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Archive for the Nipples Category

2008

Mar

Patricia Heaton Puts on a Shirt of the Day

The good news of the day is that Patricia Heaton decided to put on a shirt at the beach like a fat teenage girl on summer vacation. After seeing her over-tucked tummy tuck that amputated her belly button, I think it was a good beach fashion choice, not that I know anything about fashion. She also decided to put on a pair of better fitting bikini bottoms that offer a little more support to her saggy vagina and I am all for girls strapping up when shit is clearly needed.

Kinda like the time this girl was acting up in my apartment, so I strapped her to my bed….it made having sex with her a hell of a lot easier because it took very little convincing and the sock I stuffed down her throat made her cries for me to stop sound a lot more like whimpers of pleasure, like she was actually enjoying it. I figure if I don’t hear “No” or “Stop” clearly, then it’s all fair game….or maybe like the time my wife put on some kind of corset and pantyhose to make her look skinny, when what she really needed to look skinny was a year membership at the gym and a serious diet.

Either way, here’s Patricia Heaton in action….

Posted in:Bikini|Nipples|Patricia Heaton|Shirt

2008

Mar

Lindsay Lohan’s Belly of the Day

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Here are some pictures that are going around that are getting people talking because they are saying she looks a little fat in the uterus like she could be pregnant, without taking into account that this girl is a pro at getting abortions. I think it’s more likely just her period but then again I am pretty sure both are impossible because of the hysterectomy she had done to stop the spread of her HPV because cervical cancer’s not fun and letting random dudes cum inside your vagina is. So I guess Lohan is just replacing a cocaine and drinking addiction with an emotionally eating fast food addiction while still dabbling in cocaine and alcohol addiction like she’s John Candy or some shit.

I remember when my wife first started getting a little belly. She used to ask me if she was gaining weight and I’d always say that she wasn’t and that I liked it, which was true. Next thing I knew, she was so big she couldn’t even see her dick when taking a piss….no wait a minute that was me, but my wife’s pretty fat too.

I don’t mind that she’s got a little belly, I actually find the whole thing kinda cute, what I am worried about though, is the of example is this giving the young girls around the world, soon they are going to think it’s okay to be fat and without a negative body image all the pussy you’ve been getting will start being hard to get….

Posted in:Belly|Fat|Lindsay Lohan|Nipples|Tits

2008

Feb

Paz Vega See Through Pics of the Day

1 Comment »

Nothing makes me feel more like a lame virgin than posting pictures of girls in see through dresses. The reality of it is that that I don’t give a fuck about these bitches, or their nipples but I do it for you. At times I totally wish I was still a virgin, but those times only come out every couple months when I have a herpes outbreak or when my fat wife convinces me to take a viagra to try to pleasure her, even though my useless dick doesn’t even touch the walls of her really ridiculously big vagina.

This weekend was one of those sex weekends my wife makes me have every once in a while. It’s kind of how I earn my keep around here. I can usually get away with not fuckin’ her for months before her fat disgusting naked body slips viagra in my drink and have no choice. I guess we all have needs and my need is a roof over my head and her needs are oreos and the occasional fuck.

Either way, I saw shit coming the last 2 weeks and was putting it off until this weekend because there’s only so many headaches I can pretend to have. Now the key to fucking my wife is getting as drunk as possible so that i don’t know what I am doing, then take the pill get a boner about 10% of the time because even when drunk and on boner meds she’s still fucking disgusting and makes my dick crawl back inside me like a reverse erection. So I did her and rode her like a Bouncy Castle I haven’t recovered emotionally yet.

So here’s some nipple of some slut you don’t know and be happy that you are a virgin, because sometimes sex is the devil and I saw the devil face to face this weekend. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Paz Vega Gets Naked for Elle of the Day

Posted in:Nipples|Paz Vega|See Through|Tits

2008

Feb

Britney No Bra Spears of the Day

4 Comments »

Watching Britney not wear a bra, reminds me of my fat wife not wearing a bra and there’s nothing hot about that. It’s actually pretty fucking scary and that’s why I don’t have pictures to prove it because I try my best to pretend they don’t exist. I guess Britney pretends that her floppy tits aren’t floppy too, but there is a time in every woman’s life where she has to look in the mirror and take a cold hard look at her tits and realize that shit aren’t as perky as they once were and that their nipples are aiming places they are only supposed to aim after menopause or a long hard battle with obesity and it’s time to throw your hippie ideals out the window and put your feminist lesbian movement bra burning bullshit on the back burner and strap those crazy fuckers up in bra or what a call a straight jacket for out of control tits.

