Tits Archives - Page 57 of 79 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

26

Sep

I am – Jennie Garth Cleavage Pictures of the Day

My server is a fucking whore and has been acting up the last 2 years. I am told the company is working on a fix but that means that I don’t have a site right now and it’s a pretty scary thought that you can lose everything you work for in about a minute, not that I really work, but you know what I mean.

Speaking of not working, here’s Beverly Hills 90210 superstar Jennie Garth, a little older and a little poorer since she hasn’t got a pay check in 10 years, but at least she’s rockin’ some cleavage.

I met a girl the other day while getting a lap dance who was a trained dancer. She spent her life in ballet school and lived the disciplined and strict life. She couldn’t make any money doing it and loved dancing so much that now she’s an over qualified stripper and I got to grab her ballerina tits for 10 dollars.

The other strippers didn’t like her because of her artistic approach to the pole. Shit was like watching some kind of artistic cultural event and this tattooed whore who learned here moves watching music videos and porn ended up punching her in the face for being such a fag while I was there. I guess there’s something hot about a stripper with a black eye who does ballet, it kinda adds to the whole “crying scene” in her routine…and I know you get off to chicks who look beat up because you’re weird.

Here are Jennie Garth’s tits, because she may be an actor out of work but she’s still got a vagina.

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Mariah Carey’s Got Some Cleavage
Christina Aguilera Cleavage
Anna Kournikova Cleavage
Rachel Leigh Cook’s Got Cleavage

2007

26

Sep

I am – Kristin Cavallari Dressed Like a Slut of the Day

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Here are some Kirstin Cavallari pictures from the set of some movie she’s working on. Yeah, it’s hard to believe that she’s working on a movie but I can only assume it will be one of the shittiest movies ever made….

I went to a strip club recently and when I was there the girl was wearing a similar outfit to Cavallari’s. She was in cut off jean shorts and had a push up bikini top and she looked like she was pretty hot, until the clothes came off and I realized she was dumpy as fuck. I am not into discriminating bitches for being dumpy, because all pussy is worth at least lookin’ at, but when she got on stage she was a wreck of a performer. She kept tripping and falling all over herself. When she did her pole tricks she kept hitting her head on the ground and she almost kicked the dude I was with in the face. She got on all fours to do the booty bounce because it’s popular but couldn’t manage it and just looked like she was flexing her ass muscles and lookin at a flexed chick ass is one of the least sexy things out there. There was nothing hot about the performance and I laughed at least twice.

I like to think Kristin Cavallari is a lot like that stripper. She’s not that talented or good at what she does, but she doesn’t realize it and still gets on the screen for people to watch and laugh at, but when she’s sitting around in a push up bikini top and short cut off jean shorts, I got no problem lookin’ at her tits….

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Kristin Cavallari Bikini Pics
Kristin Cavallari Facebook Pics
Audrina Partridge From The Hills Bikini Pics
Lauren Conrad Bikini Pics

2007

24

Sep

I am – Nicole Richie's Pregnant Bikini of the Day

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These have been out for a while. I saw them over the weekend. I thought that it was nice to see her taking a vacation from her life that is a vacation. I am not one to really talk. I may not have any money but I don’t have to get up to look at some asshole boss in the face everyday….and sometimes that’s more important than having money.

Either way, I like pregnant girls because girls generally won’t ever let me get them pregnant. That means I have never had sex with one, or had to deal with all their raging pregnancy emotions and hormonal imbalances. I am the kind of guy who girls end up banging out of confusion or depression and as their lives go on they realize that I am not worthy of dropping my seed in their womb. Even my wife told me that there was no way she would ever have my babies when we first hooked up and I thought it was the right thing to do since I was married and hated her.

