Tits Archives - Page 51 of 79 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

01

Nov

I am – Petra Nemcova is Cleopatra of the Day

You’d think Petra Nemcova would have dressed like a mail-order bride, but I guess since she was saved from the Eastern European sex trade by American modeling agencies she thinks she can get away with denouncing her birthright and I always hate when people get big and pretend they weren’t who they were in their past.

The other day I saw a hooker I used to roll with and she pretended she didn’t remember me. She was young and took a few wrong turns, but by the time she was 21 pulled it together, went to school, got a job and is now married to some rich dude and has some kind of rockin’ career that allows her to drive her kids to Starbucks in a Range Rover. I am an asshole and like to call people on that shit, maybe it’s cuz I am bitter that I am still living the same shitty lifestyle and it makes me feel better to let people know I know they are living a lie. So I walked up to her and said what’s up, she pretended she didn’t know who I was at first, but then I dropped her name and said how I knew her. She tried to blow shit off like it was a long time ago and a lot has changed and kept trying to change the subject, but I was persistent and kept telling her she should write a movie about it. Apparently, her husband and her social circle have no idea what she was up to when she was 19, but I do.

That said, Petra Nemcova will always be a mail-order bride in my eyes, she’s just way too expensive for my blood, but you can take a girl out of the human sex trade, but you can’t take the human sex trade out of girl. At least that’s my theory….and I am sticking to it. On a side note, I just won employee of the month over here at DrunkenStepfather.com so it’s a big day for me and my colleagues that include me.

Related Posts:

Petra Nemcova’s Huge Tits Hug Black People
Petra Nemcova Hails a Taxi
Petra Nemcova Upskirt Action
Petra Nemcova’s Hot Tits

Posted in:Cleopatra|Halloween|Petra Nemcova|Tits|Unsorted

2007

01

Nov

I am – Heidi Klum is a Cat of the Day

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Heidi Klum is pretty hot considering all the damage she’s put herself through, like all the kids and the huge black penis but that doesn’t really phase me, because the girls I know are a hell of a lot more damaged and look a hell of a lot worse than she does, even when she’s dressed like cat.

I was walking down the street the other day and saw some crazy woman talking to herself while walking her cat, like she had the motherfucker on a leash and was just walking it like it was a dog and since I never understood cat people I automatically assumed she was fucking nuts. The cat looked pretty fucking confused, like it wanted me to save it from the hell life it has, because if bitch is willing to take the cat out in public without any embarrassment, who the fuck knows what she does with it behind closed doors. I don’t think she’s fucking her cat, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she washes it and dresses it up in little costumes and makes it do dance routines like her own private circus and I think what it all comes down to is that bitch never had kids and this is what happens to girls when they realize they are 50 and alone. But then the woman got on all fours in the middle of the sidewalk and started barking at her cat like she was a dog and I realized that this woman doesn’t realize she’s alone at all, she’s too busy being fucking insane.

Related Posts:

Heidi Klum’s Baby Daddy Isn’t Her Baby Daddy Scandal
Heidi Klum’s Got Jungle Fever
Heidi Klum’s Pregnancy Weight Pictures

2007

01

Nov

I am – Coco Shows Off Her Ass on Halloween of the Day

2 Comments »

I was always a fan of dudes who would make or support their girlfriends when they flash their asses or tits in public. Those are the kinds of guys I am happy to be around because they just don’t give a fuck about much and like having a good time and because I usually get to see their girlfriend slutting out in some way or another. I fucking hate overbearing dudes who get all raging when their girl talks to me, or when I ask them if I can see their girlfriend’s pussy. Like last night I was talking to some girl in sexy lingerie just about random bullshit and her boyfriend just stared at me like he wanted to kill me, when I asked her who her bodyguard she told me it was her boyfriend, and I wished her good luck because for the rest of the time together, she’s going to have some asshole looking over her shoulder everytime she talks to another dude and that shit leads to spousal abuse. My theory is that just because you’re in love with the bitch and are fucking the bitch, doesn’t mean the bitch can’t show me a little especially if I have no plan on touching. Maybe I don’t care because I’ve never really had a girlfriend I had any respect for and no one wants to see my wife naked because she’s disgusting, even her doctor asks her to keep her clothes on when she gets her gynecological exam.

