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Archive for the Nipples Category

2008

25

Aug

Ali Larter Has Some Hard Nipples in Her Bikini of the Day

7 Comments »

Ali Larter is some Heroes actress you all want to fuck and she’s wearing a bikini. Before Heroes, she was in a whole pile of shitty movies you’ve never seen including some National Lampoon piece of shit called Homo Erectus, where she met her fiance, proving that shitty movies, despite not making money, going straight to DVD and being an embarrassment to an aspiring writer, director or producer’s career, can still bring a lifetime of happiness to some people. Another thing that brings a lifetime of happiness: the bikini, and here she is with her hard nipples in one.

I could go on about how drunk I got, how I almost got in a fight and all the other weirdness that went on this weekend but I have a whole week of writing to do, so I’ll leave you with these pictures and the hope of more things to come for now…..

Posted in:Ali Larter|Bikini|Nipples

2008

15

Jul

Lisa Rinna’s Got Some Hot Fake Everything of the Day

10 Comments »

Lisa Rinna likes plastic surgery more than most people and she still looks like a fucking monster to me, but seeing her tits busting out of her low cut top is enough to make me stare. Not necessarily the same kind of staring I do on the daily when girls in their summer dresses walk by me, or the kind of staring I got caught doing at some college after party I managed to crash a few months ago, that lead me to hiding in the bathroom closet watching girls roll through to pee, use coke, get busy with radoms and whatever else went on before I passed out and was found by some frat boy who tried playing the hero by getting rough with me before I sold him on the idea of putting a video camera where I was hiding because it would be good content, but more the kind of staring that happens everytime I see a retarded person limping around confused at the busy grocery story trying to use 4 year old coupons while buying their 3 bottles of coke with one hand down their shit stained inside-out pants, which has happened more than once.

Lisa Rinna is not necessarily a good thing, but is kinda entertaining when no one’s around to judge you or your freaky fetishes, like the week I spent practicing infantilism in the privacy of my own home. I was just trying to relive a childhood I never had, but quickly changed my tune when I realized there was no one there to change my diaper and I was starting to get a rash, making the whole thing pretty humilating.

Posted in:Lisa Rinna|Nipples|Plastic Surgery|Tits

2008

13

Jun

Adriana Lima’s Hard Nipples Go On a Walk of the Day

6 Comments »

I made the mistake of getting completely wasted and by mistake I mean the right choice that ended with me at home with a couple of hot 18 year olds drinking a bottle of wine my wife bought for our anniversary a couple of weeks ago and wanted to keep as a momento, without realizing that I am an alcoholic and can’t deal with being that close to booze for too long without drinking it but I knew she’d be fucking furious when she found out.

Anyway, we all ended up passed out on my couch and it was the closest thing I’ve had to a threesome in years and the good news was that the 2 girls pissed my wife off so much that she didn’t even notice I drank her wine.

Here’s Adriana Lima’s hard nipples to start this glorious afternoon.

Posted in:Adriana Lima|Hard|Nipples

2008

09

Jun

Shauna Sand’s Got Some Weird Nipples and Grey Vagina of the Day

8 Comments »

I know strippers who have had many back alley implants done because they were affordable and because the girls were more interested in having big fake tits than not getting hepatitis, HIV, or infections from the dirty unsterilized room and over the years, there were only a few accidents, like nipples started to take on a new shape, silicone would leak and turn tits black and one girl even claimed her nipple fell off when she took a shower, which I don’t believe because she smelled like she never showered. But even when that shit was re-applied, it still looked better than whatever the fuck is going on with Shauna Sand’s tit.

I know, like the strippers I knew, her tits were the foundation of her useless career of getting naked as some Playboy Trash, because despite Playboy’s marketing ploy that their girls are classy, they are usually just big blonde gutter sluts livin’ on a trashy dream but it’s pretty clear that her career was one that didn’t pay too much because her tits look a lot like the bad haircut I once got at a Hair Dressing School because I had to clean up for a job interview, but walked away with a patchy mess that made the people hiring me think I was dying of cancer, a fate less painful than whatever Shauna Sand’s pussy died of.


Shauna Sand Sex Tape Clips Exclusive

Posted in:Nipples|Plastic Surgery|Shauna Sand

2008

21

May

Ivanka Trump May Have Nipples of the Day

3 Comments »

I am not sure if these are actually Ivanka Trumps nipples or if she’s just faking us out with the way her conservative mormon lookin’ dress is made, but I am all about pretending. Just last night I told myself that I had morals and refused to acknowledge the future sex offender in a sweater vest I met at the bar I was drinking at. As he twitched and awkwardly rubbed his hand and stroked his beer like it was a woman he so desperately yearned to be with while talking about all the hot girls that were at the bar next door that he was too shy to go into because hot girls don’t like him and how if he had his way he’d take them all in the back alley and have his way with them but he’s scared of getting caught. I just told him he was a creep and had to respect girls when I would have normally joined in on the rape talk and given him tips how to not get caught. I know that story may not make sense and I guess you had to be there but here are some Trump nipples and they are richer than me.

