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Archive for the Tits Category

2007

21

Nov

I am – Vanessa Minnillo Still in a Bikini of the Day

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So bitch is rockin a bikini on the beaches of the Virgin Islands, which is kind of appropriate because you’re jerking off to these pics and well, let’s face it, fucking yourself doesn’t count as losing your virginity….I don’t know why I bother with the you’re a virgin jokes, they really aren’t funny but I guess funny isn’t really my thing…

The reality is that I write this site for hot chicks and if you’re reading this and not a hot chick, you’re seriously fucking up my masterplan. I figure hot chicks like celebrity shit and I don’t so it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make in attempts for getting them to fly me out to Virgin Islands or really any tropical place, including their bathrooms, because compared to the shit hole I shit in, the local gas station bathroom is luxury, to watch them frolick around in a bikini, but only because the hot chicks I am interested and who I am writing for are also rich and willing to support me.

This is all part of my hot chick brainwashing quest, because I am tired of seeing hot chicks with guys I consider losers, even though they are good looking and have money and cars and buy them nice things and treat them better than I will, because Chachi motherfuckers and their magnums of Grey Goose with their gel haired dropping jokes from some shitty movie they just saw or doing the Borat are the people who deserve to be virgins.

Either way, Here are them there pics.


Related Posts:

Vanessa Minnillo in a Bikini Yesterday
Vanessa Minnillo’s Ass Shopping
Vanessa Minnillo Fully Nude Pictures
Nick and Venessa in the Hot Tub

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Hot|Tight|Tits|Unsorted|Vanessa Minnillo

2007

20

Nov

I am – Lindsay Lohan’s Not Drinking Designer Water of the Day

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I blame celebrities for making a lot of stupid shit popular. One of those things is expensive bottled water that assholes feel the need to drink in public to look like they are ballin’. I remember last summer seeing Fiji water in every asshole kid’s hand at 4 dollars a bottle, then Fiji became too normal for showboating assholes that they went with Voss at 10 dollars a bottle or something insane like that.

Now I realize that rich kids are assholes who get free money to do what they want with and I realize that poor people that are trying to maintain some kind of rich image because they think that shit gets them respect are assholes too, but I also realize that drinking bottled water is for fucking homo’s, If you’re dehydrated from a night of drinking, there’s nothing wrong with hitting up the water fountain at the local bus stop, you can probably land some teenage runaway pussy there, who is impressed if you buy her a fuckin’ chocolate bar because she hasn’t eaten in a week, but when you’re dropping more money on water than something with booze in it, you’re clearly a fuckin asshole too because bottled water will not get you pussy.

Here are pictures of Lohan drinking some Whole Foods house brand water, and despite Whole Foods sounding like some pretentious hippie lesbian organic shit, I can only assume this water isn’t anything designer and is the equivalent of wearing a pair of sneakers that you got a Wal Mart because you suck at life.


Related Posts:

Lohan Hanging With Her Lesbian Cock
Lohan’s Nipple
Lohan’s Always Hot
Lohan’s Hot Tit From The Side

Posted in:Hot|Lindsay Lohan|Tits|Unsorted|Water

2007

19

Nov

I am – Gemma Atkinson’s Hairy Stomach in a Bikini of the Day

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So it turns out that when I go out, it’s pretty much the live-action version of this website. I get off on disturbing the peace and shit disturbing. I am not entirely sure the shit I say and do because I am fucking wasted and don’t really keep tabs on it, because I am too busy trying to stand but I do know that at some after party I was at last night, I was asked to leave, and by asked I mean the bouncer grabbed me and escorted me out.

At the time I didn’t realize what I had done to deserve that abuse, and just thought they were racist, and put up a fight but it turns out that I was chasing a girl around the party trying to snap pictures of her, she ended up poking me in the eye and I decided to threaten to beat her up, not because I was actually mad or because I would have gone through with it, I am pretty weak and usually get hurt by girls if it ever leads to a throw down, I just do it to wrestle them and have a legitimate excuse to grab their tits. I just thought it was funny and did it for dramatic effect. I’m poetic like that.