Reality is that kids are kinda cool and would have distracted me from things I hated, until realizing that they were damn expensive to keep around and then I’d resent them for having to get a job that would make me face a boss everyday just to pay for their stupid designer clothes….So reality is that I may not have a legacy or a little fucker to pass all my wisdom onto, but at least I don’t have to work…

Point of all this is to say I could go off about how bitch looks like a rat-faced rodent of some sort and that she’s probably pregnant with 10 little babies in this litter, or I could go on to talk about how she’s so anorexic and now she’s not pregnant she just has a distended ethiopian stomach (it’s her heritage), I could go onto how the baby isn’t really a baby, it’s just where Good Charlotte hides their make-up and gay porn because they are fags and they don’t want that getting out…I could talk about how dumpy her ass is or how her milk filled tits are really luxurious but I am not going to do that because I would rather go out and get drunk. See ya.

Related Posts:

Nicole Richie Leaves Town of the Day
Nicole Richie’s Pregnant Titties
Nicole Richie’s See Through Maternity Slutwear
Nicole Richie is Pregant!!!!

2007

24

Sep

I am – Nicole Richie’s Pregnant Bikini of the Day

3 Comments »

These have been out for a while. I saw them over the weekend. I thought that it was nice to see her taking a vacation from her life that is a vacation. I am not one to really talk. I may not have any money but I don’t have to get up to look at some asshole boss in the face everyday….and sometimes that’s more important than having money.

Either way, I like pregnant girls because girls generally won’t ever let me get them pregnant. That means I have never had sex with one, or had to deal with all their raging pregnancy emotions and hormonal imbalances. I am the kind of guy who girls end up banging out of confusion or depression and as their lives go on they realize that I am not worthy of dropping my seed in their womb. Even my wife told me that there was no way she would ever have my babies when we first hooked up and I thought it was the right thing to do since I was married and hated her.

Reality is that kids are kinda cool and would have distracted me from things I hated, until realizing that they were damn expensive to keep around and then I’d resent them for having to get a job that would make me face a boss everyday just to pay for their stupid designer clothes….So reality is that I may not have a legacy or a little fucker to pass all my wisdom onto, but at least I don’t have to work…

Point of all this is to say I could go off about how bitch looks like a rat-faced rodent of some sort and that she’s probably pregnant with 10 little babies in this litter, or I could go on to talk about how she’s so anorexic and now she’s not pregnant she just has a distended ethiopian stomach (it’s her heritage), I could go onto how the baby isn’t really a baby, it’s just where Good Charlotte hides their make-up and gay porn because they are fags and they don’t want that getting out…I could talk about how dumpy her ass is or how her milk filled tits are really luxurious but I am not going to do that because I would rather go out and get drunk. See ya.

Related Posts:

Nicole Richie Leaves Town of the Day
Nicole Richie’s Pregnant Titties
Nicole Richie’s See Through Maternity Slutwear
Nicole Richie is Pregant!!!!

2007

24

Sep

I am – Meg White Sex Tape of the Day

1 Comment »

I am a little slow moving today with the whole being hung over and having a site that crashes more than Lohan driving drunk and high in her benz, but who really needs to be fast on this Meg White sex tape shit. Bitch is a fucking pig and always left me feeling uneasy. I never found her hot, so watching her get fucked isn’t really hot either. The only time I would want to see her get fucked is on stage by her brother, but that’s just because I am convinced they bang. Otherwise why would he let her in his band? You never do see the dude in the videos face…That said, who really knows if this is even Meg White, I don’t think anyone has looked at her long enough to know what she looks like, they just see a brunette fat chick and assume….

Either way, she’s a bad lay but takes the load inside her like any self-respecting woman should, provided she’s into STDs and unwanted pregnancy….which I am but only because there’s just something exciting about waiting it out for the month in uncertainty. You know that excitement that hits when your girl tells you she’s got her period, even though that only lasts about 3 minutes until you realize that she’s probably not going to let you fuck her for the next week, unless you have a cool chick who’s into period sex and you don’t mind the mess.

Speaking of mess, here’s that video, listen to her pant, then fuck yourself. Sicko.

I am – Pam Anderson Covered Up at the Beach

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Image Removed due to Papparazzi

I was surprised to see these pictures of Pam Anderson on the beach covered up, mainly because she’s an exhibitionist slut who is normally in a skimpy bikini with fake and real parts spilling the fuck out, but I guess it was cold out considering that buddy she’s with is rocking a gayer than bicycle shorts, tight as fuck wet suit.

