Tits Archives - Page 55 of 79 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

10

Oct

I am – Kim Kardashian's Tits of the Day

So it turns out that Kim Kardashian’s got some reality TV show with her sister called “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and I am sure it’s going to be some next level shit that will change all our fucking lives. I am not really sure what Kim Kardashian does but I can only assume keeping up with her is pretty fucking easy. Other than the fact that we don’t have high powered lawyers as a father, who died and left us a huge inheritance to travel the world and attend events, or the fact that we don’t fuck black men on video for the world to see, or the fact that our asses, despite being 300 lbs aren’t as big as hers, I think the only real challenges this bitch faces is putting on a pair of jeans in the morning.

Reality is that I like to think I am going to the top, and will have my own show called Keeping up with Jesus Martinez, that would involve me sitting on a computer all day and drinking myself into the gutter all night, but not at those trendy clubs, I am talking a bottle of whiskey and a park. I am not going to the top because I am talent or because I have any readers or any prospects but I like to think I am because I have a slutty reader who wants to fuck me and that shit makes me feel like a star. She’s got daddy issues and I am all about daddy issues. She probably has a boyfriend or husband and she is probably 200 pounds and likes videogames and jogging pants, but I don’t care. I like the attention. I am the flavor of the month for her and she’ll be done with this site in the next couple of weeks, but right now I guess she gets off to what I write. It’s too bad that the real me is a lot less interesting and attractive as I make myself out to be. If I ever made my way to California where she lives, which is always possible cuz I hate my wife, and set up a little meeting with her to get her to let me watch her shower, she’d only look at me in disgust and call the police. See you and me really do have a lot in common. Only difference is that bitches aren’t leaving you these kinds of messages.

Listen to the Message She Left Me Today .

Either way, here are pics of Kim Kardashian’s tits at the premiere of her shitty show….

Related Posts:

Kim Kardashian’s Mom Jeans
Some Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Preview Pics
Kim Kadashian’s Bikini Pictures
Kim Kardashian’s Armenian Ass

2007

09

Oct

I am – Tara Reid Does FHM of the Day

9 Comments »

People who like to get wasted get a lot of slack. I have been told over and over in my life that I get drunk because I have a void to fill and I try to tell people that that void is the fact that I am not drunk. It’s got nothing to do with hating myself and trying to forget my problems, because that shit follows me wherever I go and no matter how fucked up I get, what it does have to do with is that being drunk is fun and the chicks are easy, they get wild and show me their tits and let me watch them shower and shit which sober girls only do once you charm them and as a person with no charisma, charming isn’t much of an option. So getting drunk is fun and allows us to live out all the fantasies we want to live out because sober is too fuckin’ dull and that’s all there is to it.

The real degenerates in the world are the people who pretend they aren’t degenerates. The people who rock the 9-5 middle management job to put food on the table for a family they resent. Or the guy who married his highschool sweetheart or some chick because his parents approved of her, or the person who was a great artist growing up but decided to pursue a Law Degree because that’s what their family wanted, or the person who got married to a woman he hates out of fear of loneliness, and every chance he gets he goes across the street to fuck the neighbor or maybe even beats her up emotionally or physicially because he hates her or maybe the guy who has a high powered job but jerks off to teenage boys playing soccer but since he lives in a good house, he’s gotta be ok. Or the dude who feels inadequate because all his neighbors have BMWs so he goes so deep in debt to maintain his image that he ends up killing himself, or even the rich parents who are too busy being self absorbed or making money to raise their kids proper, so they give them an immigrant nanny to boss around and treat like shit at a young age and carry that asshole attitude into adulthood but have a credit card to get whatever they want so they are going to be okay, even if daddy was too busy working to give them the time of day and mommy was too busy fucking her tennis pro or getting her hair done. Superficial, Materialistic, status hungry assholes are the fucking trash of the world, people just don’t realize it because they have money and seem to have it together…but we all have fucking demons.

So the real degenerates in the world are the fuckers who don’t think they are degenerates because they have money or jobs or are living by the boundaries society has set for them. Bars and clubs are made for partying and partying is never a bad thing because it’s a fucking celebration and even if it kills you, because you know what, everything out there kills you and you might as well have it happen when wasted, because it will hurt less.

Either way, Tara Reid is a party slut and despite having no respect for party sluts, I do still love them because without them so many fun things wouldn’t go down and here she defends her party ways while dissing Lohan, because we all know alcoholics are all about excuses because it was a friends birthday and I had a rough day at work and I only had 3 drinks.

