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Archive for the Tits Category

2008

26

Aug

Jessica Simpson Performs in a Country Corset of the Day

5 Comments »

Jessica Simpson’s still out trying to be Dolly Parton and this time she did it wearing a corset as a shirt under some cowboy shit and that’s something I am down with because I like seeing girls in lingerie and the only chance I really have is when they use that shit as outerwear. It’s the kind of shit that leads to public masturbation and is a good defense to rape, because if she’s in her underwear it’s like she’s saying yes despite her cries asking you to stop.

I was walking outside earlier and came across a dude who looked like he thought he just got raped, he was screaming bloody murder, and begging for the pain to stop and everyone just kinda looked at him wondering what the fuck was going on for 10 minutes as he ran around in hysterics. No one had the balls to ask him what was going on and I didn’t care enough to get involved, but seeing a dude freak out that curl up in the fetal position at 10 am screaming and crying, isn’t really the kind of dude I want to grab a beer with. The cops finally showed up, because I guess one of the suits in the area didn’t feel comfortable with the whole thing and they took him away and I assume sent him to the psych ward but it made for an entertaining experience, one probably more exciting that a Jessica Simpson concert because it’s been proven time and time again that her hot tits just don’t make up for her shitty songs, but when shit’s in picture and we don’t have to deal with her offensive voice, I have no issue staring and you shouldn’t either.

Posted in:Corset|Country|Jessica Simpson|Tits

2008

21

Aug

Lindsay Lohan’s Got Big Lesbian Tits and No Bra of the Day

10 Comments »

Part of the reason I don’t believe that Lohan is a full blown Lesbian is because of her tits. The only lesbians I have met with a hot set of tits have never really been lesbian, but more the kind of girl who charges you 20 dollars a song to let you watch her lick a pussy during a lesbian show in the VIP room of the stripclub. Real Lesbians with big tits usually have the stomach, ass and legs to match and have turned to lesbianism as a last resort for finding love and affection by someone who they aren’t necessarily as superficial as a guy is and who can connect to them on an emotional level and not only on a physical level because physically, they are disgusting.

Sure Lohan’s got a whole fuckin’ suitcase of issues, from daddy issues after being born into a family with a cheating, alocholic father and commitment issues that stem from FES from That 70’s Show who broke her teenage heart when he was just lookin’ for a good time, to self worth issues that stem from having been thrown into the industry as some kind of tool to make other people money with some whore of a mother leading her to drugs and drinking and multiple sex partners only to decide that the only way to change her image and her lifestyle is to date girls or some shit. I mean, I’m not a therapist but most of the gay dudes I know come from abusive childhoods or are products of being bullied and gay is like the club for all these rejects. I will bet money that only a small percentage of people are actually genetically attracted to the same gender and the rest are just lookin’ for acceptance and a life of fabulousness.

Either way, she’s not wearing a bra and last night, while out, I was somehow managed to hang out with a group of 18 year olds while they were getting ready to go out to a club. One of them didn’t want to wear her bra and decided that she needed to tape her tits to get the support she needed and for some reason she felt the need to do it in front of me. After about a minute of seeing her strapping her teenage breasts down like they were a box and she was a mover, I chimed in a told her she was doing it all wrong, so she asked me to do it for her, so there I am in the middle of the street with a topless 18 year old and a roll of tape trying to find the best way to simulate the effect of a bra and I felt like I won the fuckin’ lottery. I mean I didn’t get turned on by the shit, but I was thinking that maybe my life isn’t that bad and that I should start putting ads on Craigslist soliciting my new found talent of makin’ bras our of household object.

Either way, here’s Lohan’s tits, a set I wouldn’t mind being asked to tape up, which isn’t saying much because I would pretty much tape any tits that are asking to be taped and I am tempted to take this new found talent to the street kids who can’t afford bras but that’s just because I like helping those less fortunate have cleavage.

