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Archive for the Tits Category

2008

Feb

Elisha Cuthbert’s Got Some Cleavage of the Day

Elisha Cuthbert is from Montreal and has a sister. I met someone who knows her and I decided that it would be funny to do stalker videos of her doing everyday things without her knowing. A little Elisha Cuthbert’s sister drunk leaving a club or Elisha Cuthbert’s sister buying milk or Elisha Cuthbert’s sister on a date. The lead I had told me she’s some store manager so I thought shit was easy. I figured that because her sister is an unsuccessful actress in Hollywood, she has to work retail to pay the bills, but then I was told that she doesn’t actually work and is hard to stalk because she thinks she’s some kind of local celebrity because of her sister’s fame so the idea was put on the back burner until I get more info.

It turns out that Elisha Cuthbert still has some tits and here are some pictures of her showing them off. The last I heard she was a lesbian with Paris Hilton and her lesbian haircut pretty much proves that to be a fact. So do her lesbian boots that I suspect are steel toed and go amazing with her flannel she left at home.

Either way, since she fucks Paris, I guess that means she’s got herpes, what I call the gift that keeps on giving… Paris is a modern day Mother Theresa, or even Santa Claus. She just keeps on handing that shit out like everyday is Christmas or like shit grows on trees, which I guess technically it does, because last I heard Paris had a pet monkey living in her box, no wait that was just Nicole Richie and they were just experimenting.

Elisha Cuthbert, if I was a hockey playing lesbian, would you be my Valentine?

Here are some pictures of Paris’ Practice Pussy that is now Damaged Goods in the world of Lesbianism because she has a boyfriend who “knocked” her up, when I really think dude’s just a bitch on hormone therapy cuz no man would be such a cunt….Nicole Richie showing off her pregnancy tits.

Posted in:cleavage|Elisha Cuthbert|Tits

2008

Feb

Ivana Trump and Her Hot Body in a BIkini of the Day

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Ivana Trump proves why divorce is amazing, because when Donald Trump married her she was a young hot communist Czech model. Look at her now. I guess that’s why Trump’s traded her in for newer, younger models and few times over. She’s old, thick and looks disgusting in a bikini and no one wants to wake up to that.

The good news is that she’s rich too and people are whores so she can rent someone to play her young boyfriend when they are out in public and I guess when they are behind closed doors and her floppy old lady menopausal vagina needs loving. If you look close enough at these pictures you can see dollar signs in this motherfucker’s eyes and bills pouring out of her speedo….but she’s rich and it’s a small price to pay to give an old lady some confidence and the feeling of still being wanted after looking in the mirror. It’s like buying a new hat or new car to impress her boring married friends.

I tried impressing someone once. I wanted to rent a car to impress a girl I met on the street and who agreed to go on a date with me. So I called all the rental car companies and they were all too pricey for me. A neighbor of mine saw me distraught about the whole thing because I really wanted to fuck this chick and I knew having a car was needed to make that happen because she was one of those high class girls and he offered me his car. I accepted.

I picked up the girl and within fifteen minutes we got pulled over for a burnt out tail light and the cops decided to do a quick search of the trunk because they realized it wasn’t my car and though that I was a criminal. My date was pretty surprised when they found a half naked chick bound and gagged in the trunk, but not as surprised as me. I tried explaining to the cops that it wasn’t my car and all that shit, but we both got arrested.

After a few hours of questioning they called in my neighbor and the girl in the trunk and it turned out that the girl was his girlfriend and that they were into some fucking kinky dominatrix sex games and this was just one of them.

Point of my story is that my date wasn’t impressed no matter how hard I tried and I think Ivana Trump’s time has come and gone and she should probably take up knitting and baking. Leave the bikini pics for her plastic surgery lovin’ daughter, because she’s got some tits on her that I wouldn’t mind feeding off of for a night.

Posted in:Bikini|Ivana Trump|old|Tits

2008

Feb

Christina Aguilera’s Got Some Big Baby Tits of the Day

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Christina Aguilera may look like a cheap hooker who was raped and left to die but came back to life because she had some exclusive event she was hired to escort some rich dude to and that hope of having a big break gave her the will to survive, but the reality is that she’s a mother and deserves a little more respect than that, even though your perverted self is blinded by her tits. I think it’s important to remember that those big tits aren’t something to jerk off to but are a source of nourishment to another life and we can all just keep our dicks in our pants and accept the fact that her baby gets more action than you. Who cares that the girl had big fake tits before the pregnancy and even bigger milk filled fake tits with the pregnancy and it’s pretty much nature’s way, except for the fake tit part, so our making a spectacle of them is pretty fucking desperate. I guess the same can be said for her, but her body is probably beat the fuck up and has things hanging where they never hung, so drawing some sexual attention to herself with her tits is probably some kind of need to still feel wanted….because she knows when she looks in the mirror that even she wouldn’t fuck herself, but we all know you would and probably while the baby watched, because you’re a sick exhibitionist like that…but I can’t blame you, we’ve all got needs.

