Tits Archives - Page 35 of 79 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Tits Category

2008

Nov

Sophie Monk Doin’ Nothing of the Day

I wonder if Sophie Monk, Paris Hilton and the Good Charlotte fat lesbian sister they both dated ever had a threesome together. You know rubbing cunts til one of them squirts. Benji with a fist in his man pussy, Paris taking pictures of herself to figure out a way to market it to greater opportunities and Sophie Monk showering her pussy with Hand Sanitizer hoping the herpes aren’t contagious, without realizing 6-8 weeks later that they are.

I mean if the Sophie Monk’s break-up was anything like most break-ups, you know going from being engaged to him being in love with Paris Hilton for a career move for his band, their new album and tour, because of the whole Nicole Richie and His Twin Sister having a kid together and the whole Paris being Nicole’s BFF and him being his Twin Sister’s masturbation partner, a story the media would eat it all up, leaving Sophie Monk in the dust, but only after taking Paris for a test ride to see if changing his whole life is worth it, and deciding that it is….

But I know there was a period, after he broke the news to Monk that he was leaving her because he cheated on her and that he was moving on to lower quality, but richer pussy, where she felt inadequate, insecure and willing to forgive him just to get his lesbian suburban tattoos and her life back, by throwing herself at him, in some emotional decision and like all guys, or lesbians that look like guys, he went for it. Because you never turn down the pussy.

Knowing that celebrities don’t use condoms, especially Paris Hilton, and we have proof of that, means that her and Paris Hilton pretty much rubbed cunts without actually rubbing cunts and the likliness of her having a Valtrex Prescription like her ex-future husband’s new future wife and that takes a little away from wanting to go down on her for lunch, you know, it lowers her stock a bit, but herpes isn’t enough reason to keep most guys away when they come up on something that looks like this…..if anything it adds to the whole excitement of the experience, like playing dodgeball, but with more serious repercussions, since when you lose, you’re reminded of it for life…

Posted in:Sophie Monk|Tits

2008

Nov

Katy Perry’s Tits Have Eyes of the Day

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If you read this site, which you don’t, but I pretend you do, I mean that’s why I write these stupid things, it’s not for me to keep track of my bullshit that goes on in my mind, that is pretty fucking repetitive and uninteresting, it’s to entertain , even if there’s no fucking audience. A juggling man on the sidewalk that no one notices, is still a fucking juggler, right?

I don’t know where I was going with that, but I do know that I hate Katy Perry, her song, and if you read the site, you know I constantly write about it. I think she fucked the media by taking a cliche fantasy guys and girls have and singing about it in a bubble gum kinda way, making the shit way more pedophiliac, until seeing the girl who sings the shit, and realizing she’s some chubby, unattractive chick, making the whole young girls experimenting turn into two lonely girls who can’t land a date because no guys want them, turning to each other while watching old Ellen reruns or some independent film, and tonguing each other to really feel what love and using each other to show them….

Anyway, she has big tits, at least she always talks about the, donates them to charity and claims they are bigger than they are, like they are some kind of achievement, or trophy, despite the only achievement being on the pill and being able to emotionally eat 8 Big Macs in one fucking sitting…Don’t let her recent weight loss trick you, that’s smoke and mirrors, cocaine and performing, this dumpy bitch only focuses on her tits, because they were the only thing that got her male attention growing up, and she’s still living that fat girl life….because she will always be a fat girl and her tits will always be her only talent…..that’s why her dress has eyes, because they are the only place people look when they talk to her and she felt it would be smart to accommodate because it was starting to make her remember that her tits are all she’s worth….right.

Posted in:Katy Perry|Tits

2008

Nov

Scarlett Johansson’s Married Tits of the Day

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Scarlett Johansson reminds me of a childhood friend I used to spend time with’s sister. She wasn’t really anything amazing to look at, you know always had a dumb look on her face and a bit of a dumpy body, but she had huge tits and for some unknown reason (her huge tits), all the guys in our school wanted to fuck the shit out of her.

I used to try to convince my friend to take pictures of her showering or in her underwear or pretty much anything exclusive that only he’d have access to because he was an insider and he would always get mad at me, you know telling me shit like “Dude, that’s my sister”.

