Slut Archives - Page 14 of 16 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

01

Aug

I am – Paris Hilton's Almost Upskirt of the Day

Paris Hilton

Yesterday, while I was on my 2 hour layover in Chicago, I sat at a “Beach” bar getting drunk. I was surrounded by other folks who found it perfectly acceptable to get wasted at 4pm in an airport. This consisted of hefty middle-aged men in khakis, a crew of fratboys, a lone tie-dye hippy, and a blonde girl my age who got stuck sitting next to a chatty grandpa. While I was sipping my Sam Adams and Strawberry Margarita (double fisting is for the booze, not the sack), the bigscreen tuned to Fox News taught me Paris is selling her house, and that parents somewhere are fighting back against a pedophile and his website. They showed the ped’s pic, and it could have been a younger version of anyone of the fags surrounding me (except the girl and the hippy).

I got home at 11pm and considered bar-crawling, but my five days in California stuffed me more than a thanksgiving turkey, that is if thanksgiving turkey’s were stuffed with cocks. I lost about five pounds from all the sex and traveling. What sucks is how sore my vagina and tits are, and the rugburn on my left ass cheek I don’t remember getting. I think I may close up shop for a while, keeping the play down to dry-humping, and the exchange of bodily fluids down to spit. But these resolutions always fall apart after 5 vodka-on-the-rocks, and by then I’m on my knees or back faster than you can shove the porn under your bed when your mom comes knock’n.

Here is Paris Hilton out on the town and attempting to close up shop. I guess being cut-off from her inheritance has inspired her to keep her clit from breathing free, in hopes of winning back grandpa’s approval. Come on Paris, it was the prison that pissed him off. We all know the quickest way into an old man’s heart is showing a little freshly shaved meat. Ew, I need a shower and you need some alone time with Ms. Hilton’s innermost thigh and invisible box.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

Related Posts

I am – Paris Hilton’s Post Prison Nip Slip of the Day
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I am – Paris Hilton is Full of Herself of the Day
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I am – Paris Hilton’s Retarded Cleavage of the Day
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Posted in:Paris Hilton|Slut|Uncategorized|Unsorted|Upskirt

2007

30

Jul

I am – Britney Spears, Still Crazy of the Day

7 Comments »

Britney Spears

I really just donâ€™t even know what to say this. Wowâ€¦.justâ€¦wow.

I read that her new â€œvideoâ€? cost $30 000 of her own money, which by todayâ€™s standards of videos and how much they cost, is the equivalent of shooting it on a fucking Sony Handicam. I wouldnâ€™t be surprised if she gave Sean Preston some scissors and tape to edit the fucking thing.

I honestly can’t wait to hear the song and watch this piece of shit and yell at the TV. I’m getting giddy just thinking about it!!

Related Posts

I am â€“ Dirty Jobs â€“ The Britney Spears Assistant Edition
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I am â€“ Britney Spears Being Classy of the Day
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I am â€“ Britney Spears Looking Fast and Easy of the Day
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Posted in:Ass|Britney Spears|Slut|Stripper|Unsorted

2007

30

Jul

I am – Jaime Pressly the Birthday Whore of the Day

1 Comment »

Jaime Pressly

One thing Julien, our Token Gay Blogger, and I have always bonded on is that we both came from shitty homes with no money and even less morals and values. That being said, we love who we are, don’t deny it for a minute. Seriously, we wouldn’t change a thing. Okay maybe the money part.

This is what Jaime Pressly chose to wear on her birthday, which goes to show that no matter what happens, people never change. I donâ€™t care how many fucking Emmy nominations she gets, she is and will always remain a white trash slut.

Now, Iâ€™m just as whorish as she is. You know that old STD slogan that goes something like â€œyouâ€™re not just having sex with that person but with everyone that theyâ€™ve ever been withâ€?. If thatâ€™s true, if you have sex with me your pretty much just fucked 3/4 of the gays in the metropolitan area. Having sex with me is pretty much the equivalent of picking up a half-eaten burger on the street and finishing it. I’m that used. And hey, Iâ€™m also fairly trashy. I come from the kind of household were Cool Ranch Doritios are fancy hors dâ€™oeuvres and Miracle Whip is used as salad dressing.

But ultimately I am superior to her because the difference between me and Jaime is that while I am self-proclaimed white trash slut, I donâ€™t fucking flaunt it. Iâ€™m not going to wear a fishnet bodysuit with a big whole in the butt cheek and makeup that makes me look like a Cuban hooker. Everyone knows that Iâ€™m trashy; I donâ€™t have to rub it in their faces. Sometimes subtlety goes a long way.

I know saying this to somebody who was in the movie Joe Dirt is pointless, but Jaime, for the love of god, have a little class.

Smooch!