So you did do a lot of partying?
Everyone does, but youâ€™ll never read a story about me going out and partying when Iâ€™m supposed to be working, showing up on a set drunk or missing a day, never. But when Iâ€™m not working why shouldnâ€™t I have fun? Am I supposed to stay at home and live in a cage? I like to have fun and have people around me. I think the reason I never ended up in as much trouble as Paris or Lindsay [Lohan] is that Iâ€™m not stupid, so Iâ€™d never do a lot of the things those girls do, and Iâ€™ve always had good friends around me.

So they are stupid?
Yeah. Like, Lindsay makes $15 million a movie, so why doesnâ€™t she have a driver? I donâ€™t get it. If you get drunk, thatâ€™s fine, but donâ€™t drive. They need to straighten up a little bit and make better investments. And they should surround themselves with better people who donâ€™t let them get themselves in trouble.

Are you friends with Paris, Lindsay or Britney?

No, Iâ€™m older than them. I know them all, but I donâ€™t hang out with them.

Check Out Tara Reid’s Spread in FHM Lookin’ Hot Enough To K-Fed
GO

Posted in:FHM|Lingerie|Tara Reid|Tits|Unsorted

2007

09

Oct

I am – Sienna Miller’s Vagina Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

Here are some Sienna Miller frontal nudes from her movie about being a hippie. I don’t know about you, but the hippies I know rock serious fucking bush, none of the manicured bullshit that she’s got going on. I have always been a fan of bush, in theory, because bikini waxes are too fucking mainstream and I like to see a girl go against what’s popular, but the problem is that most girls with bush are either lazy, don’t fuck or are tree hugging dykes.

I got this email from a reader today:

well i started growing my bush, for you, obviously, because everyone else i try to tell about this thinks im gross, and i have really straight hair, like asian people straight and i fucking hate those asians, but anyway, i wanted my bush to go POOF right, no. its goes down. i now have pussy bangs.

I thought it was funny that my one reader is a chick and that she’s willing to grow her bush out for me. It makes me feel like she’d probably lick my asshole with shit still in it and I guess this kind of power makes me feel like some kind of important celebrity type that groupies run up to to bang when they see them out in bars. Unfortunately, that’s probably not the case with me, and this girl is probably in her 40s, hates her life and has a weight problem but at least she made the effort to make me feel like she’s actually doing something so dirty for me, even if she never sent a picture to go along with it.

Either way, here’s that Sienna Miller Pussy, that’s probably seen more cocks than you have and possibly more cocks than my 84 year old prostitute friend who’s been doing this suckin’ dick money shit for over 6 decades, but I’d still like to bounce quarters off the shit, even if I’d have to hit the streets and beg for change, because quarters are pretty much my life savings and I don’t think Jude Law’s sloppy seconds are worth my life savings, but with other people’s money, I am totally down because let’s face it, her junk’s not as meaty as most pussy out there, and meaty pussy is about as sexy as sucking on a fucking scrotum.

I don’t know what I am talking about, look at the pics.

Related Posts:

Sienna Miller’s Nipple on Set
Sienna Miller’s See Through Shirt on Set
Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley Dyke Out on Set
Sienna Miller Topless Beach

2007

09

Oct

I am – Sienna Miller's Vagina Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

Here are some Sienna Miller frontal nudes from her movie about being a hippie. I don’t know about you, but the hippies I know rock serious fucking bush, none of the manicured bullshit that she’s got going on. I have always been a fan of bush, in theory, because bikini waxes are too fucking mainstream and I like to see a girl go against what’s popular, but the problem is that most girls with bush are either lazy, don’t fuck or are tree hugging dykes.

I got this email from a reader today:

well i started growing my bush, for you, obviously, because everyone else i try to tell about this thinks im gross, and i have really straight hair, like asian people straight and i fucking hate those asians, but anyway, i wanted my bush to go POOF right, no. its goes down. i now have pussy bangs.

I thought it was funny that my one reader is a chick and that she’s willing to grow her bush out for me. It makes me feel like she’d probably lick my asshole with shit still in it and I guess this kind of power makes me feel like some kind of important celebrity type that groupies run up to to bang when they see them out in bars. Unfortunately, that’s probably not the case with me, and this girl is probably in her 40s, hates her life and has a weight problem but at least she made the effort to make me feel like she’s actually doing something so dirty for me, even if she never sent a picture to go along with it.