Posted in:Christina Aguilera|cleavage|Tits

2008

Feb

Hayden Panettiere’s Bending Over So You Can See Down Her Shirt of the Day

2 Comments »

I learned that midgets have tits at a young age when the only girl who would get with me was the midget in my class because no one else wanted her. That was also the time I learned that all the dudes running after the hot chick were idiots because she was sitting there taking numbers and making different dudes run through hoops while leaving a whole bunch of other dudes with no chance but who jerked off to the thought of the day the heating system broke and her nipples were hard and she was unable to cover them up because she left her sweater at home everyday, waiting…..were idiots, and that there was perfectly hot pussy that was ready and willing as long as you were willing to accept the fact that the pussy wasn’t actually hot but it pretty much felt the same and all it took was closing your eyes to imagine something better and ignore the embarrassment of being seen with them in public, because even ugly girls like to be treated like queens.

That said, I don’t think Hayden and her 5 foot nothing frame’s got much going for her, other than the ability to do more chin-ups than the average athlete and there’s nothing wrong with a strong boxy chick, especially if your the kind of pussy who likes his woman doing the man chores around the house like opening the jars and carrying the groceries in because you’re lazy and like a girl who can fend for herself.

Posted in:Down Shirt|Hayden Panettiere|Tits

2007

Nov

I am – Adriana Lima and Marisa Miller in the Victoria’s Secret Fitting Room of the Day

5 Comments »

I’ve been getting a lot of slack for not being a site that is accessible to girls. They get turned off because of my sleazy commentary offends them and they never come back, even though every post I write is for hot chicks, because if I wasn’t trying to get hot girls to love me over the internet, I’d just be a fag trying to impress a bunch of dudes and that’s not really my thing, but I know it’s your thing, but that’s because you gotta fine love somewhere and gay dudes are pretty horny.

So I got an email asking for Nell and my stepdaughter to come back because they added a much needed feminine voice to the site. I don’t know where either of those girls are, they kinda fucked off on me and haven’t answered my emails in the last couple months, so I figured I’d just write a post as a girl in hopes of getting hot girls back in because I want them to want my dick over the internet and come back for more everyday because I write about celebrities….and girls love celebrities and I love girls, so we’re pretty much destined to have you take a shower for me on webcam, internet soulmate.

Here is my post written as a girl:

blah blah blah blah “adjusts hair”, blah blah blah “applies make up”, blah blah blah “shows off new nails” , blah blah blah “makes a gesture representing how big the boyfriend’s cock is”, blah blah blah “giggles”, blah blah blah “giggles some more”, blah blah blah “adjusts bra”, blah blah blah “hugs girl i’m sitting with”, blah blah blah “stands up”, blah blah blah “pulls underwear out of ass and adjusts pants”, blah blah blah “walks out of coffee shop”

I am sure this post would have been a little more believable if I actually listened to girls when they talk, but I’m too masturbating my limp penis in front of them while staring at their tits and drooling through the restaurant window. I hear hot girls are into that because they like to be noticed….

Either way, here are Adriana Lima and Marisa Miller in the Fitting Room for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show that’s been hustled the last month like it was the coming of Christ, which to some virgins and married middle aged men out there, it probably is, because these bitches are some of the hottest models around and them in lingerie is better than them in clothes but not quite as good as them taking showers for me on webcam. I’m talking to you internet soulmate.

Marisa Miller

Adriana Lima:

Related Posts:

Miranda Kerr Bikini Pictures
Heidi Klum Playing With Her Tits Video
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
Victoria’s Secret Angles Fly Virgin

2007

Nov

I am – Lohan’s Baggage of the Day

2 Comments »

The reason I like Lohan is that she’s damaged goods and has a massive amount of emotional baggage, and with emotional baggage comes a girl who really knows her self worth and that usually makes them willing to get with me and get down and dirty because it’s not as bad as that time she was raped or gang banged or molested by her uncle.

Girls with a clean slate are usually 15 years old or boring and don’t appreciate you because you’re more fucked up than they are, so they are always on your ass about how you don’t treat them like they deserve to be treated because they saw it in some Romantic Comdey and think that’s real life. They bust your balls for being crazy because you like to have a good time, while damaged girls are just looking for love, and always have fun, even when they are punching themselves in their own faces while crying because they don’t think you love them. An out of control girl with a drug or alcohol problem are into self destruction and having dirty fucking porn sex while wasted as fuck and are inconsistant as fuck, keepin us on our toes.