I usually rip into this bitch for being a trashy washed up stripper. Or I go off about her hepatitis and how she was the object of all your wet dreams when you were in high school, but I guess I gotta step back and be realistic for a second. She’s got a couple of kids, she’s pretty menopausal, and she’s still got a tighter body than most 20 year olds I try to get naked. Sure, I prey on the ugly ones because they appreciate the attention and I appreciate their youth, but they are still girls. I think Pam’s future husband does the same thing, only he’s more successful and the young girls he goes after are heiresses that he’s enterprising enough to film getting fucked raw dog. I always wondered if he was the source of her herpes, which is the strain that has hit everyone in Hollywood, or if she scored that somewhere else. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is what Pam and his sex smells like, you know her hep, his herp shit’s could be pretty fucking gross.

I am not so into fake tits, I don’t like what they do to girls. They make them so tit-centric that being around them is fucking tedious. They always talk about their tits, flash their tits, make people touch their tits, which isn’t the bad part, the bad part is that I am never the one they ask to touch, lick or rate them, and whenever I am left out, I get bitter. I was walking down the street today and saw some pregnant lookin’ chick walking alone with a set of fake tits, my first thought was that I bet she didn’t know the daddy’s name because her fake tits lured him in one drunken night, when I asked her, she wasn’t too impressed and told me to fuck off.

Either way, here are the Pam Anderson and the shit stain on her arm covered up on the beach pics.

Don’t worry, this post didn’t make me laugh either.

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Pam Anderson White Bikini Pictures
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Pam Anderson Licks Some Dude With Her Vagina Exposed
Pam Anderson Partying in a Hooters Uniform

2007

19

Sep

I am – Dane Cook Sex Scene from Good Luck Chuck of the Day

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GOOD LUCK CHUCK – NSFW Clip – Watch more free videos

I hate Dane Cook. I don’t find him funny and I used to be offended that this fucker was famous and making money for being such a fucking asshole and not the good kind of asshole that makes you laugh, but the kind of asshole you just want to punch in the face.

In this clip he’s banging some topless chick with his shirt on. We all know that he’s not actually banging her but the ending is pretty good because I just keep thinking about how I wish that actually happened to this cocksucker on one of his college tours. He’s the kind of guy who looks like he’s never been beaten up and the best way to make an asshole shut up is to get your big scary gay friend to rape him. Nothing ruins a man’s with a stupid sense of humor’s jokes than violating him.

I used to know this one dude who was always an asshole who would get drunk with us. He was a rich kid who thought he was invincible. We couldn’t ever calm him down, he’d just spit on people, throw his drink on people, dance with people’s girlfriends and seriously stir up shit when he shouldn’t have. We were constantly backin’ him up when people would turn on him and he never got more than a push and always walked away the bigger man. We all would talk about how he needed to get beat up because would be the best thing for him to learn there are some people you shouldn’t fuck with.

He ended up getting arrested for some stupid shit he did while drunk that involved taking a baseball bat to parked cars in the parking garage of his building that was under video camera surveillance and spent some time in some maximum security prison because it was considered a serious offense and because he had a shitty lawyer. I assume that they took his trust fund ass virginity when he was inside for those 6 months because when dude came out he never started drunken shit, he was always nice to be around and always bowed down to people bigger than him, when in the past he woulda got in there face. When I’d look into his eye, I knew that something broke him on the inside and that something was some biker’s dick who was in for murder.

So here’s the Dane Cook video that I like to believe is a real situation because this fucker needs to be put inline.