I would always tell him that that was the beauty of the whole situation, firstly she’d never expect him to be doing that or lookin’ at her like that, so she’d be more comfortable and willing to be naked or topless around him because she didn’t see him as the predator but as family.

I would also tell him that if I had a sister, I’d totally bang the shit out of her, because at the time I was horny and appreciated the idea of having pussy sleeping in the bedroom next to me, and he would just freak out on me.

I then did some research at the local library to prove that there is no evidence that fucking your sister would lead to flipper babies, especially if you’re wearing a condom. The whole flipper baby theory was the government’s way to control people into being too scared to marry their family members and reproduce with their family members, before TV existed. You know, make them think if they do it, they’re going to go to hell and their demon child will be the proof that will get them caught, and I was just asking for some nudes, I wasn’t asking him to go out and crawl in bed with her and slide his hand in her panties while she was sleeping, and by hand, I mean penis.

Needless to say, I never got the pics, we stopped being friends and my persuasion didn’t work out as well as I had hoped, but every time I see Scarlett Johansson, I think about that girl and the set of tits I never saw. Here she is at some event.

Posted in:cleavage|Scarlett Johansson|Tits

2008

Nov

Ivanka Trump and her Rich Girl Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

I like rich girls. They are usually carefree, don’t give a fuck and less interested in looking for acceptance and more interested in being bad by fucking, getting drunk and doing drugs. You know, going against the grain because their entire life they’ve had to stay classy in front of people, so the second no one is watching they lose their shit.

I saw a relative of the Prime Minister of Canada out dancing on a pole this weekend, wasted, making out with random dudes and it was amazing. It’s the kind of behavior that you’d want from a rich girl. I am not saying that someone like Paris Hilton is of value to society or something I want to see other rich girls copying , since its embarrassing and takes away from the whole allure of fucking a rich girl’s face, when everyone in the world has already seen her get her face fucked, what I am saying is that behind closed doors, when no one is watching, rich girls are amazing.

Ivanka Trump defies all that because she looks fucking boring. She’s not acting crazy or ripping huge trust fund funded lines of cocaine naked in one of her dad’s luxury apartment developments, she looks like she goes home to read up on not sweating the small stuff and investing, and it’s a serious waste of the opportunities she has being who she is, but more importantly, it’s a waste of tit because she is stacked….

On a side note, I read on Perez Hilton that her mom’s 20 year old husband was on the Italian version of Survivor, and was caught fucking one of the contestants on Camera, maybe he could take Ivanka aside and teach her how to throw out her collection of designer turtle necks and pull that gold plated dildo out of her ass, and take advantage of the meal ticket God gave her to take advantage of….but he’ll probably be out of the picture as soon as that video hits the internet, so I guess there’s just no hope for her.

Posted in:Ivanka Trump|Rich|Tits

2008

Nov

Lindsay Lohan and Her Lesbian Tits Re-Hydrating And that’s About All She’s Doing of the Day

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Lohan tried to re-invent herself, sure it may not have been the best idea to go lesbian, you know with the world hating fags, but it worked for Ellen, so I guess it made sense at the time, even though the bulk of her career was based on being in kid’s movies by Disney, a company that only promotes homosexuality in Zac Effron’s dressing room, but after her whole spoiled cunt episode of self-destruction last year, that ended in rehab, it seemed like an interesting step to take, you know to not come across as being a slut by being in a long term loyal relationship, even if it was with another girl, it was seemingly more stable for her career, and interesting enough for people to talk about.

But she hasn’t changed her way, together Ronson and Lohan make sure that no pictures of her drinking or doing drugs surface, despite how obvious it is that she’s still doing cocaine based on how fucking skinny she is and all the shit people have emailed me about seeing her out drinking, but it doesn’t matter, because their lie backfired, because she is just a useless annoying cunt and anyway you present her to the public, she’ll always be that useless annoying cunt.

So she’s been fired from Ugly Betty, She’s not working on any movies, She’s been rejected for Dancing With the Stars, something Pauly Shore wouldn’t be rejected from, she’s now been fired from hosting the World Music Awards, and replaced by Denise Richards, someone who’s career was based on one sex scene and Baywatch, 10 fucking years ago, so I guess it’s time for her to throw in the lesbian towel, because there’s just not much else out there for her. There are no more scandals left to keep her in the media, there’s no body part we haven’t seen and no company willing to hire her….

