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Archive for the Tits Category

2008

08

Jul

Jessica Simpson and Her Cougar Cleavage of the Day

8 Comments »

It was Jessica Simpson’s birthday get together, at least that’s what people are saying, because her birthday is in 2 days. If you are wondering why I know that, which I am sure you are, because I don’t even know my own birthday, it’s because I looked it up because she looked like she was getting on in years. It turns out that she’s turning 28, so that means she’s only a few years away from being a dried up cougar at the end of the hotel bar, licking her lips for some college kids in her cleavage shirt, trying to cover up her muff gut, in hopes of getting dick and encouraging the kids to cum in her, or on her face so she can artificially inseminate herself, only to find out she’s waited too long and is barren.

It’s a sad lonely life for such a hot set of tits.

Posted in:cleavage|Jessica Simpson|Tits

2008

04

Jul

Tara Reid in Some Drunk Pictures of the Day

5 Comments »

It’s the 4th of July and you’re probably sitting somewhere getting drunk in a backyard or on a boat or in a park like it’s a fuckin’ celebration that you can use to reconnect with family and friends all while convincing celebrating your dying economy, recession, unnecessary war that make gas pricesinsane, obesity pandemic and poverty, crime rate and shitty medical system and all the other great things about your beautiful country like your freedom that you are told that you have but probably don’t actually have considering nothing in the USA is free, but what do I know, I’m just a Mexican.

The good news is that everyday is the 4th of July for Tara Reid, she’s just always fucking celebrating, and her haggard face may be getting the best of her, but it’s a small price to pay to always have a good fuckin’ time. She’s moved on to hanging out with hotter girls than her, who don’t wear bras, but when you’ve got fake tits you don’t have to wear a bra, it’s like all part of the incentive of investing in fake tits, you never have to waste money on bras again at least that what they say on the fake titty infomercial in my head.

Posted in:Drunk|Tara Reid|Tits

2008

02

Jul

Aubrey O’Day’s Got Some Trashy Cleavage of the Day

5 Comments »

Nothing says I am a classy little whore like putting blush on your implant cleavage to match your little slut cheeks. It’s the kind of trashy glamor that only the high class hookers can afford because they figure since they paid so much for their tits, they should at least decorate them shits like a fucking Christmas tree. I figure since her career is only based on some shitty reality TV produced band, it’s pretty fleeting, but at least she’ll always have her tits.

Posted in:Aubrey O'Day|Tits

2008

02

Jul

Ashlee Simpson Pregnancy Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

I am guessing that Ashlee Simpson got pregnant via artifical insemination or some kind of sperm donor or cock she was getting on the side, because last I heard, Pete Wentz had a vagina and lesbian relationships can’t make their own babies.

Further proof that she’s a lesbian is that her tits look sloppy, her stomach looks fat and those are pretty much two things that describe all the lesbians I know. Throw on a flannel shirt and a pair of construction boots and cut off her long luxurious orange hair asymetrical and she’ll be pretty much in dyke business. The only problem with Ashlee, proven by her career is that she’s in a constant identity crisis trying to pave her own way in her sister’s shadow, so it’d be expected that getting down to business would take her longer than the average lesbian because she is a loser and just doesn’t know what’s up.

At least we know that we can look forward to their next pregnancy, when Wentz’s jealously makes him decide that it’s his turn to be the mom and we get to see motherfucker on Oprah talking about being the second man to get pregnant because he’s actually got a uterus instead of balls and stopped hormone therapy because he couldn’t handle watching the connection Ashlee had to her baby as she breast fed and his maternal instinct kicked in and he figured it was time to stop living the lie and do what nature had originally planned out for him….

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Pregnancy|Tits

2008

27

Jun

Jennifer Lopez and Her Milk Tits of the Day

11 Comments »

I hate Jennifer Lopez. I hated her in Selena and hoped the president of her fan club shot her instead, but some how she worked her way into the limelight and I think it had to do with the media lying about how hot she was, because I have eyes and I see nothing hot about her. The media went on and on about her J.Lo booty and she aggressively pushed that hispanic movement bullshit, making her more hispanic than the rest of her family because she considered herself a decent actress and could imitate real hispanic people. The real issue with J.Lo is that throughout her shitty music career that made her rich, her stupid clothing company that gave fat chicks who can’t afford Juicy Couture their own kind of velour suit to wear, through the years dating Diddy rockin’ guns and Afleck rockin’ really shitty movies and into her mature relationship with fellow spic Mark Anthony, she never had a set of tits, but she does now and I’d say shit balanced out that ass of hers but the reality is that when she gave birth her vagina beat her tits to the punch and now J.Lo finally makes sense.