There’s no real reason for Britney’s tits to be so fat and sloppy. Bitch is in her 20s and may have 2 kids and like eating shitty food but usually those fuckers bounce back into action. I guess the realization of her tits acting crazier than her is what really made her step up her crazy game that landed her in the psych ward. She’s competitive like that. That’s my theory and floppy tits or not, I’d still take care of her and by take care of her I obviously mean spend her money and not give her sponge baths and gestures of love. I’m just not that kind of guy.

Posted in:Braless|Britney Spears|Nipples|Tits

2008

Feb

Super Jordan’s Got Nipples of the Day

1 Comment »

I was surprised to see these pictures of Jordan’s nipples because I assumed with all the surgery she’s had the fucker would have fallen off by now but I was wrong, it happens. I guess she just doesn’t have any sensation left in her tit, so when it busts out of stupid bustiers she doesn’t realize it.

Here she is signing some book she apparently wrote herself or something equally obnoxious like thinking any of us care about anything about her beyond her tits, but not as obnoxious as the fact that she has a stage name and a real name like every stripper who has broken my heart and pornstar I’ve had sex with without them knowing and not because my small penis doesn’t touch the walls of their big porn vaginas, but because they weren’t in the room with me. Or as obnoxious as her stripping outfit that she wore out in public or as if it shouldn’t have been left at home in the bedroom for her freaky husband. But not as obnoxious as her retarded baby Harvey when you steal his ball from him….and no I’m not talking about mommy’s breast implant she left lying around the house…oh wait…yes I am….that big little dude’s got some superhero strength when he doesn’t get his retarded way….

Either way, it’s Valentine’s Day and I wish you and the homemade fake vagina you call your lover a glorious day. I just hope that model glue, popsicle sticks and chewed up pink bubble gum last another couple of months for you, because I’d hate to see you alone.

2007

Nov

I am – Pam Anderson’s Still Got Nipples of the Day

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This is what Pamela Anderson looks like when she goes out for some Planet Hollywood shit over the weekend in some semi-see through men’s shirt bullshit that makes me feel like I just had sex with her, which wouldn’t be that much of a stretch because by the looks of it, so has everyone in the room.

Speaking of stretches, there’s nothing like realizing that beauty is fleeting and your face gets haggard and no matter how much plastic surgery you get, or how much a doctor stretches your skin out, you’re still a mother of two and despite filling your fuckin’ tits up like every dude in the room is planning on filling you up, even with your hepatitis, it’s a good strategy to distract us from lookin’ at your face and realizing how busted your are.

Related Posts:

Pam Anderson in a White Bikini
Pam Anderson’s Got Creepy Cleavage
Pam Anderson Dressed Like a Newborn with Tits

Posted in:Nipples|Pamela Anderson|See Through|Slut|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Pam Anderson’s Insane Tits of the Day

1 Comment »

I was at a bar drinking my life away, as I sometimes do and this busty middle-aged hooker Pam Anderson is her idol bitch sat down next to me. She was wearing a “Guess” t-shirt, so I said 36 D, and instead of slapping me, she liked the attention and said 36 DD. The sad party of this story is that this pick-up line is fucking genius, but the only bitches who rock “Guess” t-shirts are trashy older ladies that buy the shit at the discount center. There was a time when every chachi motherfucker girl and cheap french slut rocked this shit in this city. It’s not the cool choice anymore because all the bitches are into American Apparel or designer clothes, but if you’re from some trashy town, you may have the chance to drop this line and should, because a girl in guess is a girl who likes talking about her tits.

Here are some pictures of Pam Anderson’s ridiculously huge tits and hard nipples in some parachuting outfit, lookin like every cheap stripper who still thinks Guess is cool.

I think drinking has ruined my ability to tell stories. I’ll work on that for later today, when I sober up, or get more drunk that shit makes more sense to me.