Julien

Related Posts

I am â€“ Britney Spears is Thin Overnight of the Day
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I am â€“ Aisleyne Horgan Wallaceâ€™s Classy Outfit of the Day
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I am â€“ Stacy Keibler Thinks Shes Avril Lavigne of the Day
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Posted in:Jaime Pressly|Slut|Unsorted

2007

17

Jul

I am – Tara Reid in a Bikini of the Day

1 Comment »

Tara Reid Bikini

A while back I went to a bar and met a hot euro-trash guy who said he was from Monaco. I was mix’n Xanax with liquor (as i usually do). He tells me he is an art-dealer, which means he launders money. And this is where it all goes to SLUT…

“…. suddenly inside Kama Sutra theme apartment… art guy doing lines with new Indian guy… shivering in panties in the bathtub as water runs… art guy can’t get it up…. art guy crying… waking up naked in a silk canopy bed next to Indian guy…. sensing i had not had sex but had been groped in my sleep… weird bruises in tender places… realizing I was much classier when I was as a hooker…” In my book, I didn’t truly become a whore until I stopped charging: being a hooker was a business, being an irresponsible slut was being a whore.

Here is Tara Reid, old-school Slut, giving it to a football in Malibu yesterday. She’s on one of her clean-up kicks and looking good (except her busted lypo abs). But her hot streaks always end the same way: 20 lbs of beer bloat, botched plastic surgery, and a boob slip. Until then, enjoy these.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

Related Posts

I am â€“ Tara Reid’s See Through Dress of the Day
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I am â€“ Tara Reidâ€™s Bikini of the Day
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I am â€“ Tara Reid Swims with Dolphins of the Day
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Posted in:Big Tits|Bikini|Slut|Tara Reid|Unsorted

2007

10

Jul

I am – Jenna Jameson at some Party of the Day

16 Comments »

I don’t find Jenna Jameson hot at all. I know she’s a dirty washed up porn slut who everyone gives credit to for being such a great business woman in writing books, producing porn, selling molds of her cunt and doing whatever else she does to make money, but when I look at her I just see a whore and I have never really had anything against whores, I’d pay them for sex and shit, but I never wanted to make them my girlfriend and when I could jerk off I’d never jerk off to them, because the thought of being so dirty and loose in the hips, always made me more sick to my stomach than anything else.

I am not trying to say that I would only prey on virgins, but there was a time when I’d meet girls in bars and we’d get to talking and they’d tell me how many dude’s they had banged in their lifetime and I’d take the drink I bought them out of their hand and dump it out on the floor, because it’s easy for a bitch to get cock, all they have to do is leave the house and when a bitch gets as much cock as someone like Jenna, they have emotional issues. In her case, I get that it’s her job, but it’s not a very hard job to get in and being successful at what she does is a lot easier than getting that promotion at the shitty office you work at. If the world worked like a porn movie, the richest people in the world would be the ones who can take the most dicks in their ass, and that is why I have no respect for this talentless prostitute.

I knew this stripper who I’d run into on the street and shit, outside the club and working hours. She was always with a different guy. When I asked her where she met all these dudes, she would say at work or at clubs. I would ask why she hangs with them and she’d say because they buy me stuff, they take me on vacation and take me to nice restaurants. When I told her that she was a whore because she made it clear that she would bang them, she said something like it’s not like they pay me in cash. Point being that money hungry bitches who know that loser dudes pay for their company and use their pussies to get ahead are trash.

Either way, I figured I’d post pictures of her partying to remind you that disgusting sluts are out there and people like you like them

2007

09

Jul

I am – Alessandra Ambrosio Slutting out of the Day

2 Comments »

So these are some more pictures form the Ambrosio day at the beach that I didn’t bother posting because I figure you’ve all seen this bitch half naked and every other site beat me to it. Since I haven’t bothered checkin any other sites today because I was too busy getting a lunch at a place I always go on Monday’s because they have a $2 spaghetti special that I can’t pass up on because I love spaghetti it makes me feel so cultured and at $2 I can afford it because my wife doesn’t notice when I steal change….

Either way, one of the girls who works there an knows me started telling me how I scared off one of her waitress friends because I added her to facebook and asked her what she was wearing. For the last 2 months bitch has been running in the bathroom hiding when I get in and refuses to take my order or even make eye contact with me. Reality is I ask every girl what she is wearing whether she is hot or not, it’s just my way of communicating, I can’t get it up so any sexual harassment should be non-threatening, and people need to stop taking themselves so fucking seriously, they need to stop thinking that they are so fucking important and they should think I am out to get them because this is what I do all day, I don’t even remember half the shit I spew. Your life isn’t the O.C. and sometimes when you look at things as a joke it makes life a little more fun, instead of hiding in bathrooms you should just get on webcam and show me your fuckin’ tits.

