Slut Archives - Page 13 of 16 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

27

Aug

I am – Sara Harding's Tits of the Day

I did some thinking a few weeks ago and realized that all my slutty behavior as of lately could potentially ruin my life in the form of a baby since I never bother to use condoms. Most of my sex takes place in dirty bathrooms and alley ways behind bars for the most part and I just can’t be bothered with them in the heat of the moment. I’ve never really been into condoms because they generally ruin all the sensation involved in fucking and I’m not scared of AIDS anyways.

The pill pack includes this big long sheet listing all the things that could go wrong and basically tell you all the ways you can die because of being on the pill, which is really reassuring. What they didn’t tell me however was that my tits would basically double in size in a one month period. No, they aren’t fucking DD’s, but when you have small tits and they suddenly double in size, you suddenly stop hating life as much, and possibly believe god has been listening to your prayers all these years and did something for once.

But he hasn’t, and he didn’t, because there is no God and if there was, he would most certainly hate people like me and you, which is why I will always be a poor slut, getting attention in the form of dirty sex, and you will be a virgin forever.

Here’ Sara Harding. My tits are about as big as hers now, and I don’t hate her much as I used to, because now we have something in common.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Sara Harding is a Club Slut of the Day
Sara Harding Naked of the Day
Charlie Uchea Nip Slip of the Day

Posted in:Sara Harding|Slut|Tits|Unsorted

2007

24

Aug

I am – Cameron Diaz is Over the Hill of the Day

1 Comment »

Cameron Diaz

A good friend of mine has had a punk band from Korea staying with him and his brother for the last 6 months. We have affectionally named them Rock Band Asia because they’re names are all fucked up shit we can’t pronounce properly because we are all uncultured idiots. They are leaving this Sunday so we decided to take them out last night to get all fucked up and let them get a taste of Montreal strip clubs. Unfortunately there was a problem at the one we usually go to, in the form of 30 fucking cops standing outside and the bouncer telling is no one was allowed in for awhile. We had to had to hit a downtown spot, and the downtown spots suck because it’s where the tourists frequent and they are way over priced. The girls are also generally pretty busted, and the club we went to was no exception.

We pay $30 for all of us to get in, plus a $10 tip to the gorilla who seated us, then pay $48 for 6 fucking beers We sit and wait for the stage show to come on. And wait. And wait. And wait. 20 min later, and 6 beers down, we still haven’t seen any tits or ass. Finally some blonde came out. She was kinda hot but a tad over the hill, and you could tell her time was almost up in the stripping world. She was the veteran in the club, not cause she was good, but because she danced in a way that you know she had been there way too long to even act interested anymore. Gone were the lies she told club patrons that was doing this to put herself through school or to take care of her kids. This bitch had accepted her fate. She was bored, and flashing her pussy and tits to a crowd of horny guys was about as exciting to her as when Mommy makes your your oatmeal every morning. The clincher came when she went to do some sort of leg-kick-move and kicked over a bunch of the drinks on Perverts Row in front of her. We all took a look at each other and that was it.

We went back to my friends house, where I proceeded to whore it up with one of the members of the band after everyone else went to sleep because my friend told me he had never slept with a white chick before and I like to be an ambassador to my country in the form of things like that. Contrary to popular rumors, his dicks wasn’t as small as I thought it would be. True to my form, I slipped out the door when he fell asleep, and stumbled back to my house in the 6 am sunlight.

Here’s Cameron Diaz. She reminds me of the slut I saw on stage the other night. Not only because they look alike, but because they are both past their prime and one box of blonde hair dye away from being completely over the hill. You’re spent baby, deal with it!

hugs and kisses
Marie-Ever Martinez

I am – Cameron Diaz in a Bikini of the Day

I am – Young Cameron Diaz Topless and Semi Upskirt of the Day

Posted in:Cameron Diaz|Slut|Unsorted

2007

22

Aug

I am – Jessica Simpson and Her True Calling of the Day

1 Comment »

Shortly after I turned 18 this year, one of my many boyfriends convinced me to do a porn with him. I was really broke at the time from running up my new credit card and needed the money and figured what the hell you know? He had hooked up with some porn producer in Montreal who was offering good money to couples willing to fuck on camera and given the fact that we a) fucked all the time anyways and b) were both pretty broke, jumped at the chance. I’ll try anything once.

Anyways, there was a point where he was standing up and I was down on my knees, in my panties with no bra, giving him a blow job for the camera. The director made us stop and told my boyfriend that he needed to talk more. My boyfriend (who was usually quite vocal in bed) didnâ€™t seem to want to talk much but they thought we were hot together and liked what they saw. He didnâ€™t have a problem calling me a whore in private, but for some reason in front of others, the cat had his tongue, so to speak.

