The nice thing about greek girls is that they are built to take huge cock in their ass. It’s got something to do with evolution or some shit, since all their ancestors used to fuck each other up the ass, to the point where they now have natural lubricants in their asses that make getting fucked up the ass more than just tolerable it makes fucking them up the ass the same as fucking them up the pussy only with a little more shit smell….but being able to take most cock with ease can be a curse for a bitch, it makes her need the biggest cock she can find, because sometimes the pain is what you’re lookin’ for when you beg for anal…and if it always feels good to a bitch…she’s gotta step up what she’s inserting and I can only assume that’s what Maria Menounos is pulling here with this Jamal…but what the fuck do I know…
Maria Menounos is running and I can only assume it’s because she either realized she had a big fat greek ass or maybe it’s because she gorged on Baklava and this is a guilty run from overeating, but it doesn’t really matter because, like most greek chicks I know she’s got a pretty flat stomach that I don’t mind staring at because I know the minute bitch turns around the tight body goes South and by South I mean she’s packing more meat than the butcher at the grocery store on Independence Day weekend. The thing I’ve always liked about big greek ass is how easy it is to slip my dick in it, like shit’s naturally lubricated with olive oil in some kind of twisted cultural genetic flaw that explains all their historical anal sex with young student stories, but then again I’ve never had a hard time having anal with any girl, my girth is just that pathetic.
I wasn’t going to cover any Emmy Awards shit because the Emmy Awards are fucking lame and it was my attempt in protesting them. Reality is that I tried to watch them yesterday because I figured it would inspire me to hate the world more than I do or maybe even take the 4 hours of my life away from me. I promised a reader that I would live-blog but that didn’t happen. Life lesson, never trust a drunken Mexican.
I first tuned in on my neighbors TV during the pre-show red carpet shit and saw the fag from Queer Eye doing fashion play-by-play like it was a fucking sports show. I thought the concept was stupid and was forced to change channels, but that was after I saw lesbian Ellen and her wife who is not so lesbian but realizes that eating Ellen’s pussy is good for business, being interviewed. Ellen was a manic weirdo who must have been jacked on something and it made me question why we let Lesbians on TV.
I tuned in again for the opening performance that was some Family Guy shit, Stewie and the dog were singing about how shitty TV is, I think I laughed a few times but I was drunk and don’t really remember. I do know that I like Family Guy and think it’s the best written show, so I hope they won something.
Ryan Seacrest came on and didn’t make me or anyone in the audience even crack a smile. His jokes weren’t jokes and it was nice to see his Seacrest ship sink, I can only hope this continues in the next events he is involved in, because his demise is well deserved. He’s a 5 minutes of fame gone wrong situation, you know the kind of dude you hate that gets on some Dating Show but somehow turns it into years of success when his talent only should have got him to the elimination round….
The second Ray Romano came on was the second I turned the shit off. I hate his voice and seeing him on TV reminded me why I don’t watch TV. I used to go crazy everytime his show came on, I am talking throwing shit at the TV to make the pain stop.
I also kept catching my neighbor staring at me while rubbing his leg, and despite being all for dirty old men, I can’t accept dirty old men giving me the eye mainly because I am not into gay but also because I am disgusting looking and anyone giving me the eye whether man or woman is clearly fucked in the head and someone I don’t want to be around…I felt like I accidentally walked into some kind of secret gay man hook up zone like a public bathroom that fags use as a meeting place to fuck while their wives are out shopping or some shit…and despite it being more exciting than the Emmies, I still had to get the fuck out.
Here are some pictures of the event:
Christina Aguilera and Her Pregnancy Tits
Eva Longoria and Her Mexican Ass
Hayden Panettiere and Her Floppy Tits Hiding Under a Tent of a Dress I can only assume she wanted to wear adult sizes for once and this is the result
Heidi Klum is Living Beauty and the Beast
Jaime Lynn Sigler Brings Her Eating Disorder as Her Date
Jaime Pressly 4 Months After Letting The World Knows She Has Unprotected Sex By Having a Baby
Jennifer Love Hewitt Hiding Her Fat Ass We All Know She Has…
Kaley Cuoco Because She’ll Never Be On TV Again
Katherine Heigl is the Big Winner…Literally…
Kristen Bell Because I Don’t Know Who She Is…
Lisa Rinna Because She Hasn’t Been on TV for a Decade…But Her Fake Tits Get Her Past Security…
Maria Menounos Because She’s Greek and Takes it in the Ass
Michelle Pfeiffer is Old But Still Hotter Than Anyone You Know…
Phoebe Price Because Her Dress Has Windows
Portia DiRossi Because She’s a Fake Lesbian and We Like Fake Lesbians Because It Means They Will Let Us Fuck Them While They Eat Out Their Friends…
Teri Hatcher Because She Banged Ryan Seacrest
I am sure there are more, but this took me long enough to do and I am over the Emmy Awards….
Bonus – Christina Aguilera Performance with Tony Bennett
I never really watched any Harry Potter movies because they remind me of virgin dudes who sit at home and dress up like wizards while playing Dungeons and Dragons on the newest videogame system that they bought with birthday money from their grandmother, but I have heard of this 17 year old named Emma Watson and her friend Maria Menounous from Entertainment Tonight or wherever the fuck she’s from and here they are shopping together.
Either way, it’s nice to see friends come together for the sake of landing an interview in attempts to promote a movie that is about to come out while dressing the British girl in Sex Pistol and Union Jack shirts because that’s what the people want to see. I am all about fake friends and pretending to love people I hate for the sake of keeping up appearances because that’s what fake friends are for…
I think this Greek whore is on TV and now she’s on my site, probably a high point of her career. This is probably from some shitty segment with that figure skater that is all over the fucking place lately, because Figure Skating is the sport of the future. I remember a time before there was porn where I’d have 2 jerk off options, one was music videos and the other was sneaking a mound shot during the figure skating shows that are constantly on my one channel. Today, the jerking off comes from seeing this bitch all fallen over and vulnerable with about an inch of ass crack exposed. That inch is bigger than some your dicks and enough to get a post on this site.
I think this Greek whore is on TV and now she’s on my site, probably a high point of her career. This is probably from some shitty segment with that figure skater that is all over the fucking place lately, because Figure Skating is the sport of the future. I remember a time before there was porn where I’d have 2 jerk off options, one was music videos and the other was sneaking a mound shot during the figure skating shows that are constantly on my one channel. Today, the jerking off comes from seeing this bitch all fallen over and vulnerable with about an inch of ass crack exposed. That inch is bigger than some your dicks and enough to get a post on this site.
