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Archive for the Tits Category

2008

27

Oct

Nicole Richie’s Got Some Titties of the Day

4 Comments »

I hate Nicole RIchie. I like to think she’s my enemy. First she annoyed me on the Simple Life, even though she was the funny one on the show, because compared to Paris Hilton, anything is funny, even the immigrant kid in my building who is learning english by watching reruns of Friends and reciting the bad jokes from that show, in bad english, which may not be a great comparison, because after writing that out, I realized how funny that immigrant kid actually is and I should get him on camera making his Chandler jokes, because it could be the next huge viral video, I’m talking Chris Crocker big, and it may make me famous….or at least famous enough to be a cunt like this Nicole Richie adopted child no one wanted and Lionel felt bad for….

Nicole Richie is responsible for DJ AM’s fame and success and I hate that he is famous. I also had the chance to meet her 5 years ago, when she was with DJ AM in Montreal and security thought I was friends with the couple for some reason and brought me to her. She was too stupid to realize I had no business ther and assumed I was friends with DJ AM or some shit and I spent the night being carted around with her and some publicist chick. Everytime I made conversation with her, since it was just me and her in the booth, she acted like a cunt to me and would talk to me through the publicist and smoke cigarette after cigarette doing everything she could to ignore me, until she caught me trying to swipe her phone, something that at the time, would have provided lots of content for the site and it made her mad, when I tried to explain that I just wanted to prank text Lohan, she asked security to keep me away from her and that was the end of our love affair….and the start of my hatred.

So when I was sent her phone number a while back, I’d send mean spirited text messages to her in hopes of getting my revenge, but she took herself too seriously and changed her number a few hours later….because I guess she was too busy getting knocked up by one of the Good Charlotte sister’s suburban mall tattoos, despite them only really loving each other, and for some reason, she’s suddenly got tits and I guess no one really cares about her and tits aren’t going to change that, it’s not like they make her hot, or worth fucking, so I haven’t quit figured out why I am posting this.

Posted in:Nicole Richie|Tits

2008

24

Oct

Show Your Heart On For Eagles of Death Metal of the Day

8 Comments »

I am running a contest on the site. This is an exciting day for all of us, especially if you are a fan of Eagles of Death Metal and into exploiting yourself on a minimal level to win.

Who?

Eagles of Death Metal are a band. If you’ve never heard of them or want to hear their music Check Their Myspace.

Their Tour Starts October 30. And you can win a chance for you and a friend to get into their show, get backstage and hang with them and by hang with them I mean try to seduce them like the groupies you are. This could be your meal ticket.

How do you win ?

Take a sexy picture or video that ties into the band, ideally one better than the first enty I got earlier today. That means write their name on your body parts, do a dance to their song, film an amateur porn with a picture of the band taped to your girlfriends face. Get creative. I want this shit to inspire me.

Then send in a sexy picture, video, link to a picture, link to a video to email hotline (at) drunkenstepfather.com for me to choose the winner of the week.

Rules:

-The picture/video must be of you or taken by you
-The sexiest/funniest/most creative entry wins
-You Have to Choose the Date and Location You Want to Attend and You Have to Get Yourself There….and include that in the email…

Let me say that again,

– You Have to Choose the Date and Location You Want to Attend and You Have to Get Yourself There….and include that in the email…

One more time,

-You Have to Choose the Date and Location You Want to Attend and You Have to Get Yourself There….and include that in the email…

-I will be choosing the winners.
-I will be posting the entries on the site

Let me say that again,

-I will be choosing the winners.
-I will be posting the entries on the site

Prize:

1- 2 tickets to the Eagles of Death Metal concert of your choice
2- 2 backstage passes to the Eagles of Death Metal concert of your choice.
3- Some time to meet the band, or some of the band, I won’t be there, so you’ll have to figure it all out on your own, but the label tells me you’ll get to meet the band

I am giving out 1 prize pack per week, on every friday for the length of the tour, so if you see your city/town that you want to attend on their Myspace, your best bet is to submit the week before the concert date. Since we’re doing multiple winners and no one reads the site, your chances of winning are pretty fucking high.