Speaking of dramatic effect, Gemma Atkinson’s got a treasure trail like a dude…It’s kinda confusing me because the contrast of her big tits and her hairy stomach is making me feel like I just walked into the changing room at a drag show, which hasn’t happened yet, but after seeing these pictures, should.


Related Posts:

Older Gemma Atkinson in a Bikini
A Different Set of Gemma Atkinson in a Bikini
Gemma Atkinson in Lingerie

Posted in:Bikini|Gemma Atkinson|Hairy|Stomach|Tits|Unsorted

2007

14

Nov

I am – Vanessa Minnillo’s Ass Shopping of the Day

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I got a thing for watching useless d-list celebrities shopping, mainly because it reminds me that a lot of people who suck at life are doing a lot better than I am, and that is the kind of re-affirmation I need to continue hating myself.

While leaving the bar last night, I ended up seeing one really hot chick and her ugly friend walking down the other side of the street with bikes in one hand and the front tire in the other. I have a thing for girls who steal bikes , that shit is like porn to me, so I decided to run up to them and see what the deal was, hoping I’d have a better outcome than the last time.

The hot girl was decent with me and joking around about how they stole bikes, but her friend went fucking crazy on me for being english. She was telling me how fat and ugly I am and how I lack culture because I don’t speak their fuckin’ language. She went on about how French is Montreal and how I have no business being there, so when I asked it that meant she wouldn’t let me watch her masturbate she fuckin’ lost it and tried to have a fight with me. I was fucking wasted and felt like punching a bitch in the face woulda made for a good end to my night, so I tried to convince her to hit me first, but she just got in her cab, with her stolen bikes and drove out of my life.

Reality is, I don’t hit girls but I woulda used to opportunity to just tried to wrestle her to the ground and start makin’ out with her, because fighting with girls is embarrassing, because I know she would have won.

Speaking of winning, it looks like Nick Lachey didn’t win the lottery with this slut after spending a couple years slammin’ Jessica Simpson, this is a step down, but she’s still better lookin’ than I am and even if that isn’t saying much, it’s sayin’ something…like I’d still watch her touch her toes, over and over and over….


Related Posts:

Vanessa Minnillo Fully Nude
Nick and Vanessa In the Hot Tub

Posted in:Ass|Nipple|Shopping|Tits|Unsorted|Vanessa Minnillo

2007

14

Nov

I am – Christina Aguilera’s Pregnancy Belly of the Day

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I never understood the pride a girl takes into being pregnant. I always see these pregnant girls rubbing their bellies and posing in pictures holding their stomachs or even taking pictures showing the progression of how big they get. We get it, you’re pregnant, you fuck and you let a dude cum inside you and now you’ve got some parasite growing inside of you that you would probably be better off hiding away because you don’t always have to constantly remind us that you’re damaged goods. There’s no point in making a fucking spectacle of it….

Single mother’s are easy pickings at the bar. They rarely go out and when they do it’s because they want to fuck and that may be a good time, because they have all this other shit going on in their lives, so they only want your cock and if they want some repeat business, and call you to hook up, they just want to hook up. They generally don’t want their kids knowing how much of a whore they are, so they try to keep you as far away from them as possible and you always get with them on nights when the kid is at the father’s, which is one about 4 days a month, so it makes for a good time, with little amount of effort to put in. The problem is that the second they get hooked on you and think you’re a good guy, is the second you become a fuckin’ real stepfather, and as a stepfather, I can tell you that it fucking sucks. You have to put up with shit from annoying kids that aren’t yours, so it’s really like dating 2 or 3 people, instead of dating the one you’re fuckin’…..not to mention, becoming a family man takes away from getting pussy from other girls, because they feel like homewreckers and despite some girls getting off to that shit, it’s a hard fuckin’ sell. Not that any of this really affects you, you have enough trouble having sex with yourself, because you’ve been doing it for so long it’s become a chore, like having sex with your wife after being married for 30 years and she’s no longer than hot piece she once was.

