Gay Archives - Page 2 of 3 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Gay Category

2009

Jan

Pete Wentz and His Furry Boots of the Day

I don’t know what’s mo’ gayer, Pete Wentz pushing the boundaries of gender by wearing a pair of furry boots he bought because they reminded him of the first time Ashlee’s fucked his black furry cunt, or the fact that I am posting pictures of it because they made me laugh.

Speaking of laughing at gays, Ronson has a big night here in Montreal that I’ve been asked to not attend directly from Lohan, so I sent her this email.

Subject: Ronson in Montreal

Aren’t you excited?! Samantha’s playing in Montreal and I’ve been training my penis to look like a vagina all week. Between you and me, it wasn’t that hard.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

She didn’t answer, but I expect to be arrested tonight because she’s crazy and has more pull than me on the socio-economic ladder, so cops side with her, even though she’s fucking jacked on drugs and insane, while I’m just a normal nice guy…

Posted in:Furry Boots|Gay|Pete Wentz

2008

Oct

Miley Cyrus’ Male Model Boyfriend is a Sister of the Day

2 Comments »

Since I first heard about Miley dating some 20 year old underwear model, I assumed the obvious and that was that the dude was gay, lookin’ for exposure like he was Chris Crocker, only more innovative than Chris Crocker because he actally got hooked in with the biggest thing in entertainment right now, at least I hear that’s why Miley calls herself to her parents when they ground her for being in passed her curfew.

There was never a doubt in my mind that this dude actually liked penis, I knew he was a flaming based on his job as an underwear model and the ripple of his abs, that only a gay man would care enough to create, by spending a ton of time at the gym, because the gym is the best place to go see cock in the showers, and I figure that it was important to get it out there, because I’ve been slamming Miley for being a whore all this time, when in reality the only dick she’s been sucking has been in her sexual fantasies, as this motherfucker’s consistently been turning her down, and to think it was because he liked cock and not because he was scared of your really bad fucking teeth and inexperience damaging his money maker.

I don’t want to spend too much time on this, because who really cares….unless of course you’re like me and spend a good part of your day trying to figure out if Miley still has her cherry or if shit’s been popped.

To see the rest of his gay escapade and read the story….
GO

Posted in:Boyfriend|Gay|Miley Cyrus

2008

Sep

Hey, Kevin Spacey May be Gay, You Don’t Say of the Day

9 Comments »

And I am apparently a horrible poet, mainly because I find poetry the gayer than Kevin Spacey in these pictures where he’s pulling down a dude’s pants before going at him with his hand then finger, then tongue, then penis until they switch turns, and Spacey bottoms out. Sure, you could assume that this pantsing is just a big joke and all in good fun and I get that because I once made the same mistake. I was about 14 and new to the country. I had very few friends except for the rejects no one liked. One of them, coincidentally named Kevin who lived down the street from me took a liking to me, he thought my accent was so funny and would always make an effort to hang out. He was the kind of kid who was into singing and dancing and was in Drama and always had girls calling him, but always ditched them for me. One night after watching a movie, I got up and Kevin grabbed my ass, I freaked out and he laughed it off like it was nothing. Another time, he tried to grab my dick, I freaked out and he laughed it off like it was nothing. He tried other things like pulling my pants down, wrestling each other where I felt his boner in my leg, suggested we measure our dicks together and try condoms on and it went on for about 6 months, before I realized what was going on. It’s just too bad that with all the warning signs, the only thing that really made me see what was actually going on was when I passed out on the couch after smoking a joint and woke up with my penis in his hand. I freaked out, ran home and it made for an awkward Monday morning. Our friendship ended there.