Posted in:Lesbian|Lindsay Lohan|Tits

2008

11

Aug

Cindy Margolis Has Big Old Tits of the Day

6 Comments »

Cindy Margolis claims to be the most downloaded girl on the internet, because she was one of the first sluts not get naked and use the internet to promote herself and I just don’t believe that there is much truth to her claims, but she does have big tits so I could be wrong.

I met a pretty ridiculously downloaded girl the other day and I had trouble making eye contact with her because her upper body was that of an anorexic and her hips, ass and legs were so fuckin’ big that when she bent over I thought I was lookin’ at my wife. She was obese from the waist down and normal from the waist up and it looked like some kind of mythical creature I didn’t want to fuck. I was telling people around me that she had bad genes, but not the Levis kind, because whatever pants she had on had to be magical to fit that insanely disgustingly big ass. It was a funnier play on words when I said it, but since I hate that kind of humor, I’ll end my story about the downloaded girl I met here….

But I will tell you a story about being the biggest creep on the internet, almost officially. Sure I am not a sexual predator or anything, but with my 12 readers, I like to think I’ve made progress in sexualization of women and making them feel like pieces of meat. I even carried it over into my everyday life the other day when I was sitting down for a coffee and unintentionally chose the seat facing two hot teenage girls in low cut shirts, despite there being about 50 open places in the coffee shop that didn’t face the girls. It’s kinda the same situation as when a fag walks up next to you in the public bathroom and pees next to you, when there are 8 other urinals available. Anyway, as I was staring at their teenage tits, they got all uncomfortable and left before I had a chance to expose myself to them. It was a real disappointment, Oprah told me teenagers are sluts, but the truth is they are just cock teases like they always have been.

Speaking of cockteases, here’s Cindy Margolis, a woman who made her career by cock teasing guys into registering to her site in hopes she would get naked…and who never did get naked, until she was the least downloaded girl on the internet and had to Get Naked In Playboy to make an attempt at a comeback despite it being long past her expiry date……Either way, Look at her tits.

Posted in:Big|Cindy Margolis|old|Tits

2008

05

Aug

Jordan’s Down Blouse Tits of the Day

8 Comments »

I know that face all too well, it’s the sign that the roofies haven’t kicked in as strong as you wanted the to and you know you only have a few minutes to throw the slut over the club’s toilet and give it to her proper before she comes to her senses and starts to fight back, leaving you with a broken nose, a possible ciminal record, embarassment in front of all the clubgoers who witness the scene and judge you but even worse, a bad case of blue balls.

Either way, Jordan was out with her fake tits the other day and I figured it’s only right to post them since she’s put so much time, energy and money into them, it’s like they are her own kind of national momument only instead of being a country, she’s just a whore and her tits are really the only reason she’s famous and they aren’t even anything special they are just more like something you look at and wonder what went wrong in her life to make her put that much importance on something so stupid.

Posted in:Jordan|Katie Price|Tits

2008

05

Aug

Kim Kardashian’s Fat Girl Tits of the Day

30 Comments »

On my way home from my friend’s house, I decided to stop in to see if my Starbuck’s worker was working because I wanted a motherfuckin’ free coffee and saw the weirdest thing. This 300 pound Carnie Wilson motherfucker was getting yelled at by her skinny friend because Carnie was taking too long shoving sugar packs into her fat pants and the skinny girl wasn’t having it. She was calling her fat and disgusting and telling her to hurry the fuck up before she dies of heart disease and diabetes and stroke making them late for their rendez-vous with some guy skinny girl is fucking. The highlight of the experience was when Carnie Wilson stopped in her tracks and stared at a malnourished homeless dude who looked like full blown AIDS and had one leg significantly shorter than the other and the corrective shoes to match as he was begging for change. It was like he was some kind of Mesiah and she gasped in her suffocated by her fat neck voice “he’s so skinny…..” like she was in awe and ready to kiss those corrective shoes. I immediately thought of Kim Kardashian and how she feels everytime she hangs out with normal sized girls who date white guys.