Posted in:Jennifer Lopez|Milk|Tits

2008

23

Jun

Serena Williams and her Athletic Tits of the Day

3 Comments »

Here is what looks like the fattest fat man tits I have ever seen. But the truth is that these things are attached to an Athlete. Now I don’t really know what that says about athleticism, because it looks like this Williams sister can eat my wife under the table, an olympic sport in and of itself, and suddenly I feel like I am not married to a morbidly obese, disgusting smelling, piece of shit of a woman, but I am in fact married to a marathon runner who just uses her old person state issued scooter cart to throw the competition off.

Posted in:Serena Williams|Tits

2008

13

Jun

Ashlee Simpson and Her Pregnancy Tits of the Day

3 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Ashlee Simpson and her sperm donor hanging out with her new tits that will be alright to look at in the infancy of her pregnancy before she gets all fat and there’s no pleading ignorance on the shit when you mount her and enjoy the fruits of her sluttiness by not worrying about getting her pregnant because she already is pregnant and you only have to use a condom if you’re not a risk taker. Pussy.

Not that you’d ever mount her because she’s a good little Christian girl who’s only real slip up has been lying to the fucking public and having pre-marital sex with a bi-sexual heathen, that you’ll never have the opportunity to get with because she thinks she’s all famous and shit, but let it be a lesson for you to use when you try to have sex with your friend’s pregnant wife because we all know she was a slut to get into this mess to begin with and sluts generally put out.

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Pregnant|Tits

2008

12

Jun

Amy Winehouse has a Hot Body of the Day

4 Comments »

If there’s one thing we can learn from Amy Winehouse, it’s that exercise and diet aren’t the only way to lose some excess pounds, you can always turn to heroin because shit jacks you up so hard you can’t hold down anything you eat, except for maybe some popsicles because there just soothing on your rotting heroin mouth because the other good thing about heroin is that it’s so fucking good, you don’t need to wash or shower or really do anything that involves hygiene and despite that approach not working out so well for the smells that come out of my wife on a daily basis, it frees up a lot of time to do other things, like more heroin. I think she’s a modern day hero and girls angelic voice can only mean one thing and that is that she’s sent to us from god as the new mesiah and that we should follow her lead.

Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Tits

2008

11

Jun

Ashlee Simpson’s Pregancy Tits of the Day

3 Comments »

One of life’s recent great mysteries is how Ashlee Simpson got pregnant when the person she married has a vagina. I guess another one of life’s great mysteries will be when her kid subtracts his birthday by his parent’s wedding day and realizes that there are a couple months missing leading the little unfortunate fucker to knowing that he was an accident and that his good little Christian family is just fronting for the media because everyone knows Christians don’t fuck before marriage, especially with some cocksucker who may not be the anti-christ but is such a piece of garbage as a person tha you could only assume is something Satan shat up after eating too much Mexican food.

I guess the good news is that with pregnancy comes a newfound sluttiness because girls know it’s the end of them as they were and from now on are either pregnant or chicks with baggage when they are back on the market because their little girl husbands decide to fuck off with the pool boy after spending 6 months showing him his asymetric hair down there, and by down their I mean on his asshole.

Either way, she’s got solid cleavage and that’s good enough for me and probably good enough for you.

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Pregnancy|Tits

2008

06

Jun

Lindsay Lohan’s Got Some Hot Tits of the Day

9 Comments »

I was at a friends watching TV and celebrity expert Perez Hilton was on talking about Lindsay Lohan and how she’s not a full dyke, but more of a girl in an open relationship with a girl who still hooks up with dudes on the side but keeps that shit under the radar because it will make her look bad. I figured who the fuck cares about who she’s fucking, since it’s not me, and in my life have never really paid much notice to girls who girls who aren’t fucking me are fucking because it’s frustrating. I’d rather just look at their big ol’ tits and think about them bouncing in my face instead of the face of who they are bouncing for, it’s less abusive to my self esteem that is already pretty much non-existent.

What I do know, is that Lohan has and will remain the only celebrity I would ever kick it with, but that’s just because we’re connected at the soul and you can’t really argue with destiny…

Posted in:cleavage|Lindsay Lohan|Tits