Either way, Ice-T should be my friend because he makes his girl flash her ass or if it’s her own doing, he’s totally having fun with it and that’s a lot better than seeing him hiding in the corner planning on how he’s going to beat the fuck out of her without leaving any bruises when they get home.

Related Posts:

Coco Strips in VIdeo
Coco Showing Off Her Retarded Tits
Coco Showing Off Her Retarded Tits Again

2007

31

Oct

I am – Danielle Lloyd's Halloween Ass of the Day

1 Comment »

I don’t really know if these Danielle Lloyd pictures are new or old, mainly because I don’t spend that much of my time thinking about Danielle Lloyd or following her non-existant career, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. I am not trying to imply that I’ve got better things to do with my time because I don’t, but I like to think just sitting and staring at the wall is more interesting than keeping tabs on this slut, except that this slut shows up to events the way all girls should show up to events, everyday of the week and all my wall does is stare right back at me.

They say this is her on Halloween, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this was her on everyday of the week, her half naked body is what makes her money, so it’s kinda her job to dress like this, now make it your job to look at it, because we all know it’s better than your last job bagging groceries that you got fired from because it was too complicated for you to figure out. Don’t worry, I don’t think you’re a loser, everyone else probably does, but not me. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Danielle Lloyd Skis and Bikinis…
Danielle Lloyd’s Hairy Armpits
Danielle Lloyd’s Bikini Ass
Danielle Lloyd Flashes Her Ass

2007

31

Oct

I am – Danielle Lloyd’s Halloween Ass of the Day

1 Comment »

I don’t really know if these Danielle Lloyd pictures are new or old, mainly because I don’t spend that much of my time thinking about Danielle Lloyd or following her non-existant career, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. I am not trying to imply that I’ve got better things to do with my time because I don’t, but I like to think just sitting and staring at the wall is more interesting than keeping tabs on this slut, except that this slut shows up to events the way all girls should show up to events, everyday of the week and all my wall does is stare right back at me.

They say this is her on Halloween, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this was her on everyday of the week, her half naked body is what makes her money, so it’s kinda her job to dress like this, now make it your job to look at it, because we all know it’s better than your last job bagging groceries that you got fired from because it was too complicated for you to figure out. Don’t worry, I don’t think you’re a loser, everyone else probably does, but not me. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Danielle Lloyd Skis and Bikinis…
Danielle Lloyd’s Hairy Armpits
Danielle Lloyd’s Bikini Ass
Danielle Lloyd Flashes Her Ass

2007

30

Oct

I am – Lohan Lookin' Hot of the Day

3 Comments »

Lohan is my dream celebrity and I think she still looks hot when the paparazzi take shitty pictures from shitty angles that make her look like a big headed/small footed freakshow dressed like a bee in stupid pants getting ready to perform at the local carnival, but this isn’t the circus, she’s actually preparing for some weird Tango Dance movie she’s in that will definitely be Academy Award nominated, and by Academy Award I mean straight to fucking video. That was a pretty long sentence.

The thing I love about dirty girls is the risk taking involved in having sex with them. When you have sex with a standard chick, all you have to worry about is knocking her up, and that fear only lasts a couple of days around when her period is supposed to hit and if it doesn’t hit, you just abort mission. With a dirty girl, you got all kinds of other concerns that may take 6 months to discover, like you’re some kind of Indiana Jones motherfucker and your penis is the cup Jesus drank from….not this Jesus, that’s not how I’m living, but it seems every dude under the age of 20 is bi and fucking other dudes and then fucking girls at teenage sex parties and since girls have a vagina but are not smart enough to use them properly, no one uses condoms. Now STDs are the new Black (plague) and all these little sluts are going to be rockin’ herpes/HIV/HPV in the next 10 years, so I figure we should all just jump on that train and be the trendsetters because every loves the people who start a movement and take it to the mainstream. We’ll be heroes in our own right and they will make Stamps and trading cards with our pictures on them. Maybe we’ll even get invited to be on Kimmel.

