increases based on a girl’s weight. So seeing Kim Kardashian struggle to get her shoes off is not all that surprising, I mean as a fat person I know how hard bending can be, I mean that’s why I try to stick with velcro running shoes, because it makes leaving the house less work, you know with me on the ground trying my hardest to get to the laces, almost always ending up rolling on the floor, using a chair for support and spending way too much time doing one of life’s simple tasks. It is a serious handicap. The difference is that Kim Kardashian has hired help to remove her shoes for her, because I guess that laziness is how she got in this mess. I mean maybe I am jumping to conclusions, maybe she really got herself trapped in these shoes and they needed the Jaws of Life to get her out, like the time I drove into a lamp post while drunk, or maybe her ankles are just swollen like the rest of her. I guess it really doesn’t matter but I’ve gone this far so I might as well post it.

Posted in:Fat|Kim Kardashian|Shoes

2009

Jan

Kim Kardashian’s Got a Work Out DVD of the Day

1 Comment »

I am hoping that this video, despite being direct from the paparazzi, is a fucking joke. You know, like the kind of thing you’d expect to find on Funny or Die or some shit, because in it, Kim Kardashian announces that she’s releasing a work-out DVD. Now, I’ve come to terms with LA being filled with these useless cunts who need to be in the spotlight because they’ve always had everything they’ve ever wanted and the only thing their daddy’s money can’t buy is general acceptance by the public, so they do these sex tapes, they host parties, they go to events and they try to stay relevant, but the idea of Kardashian doing a workout tape is like Jordan promoting breast amputation, Paris Hilton promoting safe sex, Lohan promoting sobriety, or me promoting a self help book. Maybe I’m the only one who isn’t blinded by the glitz and glam and see nothing but a fat pig of a girl, or maybe she’s trying to kill the stigma that she’s a slob of a girl and producing the shit herself. Maybe companies are desperate enough to get any name attached to their shit, but I think it’d be safe to say she’d be better off promoting an all you can eat buffet, you know the pitch could be “Obesity works for me, guys still want my cunt, try the chocolate cake it’s to die for”. I know that working out with her in your living room, is just some twisted shit that would make people like my wife happy, because my wife is fat and would feel better about working on her look with someone who is also fat, like they have some kind of rapport but she’d also be down with the exercises like lifting the chips out of the bag and into your fat whore mouth, or the getting up and walking to the door to pay the pizza delivery guy….if you know what I mean.

Posted in:Fat|Kim Kardashian|Work Out DVD

2008

Dec

Kim Kardashian’s Brags About Her 24 Inch Rims of the Day

29 Comments »

Nothing says you’re a useless commercial hip hop influenced, club slut, Ed Hardy wearing motherfucker, than seeing a fat chick talk about her 24 inch rims on her expensive car.

Not only do I not give a fuck about how big a person’s tires on, or even what car their privileged little vagina drives, the shit just doesn’t impress me and I don’t find it interesting at all, especially when the person in question is Kim Kardashian, who has enough money to have a custom sidecar built for her ass out of diamonds and still not notice the dent in her trust fund ass, so seeing her brag about her 10,000 dollars rim is just weak, but I guess when you have absolutely no fucking substance this is the kind of conversation you have. I am not saying that I have substance and that I am a model example of what your conversations should consist of, but I am saying that if you are a rich girl, talking about things you bought with your whore money, especially when it is about your tires is pretty fucking weak.

Speaking of weak, I hear the car needed 24 inch rims to support the weight of her and her sister Khloe, it was buckling out, so I guess it’s not very nice to laugh at her disability or equipment used to support her disability, like the time a cripple when he brags about his brand new motorized wheelchair and I told him he’s still in a wheel chair, or the guy I saw with uneven feet showin’ off his platform shoe he just picked up at the shoemaker, or even like the time I tried to free a blind guys seeing eye dog because I knew he was a free laborer and I don’t like seeing people get exploited, only the cheesy cunt version.

Posted in:Car|Fat|Kim Kardashian

2008

Dec

Karolina Kurkova is Fat of the Day

2 Comments »

How many people does it take to squeeze fatty Karolina Kurkova into her outfit? The answer is a lot. Sure it’s a fashion show and there is a team of people dressing everyone to make sure everything goes as smooth as Karolina Kurkova’s body used to be before it become a thick, chunky, lumpy sack of shit. Don’t get mad at me Karolina Kurkova fans who are convinced she’s going to marry you and looks better than fucking ever because you’re fucking delusional and being influenced by your creepy love for her.