Either way, here’s that Sienna Miller Pussy, that’s probably seen more cocks than you have and possibly more cocks than my 84 year old prostitute friend who’s been doing this suckin’ dick money shit for over 6 decades, but I’d still like to bounce quarters off the shit, even if I’d have to hit the streets and beg for change, because quarters are pretty much my life savings and I don’t think Jude Law’s sloppy seconds are worth my life savings, but with other people’s money, I am totally down because let’s face it, her junk’s not as meaty as most pussy out there, and meaty pussy is about as sexy as sucking on a fucking scrotum.

I don’t know what I am talking about, look at the pics.

Related Posts:

Sienna Miller’s Nipple on Set
Sienna Miller’s See Through Shirt on Set
Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley Dyke Out on Set
Sienna Miller Topless Beach

2007

05

Oct

I am – Cheryl Tweedy Cole Animal Print Bra of the Day

1 Comment »

Here’s a little Trailer Park Cheap Knock Off Version of Posh Spice action, her name is Cheryl Tweedy Cole and she is from the UK and she was in an all girl pop band and she married a footballer who used to shower with Beckham, where they would all bend it like Beckham, because he was the most flexible of the bunch….an inspiration to them all.

These pictures are of Cheryl Tweedy Cole rockin’ an animal print bra because animal print bras mean she’s a crazy slutty pornstar type, no fabric print since the Hawaiian shirt has represented such adventure and fun.

I saw a bra today, on a woman, who was breastfeeding in public. Either I live in the land of breeders or this breastfeeding business is getting fucking popular, because everytime I leave my house, which isn’t much, I see a bitch with a baby on her tit. Today, the woman was sitting in the window of a sandwich shop and was blockin out the rest of the restaurants audience, without realizing that everyone on the fuckin’ street had full view. I was tempted to go up to the window and start jerking off saying shit like “suck harder baby”, but I was thrown off when I realized the kid who was breast feeding could walk….I guess momma liked the way shit felt, or maybe liked the fullness of her tits, but doesn’t realize that this kid is going to have some serious fucking momma boy issues in about 5 years that will carry him through the rest of his life…I still liked the show and wished I was that little 4 year old suckin on that tit for a minute, but not as badly as how Cheryl Tweedy Cole wants to be Posh Spice and I love suckin’ tits. If you know what I mean, which you probably don’t because you haven’t read this post. Thanks for the support. Asshole.

Related Posts:

Cheryl Tweedy Cole Has a See Through Shirt
Cheryl Tweedy Cole Does Bikinis
Cheryl Tweedy Cole Still Does Bikini Pictures
Cheryl Tweedy Dates Darkies

Posted in:Bra|Cheryl Tweedy Cole|cleavage|Tits|Unsorted

2007

04

Oct

I am – Anna Kournikova Bikini Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

Here are some Anna Kournikova Bikini pictures, because although she’s getting older, her tight Russian body in a bikini never gets old to me.

The thing I like about Russian chicks is that they have low standards. They are hot and aren’t looking for much more than food on the table and citizenship to a new prosperous country. They grew up as communists with rationed bread and toilet paper and the freedom we have to go and buy as much bread as we want is appealing enough for them to fall in love with you, have your babies and marry you. You don’t need to be famous to bang these bitches, you just need a passport where as North American girls are all materialistic and shit and want their good lookin’, rich, provider of a man who treats them like shit.

I guess the point of all this is to say, start saving your money, because a trip to Russia will make you feel like the rockstar you always wanted to be and maybe you’ll be able to bring home something nice for your mother who is scared you’re going to die alone and a virgin. At least she cares.

Here are some pictures of Anna Kournikova, the least successful tennis player but probably the best thing to happen to tennis because she wasn’t some brute lesbian grunting on the court, but a dainty little russian who we all pretended her gasps and grunts were sounds of her orgasms. Nothing like shutting your eyes and turning up the volume to a tennis match, that shit’s like porno and we all know how you feel about porn.

Thanks to the dude who sent these in, I’ll be your mail order bride, but I doubt you’d be able to stomach my stink. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Anna Kournikova Bikini Top and Short Shorts
Some Anna Kournikova Black Bikini Top
Some Anna Kournikova Cleavage

2007

03

Oct

I am – Amy Winehouse’s Pink Box of the Day

4 Comments »

Amy Winehouse is hot. I don’t think she looks so bad for a heroin addict who’s about to die because of her addiction. Sure she’s got a fucking disgusting face, but that’s just the Jewish face, tons of girl I know have the same droopy shit going down and they aren’t addicted to drugs, it’s just genetics that’s why Jewish guys go for non-Jews and their money convinces the non-Jews to convert for them, because the Rich Jewish life is a better one than the poor hot French Chick life.

