Legs Archives - Page 3 of 22 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2010

02

Mar

Heidi Klum’s Ex-Model Legs of the Day

Here is United Nations babymaker Heidi Klum trying to break down German tradition and sterotype of eating sausage and sauerkrout before killing all things non-Aryan, by having a dozen kids with Seal, like she was some kind of farm animal…and the funny thing is that I’ve been seeing a lot more German women out there with Black boyfriends, husbands, baby daddies, like it’s a fucking trend to break their horrible reputation of the past…but I think it’s more of a sexual thing than a political thing, don’t let her wholesome mom face fool you, cuz I’ve see German porn and shit is on another level of crazy, that would probably require a very strong, huge-cocked black man to participate in by ripping them apart at the seam before getting shit on in some kind of bloody, stinky, poop covered mess. The baby-making is just a bi-product of that.

Either way, no matter how beat up, clamped up or ripped apart her pussy may be and no matter how much she likes being shit on, or shitting on black men, I still think she’s got it going on….so here are some pictures of her to remind us of what was….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Ex-Model|Heidi Klum|Legs

2010

02

Mar

Elle Macpherson and Her Retired Model Legs of the Day

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It always impresses me when I see moms who look like Elle Macpherson, not that it happens ever, but it would impress me if I did, because moms just aren’t supposed to look worth fucking sober.

I am sure her baby daddy feels pretty fucking lucky that the mother of his kids is this easy to look at, but then again, I am sure her baby daddy fucks a lot hotter younger pussy than her, as he is probably really fucking rich, cuz models don’t really have kids with people who aren’t really fucking rich, it’s against their rules….

All I do know is that Elle Macpherson is fucking up my theory that pussy dies at 30. I traditionally hate older bitches but because older bitches usually expire. THe let themselves sag, droop, eat whatever they fucking want, turn disgusting and feel entitled cuz they are busy raising kids…bullshit….sure, she doesn’t work, she has nannies, she has a trainer who she pays more than most executives make a year, and it’s her fucking livlihood to stay lookin’ this good, but I just wish more women had that same drive and treated lookin’ good like it was their job. It would make parent-teacher night I sometimes sneak into at the local elementary school lookin’ for eager, desperate single-moms willing to support me, a lot more fun.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Elle Macpherson|Legs|Model

2010

26

Feb

Joanna Krupa’s Communist Legs of the Day

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I got in a fight with a Russian woman yesterday, because Russian’s are fucking insane. I guess it’s all those years of communist rule, rationed bread and work camps, communal thinking and dreams of escaping to America to one day drive a cab, or become a mail order bride to be able to afford a pair of Levis makes a motherfucker pretty fucking angry and bitter. I am not gonna bother going into details because the shit was so fucking stupid, but I will say that after our minor exchange, the bitch would no let it go, for 3 hours she kept coming back to me and getting in my fucking face, cuz I guess Russians hold a grudge, but then again, the Cold War already taught me that….

I know Joanna Krupa’s not a Russian, but I can only assume this cabbage farmer’s daughter has the same miserable, angry look and least that’s the only explanation I have for that scowl on her weathered face other than that she’s getting old and tired….

I guess she’s made her mark and has done all her skill set has allowed and had this been 20 years ago, she could have been inspiration to all the Polish people stuck in their country, unable to escape, bringing hope that one day you would be able to become a whore in America, who models Lingerie and nude and who never really amounts to anything, or is never really respected, and who just gets old when is she is no longer marketable according to her low level clients, cuz her body was the only marketable thing she had….

Here are her legs….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Joanna Krupa|Legs

2010

12

Feb

Whitney Port Skinny Legs of the Day

1 Comment »

I like skinny bitches as much as the next guy who is stuck with a fat fucking wife for the last 10 years of his life, where seeing her take a bite out of any food, even apples and oranges makes you want to throw the fuck up and sure Whitney Port will be forgotten in the next year when The Hills is finally put to rest, and I know she isn’t hot, but skinny daddy long legs like this will come in handy for her when she’s either working the pole to pay her rent, or working some rich dude’s pole to maintain her lifestyle as the Hollywood nobody she’s become….both require the same level of prostituting herself, which lucky for her takes less prostituting than it took to attach herself to The Hills….or what I like to call The Peak of Her Career and Celebrity.

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Legs|Skinny|Whitney Port

2010

08

Feb

Brooklyn Decker and Her Beach Shoes of the Day

2 Comments »

Tennis pro Andy Roddick’s wife is some bikini model named Brooklyn Decker who you’ve probably all heard of since she was in SI and Victoria’s Secret and other related shit.