Lohan is already up on this and is an inspiration to us all, so I figure it’s my duty to go to the source of all that fun. When I do, I can see past her flaws, like her belly while she’s sitting in the car, just as easily as I can see past her 21 year old haggard face from all the hard living, because that shit it all part of what we’re all trying to work towards.

Related Posts:

Lohan’s Hot Tit
Lohan Touching Her Toes
Lohan’s Bikini Ass

Posted in:Hot|Lindsay Lohan|Tights|Tits|Unsorted

2007

30

Oct

I am – Lohan Lookin’ Hot of the Day

3 Comments »

Lohan is my dream celebrity and I think she still looks hot when the paparazzi take shitty pictures from shitty angles that make her look like a big headed/small footed freakshow dressed like a bee in stupid pants getting ready to perform at the local carnival, but this isn’t the circus, she’s actually preparing for some weird Tango Dance movie she’s in that will definitely be Academy Award nominated, and by Academy Award I mean straight to fucking video. That was a pretty long sentence.

The thing I love about dirty girls is the risk taking involved in having sex with them. When you have sex with a standard chick, all you have to worry about is knocking her up, and that fear only lasts a couple of days around when her period is supposed to hit and if it doesn’t hit, you just abort mission. With a dirty girl, you got all kinds of other concerns that may take 6 months to discover, like you’re some kind of Indiana Jones motherfucker and your penis is the cup Jesus drank from….not this Jesus, that’s not how I’m living, but it seems every dude under the age of 20 is bi and fucking other dudes and then fucking girls at teenage sex parties and since girls have a vagina but are not smart enough to use them properly, no one uses condoms. Now STDs are the new Black (plague) and all these little sluts are going to be rockin’ herpes/HIV/HPV in the next 10 years, so I figure we should all just jump on that train and be the trendsetters because every loves the people who start a movement and take it to the mainstream. We’ll be heroes in our own right and they will make Stamps and trading cards with our pictures on them. Maybe we’ll even get invited to be on Kimmel.

Lohan is already up on this and is an inspiration to us all, so I figure it’s my duty to go to the source of all that fun. When I do, I can see past her flaws, like her belly while she’s sitting in the car, just as easily as I can see past her 21 year old haggard face from all the hard living, because that shit it all part of what we’re all trying to work towards.

Related Posts:

Lohan’s Hot Tit
Lohan Touching Her Toes
Lohan’s Bikini Ass

Posted in:Hot|Lindsay Lohan|Tights|Tits|Unsorted

2007

30

Oct

I am – Kylie and Danni Minogue at Some Event Together of the Day

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I was just taking a shit, and by shit I mean I was just uploading these Kylie and Danni Minogue pictures, that were just as painful as taking a shit, yes it hurts when I shit, but that’s just because my liver is shot and apparently it’s got some pretty integral role in shitting almost as integral as Kylie’s tits had in making her famous. Too bad they’ve left the building like Elvis, but not because of a drug overdose….it was cancer. No cancer isn’t funny, even when it happens to an asshole boss who deserves it, but breast implants are, they are like toys for adults.

I love seeing these plastic surgery bitches on the street, I am not talking post cancer implants like Kylie, I am talking rich breast implanted mom’s who’s husbands made them do it because it was always their fantasy and now that they have money and a woman dependent on their lifestyle, their reality, because when a bitch goes under the knife for you, you know you pretty much own her.