She’s been given warnings from Victoria’s Secret that she’s the next to go and that she’s too big for their lingerie and the cries and screams and pleas with the camera crew to not show her in this moment of shame, when the outfit she was sized for ripped for her like I am sure it did many times before, because she ate a couple too many chocolate bars. In her defense, when she was a little girl in the Czech Republic, under communist rule, she used to lay in bed dreaming about American chocolate bars while sucking on a rationed potato, so it’s only natural for her to go crazy on the shit when she settles here, kinda like my wife in any buffet restaurant…

Either way, here’s The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Video on Youtube…Unless they Delete the Shit….

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Here are a whole lot of pictures from the show, when it actually went down, before the gratuitous slow motion vagina zoom in shots in post production that you can’t really appreciate in these shitty youtube videos…
GO

Posted in:Fat|Karolina Kurkova

2008

Nov

Beyonce in Full Body Spanx on the Today Show of the Day

47 Comments »

In honor of Thanksgiving, I decided to post these pictures of a turkey, or someone who will probably eat an entire turkey tomorrow, because Beyonce is the kind of girl who just doesn’t like sharing and has the ability to clear a table stocked with enough fried chicken for a couple dozen people, but in her defense, she’s never been this physical in her performances, and that probably works up a mean appetite, you know making those who used to be shocked with how much she managed to eat before, she was doin’ nothing, totally blown the fuck away when they see what she manages to stuff in her face now, and it’s got something to do with her not wanting to share the spotlight with the younger, hotter Rihanna who I know she just can’t fucking stand, even though Rihanna’s career is making Beyonce’s divorce settlement a lot more lucrative, when she finally leaves Jay Z for two timing her.

Every time I watch her do this song and dance, I laugh because of the pain I see in her eyes. It’s like watching some morbidly obese person trying to get a new lease on life and taking their fat ass to the streets to burn off some calories, or like watching my wife trying to get off the couch. There is struggle and panting as heart is begging her to stop, but Beyonce won’t listen, because if she does, it means Rihanna won.

At least she’s managed to find a full-body pair of spanx to strap her in and keep her fat from spilling out all over the fuckin’ reinforced stage, making the homeless people they kicked off their corner to throw this street performance even more pissed off, you know in a first they take their homes and now they’re rubbing how much food they’ve managed to stuff in their faces in their face, while they sitting there starving, cold in mismatched shoes waiting for it all to end..

Here are the pics.

And the videos….

Her Performing Single Ladies…

Her Obnoxious Grand Entrance and a Little Crazy in Love

Bonus Some Dude in the Crowd’s Vidoe

Posted in:Beyonce|Fat|Spandex

2008

Nov

Beyonce Was Fat at the AMA’s of the Day

14 Comments »

Being the most relevant site on the internet that nobody reads, I had the pleasure of not being invited to the AMAs. I did watch them at my neighbor’s house on HD and it was as bad as I expected it to be. I mean for as long as I can remember, it’s always been this piece of shit award show, pretty much the lowest quality award show, not that any award show is really quality, but this Dick Clark production always offended me for being an industry jerk off fest, but it never offended me as much as it did last night, because they allowed Beyonce on stage in her leotard in HD.

Sure, they had a strobe light to diffuse the affect of her disgustingness, and sure she was in a bunch of pairs of Spanx, and sure she had some support pantyhose on to act like cheese cloth holding in the cottage cheese, but I still saw a lot more shakin’ than I wanted to and if she had to make an acceptance speech for having the privilege to make ABC the least wholesome and family oriented than it has ever been by doing a dance number she stole from an above 40 year old mom’s aerobic class back in ’89, she probably would have thanked a few too many fried chicken meals, Rihanna for giving her a new hunger and a desperate need to compete even if it is a battle she will not win, she’s still holdin’ on like an old athlete refusing to retire and a delusion that she’s had by constant re-affirmation that she’s hot and obviously the lord and savior Jesus Christ for watching over her, but that’s just a black thang.

Good morning, welcome to my site on the beginning of this glorious American Thanksgiving week.

BONUS – Beyonce Performing in Pictures…Because the Video Wasn’t Fat Enough…