Posted in:Fat Girl|Kim Kardashian|Tits

2008

04

Aug

Christina Applegate’s Got Tit Cancer of the Day

5 Comments »

Tit cancer is like AIDS, it ravages something I like. Now I’ve never really been a fan of Christina Applegate, except maybe in Married With Children when I had lower standards for sluts on TV, because there weren’t really that many sluts on TV,, but I do know that she was someone everyone wanted to fuck throughout her career and I hope that after her tits get cut off and she gets her free government funded big ol’ implants and a nipple tattooed on, people won’t hold the fact that her tits were weak and diseased and couldn’t put up a solid fight and can go back to fucking her in their fantasies….

Top 3 Christina Appelgate Tit Videos to Celebrate Her Tits that once Were….

1- The Sweetest Thing
Cameron Diaz & Christina Applegate – Click here for more free videos

2- Married With Children
Christina Applegate Bouncing Tits In Married With Children – The best video clips are right here

3- Some Stripper Video
Christina Applegate Stripper Scene (no Nudity) – Watch more amazing videos here

Posted in:Christina Applegate|Tits

2008

28

Jul

Kelly Rowland Shows Off Her Fake Tits and Forehead in a Bikini of the Day

19 Comments »

I don’t know why Kelly Rowland is at the beach, it’s not like girl needs a tan and every black person I know hates swimming because there was no pool in the projects they are from, just broken down fire hydrants they used to run through and that doesn’t really help you become comforable with sharks. They also hate getting their hair wet, even when they shower because it fucks up their relaxer or whatever the fuck they put in that shit, so Kelly Rowland’s really got no business being at the beach other than to get some attention by showing off the smallest set of fake tits ever purchased.

I blame Beyonce for leaving Rowland behind on her rise to the top. Now when you ask teenagers if they like Destiny’s child when you are trying to make conversation with them at the mall, they don’t know who the fuck you are talking about and look at you like you’re some kind of sex offender who talks to them about blowjobs on Xbox Live late at night.

I guess when you were once at the top, beggin’ for someone to pay a little attention to you isn’t worth laughin’ at, and you should all just make Rowland feel better about herself and take a good look at how skinny shit is…maybe you could even put it on the cover of a tabloid to help prevent her from following her career’s steady plung by jumping off her 18th story condo balcony.

I like to think I just saved a life. I am a hero like that.

Posted in:Bikini|Kelly Rowland|Tits

2008

28

Jul

Ali Lohan’s Already Showing Off her Tits of the Day

12 Comments »

Ali Lohan may look like she’s 40, but last I heard she’s 15 and I can only assume that she’s been put onto some kind of hormone therapy by her mother to start the gravy train as soon as possible, because it’s never too soon to slut out and get dudes jerking off to you because shit sells records and makes your mom money before you turn 18 and can cut her out of the mix like you were the kid on Home Alone who fucked Michael Jackson.

It’s always exciting when a teenage girl decides to bring her tits out to play, it’s like she knows they are ready to be seen and it’s the kind of right of passage I like better than seeing kids graduate high school, or Jews get Bar Mitzvahed, or African men being publicly circumsized into manhood in front of their tribe. I remember when my stepdaughter starded developing tits, at first she was shy and insecure about that shit and would always cover up but only a few months later she was walking around topless or in her bra begging her mom to get a hot tub so that we could have hot tub parties and so that she could show off her tight hot young body….actually I think I was the one begging my wife for the hot tub, but none of that matters, what does matter is that seeing a girl become a woman is a creepy yet beautiful thing.

On a side note someone promoting Ali Lohan accidentally emailed me about her new single and I decided to ask for an interview, I wrote

you should get me an interview – i’ll be good to her – we’ll do wholesome things, with a creepy overtone, like playing in the park, going for ice cream and inviting her back to my van to see my kittens….

it will be amazing

I never got a response because it’s hard to catch a break when you are me….