So the director decided to do it for him and gets right up behind him, while Iâ€™m still going down on him ferociously with the camera pointed on me so they don’t give away that my boyfriend wasn’t the one talking and some french director has his head on my boyfriend’s shoulder giving the usual porn dialog you would come to expect like â€˜Suck that cock you dirty slut, you like that you dirty whore.â€™ etc, but he has this really thick French accent that made him sound like Pepe Le Pew from the old Looney Toon cartoons. So Iâ€™m there on my knees, looking at my boyfriend who is borderline laughing his ass off and this French porn director pretending to be his voice but Iâ€™m trying to keep a straight face with a cock in my mouth cause the camera is zoomed in on me and me only.

Thankfully he busted his load rather quick, they called the end of the scene, and I ran into the restroom and laughed hysterically for five minutes. That was my first and last foray into the world of porn. Now I save being a slut for behind closed doors and dirty bathrooms in bars for the most part.

Jessica Simpson needs to realize however, that sometimes your calling is just chosen for you. You can try to go into other areas of work, but when destiny has itâ€™s path laid out in front of you, you canâ€™t fuck with it. All the cards are right there on the table, you just got to accept it and roll with it.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

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Jessica Simpson’s Cleavage
Jessica Simpson Rock Solid
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Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Porn|Slut|Unsorted

2007

15

Aug

I am – Anne Hathaway is Trying to Prove that she Isn't Boring of the Day

1 Comment »

Yesterday I came across the pictures of Anne Hathaway and her lame boyfriend on some lame romantic getaway on some yacht that I would love to have a topless yacht party on and bitch was wearing a fucking bed sheet. Being a pervert, I couldn’t grasp what slut was doing wearing a bed sheet when spending all this money on having a good fucking time with her boyfriend. I figured if she wanted to stay covered up and frigid, she could just have stayed home alone with her cats, a good book and maybe even a couple pints of ice cream and some romantic comedies. But it turns out that I was wrong, which is usually the case or at least based on pretty much every experience of my life, it’s been the case and bitch is here showing us all how sexy and wild she can get.

Speaking of being wrong, I remember hanging out with the guys at the park a while ago and one of them was telling us all a story about how his friend used to jerk off with his other friend when they were in college. He said that they made a nightly event of it like playing a fucking Magic card tournament or whatever the fuck dudes who jerk off together in college do. They would throw on a porn and go at it to see who came the fastest, hardest and the most. I was pretty surprised by the story and thought it was as closet case faggot as you can get, but one of the other dudes who was with me said it wasn’t a big deal and that when he was in high school his dentist used to jerk him off and that he wasn’t gay. I don’t really know where I am going with this, but it turned out the dudes I thought were gay turned out that they weren’t and that was an example of being wrong.

I guess Anne Hathaway reminded me of this story because I think you’re probably jerking off with your buddy right now and here are the pictures of her licking dudes nipple, the picture of her lookin like she’s giving him a blowjob and pictures of her drinking, jet skiing and slutting it out. She may be doing it for the camera but who really gives a fuck because she’s in a bikini and I am pretty easy going when it comes to bitches in bikinis and I try not to look that far past trying to make out her vagina definition that the bikini’s making. I was under the impression that bitch had way bigger tits, but maybe it’s just the fact that she’s wearing her grandmother’s bikini from the 50s that’s keeping her junk in lockdown.

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway Boring Romantic Getaway
Rebecca Gayheart Topless on a Yacht
Abigail Clancy Topless on a Yacht

2007

15

Aug

I am – Anne Hathaway is Trying to Prove that she Isn’t Boring of the Day

1 Comment »

Yesterday I came across the pictures of Anne Hathaway and her lame boyfriend on some lame romantic getaway on some yacht that I would love to have a topless yacht party on and bitch was wearing a fucking bed sheet. Being a pervert, I couldn’t grasp what slut was doing wearing a bed sheet when spending all this money on having a good fucking time with her boyfriend. I figured if she wanted to stay covered up and frigid, she could just have stayed home alone with her cats, a good book and maybe even a couple pints of ice cream and some romantic comedies. But it turns out that I was wrong, which is usually the case or at least based on pretty much every experience of my life, it’s been the case and bitch is here showing us all how sexy and wild she can get.