I always like asking girls I know with implants if they will have my baby, not because I want them to actually have my baby, because I don’t think my sperm can handle impregnating much more than my testicles and they are having a hard enough time just doing that, but when they respond by saying no, because no one wants my baby, I like to follow up with asking if they think the baby will look more like they look now or more like how they looked before the plastic surgery, because seeing a baby with big implants would be awkward, especially when it stats breast feeding itself.

Related Posts:

Kylie Minogue’s 2008 Lame Calendar
Danni Minogue Getting Tight With a Girl
Kylie’s Breast Implants
Danni Minogue’s Lap Dance

Posted in:Danni Minogue|Kylie Minogue|Tits|Unsorted

2007

30

Oct

I am – Hayden Panettiere Bikini Pictures of the Day

7 Comments »

Hayden Panettiere dressed like a skinny looking girl in a bikini for halloween, but we all know that hiding somewhere under that bikini is her stalky troll body…I guess she is hollywood and this is the magic of movie special effects make-up or some expensive bikini or some shit because I rarely see girls take off her clothes and look better than when she has them on, but when it does happen it’s magical. We call those kinds of girls “sleepers” because no one notices them, and when you get them and their over-sized t-shirt comes off and reveals perfect tits and a bangin’ body you ask yourself why you were wasting your time with the hot chick everyone else is trying to get their dicks inside because she wearing revealing clothes trying to get attention and it’s working…..and laugh when you decide to let them have the hot whore and not be one of the assholes trying to hook it up because you just won the fuckin’ lottery with this sleeper.

I did once knew this girl who was the girl everyone wanted to fuck and somehow I got her back to my place when wasted, not that I had a place at the time, but she was too drunk to realize we were in under an overpass. Either way, as the clothes came off and the padded bra turned her C’s into manly pecs, and her controlling underwear turned her booty into a sloppy bowl of corn pops and I didn’t wanna have my Pops like their commercial always told me I did. But then her hair extensions came off showing off her female-pattern baldness and her make-up rubbed off turning her into a fucking monster…and it wasn’t halloween….

I am thinking that’s kinda what’s happening in these pictures, only it happens everyday while Hayden puts clothes on. It’s like as the t-shirt goes on, her abs turn into a gut and as her slim fit jeans go on her legs get short and thinck. For the record, I still slammed the bitch, but that’s just because I have no standards and how often do you get a girl, even if she doesn’t really look like a girl under an overpass wanting your dick, and by wanting my dick I mean passed out and having no idea where she is….

Related Posts:

Older Hayden Bikini Pictures
Hayden Pickin’ her Wedgie
Hayden Buying a Thong

Posted in:Bikini|Halloween|Hayden Panettiere|Tits|Unsorted

2007

29

Oct

I am – Elvira's Still Alive and Slutty of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Elvira because it’s Halloweeen and being Elvira means that you can only work for this one week a year which works out nicely for her because she’s gotta be in her 60s and this shit is some semi-retired living in Florida career. All she has to do is squeeze herself into some kind of tight motherfucking outfit, show off her big tits and show up,

Speaking of squeezing into tight clothes, I was walking down the street today, and as you all know, leggings are all the fucking rage for young girls thanks to American Apparel. Well it turns out that fat girls with fat asses think that since shit’s in style, they have a right to offend all of us with their tight pants and big asses all hanging out all over the motherfucking place. I don’t know where I am going with this, because I am too nice to call a girl out for being fat and offensive, but I Elivra reminded me of what I saw and felt the need to drop it like it’s hot, when really it’s not hot at all, it’s the shit that’s turning all these young dude’s gay.

Either way, I know a lot of girls who would love to get paid for that kind of thing, but instead are doing it for free, or for STDs and babies, so in a lot of ways Elvira is living the dream and it’s really too bad that she’s not asked to attend more Christmas, New Years, Easter, Labor Day and Independence Day events.

Related Posts:

Lauren Mayhew’s Shitty Halloween Costume from Last Year
Lohan’s Shitty Halloween Costume Last Year
The Duffsgusting Sister’s Shitty Halloween Costumes from Last Year

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