Sure, aside from the bitchiness, immaturity, bratty, whining, psycho, unstable cunt behavior and the fact that she’s not marketable or worth anything in the celebirty scene, she’s still got a hot set of tits, but anyone can get those, they just have to save up 5 grand, which is something Lohan may have a hard time doing because she can’t get a fuckin’ job, but I guess she’s already made it, so she doesn’t really have to work anymore.

I can’t imagine there really being a comeback for her, unless you consider a Lohan getting fisted by Ronson in Vivid’s next celebrity tape a comeback, but i don’t know how many people would buy that or if it’s even in the works yet, because watching Ronson’s empty ballsack of a vagina is kind of a deal breaker for most people, but not me, empty ballsacks won’t hold me back, I’ve seen a hell of a lot weirder shit….and would love to see Lohan in what would probably be the best performance of her career, except for maybe how she plays up this whole fake lesbian relationship, but I guess that’s not really makin’ her money no matter how good it is…..

So here she is re-hydrating, because she’s pretty much got nothing else going on for her and little to do with her time, while her girlfriend travels the world getting paid too much to DJ shitty events.

Posted in:Lesbian|Lindsay Lohan|Tits

2008

Nov

Shauna Sand Tits Taking a Walk of the Day

4 Comments »

To think I had these preconceived notions of Shauna Sand, you know that she was a fake tittied, fake tanned whore, who’s only skill was how fast she could bring a dick to orgasm with her leathery skin and fake plastic lips, but it turns out that I was wrong about her. She is really clever and well spoken, you know how she explains to us how she deals with jealous people by just throwing a smile at them, because cunts like this are so fucking delusional that they truly believe if you’re laughing at her bad tit job, you are jealous of her, because they can’t admit to themselves that they are fucking clowns and since she’s smart enough to try to figure that one out, she’s pretty much proven to be smart enough to be Vice President of the USA, which may not be saying much, but is saying something.

Here are some pictures of Shauna Sand in her classy Halloween Costume…..I guess it’s still called dressing up, even if you aren’t putting all that much clothes on and despite how haggard she looks, I seriously have no problem with this costume.

Posted in:Shauna Sand|Tits

2008

Oct

Aisleyne Horgan Wallace is a Busted Up Party Slut of the Day

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Her name is Aisleyne Horgan Wallace and you’ve probably never heard of her, but I have. She’s some rich kid socialite from the UK, who has some important stepfather, who wanted to get a career of her own as a model, actress, Paris Hilton, so she signed up to some reality show, and showed off her ability to have pretty much no self respect while craving a lot of male attention. She’s showed up to events with her tits out, her underwear showing, and has done all she can to have people talk about her, her fake tits and heer used up pussy.

The truth is that she’s a pig faced waste of fucking space, but like all party sluts with the same self worth, she’s managed to show off her ass and fake titties again, it’s pretty much the core of her person and the only reason she gets work, and I’m going to support that, in hopes that one day we’ll meet and she’ll be nice enough to support me for being part of her quest to draw attention to herself. I am not very expensive, I just want out of this hell that I am living.

On a side note, there is a trendy club here, that I have managed to work my way into a couple of times with friends who knew people, not that getting into any club in this city is hard, everyone is relatively broke and useless, and the city is small enough to know a couple of key people, but that’s not the point, the point is that it has a similar balcony that looks over the dance floor and when I saw it for the first time, I thought i was in heaven. I looked up to the Gods while totally wasted and lookin back at me was young girls in short skirts wearing all different kinds of panties, some weren’t wearing panties at all, and as pussy, ass and thongs were being showered over me, I felt like I was in heaven, taking it all in, until a bouncer grabbed me and escorted me out for being a creep, never to be allowed back in again with nothing but memories to remember that glorious days, memories that are unfortunately sparked by this ugly slag.

Posted in:Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace|Ass|Slut|Tits

2008

Oct

Katie Price and Her Fake Tits Dressed Up Like a Slutty Clown to Promote Hair Products of the Day

1 Comment »

Katie Price is a marketing genius. When she realized that she was famous for no fucking reason, other than having the biggest stupid fake tits around, she knew that either someone hotter with more plastic surgery would come along and steal her glory, or that if that didn’t happen, people would be bound to lose interest and find other whores with no shame to fixate on, so before her flame that is fame completely went out, she jumped into merchandising. She’s got a line of pretty much everything from lingerie to horse apparel, including some haircare bullshit.