Posted in:Ivanka Trump|Nipples

2008

16

May

Jordan Has Nipples of the Day

2 Comments »

It turns out that despite having her nipple taken off and put back on so many fuckin’ times, Jordan still manages to have her nipples. I was expecting some Barbie Doll tits because I just assumed those were the battle wounds from doing that to your tits so many times. You’d think those things were like a set of tires on your car that the more you drive on them, the more rundown they get, until you have to tattoo a nipple on like a cancer patient, but lookin’ at these pics of Jordan with her normal sized tits from December, her scars are a lot better than the sluts I know with who have fake tits. I guess Jordan’s got a better surgeon than they do which makes sense because when your tits are your job, you are probably better off biting the bullet and investing a little more money into them tits because I hear it’s hard to get topless work when your shits look more like an autopsy. Here is Jordan in Cannes gettin some sun. And this is my worst post of all time. I blame drinking…

Posted in:Jordan|Katie Price|Nipples

2008

08

May

Eva Mendes is Hot and Topless in Vogue of the Day

5 Comments »



Eva Mendes did some hot photoshoot for some European Vogue and it reminds me of all the vintage porn I used to jerk off to because there was just something amazing about getting down to a woman in frilly lingerie in the 1950s while knowin’ she was either pissin’ herself in an old folks home, knitting a scarf for her church group or was dead, all while I came all over myself to her pics…

Posted in:Eva Mendes|Nipples|Vogue

2008

06

May

Michelle Trachtenberg’s Got Nipple Pasties of the Day

27 Comments »

There was some event called the Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala last night and besides it being one the most obnoxious sounding event names a lot of people showed up. The more interesting of the bunch was probably Michelle Trachtenberg because she wrapped her nipples up like a Christmas gift, despite being a Jew, while wearing a pretty see through top. I guess being left out and watching all those Christians in her elementary school class doing the secret Santa gift exchange while she sat in the corner playing with her dreidel while speaking yiddish to herself has emotionally scarred her enough to develop an addiction to wrapping up everything in the house on a regular basis in gold paper, sometimes even her body parts or maybe she just didn’t want us to see her Jew nipple. I heard they don’t look like a regular nipple because of the generations of inbreeding and obsessing over the whole Holocaust thing they can’t seem to get over, but they sure are good at making money and not spending it on tipping waiters.

Posted in:Michelle Trachtenberg|Nipples|Pasties

2008

02

May

Holly Madison’s Tits are Hipsters in Her All Over Print T-Shirt of the Day

14 Comments »

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

The one thing that hip hop people, extreme sport people, street wear people and hipsters have in common is the all-over print hoody and now Playboy sluts can be added to the list of assholes who wear these stupid shirts. But they are a bit more interesting to look at because they have big fake tits and hard nipples and their all over print is some truck trailer slut emblem and not something lame like lightning bolts or whatever the fuck these kids are sporting….

I guess the other thing interesting about Playboy sluts who made it to the top and are fuckin’ Hefner is that they realize that they offer little more to the world than a set of tits and can make decent money from them so why the fuck not take what you can get. They look at gold-diggin the same way that an average person sees going to a technical school to get a skill that makes them employable and instead of paying for tuition, they spend their money on breast implants, tacky clothes and hair dye to manipulate their way to the top of the slut ladder staring at the bottom of the stripper pole and working their way up….

I guess I shouldn’t be so quick to judge, since I am sitting here in my underwear in my shitbox apartment, unskilled, uneducated and broke, because if I had a set of tits that weren’t as disgusting to look at as my man tits are, I’d be using them to make my life a little more comfortable too. I don’t know what the point of this post is but I do know that I spent the day drinking and that was pretty irresponsible of me so I’m trying to make it up to you here.

Posted in:Holly Madison|Nipples

2008

02

May

Lily Allen Birthday See Through of the Day

7 Comments »

So it’s Lily Allen’s birthday and she’s wearing some kind of see through dress when she should really be wearing some kind of Mascot Costume because at least that way bitch would look cute. I can only assume that she forgot to wear a bra because she’s so distraught that her baby will never see it’s first birthday because it’s living in a pair of bloody panties she just can’t seem to bring herself to throw out. I guess that’s the harsh reality of smoking and drinking’ while knocked up and a miscarriage is just the small price you have to pay for being an irresponsible joke of an expecting mother.

Either way, here are her nipples that her baby will never get to suckle on for food, because her baby never made it out of her rotten vagina and I’d like to think that he’s not the first one to feel the negative effect of her lady parts. In reality, I think every dude who’s ever fucked her can relate to that miscarriage because as soon as they were done with her and looked into her face and realized what they did, they wanted to die too.

Posted in:Lily Allen|Nipples