Related Posts:

Pam Anderson’s Vagina Exposed
Pam Anderson’s Vagina Puppy
Pam Anderson’s Shitty Nipple Slip

Posted in:Implants|Nipples|Pamela Anderson|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Lindsay Lohan’s Nipple of the Day

6 Comments »

I got these pics off some virgin’s site who thinks there’s nipple in them, but I don’t see nipple, maybe you have to have some virgin super desperation “computer eye” to see her nipple, kinda like a homeless man who thinks he finds a thanksgiving feasts in the dumpster when shit’s just garbage or a how a drunk horny motherfucker thinks the bitch he’s talking to is worth fucking when she’s really got testicles or maybe how everyone on welfare goes to the casino on welfare check day in hopes of winning big but instead end up broker than when they walked in ….if you know what I mean, which you probably don’t because you’re already jerking off to these because you think you see nipple.

In reality, I am more concerned with her legs being wrapped in Christmas Wrapping paper, shit makes me want to unwrap her with my penis but that’s just an old Martinez family tradition….At least I know I’d be getting her herpes, because I hear it’s the gift that keeps on giving, which is a lot better than the can of creamed corn my wife got me last year, when I clearly asked her for a divorce and a couple younger hotter girls to replace her.

But that’s not the point, I am fucking hungover, I think I drank enough to kill a cow, too bad I didn’t bring my out wife with me….get it…cuz she’s fat…and I hate her, yeah this is what happens when I’m licking my vodka smelling sweat in hopes of making this alcohol withdrawal less shaky.

Related Posts:

Lohan’s Got Hot Tits
Lohan Touching Her Toes
Lohan Parties Like a Lesbian in Japan
Lohan’s Tit in a Bra

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Nipples|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Megan Fox Has Hard Nipples of the Day

2 Comments »

Megan Fox is pretty much one of the hottest actors in Hollywood right now and that’s not really saying much because I am more of a model kind of guy than an actor kind of guy, so I don’t get too excited about actors or singers being hot ever, but then again I don’t get excited for much, not even Christmas.

The reason I don’t like actors is that they remind me of circus performers. They are convinced that they’ve got some kind of talent because they can make themselves cry on demand or memorize words, and the industry pats them on the back because it lines their pockets, stroking the actor’s egos, making them think they are way more important to the world than they really are. My neighbor’s kid cries on demand every time his dad hits him and I heard him reciting the alphabet the other day so dude may be 3 but he could be the next Hayden Panettiere, he just has to grow his hair out.

The other reason I don’t like actors is because they are short and in an ideal world, girls would have legs that pretty much end at my face and models do. The model lifestyle is also a lot more interesting to me because they go out and party, do a lot of drugs, sit on beaches because their work is about as demanding as just showing up on time, and if they are big enough, they set the time they start and they make insane money for just being hot.

Either way, here are Megan Fox’s nipples that the dude from 90210 sucks, and better cherish the fucking moment, because she’ll eventually realize that he’s a joke and even if he’s got a big dick, she’ll be movin’ on to less embarrassing dudes because she won’t need their failure to make her feel better about her career, cuz that shit’s about to pop.

Related Posts:

Megan Fox Hot in Red
Megan Fox Hot in Shorts
Megan Fox in Skate Shoes With Her Asshole Boyfriend
Megan Fox Grabs Her Boyfriend’s Boner

Posted in:Hot|Megan Fox|Nipples|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Hayden Panettiere Pumpin’ Gas of the Day

4 Comments »

Someone keeps buzzing my door and I am not answering it. I have come to the realization that people don’t like me and potentially could want me dead so I just lock myself up in this place until I run out of food. The flaw in this plan is that I live with my wife and she likes to eat and I already caught her eating our last can of beans and I’ve only been in lock down for 15 minutes.

Either way, I know that you don’t care about my insanity and paranoia, but based on the hate mail I get daily, you’d probably understand it. Before I decided to go into lock down, I was out getting a coffee and this tiny girl was wearing some cleavage exposing shirt and her nipples were hanging out every time she moved. She was probably just about 5 foot and had all the same proportions as a tall chick, like long legs for her body and all that shit, but she was just in a smaller package, kinda like my penis, because at one time it looked it just doesn’t live up to the measurement test, but that’s not the point, the point is that Hayden Panettiere is also about 5 foot tall but not proportionate at all, unless you’re comparing her to a tank in which case, she probably is. Here she is pumping her own gas, I guess they didn’t get the pics of her changing her tires and the oil while building a shed in her backyard, cuz that’s just the kind of dude she is.