So start sending in your entries to to email hotline (at) drunkenstepfather.com

Posted in:Contest|Eagles of Death Metal|Tits

2008

23

Oct

Heather Graham’s Saggy Tits of the Day

2 Comments »

I remember loving Heather Graham’s tits, but like all big titties, they grow up and turn 30 something and don’t have the same fuckin draw they had when they were in their 20s, because the nipples aim to the ground like the chick was overweight, and the perky beautiful cleavage that once was, now looks like some kind of sloppy spread out mess. The skin that houses Heather Graham’s tits have been through a lot, you know holding up all that fatty tissue all these years, it was bound to reach a point where it just couldn’t do it anymore, you know like when you carry home your wife’s insanely heavy groceries for the week because she eats a lot and you feel like you just can’t make it up that last flight of stairs because your hands just can’t take the pressure,well,that’s pretty much what Heather Graham’s tits are going through and I guess all we can hope for is that her vagina hasn’t been through the same amount of strain and is hanging down somewhere mid-thigh.

I am sure it’s just one of those natural courses of life that makes us all remember that 20 year olds are pretty much better to look at naked than this shit.

Here she is doing us all a favor and covering up that shit….

Posted in:Heather Graham|Saggy|Tits

2008

16

Oct

Mel B Brings Out Her Hooded Tits of the Day

No Comments »

Mel B wore a hooded outfit to some event, I hear it is a more decorative and stylish version to the one her father wore when he courted her mother at gunpoint in the back alley before raping her and accidentally impregnating her the night Scary Spice was conceived. Who would have thought that such a horrible tragic event that has left her mother scarred and unable to trust a man that even after years of therapy still has repeated nightmares of that horrible night and is unable to look her daughter in the face without seeing the predator who did those things to her.

It’s pretty much the story of all interracial relationships and the reason they call her Scary. It’s also the reason why Sarah Palin has reason to not agree with rape or incest abortion, because just look at the wonderful talents it can produce… now look at her glorious rape-baby tits.

Posted in:Mel B|Tits

2008

08

Oct

Lindsay Lohan’s Tits Keep Gettin’ Bigger and Bigger With Lesbianism of the Day

5 Comments »

Lohan’s tits are big and she’s slowly wasting away and getting skinnier. I am sure it has nothing to do with sitting around all day doing blow instead of eating, because she seems like the kind of girl who would really commit to a drug free life as she has so much stimulating shit to do during a Tuesday that she needs to bring her A-Game to, like sleep all day and go shopping in the afternoon for an hour before going home and ordering in dinner, watching some TV and dyking out all night.

Maybe I am wrong and this is just further proof that she has implants, because those fuckers are pretty spectacular, especially considering she isn’t wearing a bra, because like all lesbians she’s liberated and won’t give into man’s convention of strapping her tits down, but I think it’s more to do with being cockhungry and starving for male attention and this being the only way to get it, otherwise Samantha will take it out on her with their double-sided dildo.

Who knows and who really cares, other than Ronson who gets to play with them and Lohan who is dying for dick, because I know that I don’t give a fuck and can only assume that today, we are one step closer to the end of celebrity blogs as people slowly start to lose interest and re-focus on their own lives, leaving me worse off than I am now, but that’s okay, I think it’s better for mankind and I’ll just turn to prostitution like other people with failed dreams…..I am okay with that.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Tits

2008

02

Oct

Brooke Hogan’s Leopard Print Bra of the Day

4 Comments »

Brooke Hogan is a fucking beast and she’s out showing off her big weird new tits in a bra to distract us from the pulsating 4 inch clit she’s got tucked away nicely in her pants. I have no idea why she’s making that scary face, but I assume scary faces is something the people close to Brooke Hogan are used to, especially the dudes who get to fuck her. I remember a while back, I was banging this girl who made the scariest fucking facial expressions while having sex. It was like watching a Jim Carrey movie, only it wasn’t funny. Shit went from normal passionate faces, to slowly getting possessed faces, to bad cartoon faces and always ended in tears, the worse thing about it was the noises that came along with those facial expressions, from grunts, to screams to cries of bloody fucking murder and I never knew whether to laugh or cry or put a pillow over her face, but I did always know that it was a total cockblock and was pretty much successful in not letting me come to orgasm. I guess it serves me right for pickin’ her up at some instution for the deaf.