Kevin went on to try his chances in Hollywood and rumor has it that he got AIDS and died and I went on to live a straight life filled with empty sexual encounters with hookers while drunk and high in the gutter before finding out about the internet and doing this and despite not being the Kevin in these pictures, our stories seem pretty similar except I like to think my Kevin had better taste going after the skinny, Mexican who dressed funny and couldn’t speak the language and didn’t know better, while Kevin Spacey seems to be going for pretty retarded lookin’ motherfuckers not that I can judge a good lookin’ guy proper and I’m sure fags only judge a man by the size of his dick, but this dude seriously reminds me of cerebral palsy, or pre-mature baby syndrome and here are the pics of them smoking weed and doin’ some foreplay in public and the whole thing’s pretty awkward for a guy you probably thought was a great actor, without realizing that all actors are gay.

Posted in:Gay|Kevin Spacey

2008

Aug

Who’s Gayer, Mischa Barton’s Dog or Her Boyfriend? of the Day

12 Comments »

I haven’t quite figured out what’s gayer, Mischa Barton’s Dog or her Boyfriend. I’d write more, but why bother, no one reads the site anyway, except for assholes that threaten to sue me for illegally using their boring pictures of useless people like Micha Barton walking her fucking dog with her ladder-climbing opportunist boyfriend who thought fake dating Barton would lead to something bigger for him, before finding out the hard reality that her career is pretty much over, that’s what you get for being ambitious buttfucker.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Dog|Gay|Mischa Barton

2008

Apr

Sarah Silverman at the 19th Annual GLAAD Media Awards of the Day

9 Comments »

I wasn’t too surprised to see these pictures of Sarah Silverman at the Gay Awards, but I was expecting Kimmel to be there too, because you’d have to be gay to stick your dick into this bitch, but then again I guess what he does isn’t really considered media, it’s more of a late night informercial than a talk show. He probably pays ABC to give him that time slot because there’s no way they’re paying for his shit. He’s just another Ron Popeil, only difference is that Popeil has more talent, which isn’t saying much but it’s saying something.

Posted in:Gay|Sarah Silverman

2008

Apr

Clay Aiken Gay Sex Pose of the Day

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Here are some pictures that you can use to get off to if you have enough computer skills to turn shit into an animated gif and if you get turned on by red haired freaks with angelic voices. These are some pictures of Gay Clay in some prison rape stance making some prison rape facial expressions even though motherfucker hasn’t officially come out of the closet. I am the kind of guy who can never tell if the dude I am having a beer with is into gay sex but that’s just because I am pretty unattractive and even the horniest blue balled fag wouldn’t get with me, so the sexual tension is never really there. I am also the kind of guy who goes to gay bars accidentally with my friends who all end up getting assaulted in the bathroom while motherfuckers steer clear of me like I have AIDS and I’m trying to rain on their gay pride parade, so I have no real idea whether Aiken is actually aching from being a bottom, but I’ll say that I wouldn’t put it past him and not just because he likes singing more than the average man does and that in and of itself is pretty fucking gay.

Posted in:Clay Aiken|Gay

2008

Feb

Katie Holmes May Be Pregnant of the Day

10 Comments »

People are saying that Katie Holmes is pregnant. I am saying that shit is impossible because Tom Cruise is gay. I know people who know people who know people who have told me on 2 different occasions from 2 different sources that he used to fly into Montreal on a private jet to fuck young french dudes. I know that the story could be a lie, but if you want to fuck young French dudes this is the place that everyday feels like I’ve accidentally walked into the gay pride parade. I guess he could always use artificial insemination after they suck the cum out of Travolta’s ass….I guess poopy sperm still packs a punch….

Speaking of punch, the last time I asked a girl when her baby was due, I got punched by her boyfriend. She was eating a box of donuts and was pushing 250 lbs. How was I to know she was just a fat fucking pig.

My theory is that she’s just on her period.

Posted in:Gay|Katie Holmes|Pregnant|Rumor

2008

Feb

Ashlee Simpson on American Idol of the Day

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Here is a video from last night’s American Idol where some dancing queen claims to have been in a punk band when he was in the ninth grade. That’s when I realized motherfucker was actually Ashlee Simpson trying to revitalize her career from another angle.