She was on the beach in a pair of heels because you can’t put a price on making your legs look as good as they possibly can since you depend on the shit to get more work…so comfort and not looking like an idiot doesn’t really come into play…and here are the pics…

I’ve tried to befriend this bitch on Twitter, but she just ignores me, so I should really try to be a lot more evil in this post, but why fuckin’ bother….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Beach|Brooklyn Decker|Legs

2010

29

Jan

Mila Jovovich Is Not Wearing Pants of the day

5 Comments »

Mila Jovovich is playing with fire by wearing these shorts because she just had a kid recently and she’s at serious risk for her flappy beat up new mom vagina lip to fall out of those shorts…but unfortunately for us that didn’t happen, but what did happen is that she gave us a glimpse of the Russian mail order bride we all fell in love with 10 years ago….not that I was ever that much of a fan because I always thought she looked like a little boy…but a lot of other people were and that’s what matters.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Legs|Mila Jovovich|Shorts

2010

28

Jan

Taylor Momsen Takes her Teenage Legs Out for a Smoke of the Day

3 Comments »

I think posting these pictures of Taylor Momsen’s hard nipples in her short skirt are ok, because she’s smoking cigarettes and everyone knows that you can only buy cigarettes if you are 18 years old, and there’s no way any of her producers, co-stars, or executives behind her show would give her cigarettes because that would be illegal. So I can only assume they marketed her as a 16 year old to make their show more believable, but really bitch is 18, cuz I know 16 year old and they hardly ever have nipples this hard, it’s not in line with the natural flow of puberty.

That said, here are Taylor Momsen’s hard nipples pretending they are 16 while smoking some cigarettes on set dressed like a whore….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Legs|Taylor Momsen|Teenager

2010

27

Jan

Lily Allen Shows Off Her Thick Legs at the Tennis Game of the Day

5 Comments »

I wonder what goes through Lily Allen’s mind when she puts on a pair of shorts. Is she just a typical hipster who takes pride in not showering, having a huge bush and wearing dirty clothes, or is she legitimately just a lazy fucking pig. I mean there really is no way to tell because none of us know her and I guess who really cares why her legs are they way they are, the fact of the matter is that they are the way they are.

It’s like my wife is fucking pig too, only we try to keep her as covered up as possible, because it is humilating when the bathing shit or dress that shows off her fat ankles come out, so I can relate to whoever is fucking Lily Allen, except in their case she has a lot of money and celebrity and other perks to make fucking her fat ass a lot more acceptable than me, but that makes her public display of disgusting even more unacceptable…

Maybe that’s why she got covered up in the blanket while watching bitches being physical while she just sat there with her fat hanging over the sites of the stadium chairs….and really who cares. Lily Allen is fucking over anyway…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Legs|Lily Allen

2010

25

Jan

Miranda Kerr Lookin Good During Victoria’s Secret Shoot of the Day

1 Comment »

I assume the creative director at Victoria’s Secret is gay because they brought Miranda Kerr down to the beach but kept her fully clothed.
Any straight dude would be too busy setting up private meetings in their hotel room to discuss the inspiration of the shoot, you know getting her stripped down naked and explaining to her that she is replaceable no matter how much you like her look, making her understand that she’s going to have to really step up and get edgier because corporate’s getting bored of her, leading you to take some hot amateur porn pics of her, because she’s desperate to keep the best gig in modeling leaving you with one hand on the camera and the other jerking off all over her face….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Bikini|Hot|Legs|Miranda Kerr|Tits

2010

22

Jan

Lily Allen’s Got Disgusting Sloppy Legs of the Day

4 Comments »

I may hate my life but not as bad as Lily Allen’s legs hate her. They are staging a revolt…or some kind of shit to overthrow her career cuz they’re ready to just sit around and eat chocolate…they are done with this singing bullshit…it’s like they are in Haiti and they are starting to rape and piledge cuz their desperation has put their humanity to the fucking test, only maybe her legs are the fucking earthquake killing the little sex appeal she may have had in a devastating rattle….

I don’t know what she was thinking when she decided to not wear pants in concert., but I’m assuming it was “Lady Gaga’s doing it, that means I have to do it”, without actually taking the time to look at her sloppy body in the mirror and remember how offensive that is to the average fucking person. I am sure there are sloppy cellulite fetishists out there, cuz there is a fetish for everything, but I doubt that’s gonna take your shitty bought career back to the top of the mainstream, because it’s vile.

Either way, here are the pics Lady Gaga is laughing at because she’s ugly and ugly girls always laugh at their rivals inadequacies…