That said, here are some pictures of Lohan in a Jewish Outfit of the Day with some baggage because I am an internet poet, even though poetry is for fags, and I’m all like her bags represent her emotional baggage and shit, because that’s just how smart I am. I decided to start an Old School Hip Hop group called Thunder, Lighting and Reign. I’m Reign, motherfuckers….and we’re going to STORM on you. It’s a monsoon in this bitch. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Lohan’s Drinking Poverty Bottled Water
Lohan and Her Lesbian Cock
Lohan’s Nipple in a See Through Shirt
Lohan’s Out of Rehab Tit

Posted in:Baggage|Lindsay Lohan|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Cindy Crawford in Her Bikini Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

I’ve already posted pictures from this day in Cindy Crawford’s life the other day, but I’ve been really drunk the last few weeks and this type of repetition is a lot better than the shit I pull on a nightly basis, like repeatedly starting fights, repeatedly sexually harassing girls, repeatedly making fun of people, repeatedly introducing myself to the same person 12 times, repeatedly waking up in random places and repeatedly doing the Soulja Boy dance, cuz no one does it quite like me.

I’ve been drinking a lot of vodka lately and since my liver is broken and my digestive system seems broken too, every time I take a shit it smells like fuckin’ vodka and gives me the urge to scoop in and eat the shit to see if it takes off the fuckin’ edge I have from last night.

Speaking of shit. Here’s Cindy Crawford in a bikini, reminding us that everything turns to shit even supermodels we all loved in the 90s become middle-aged soccer moms who have hotter bodies than other middle aged soccer moms, but are still middle-aged soccer moms who will never be 19 years old again and that is one of life’s great tragedies.

Related Posts:

Cindy Crawford Bikini Pictures from the Same Day
Cindy Crawford is Still Posing
Elle Macpherson is Still Hot

2007

Nov

I am – Brooke Hogan Bikini Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

Brooke Hogan’s a pretty thick girl, but one that you’d still want to fuck based on her pictures, not because of her hot ass or good new fake tits she got while her brother was out totaling cars and crippling people, but because she’s Hulk Hogan’s daughter and your first taste of gay porn was watching his ripped greased up body rubbing up against other ripped greased up bodies in their underwear, and things have never really been the same for you since. I bet you’re lookin’ at these pics trying to find her dick you fucking homo.

Related Posts:

Brooke Hogan Performing in a Bra
Brooke Hogan Bikini Pictures
Brooke Hogan in Fontless and Backless Pants Cuz She’s Classy
Brooke Hogan in Those Pants Again Because They Are Jokes

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Brooke Hogan|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Le Call in a Bikini Again of the Day

1 Comment »

I am a lot like Owen Wilson, except for the fact that he’s a suicidal drug addict who fucks hot shit, when I am just a drunk fat dude who recognizes that I suck at life but would never jump. I also don’t fuck hot shit or I just fuck shit unless you count the time I was still slamming my wife and she shit on my dick because she ate too much mexican food and thought she just had to fart and I still finished, but that was years ago and I only did it because being Mexican, the irony was poetic and poetry always makes me cum.

I was at a bar last night and it turns out that people at bars hate me as much as I hate myself, because the last 6 times I’ve left my house it’s ended in some serious conflict where I am the center of the fucking problem. The problem is usually that I am a schoolyard bully who gets off on fuckin’ around with people, and instead of muscling them out and stealing their lunch money, I just run my mouth off and they don’t get me. I don’t do it to fight, I do it is for jokes, but it turns out that I am not funny and that people don’t get me and I can only blame you for my problem, because you’ve given me false sense of talent for emailing me telling me that I am funny, like Hayden Panettiere’s got the false sense of being hot. I am so bad at this blogging shit that I shoulda used this paragraph in the Hayden post but didn’t. No wonder people try to beat me up.

Either way, here are some pictures of his new vagina with a stupid name in a bikini from a few days ago because she’s easy on my hungover eyes and because she’ll lead this fucker to actually killing himself when she fucks off on him after becoming famous off his controversy, and I am all about people who inspire people to succeed.

I am – Heidi Klum is Hot and Annoying of the Day

2 Comments »

I posted a link to this video in my stepLINKS last night, but since you asshoels and don’t support what I do, you probably didn’t see it. It’s a video of her acting like an annoying bitch but she’s in a bra so the words she says and the dances she does don’t phase me and that is why hot girls are my poison.

I am the kind of guy who will put up with so much fuckin’ bullshit from a hot girl just because I like lookin’ at her and for the most part every hot chick I’ve come across in my life has been an idiot, probably because they are hot and never really had to refine their personality to be socially acceptable because they were always given what they wanted and that’s why hot girls are their own breed of human because the rules the rest of us have to follow just don’t apply to them. The the only rule that should apply to them is to get in my soiled bed, ignore my fat wife and the damp sheets from her sweating, pretend the shit smell they are smelling is roses, and let me give them a full body massage with my tongue, and that includes their asshole.

Related Posts:

Heidi Klum Naked in a Magazine
Heidi Klum Reliving the Past on the Runway
Heidi Klum in a Hot and Expensive Bikini
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Picture

Posted in:Crazy|Heidi Klum|Hot|Tits|Unsorted