Unfortunately she still sucks, even when she’s dressed like her boyfriend and pretending to be gay, but at least she’s still punk rock or at least claims that she is and that’s gotta count for something because if you believe it long enough, other people will start to also…..

You know, fuck the establishment while competing on candy coated TV shows, in hopes of landing another record deal that will surely have you singing garbage pop songs that every radio station puts on fucking repeat…polluting my brain and making me want to jump in front of traffic because nothing’s more punk rock than that…..Except for maybe wearing make-up and moving to the basement at your mom’s suburban house.

The good news is that this is not actually Ashlee Simpson so we don’t have to worry about that whore getting more airplay, because she can’t really sing well enough to get on American Idol, which in itself is pretty insulting, so I guess it’s it’s back to stickin’ the strap on in her bisexual boyfriends ass.

Posted in:Ashlee Simspon|Bisexual|Gay|Lame|Uncategorized

2007

Sep

I am – Oscar De La Hoya Cross Dressing of the Day

2 Comments »

These are some pretty gay fucking pictures, probably the gayest pictures I have ever posted. I am not saying that De La Hoya is gay because he wears women’s underwear and some sexy fishnet outfit with heels, something you’ve probably jerked off to girls wearing in pictures all the time. You may have never seen it in real life, because girls don’t get sexy for you, if you are even lucky enough to convince one to bang you, she’s probably doing the bare fucking minimum either because of the shame or because the roofies made her lazy. Point being, that just because a dude gets off to wearing women’s clothes doesn’t mean he takes it in the ass, it’s just a pretty good sign that he probably does…and if he did take it up the ass, this shit would probably make a lot more sense to us. I know that I have an easier time accepting fags doing fag things than straight guys doing fag things.

So I guess it is safe to say that De La Hoya probably won all the boxing matches in his career because shit turned him on. You know animalistic beating down of men is probably the most homosexual thing out there, because fags are into men and men are into beating each other up so being a fag who beats men up is probably some crazy foreplay, a lot like a straight guy getting off to going down on a girl.

The only other explanation I have for this is that he’s been punched in his head a few too many times and feels like the only way to show his feminine side is to actually wear women’s clothes, you know showing the world there is more to him that a good fighter. Or maybe he was a good fighter because he was repressing shit all these years and took out the fact that he banged chicks when all he really wanted was balls on his opponents.

I knew a whore who used to deal with very rich powerful dudes, I am talking Doctors, Lawyers, Politicians, Business Men, and they would all ask her to be the dominant because all day, everyday, they are the boss and they are telling people what to do, so having a rich dude on all fours with a leash on and a dildo in his ass was common for her. Maybe De La Hoya’s one of those people….

Either way, I don’t get it and these pictures should have never been allowed to be taken. The world doesn’t need to see anyone like this even if it is some elaborate plan of coming out to your wife and family without actually having to tell them to their faces that you’re a ‘mo. Shit’s massively embarrassing and I would be embarrassed for this fucker if I actually gave a shit. Instead I’ll just laugh at the pics with the rest of the world. I just hope you know realize how gay boxing is everytime you’re sitting in a room filled with men watching topless men beat the fuck out of each other.

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2006

Feb

Brokeback Mountain Not Gay

12 Comments »

Anne Hathaway

Michelle Williams

All this hype about gay cowboys and Oscars and men kissing men, or men fucking men in cowboy hats and in tents is just hollywood hype. I saw the movie and I saw nothing gay about it…..Both guys were married, and here’s the proof that this movie is about Michelle William’s and The Princess Bride bitch’s tits, within a gay love story….I’m telling you, it’s a lot easier to get a bitch naked if you sell her on the fact that you are making “Art” not “Porn”. I don’t know why I am telling you my tricks….I guess it’s to prove my point that hollywood’s using my line too and that despite all the gayness, these guys were just friends, alone in the woods, with nothing better to do. They just thought they were gay, cuz they fucked each other one summer. If fucking a man for a summer made someone gay, I’d bet a lot of you would have a lot of explianing to do. Now look at the tits, Homos.