Speaking of being wrong, I remember hanging out with the guys at the park a while ago and one of them was telling us all a story about how his friend used to jerk off with his other friend when they were in college. He said that they made a nightly event of it like playing a fucking Magic card tournament or whatever the fuck dudes who jerk off together in college do. They would throw on a porn and go at it to see who came the fastest, hardest and the most. I was pretty surprised by the story and thought it was as closet case faggot as you can get, but one of the other dudes who was with me said it wasn’t a big deal and that when he was in high school his dentist used to jerk him off and that he wasn’t gay. I don’t really know where I am going with this, but it turned out the dudes I thought were gay turned out that they weren’t and that was an example of being wrong.

I guess Anne Hathaway reminded me of this story because I think you’re probably jerking off with your buddy right now and here are the pictures of her licking dudes nipple, the picture of her lookin like she’s giving him a blowjob and pictures of her drinking, jet skiing and slutting it out. She may be doing it for the camera but who really gives a fuck because she’s in a bikini and I am pretty easy going when it comes to bitches in bikinis and I try not to look that far past trying to make out her vagina definition that the bikini’s making. I was under the impression that bitch had way bigger tits, but maybe it’s just the fact that she’s wearing her grandmother’s bikini from the 50s that’s keeping her junk in lockdown.

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway Boring Romantic Getaway
Rebecca Gayheart Topless on a Yacht
Abigail Clancy Topless on a Yacht

2007

14

Aug

I am – Nicole Richie's Sheer Maternity Top of the Day

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Here are some pictures of a pregnant Nicole Richie wearing a sheer to to show off her new gut and to remind how much of a slut she was to get in this situation in the first place….I have mixed emotions about pregnant chicks dressing like sluts.

I remember a time when being pregnant meant wearing these big housecoat style dresses that looked more like aprons you’d see the housekeeping crew at a shitty charge by the hour motel than what you’d want your wife to wear. Even thought when your wife is carrying your child you don’t always want her on all fours rockin’ thongs that make you nervous about your future babies life, unless of course you got manipulated into this whole mess by a crazy girl with a sewing needle and your box of condoms, but I doubt that because no one would want to be locked to you for life. But that’s not the point.

The point is that the housecoat maternity wear is definitely not the hottest thing for a woman to wear, even though the immigrant housekeeping staff at a charge by the hour motel usually offers full service, but it is a little more conservative and respectable and allows the world to know that the girl has given up on the party life and is ready to strap the fuck down and be serious.

I guess Nicole Richie, being a rich girl who never had to have any real level of responsibility and who was loose enough in the motherfucking hips, or at least loose enough to not use a condom with some scumbag from some shitty band that would have been better off if their tour bus accidentally drove off of bridge leaving dudes writing hand mangled and his voicebox ripped out…proves that old habits die hard and in about 10 years she’ll be showing her baby girl the best way to smoke heroin.

I am not even going to bother mentioning Mischa Barton in all this, because she’s out of work, not pregnant and not hot enough to bother with today.

Related Posts:

Nicole Richie May Be Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie is Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie Hiding Her Rat Face From The Camera
Nicole Richie Bikini Throwback

2007

14

Aug

I am – Nicole Richie’s Sheer Maternity Top of the Day

10 Comments »

Here are some pictures of a pregnant Nicole Richie wearing a sheer to to show off her new gut and to remind how much of a slut she was to get in this situation in the first place….I have mixed emotions about pregnant chicks dressing like sluts.

I remember a time when being pregnant meant wearing these big housecoat style dresses that looked more like aprons you’d see the housekeeping crew at a shitty charge by the hour motel than what you’d want your wife to wear. Even thought when your wife is carrying your child you don’t always want her on all fours rockin’ thongs that make you nervous about your future babies life, unless of course you got manipulated into this whole mess by a crazy girl with a sewing needle and your box of condoms, but I doubt that because no one would want to be locked to you for life. But that’s not the point.

The point is that the housecoat maternity wear is definitely not the hottest thing for a woman to wear, even though the immigrant housekeeping staff at a charge by the hour motel usually offers full service, but it is a little more conservative and respectable and allows the world to know that the girl has given up on the party life and is ready to strap the fuck down and be serious.

I guess Nicole Richie, being a rich girl who never had to have any real level of responsibility and who was loose enough in the motherfucking hips, or at least loose enough to not use a condom with some scumbag from some shitty band that would have been better off if their tour bus accidentally drove off of bridge leaving dudes writing hand mangled and his voicebox ripped out…proves that old habits die hard and in about 10 years she’ll be showing her baby girl the best way to smoke heroin.

I am not even going to bother mentioning Mischa Barton in all this, because she’s out of work, not pregnant and not hot enough to bother with today.