I guess the real issue isn’t that someone with more money than they know what to do with can create a line of pretty much anything they want, but the fact that somewhere out there some slut is rockin’ this hair dryer in the dressing room of the strip club she works at, you know, the only kind of girl who can look at Katie Price as a symbol of inspiration, because the only other reason to buy this garbage is because it’s in the discount bin and you really need a hair dryer, which I doubt happens that often.

Either way, she was in some costume with her new scaled down tits that are still retardedly big and fake and I guess since I am a simple minded person, that’s enough reason to get a post here. Yes, it is that easy.

Posted in:Costume|Jordan|Katie Price|Tits

2008

Oct

Katy Perry Gets Her Tits Cast for Charity of the Day

3 Comments »

So Katy Perry is riding the celebrity wave and decided to do something good with the only thing she’s got going or her and that’s her big fat chick tits. So she got involved with this charity called Keep A Breast, and they pretty much mold titties, get artists to paint them and auction them off on ebay for perverts to tittyfuck, even though it feels like sandpaper and will rip your dick apart, but perverts are determined and don’t fuck around when it comes to getting off in the weirdest ways possible.

I am sure that her tits will sell for a lot of money, because so many people want a piece, except me, because all I see is a talentless fat chick on coke who has far too much fame than she deserves, who has single handedly ruined my teenage girl fantasy by making her catchy fuckin contagious song rape my brain because of all the airtime it got.

The word on the street is that song isn’t the only thing contagious on this girl, so maybe a mold of her tits is better than a her herpes infested real ones. Sure, herpes rarely appear on tits, it’s one of those medical mysteries, and Katy Perry’s career pretty much proves that defying the odds type of miracles really do exist….

Posted in:Katy Perry|Tits

2008

Oct

Traci Bingham’s Tits for Her Reality Show of the Day

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Traci Bingham is on a reality show, that instead of no name celebrities competing in dance, they are competing to get their own reality show. So basically, it is a reality show about landing a reality show, and the concept is decent I guess, I mean it’s a little complex for my small brain to handle, and it screams that networks are running out of ideas, because it’s like watching a bad making of video, with challenges and obstacles thrown into the mix, only to see who gets their own show and then being forced to watch that shit, it’s like a 2 tier reality tv concept with all kinds of spin-off potential, when in reality, I’d rather none of these people get a show, they are played out and seeing them living their scripted lives is insulting and boring.

The other thing I know is that these staged paparazzi pictures are fucking annoying me. I started posting celebrities acting like idiots or embarrassing themselves because it made me happy to rip them apart in their own natural habitat, since they invade my natural habitat everywhere I fucking go. I figured people liked laughing at them, because they felt the same way about them as I did, but the caught on to that, and saw it as a way to get more press, so the got out there in more bikinis, more see through shirt, released more sex tapes, had more fake relationships, pretended they were gay, pretended they were drunk, got arrested, and all these other things, that would otherwise have never happened, and it is so fucking obvious that it takes away the fun in laughing at them.

It’s like we get it, your life is a joke, your persona is your money making tool, you want us all to know your name and talk abotu you because boys in your high school didn’t want to fuck you and you dad was molesting your sister and not you, leaving you feeling inadequate, but paying the paparazzi to take pictures of you, is breakin’ the rules of being famous. Working with the people who sift through your garbage, is wrong and taking away our entertainment that we got out of seeing you in compromising positions unwillingly, and forcing us to see fabricated situations, like your life is one big horribly written script, is mean.

But the one thing that keeps me going is my belief that us as a whole we have the power to ruin these people and take away the glory they don’t deserve. I mean not that anything about Traci Bingham is glorious, except for maybe the fake tits, and we can’t hate her for milking the opportunity because it’s there, but, you you can fight the lying and manipulating people who make Hollywood by making them go bankrupt by not going to their movies or watching their TV shows and that is something I am willing to executive produce.

Posted in:cleavage|Tits|Traci Bingham