Either way, Christina doesn’t make a hot pregnant chick, she looks like the town whore who had one too many abortions and had no choice but to bring the baby to term. All her make-up doesn’t hide the fact that her time in every teenage boys masturbation fantasies is done….because she’s going to be a fuckin’ mom…..and that shit is worse than AIDS, unless you’re the baby daddy, then it’s just a smart business decision.


Related Posts:

Christina Aguilera’s Pregnancy Tits
Christina Aguilera’s Insane Cleavage in China
stepTV does Christina Aguilera’s Tour Bus

Posted in:Belly|Christina Aguilera|Pregnant|Tits|Unsorted

2007

12

Nov

I am – Pam Anderson’s Insane Tits of the Day

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I was at a bar drinking my life away, as I sometimes do and this busty middle-aged hooker Pam Anderson is her idol bitch sat down next to me. She was wearing a “Guess” t-shirt, so I said 36 D, and instead of slapping me, she liked the attention and said 36 DD. The sad party of this story is that this pick-up line is fucking genius, but the only bitches who rock “Guess” t-shirts are trashy older ladies that buy the shit at the discount center. There was a time when every chachi motherfucker girl and cheap french slut rocked this shit in this city. It’s not the cool choice anymore because all the bitches are into American Apparel or designer clothes, but if you’re from some trashy town, you may have the chance to drop this line and should, because a girl in guess is a girl who likes talking about her tits.

Here are some pictures of Pam Anderson’s ridiculously huge tits and hard nipples in some parachuting outfit, lookin like every cheap stripper who still thinks Guess is cool.

I think drinking has ruined my ability to tell stories. I’ll work on that for later today, when I sober up, or get more drunk that shit makes more sense to me.


Related Posts:

Pam Anderson’s Vagina Exposed
Pam Anderson’s Vagina Puppy
Pam Anderson’s Shitty Nipple Slip

Posted in:Implants|Nipples|Pamela Anderson|Tits|Unsorted

2007

08

Nov

I am – Jewel has Some Weird Cleavage of the Day

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Jewel is from Alaska. She is a woman of the wilderness, she lived in a log cabin and hunted bears. She fished and ran around in the snow barefoot. She climbed mountains, rolled around in the snow, her first boyfriend was a salmon who swam upstream…she took him under her hairy armpit and he made her cum harder than the ice dildos she was using before he came into her life….after Sammy the Salmon died, Jewel, in an emotional rage took a walk to California, where she launched her tree hugging, woman of the wilderness with an acoustic guitar in song career, that makes for amazing masturbation music, but apparently didn’t make her enough money to fix her disgusting teeth. Now she’s gone and married some Country Music Star and that motherfucker has ruined the one thing this woman of the wilderness had going for her and that’s her tits.

Like Sammy the Salmon, the fuckers have decomposed and have been given back to the land where they came from, which isn’t that big of a deal, because small tits are hot, but by the look of these fuckers, they are just empty skin sacs that hang off her body, like my wife’s clitoral hood that we haven’t been able to locate in 5 years because shits fuckin’ buried deep.

I guess the point of all this is to say that tits don’t make a woman. Vagina does. So as long as she’s still got her box, and her acoustic guitar, the only foolish game tearing you apart will be the fact that she would never give you the time of day, because you’re not as cool as her Country Star husband, and that’s pretty fuckin’ depressing…just look at him and you’re understand why…..


Related Posts:

Jewel’s Happy Marriage of the Day

Posted in:cleavage|Jewel|Tits|Unsorted

2007

07

Nov

I am – Megan Fox Has Hard Nipples of the Day

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Megan Fox is pretty much one of the hottest actors in Hollywood right now and that’s not really saying much because I am more of a model kind of guy than an actor kind of guy, so I don’t get too excited about actors or singers being hot ever, but then again I don’t get excited for much, not even Christmas.