That said, we should all take a little cue from Alessandra Ambrosio and how she isn’t taking life too seriously as she gets herpes in public.

2007

05

Jul

I am – ebay Slut of the Day

1 Comment »

I am not a very good business person, because if I was, I probably wouldn’t be doing this site, but I do know that marketing is pretty fucking basic on the internet. If you want people to look at your shit, you need to post pictures of sluts. So this ebay vendor who sells used clothes, found a slut in his hometown and got her to model the shit he is selling.

The reason I am posting this is almost out of sympathy. I know girls like this bitch who think they are a lot fucking hotter than they are. They dress in slutty cheap clothes, give off crazy attitude, get breast implants, lame tattoos, double tongue piercings and bad dye jobs. They date dudes they meet at the gym or the tanning salon, and they look up to pornstars and strippers but have more ambition than that so they take on their first modeling job they can get, thinking it will launch them into the world as the next hot thing, the next Tila Tequila, maybe a stint in Playboy or hosting parties around the country, but reality is that the fun ends here, with this ebay gig because the rest of the world sees past you skinny frame, stuffed bra, fake tan, weak chin and non existent ass.

Either way, I assume some of you fuckers are into girls like this and it’s a nice change from celebrity content so I decided to post it.

Visit her ebay profile it Will Link to All Her ebay Sales Pages with all her Pictures…
GO

2007

14

May

I am – Britney Spears Staged Performing Pictures of the Day…

1 Comment »

I posted THESE pictures of Britney performing in Vegas that were taken from some dude’s camera phone. I came across these better quality pictures that I think are staged and taken by a professional to look like shitty quality pictures that were leaked to the internet, because fucking with the media and tricking the general population into thinking some intentional out of focus picture was taken by a crazed fan when bitch was performing, when in reality she’s posing before the show as a publicity stunt.

I don’t generally mistrust the media and think I am being lied to and that I should start a site to out the lies, but I do know that I had a girl who reads the site go to the show and bitch was so scrubbed down by security that I think she had an orgasm. I’m talking no phones, cameras or pad and paper to do artist renditions of the show….

Either way, I’ll post them anyway because after all that’s happened to Britney, I think she deserves the extra coverage, even if it’s just for 10 assholes like you, I am still doing my part….

Posted in:Britney Spears|Performing|Slut|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – Ashley Hartman from the O.C. in a Carl’s Jr. Ad of the Day

42 Comments »

So Carl’s Jr. had a commercial featuring criminal Paris Hilton in a car wash and it gave everyone a fucking boner except me – because I can’t get boners. It seems like they are back with a new commercial featuring some girl from the OC named Ashley Hartman and she looks pretty tight bodied, but not the kind of tight body I witnessed at the strip club this afternoon. The bitch was one of those body builder chicks with biceps that put most men to shame and a back as wide as a pick-up truck. I think I wrote about how I wanted to pay her to arm wrestle me last summer, but never did it because I was scared she’d get offended and use her testosterone imbalance induced rage on me. I guess what the real issue in the whole thing was that when she was crawling on all fours her ass looked hot in contrast to her jacked legs….I don’t know where I am going with this, but I am pretty sure that the Carl Jr. Ads are worth watching while you try to figure out why you just wasted your time reading this post. It’s pretty safe to say that I am losing my edge.

I HAD TO TAKE IT DOWN BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE GETTING ANNOYED THINKING I GOT PAID TO POST THIS…I DON’T GET PAID FOR SHIT….
HERE’S THE VIDEO FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO SEE IT

Posted in:Ad|Ashley Hartman|Slut|The OC|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – Ashley Hartman from the O.C. in a Carl's Jr. Ad of the Day

No Comments »

So Carl’s Jr. had a commercial featuring criminal Paris Hilton in a car wash and it gave everyone a fucking boner except me – because I can’t get boners. It seems like they are back with a new commercial featuring some girl from the OC named Ashley Hartman and she looks pretty tight bodied, but not the kind of tight body I witnessed at the strip club this afternoon. The bitch was one of those body builder chicks with biceps that put most men to shame and a back as wide as a pick-up truck. I think I wrote about how I wanted to pay her to arm wrestle me last summer, but never did it because I was scared she’d get offended and use her testosterone imbalance induced rage on me. I guess what the real issue in the whole thing was that when she was crawling on all fours her ass looked hot in contrast to her jacked legs….I don’t know where I am going with this, but I am pretty sure that the Carl Jr. Ads are worth watching while you try to figure out why you just wasted your time reading this post. It’s pretty safe to say that I am losing my edge.

I HAD TO TAKE IT DOWN BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE GETTING ANNOYED THINKING I GOT PAID TO POST THIS…I DON’T GET PAID FOR SHIT….
HERE’S THE VIDEO FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO SEE IT

Posted in:Ad|Ashley Hartman|Slut|The OC|Unsorted

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