Related Posts:

Nicole Richie May Be Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie is Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie Hiding Her Rat Face From The Camera
Nicole Richie Bikini Throwback

2007

13

Aug

I am – Britney Spears' See-Through Nips of the Day

No Comments »

I went home with some British consultant on Saturday night after getting shot down by this other fella that works for an expensive car company. I spent most of my night working on “Car Co.” He bought me several drinks, but obviously didn’t understand the consequences of getting a girl drunk. Liquor + me = SlutFest 2007. I kept trying to kiss him, he kept pulling away. Either he was gay or had a girlfriend or was bad at business, like he invested money then didn’t follow through? This ex-hooker doesn’t get it.

I don’t remember him leaving, but I remember moving on to a British guy who was hot in a bulldog way, and I have a soft spot for UK accents. This Brit had a fancy place and a tiny penis. We fucked for what felt like an hour until he unleashed his ass fixation. Now I hate anal because it hurts like a bitch and unnecessary if you’re in to chicks, but I wanted to sleep in a room with AC and a comfortable bed. Judge me, I don’t give a fuck, I used to be a hooker.

Here is Britney Spears and her nipples looking like the kind of girl that would take it up the ass for a popsicle, and she’d probably buy the popsicle herself. I think it’s safe to say she probably has to purchase her lovers these days, you can see it in her sad dead eyes and sagging tits. So you can dump your internet girlfriend and quit your job at the 7/11 because your chances of nailing her and retiring early just went up.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

Related Posts:

Britney Spears Goes Out in a Bra
Britney Spears Swims Topless
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2007

13

Aug

I am – Britney Spears’ See-Through Nips of the Day

8 Comments »

I went home with some British consultant on Saturday night after getting shot down by this other fella that works for an expensive car company. I spent most of my night working on “Car Co.” He bought me several drinks, but obviously didn’t understand the consequences of getting a girl drunk. Liquor + me = SlutFest 2007. I kept trying to kiss him, he kept pulling away. Either he was gay or had a girlfriend or was bad at business, like he invested money then didn’t follow through? This ex-hooker doesn’t get it.

I don’t remember him leaving, but I remember moving on to a British guy who was hot in a bulldog way, and I have a soft spot for UK accents. This Brit had a fancy place and a tiny penis. We fucked for what felt like an hour until he unleashed his ass fixation. Now I hate anal because it hurts like a bitch and unnecessary if you’re in to chicks, but I wanted to sleep in a room with AC and a comfortable bed. Judge me, I don’t give a fuck, I used to be a hooker.

Here is Britney Spears and her nipples looking like the kind of girl that would take it up the ass for a popsicle, and she’d probably buy the popsicle herself. I think it’s safe to say she probably has to purchase her lovers these days, you can see it in her sad dead eyes and sagging tits. So you can dump your internet girlfriend and quit your job at the 7/11 because your chances of nailing her and retiring early just went up.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

Related Posts:

Britney Spears Goes Out in a Bra
Britney Spears Swims Topless
Britney Spears Squatting in Public

2007

01

Aug

I am – Paris Hilton's Almost Upskirt of the Day

No Comments »

Paris Hilton

Yesterday, while I was on my 2 hour layover in Chicago, I sat at a “Beach” bar getting drunk. I was surrounded by other folks who found it perfectly acceptable to get wasted at 4pm in an airport. This consisted of hefty middle-aged men in khakis, a crew of fratboys, a lone tie-dye hippy, and a blonde girl my age who got stuck sitting next to a chatty grandpa. While I was sipping my Sam Adams and Strawberry Margarita (double fisting is for the booze, not the sack), the bigscreen tuned to Fox News taught me Paris is selling her house, and that parents somewhere are fighting back against a pedophile and his website. They showed the ped’s pic, and it could have been a younger version of anyone of the fags surrounding me (except the girl and the hippy).

I got home at 11pm and considered bar-crawling, but my five days in California stuffed me more than a thanksgiving turkey, that is if thanksgiving turkey’s were stuffed with cocks. I lost about five pounds from all the sex and traveling. What sucks is how sore my vagina and tits are, and the rugburn on my left ass cheek I don’t remember getting. I think I may close up shop for a while, keeping the play down to dry-humping, and the exchange of bodily fluids down to spit. But these resolutions always fall apart after 5 vodka-on-the-rocks, and by then I’m on my knees or back faster than you can shove the porn under your bed when your mom comes knock’n.

Here is Paris Hilton out on the town and attempting to close up shop. I guess being cut-off from her inheritance has inspired her to keep her clit from breathing free, in hopes of winning back grandpa’s approval. Come on Paris, it was the prison that pissed him off. We all know the quickest way into an old man’s heart is showing a little freshly shaved meat. Ew, I need a shower and you need some alone time with Ms. Hilton’s innermost thigh and invisible box.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

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Posted in:Paris Hilton|Slut|Uncategorized|Unsorted|Upskirt

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