Winehouse is rockin’ a great set of tits on such a small frame which is so hard to come by on an addict, usually the tits are the first to go, so it’s nice to see but not as nice as seeign that she’s a cheap date and likes McDonalds and she carries her own pink boxes around with her even though she’s famous. Making me believe that you could impress her on your budget so instead of dreaming about the hotter more expensive pussy, we gotta go for pussy that’s in our budget.

Sure I’ve seen better pussy crawl out of the gutter, but they weren’t dressed this well and they weren’t that good at singing, when they fucked they sounded like a camel giving birth, not that I know what a camel giving birth sounds like, but I like to pretend I am a Zoologist sometimes, it was a childhood dream.

Most importantly I constantly get refused link partners and advertisers because I post nipples on my site, I’m glad that Winehouse posts tits on her body in the form of prison tattoos like she’s a fuckin’ sailor rolling into port to slam all our hookers and land syphilis, it’s like me and Winehouse are fighting this fight together, because I believe most people have nipples so posting them isn’t porn but the advertisers I reach out to don’t seem to get it, and unfortunately either does Amy, cuz she’s too high to care…and focused on her next hit.

Point of all this is to say, is that if I was as addictive as heroin, I’d be in a much better place, so fuck you heroin for showing me up all the time but I think the real issue is that there’s no way she wasn’t molested or beaten as a kid, cuz she’s got some major fucking issues….I’ll miss her when she’s gone.

Amy Winehouse Bikini Pictures With Nipples…
Amy Winehouse’s Bra
Amy Winehouse’s Dirty Underwear
Amy Winehouse Short Shorts

2007

03

Oct

I am – Amy Winehouse's Pink Box of the Day

No Comments »

Amy Winehouse is hot. I don’t think she looks so bad for a heroin addict who’s about to die because of her addiction. Sure she’s got a fucking disgusting face, but that’s just the Jewish face, tons of girl I know have the same droopy shit going down and they aren’t addicted to drugs, it’s just genetics that’s why Jewish guys go for non-Jews and their money convinces the non-Jews to convert for them, because the Rich Jewish life is a better one than the poor hot French Chick life.

Winehouse is rockin’ a great set of tits on such a small frame which is so hard to come by on an addict, usually the tits are the first to go, so it’s nice to see but not as nice as seeign that she’s a cheap date and likes McDonalds and she carries her own pink boxes around with her even though she’s famous. Making me believe that you could impress her on your budget so instead of dreaming about the hotter more expensive pussy, we gotta go for pussy that’s in our budget.

Sure I’ve seen better pussy crawl out of the gutter, but they weren’t dressed this well and they weren’t that good at singing, when they fucked they sounded like a camel giving birth, not that I know what a camel giving birth sounds like, but I like to pretend I am a Zoologist sometimes, it was a childhood dream.

Most importantly I constantly get refused link partners and advertisers because I post nipples on my site, I’m glad that Winehouse posts tits on her body in the form of prison tattoos like she’s a fuckin’ sailor rolling into port to slam all our hookers and land syphilis, it’s like me and Winehouse are fighting this fight together, because I believe most people have nipples so posting them isn’t porn but the advertisers I reach out to don’t seem to get it, and unfortunately either does Amy, cuz she’s too high to care…and focused on her next hit.

Point of all this is to say, is that if I was as addictive as heroin, I’d be in a much better place, so fuck you heroin for showing me up all the time but I think the real issue is that there’s no way she wasn’t molested or beaten as a kid, cuz she’s got some major fucking issues….I’ll miss her when she’s gone.

Amy Winehouse Bikini Pictures With Nipples…
Amy Winehouse’s Bra
Amy Winehouse’s Dirty Underwear
Amy Winehouse Short Shorts

2007

03

Oct

I am – Jessica Simpson's Crazy Cleavage of the Day

2 Comments »

Big tits are cool.

Related Posts:

Jessica Simpson on Set Jogging Action in Shorts
Jessica SImpson Playing a Drunk
Jessica Simpson’s Got Some Ripped Legs
Jessica Simpson Has Nipples

Posted in:cleavage|Jessica Simspon|Tits|Unsorted

2007

03

Oct

I am – Jessica Simpson’s Crazy Cleavage of the Day

2 Comments »

Big tits are cool.

Related Posts:

Jessica Simpson on Set Jogging Action in Shorts
Jessica SImpson Playing a Drunk
Jessica Simpson’s Got Some Ripped Legs
Jessica Simpson Has Nipples

Posted in:cleavage|Jessica Simspon|Tits|Unsorted

Archive for the Tits Category