Posted in:Beast|Brooke Hogan|Tits

2008

29

Sep

Kendra Wilkinson Flashes Her Tits at a Party of the Day

3 Comments »

I was at some party this weekend and the MC on stage screamed out to the crowd that he wanted to see some titties and 30 girls pulled up their shirts. I was at the back of the crowd, by the bar, doing shots with some native who didn’t mind getting me drunk because I pretended I was native too, and missed all the tits, but I do know that when I ask girls to show me their tits, they never respond the same way, unless slapping me and calling me a loser is considered showing me their tits, but no matter how many times I tell myself that it is, I know that it isn’t.

Here’s Kendra Wilkinson at an event, doing what she’s supposed to be doing when asked to flash her fuckin’ tits. So if you happen to be a girl and you happen to be in Canada and a Mexican fat dude happens to asks you to show him your tits, this is what you are supposed to do…it isn’t code for asking you to slap me, so make it happen like you were Kendra Wilkinson getting carried away after one too many drink. Thanks in advance.

Posted in:flash|Kendra Wilkinson|Tits

2008

22

Sep

Nancy O’Dell Brings her Big Ol’ Mom Tits to the Emmy’s of the Day

4 Comments »

I was debating whether I should post all the pictures from the Emmy Awards like other useless blogs, even though I didn’t watch the shit, don’t care for the shit and had no interest in posting the shit and it turns out that I won the battle with myself and I am not wasting my time drawing more attention to that boring, jerk off fest, celebrating shitty TV shows with average lookin’ people who happen to have a lot of money and an ego bigger than their bank accounts that makes them award each other for the shit they do, because I guess their huge paychecks that they don’t deserve isn’t enough of a fucking prize.

Not to mention the show isn’t even about celebrating their work, but it is a platform to talk politics, because these uneducated pieces of shit who have no business telling us what to think about politics as they live in their million dollar homes and sit by the pool doing blow and getting blow jobs from various people as they count their fucking money, but they think they do.

The only reason I am posting these pictures of Nancy O’Dell is because one of my 5 readers is hung up on her and on a weekly basis, like clockwork, over the last 4 years of doing this shit, I get an email asking if I have found a Nancy O’Dell sex tape yet, which I haven’t but she did show up to the Emmy Awards and she does have big ol’ mom tits. So enjoy them before she gets fat and it’s too late for her.

Posted in:Nancy O'Dell|Tits

2008

18

Sep

Look Down Mila Kunis’ Shirt of the Day

6 Comments »

Mila Kunis is cool shit, unfortunately, everytime I look at her, I think about her rockin’ a strap-on fuckin’ that bi-sexual lookin’ Culkin she’s been dating the last decade and I haven’t really figured out if that’s part of the reason why I think she’s cool shit, or if it is what turns me off about her, but it doesn’t really matter, what does matter is that she’s bending over and showing the world her titties and I guess for a simple person, like me, that’s enough for me to ignore the fact that she’s fucking Michael Jackson’s sloppy seconds, which is something that would normally throw me off.

Posted in:Mila Kunis|Tits

2008

18

Sep

Jessica Simpson’s Album is Number 1 on the Country Charts of the Day

4 Comments »

So it turns out that all the making fun of Jessica Simpson on her quest to be country didn’t really pan out the way I thought it would or wanted it to. I am the kind of guy who likes other people’s failure, especially when the idea they are working on is retarded and I thought country folk would have my back on this shit and resent her and her Beverly Hills lifestyle for trying to step on their backwoods inbred toes, but for some reason shit was number one on the fuckin’ charts.

In all fairness to this “success”, number 3 on the chart was Various Artists -NOW That’s What I Call Country, and I also have a feeling her mainstream diehard fans are the ones buying the shit and not her country haters, and most importantly, no one buys CDs anymore, so I guess when you sell 10 records nationwide, it’s a big deal and gets you noticed, even when those 10 CDs were bought by your dad.

Either way, I still like her tits.

Posted in:Country|Jessica Simpson|Number 1|Tits