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Tits

2008

24

Jul

Janice Dickinson’s Got a Fucked Up Lip of the Day

4 Comments »

Janice Dickinson is pretty hot, not only is she a washed up, mangled up, retired, cokehead, cock hungry model, but she also has big ol’ tits that she doesn’t mind showing off because she’s just such a trainwreck of a person. The kind of trainwreck who doesn’t flinch when you shove your dick in them when they are sleeping, because they are too jacked on sleeping pills and when they wake up with the cum dripping out of them, they don’t think twice because it’s a normal fucking situation in their lives.

The funny thing about these pics is her mouth, I am guessing this is some botched surgery or bad botox and she’s all lookin’ at me with a crooked smile and it looks like she’s got a fucking burger stapled to her face.

Speaking of burgers, I went to the other night, where my overly sensitive friend decided to have a group of us over because he really wanted to cook for us and celebrate his getting a girlfriend or something equally lame. This is the kind of emotionally unstable dude who would stab his on mother in the neck if she said the wrong thing about him. Anyway, dude ends up making burgers and I’m all excited because we don’t eat that kind of fancy shit at home, we’re more of a Ramen Noodle, Pasta with Soya Sauce and Margarine kind of family, and when it gets to me, I garnish it with all the good shit, I’m talking cheese and BBQ sauce and fried onions and bacon and the fucking thing looked like a piece of fuckin’ heaven. I bite into it and shit’s still raw. Now I know real men like raw meat, but it makes me sick to my fucking stomach and as my friend looks at me for my approval of how good it is and as I try to mask my disgust by smiling and saying it’s awesome because I don’t want to get stabbed in the fucking neck, I just keep on eating through it. Knowing there is going to be a bout of E-Coli, knowing my body isn’t going to react well to this…I just keep going…like a horny dude fucking an Aids pussy without really thinking of the consequences.

I guess my bbq story was a waste of time, but hey man, I write the shit that comes to me, deal with it by lookin’ at these tits….

Posted in:Janice Dickinson|Lip|Tits

2008

23

Jul

Sophie Monk is Hot in a Bikini of the Day

9 Comments »

I know that you’re an easy sell when it comes to girls, because you’ve reached that point of desperation. Like the dude I saw hitting on this tight bodied 18 year old the other night. Dude had money, he was probably married and he walked up to her to tell her that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Being drunk, I decided to intervene and show this dude up, so I step in and tell him that he just did a good job, but we all know that he’s so tired of his wife that a plate of raw meet before he BBQ’s for his wife of 20 years and 3 kids turns him on at this point. That strategy worked against me, because the girl said I was disgusting and went to the bar with him, so I guess I was the real loser in the situation.

Speaking of losers, Sophie Monk must really feel like one. She fell for Good Charlotte twin because I can only assume he was huge in her home country of Australia, she dated him until they became engaged, because I guess she thought he was sincere since she was the first hot pussy he ever landed and all the other good lookin’ dudes out there were just out for her pussy cuz she’s hot. Then dude gets cocky and turns on her by fucking Paris Hilton, what must be a huge blow to the “other” girl in the situation’s ego. Sure Paris is spoiled and a master manipulator who knows how to get what she wants and he was just overwhelmed that girls wanted his fat ass and had a false sense of how desirable he was and felt the need to capitalize on all opportunities that present themselves. His behavior left him covered in herpes and unable to explain the “rash” to Monk, getting busted and dumped and forced to go back to the trash Hilton that he is probably going to be stuck to for life, because of their STD bond that other girls won’t want any of and that he can’t deny cuz shit’s all over the fucking media.

The good news is that through all this, Sophie Monk has still managed to stay hot and here she is in a bikini.

Posted in:Bikini|Sophie Monk|Tits