The reason I don’t like actors is that they remind me of circus performers. They are convinced that they’ve got some kind of talent because they can make themselves cry on demand or memorize words, and the industry pats them on the back because it lines their pockets, stroking the actor’s egos, making them think they are way more important to the world than they really are. My neighbor’s kid cries on demand every time his dad hits him and I heard him reciting the alphabet the other day so dude may be 3 but he could be the next Hayden Panettiere, he just has to grow his hair out.

The other reason I don’t like actors is because they are short and in an ideal world, girls would have legs that pretty much end at my face and models do. The model lifestyle is also a lot more interesting to me because they go out and party, do a lot of drugs, sit on beaches because their work is about as demanding as just showing up on time, and if they are big enough, they set the time they start and they make insane money for just being hot.

Either way, here are Megan Fox’s nipples that the dude from 90210 sucks, and better cherish the fucking moment, because she’ll eventually realize that he’s a joke and even if he’s got a big dick, she’ll be movin’ on to less embarrassing dudes because she won’t need their failure to make her feel better about her career, cuz that shit’s about to pop.


Related Posts:

Megan Fox Hot in Red
Megan Fox Hot in Shorts
Megan Fox in Skate Shoes With Her Asshole Boyfriend
Megan Fox Grabs Her Boyfriend’s Boner

Posted in:Hot|Megan Fox|Nipples|Tits|Unsorted

2007

06

Nov

I am – Leelee Sobiesky's Tits at Some Event of the Day

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My internet has been down the last 4 hours and by my internet, I mean the wireless connection I steal from someone in the neighborhood, which actually surprises me because everyone around here are hurting more than I am, but that’s only because I have a wife on disability, paying all my shit for me and I distract myself from my unhappiness with this site. So I called tech support for every internet company I could find in the phonebook and no one was willing to help me because I have no idea who’s connection I am stealing and they don’t seem to keen on helping people who call complaining about connections they steal being down, I think I should write them a letter because I think that’s discrimination but that’s not the point, the point is that I am back on now and so are Leelee Sobieski’s tits at some event, because you all know I don’t discriminate against big tits because they make an ugly woman much more appealing to fuck, unless she is fat, in which case you just close your eyes and ride that shit out, all over the floor.


Related Posts:

Leelee Sobieski is Boring as Fuck on Halloween
Leelee Sobieski Has Big Tits in PVC
Leelee Sobieski Has Big Tits in a Bow Tie
Leelee Sobieski Has Big Tits in a Dress

Posted in:cleavage|Leelee Sobieski|Tits|Unsorted

2007

06

Nov

I am – Leelee Sobiesky’s Tits at Some Event of the Day

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My internet has been down the last 4 hours and by my internet, I mean the wireless connection I steal from someone in the neighborhood, which actually surprises me because everyone around here are hurting more than I am, but that’s only because I have a wife on disability, paying all my shit for me and I distract myself from my unhappiness with this site. So I called tech support for every internet company I could find in the phonebook and no one was willing to help me because I have no idea who’s connection I am stealing and they don’t seem to keen on helping people who call complaining about connections they steal being down, I think I should write them a letter because I think that’s discrimination but that’s not the point, the point is that I am back on now and so are Leelee Sobieski’s tits at some event, because you all know I don’t discriminate against big tits because they make an ugly woman much more appealing to fuck, unless she is fat, in which case you just close your eyes and ride that shit out, all over the floor.


Related Posts:

Leelee Sobieski is Boring as Fuck on Halloween
Leelee Sobieski Has Big Tits in PVC
Leelee Sobieski Has Big Tits in a Bow Tie
Leelee Sobieski Has Big Tits in a Dress

Posted in:cleavage|Leelee Sobieski|Tits|Unsorted