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Sienna Miller’s Sex Scene from Factory Girl

2007

19

Sep

I am – Petra Nemcova Upskirt Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

I saw these pictures last night but was too lazy to post them. I was all about doing it in the morning when I woke up, unfortunately the morning became 2 pm and then after folding laundry and doing dishes I finally get to them. The reason I am folding laundry and doing dishes isn’t because I am the bitch of the household. It’s not because I am neat. I do it out of necessity because shit fucking smells really fucking bad and I can stomach bad smells for a couple of weeks but when they turn really fucking bad I start to think my life is in danger, and despite being aware of my sucking at life, I still like to live it or drive it into the ground. Being poisoned by my wife’s panty stains isn’t really how I want to go. However, being poisoned by Petra Nemcova’s panties is a definite better option and I know that shit is deadly cuz that serial player to the stars Stavros got a piece.

Sometimes I wonder how many dudes some of these girls have bagged. I remember being 20 years old and meeting a 20 year old girl who had banged 30 dudes and I was kinda shocked and grossed out because she wasn’t a hooker and most girls I knew had only been with 10 or less because they were just starting out. She was the first regular girl and I got skeptical about cumming inside without a condom, but figured she’d know what to do if she got knocked up because she had experience in the situation, like hiring an ex cop to find out if your wife is cheating on you, not that I would do that, if my wife was cheating on me, I’d buy the dude a drink and thank him for taking her off my hands, figuratively of course, because if she was on my hands literally, I wouldn’t be able to type this shit because all my finger’s be broke.

Here are the upskirts for you. Asshole.

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2007

18

Sep

I am – Pamela Anderson in a Bikini in Malibu of the Day

4 Comments »

I guess Pam Anderson doesn’t realize that her prime ended when Baywatch was still on the air and ever since then it’s been this downward spiral of fake tit removal, fake tit replacement and a haggard old catcher’s mitt of a face that reminds me of the lady who works at the Salvation Army where I buy all my used panties for my used panty collection. I am weird like that.

Pam Anderson can’t seem to get herself out of a fucking bikini. Every week there are new pictures of her half naked and although half naked is good, I find this shit desperation like a Britney Spears comeback performance. At first I just thought she went insane and got a bikini grafted onto her because it is such a part of who she is, but then I realized that that was a stupid thought and that she is just like the local stripper, who was the star performer ten years ago, you know the one who everyone wanted the lap dance from and you’d never get a chance to touch her tits because she was always in the back working, who now still works the same club, holding onto a dream, remembering the good years while chain smoking at the bar hoping that someone will either remember her and take her for a dance the sake of a fantasy they never lived out, or that all the other girls get taken in the back and she’s the last man standing. She knows she’d be better off working as a receptionist or at the cosmetics counter of the Pharmacy but stripping is all she knows.

Here are some Pam Anderson bikini ass pics for you to live out the fantasy from the past when she was actual relevant, hot and wanted by all. Before she had two washed up losers fighting over her. Around the time of the sex tape, but all things aside, she has an amazing ass and I’d still do her, her big tits and her hepatitis ridden vagina.

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Some Pam Anderson in a Black Bikini Pictures
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2007

18

Sep

I am – Penelope Cruz's Cousin and Sister at the Beach of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Penelope Cruz’s family on the beach somewhere without Penelope Cruz. I have posted about her sister Monica Cruz before, she’s sin the thong, but I have no idea who the topless chick is. The message board I steal my pictures from say that it’s her cousin and it doesn’t really matter who she is, all that matters is that she is living the life, sitting on the beach all thanks to Penelope’s hard work. I guess this is a lot like when they were living in Spain as kids and they’d sit at home all day and send Penelope off to mow lawns, clean houses, work at the local cafe so that when she got home they could steal her paycheck and buy themselves ice cream.

Reality is that I don’t care how she’s related to Penelope Cruz because I just like topless beaches and would post that shit whether bitch was famous or not. I have this fantasy of grandeur, living the life with an above ground pool and a backyard where my stepdaughter and her friends will tan topless while I just sit back and drink beer. All the 18-20 year old hot girls will come over to take advantage of the only pool in the ghetto and I will be a happy fucking man….

I guess the point of this post is that the cousin’s tits are uneven and there’s nothing sexier than bringing a bitch home, taking off her bra to find that shit was being balanced out with a pair of socks and you’re really dealing with some one tit bigger than the other shit that is a lot like driving with a flat tire.

Here are those pics:

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