I woke up today and the person who sends me pics lost access to their picture source so I got a haircut instead of posting. Without a picture source, there’s pretty much no site.

I got back from my haircut and my computer won’t turn on.

I am at the internet cafe next door that charges $15 an hour. I only have $4.

So I guess this is it for now, or at least until I get my computer back up and running.

It’s a pain in the ass, but I am not letting it get me down like I would have earlier this year.

I went out with Brad the Jew last night and got so fucking wasted that I was dancing with one of the local drunks from the park in th W hotel amongst cha-chi’s sipping champagne, models being skinny and rap superstars with Asian implanted slags with no bras.

I have 1 minute left and I need to find a picture for this post….I got you some Petra topless runway pics. They are much sexier than my new hair, dead computer, drunken fun, hangover, anxiety attacks and stink of the day. Cuddles…

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I was watching Oprah. Today’s topic is about people who tried to kill themselves but failed. I like how today’s show has an intense theme song, it let’s me know that Oprah is in a serious mood, no fucking around. I was hoping to watch Gayle and Oprah’s lesbian tour, but I can deal with watching depression. I guess this is where the live blogging stops because I can’t think of anything funny to say about this shit. One dude shot his face off with a shotgun and lived, another girl got run over by a 30 car freight train, both totally fucked themselves up and are happy god let them live. It’s positive to see they found meaning, but shit dude, it would have been a lot easier on them if they found meaning in a less destructive way. I have been depressed in the past and the funniest thing that has happened while depressed was a lot of drinking, raw sex with hookers and girls I thought were hookers, I’d get beat up by security guards, bar patrons and bouncers, I lived in parks and halfway houses, so the best times of my life happened while depressed, that’s why I spell depression: F-U-N. My behavior won’t get me a job in upper management with a nice suburban home, wife and a mid-size sedan to drive to the golf course and pick up meat for the bbq, so people can think I am a headcase while waking up at 6 am for their jog and I am just getting to bed. I don’t deny that my ways may leave me dead in the gutter, but at least the walk to that gutter was always F-U-N.

Speaking of fun, Siegfried Fischbacher et Royh Horn got some Vegas Walk of Fame Shit. That Tiger really fucked him up.

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People are idiots, not all people, just people who work at trendy coffee shops. The manager was making jokes to his staff about “the whole place going to shit” and everyone started laughing like they were at a fucking comedy show and the manager was the headliner. I was sitting next to the action and I wasn’t laughing, so I guess you’ve got to be a coffee shop worker to get the joke, or maybe I just have no sense of humor. Which is possible because I never laugh.

Some 45 year old rich bitch in designer clothes asked her friend Mitch “where you at”, I found that to be a pretty nice example of hip hop taking over the mainstream….who knows maybe she has black neighbors. I also saw a hot red head girl outside of the American Apparel in a white skirt and black boots. I was surprised to see a hot redhead, I didn’t think they existed but I saw it with my own eyes. I want to write about her, I call it James Bluntin’ her because I know redheads grow up with a complex thinking they are freaks, understandably…and I just want her to know that generalizations about her kind don’t apply to her she is the exception to the rule now let’s hope she’s reading this…

I guess all these stories are just a cover-up to the story I really wanted to write about and that was that I accidentally pissed in my own face in the shower today and it remided my of a virile time when I would accidentally bust nut in my face while getting it on with dirty crackwhores who didn’t make me use condoms. I remember watching the strength of my orgasm slowly die down over the years…from pressure washer to drooling retarded kid with a helmet on. Now, I’ve got nothing. Thanks god. Speaking of nothing here are some pics of Jessica Simpson ….

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Some downloaded girl I know always gives me her third year University psychology assessment. Today she told me that she thinks I am losing it, because I have been getting hate mail the last couple of days from the university she goes to and she’s the only person I know who goes to University. I asked her if it was her idea of a joke. Now that may seemingly not be so bad, but over the course of 2 years she’s related everything I tell her to a bullshit term she’s learnt in class. I blew it off as her lack of personality and social awkwardness that forced her to pull out tidbits she’s learnt, when someone with no personality is given something to talk about, all of a sudden the slag won’t shut up. So this third year University hack who takes herself too fucking seriously can shove her book on deviant childhood development up her fat ass up until she realizes she’s the fucking psycho and not qualified to make any psych assessments until bitch gets her PhD in 6 years, until then she should find a fucking hobby cuz no one cares about her bullshit theories that she got out of a textbook designed for retarded kids who couldn’t get accepted into real University programs like Business, Law Medicine and Engineering. I’d rather have “pathological” humor, be a woman hater because my mother abandoned me, have agoriphoia and alcoholism according to a out of context facts pulled from a useless textbook than be a waste of a life. Speaking of waste of life, here’s some pics of Paris Shopping….

Here’s the outfit she went with. Strippers rock the leg warmers and i fucking hate it….Paris is like a Stripper with a little less talent.

PS – I love women, just not the stupid ones.

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Some dude keeps looking into my apartment from the apartment next door. I am fat and naked and I think he may be offended by it but knowing this hood, he’s probably enjoying it. This is low income housing and the tennants are usually a little off, otherwise they would be living in luxury and by luxury I mean suburbia. That’s not to say suburbia doesn’t have it’s share of insanity, but they wouldn’t be watching me naked while they eat their Kraft Dinner from an apartment next door. I had a funny thing to write about but I completely forgot. I feel like an idiot. These links will prove that I am one….

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I hate Scarlett Johannson more than I hate MUNG’s posts so you can probably imagine the anxiety that I went through in deciding whether to post this….Obviously, MUNG won, because it meant that I didn’t have to bother writing something funny about her fat ass because the humor comes from MUNG’s inability to make you laugh. It’s one of those so bad it’s funny situations. Speaking of being so bad it’s funny. I went out for dinner with a couple of the guys from the park the other night. We managed to find a cheap restaurant that was bring your own bottle. So we all showed up with our $4 forties and ordered some dirty asian meat. It was living large by our standards. We ended up closing down the place, because let’s face it, we spend our entire $20 entertainment fund for the month in one spot and needed to take advantage. This was probably something that the management didn’t want, but I guess they shouldn’t complain, things could be worse, like their families could have been bombed in the Vietnam war or some shit. Either way, one of the crackheads I was with started telling us the story of the bitch he fucked who had herpes and the couple who was obviously on their first date weren’t really impressed, especially when he tried to make them part of the conversation….anyway – enough of this, here’s MUNG.

I just got up. It’s 10:30 AM, it’s raining, and my life sucks more than Paris Hilton’s singing voice. I was thinking about looking for a new job today because my parents are sick of getting calls from creditors looking for money. Then I realized that I have no skills or education to offer our society so I will most likely end up working at a job that involves putting potato wedges into a deep fryer or shooting preteen Ahmish girls execution style. The only highlight of my day has been the memory of the girl I saw at the library last night. I went there to get some old issues of Maxim Magazine for masturbatory material (they actually have them at my local library and most of the pages are missing or stuck together) There she was. The woman of my dreams. Unfortunately she was on the cover of a magazine called “Esquire”, with the words…Sexiest Woman Alive. I thought for a minute about what it would be like to have a woman like that in my life, and then I realized that women like her don’t really dig guys who are balding, overweight, unemployed, alcoholic fiends who live in their parents basement and offer nothing to society. So, in my frustration, I went home and to try and find a girl who does dig losers like myself. I found her on myspace. We exchanged messages and finally have decided to meet in her hometown, the armpit of America (ROCHESTER, NY). I think she is much better looking than the girl on the cover of the Esquire magazine.

Here is her myspace: GO

Here are pics of Scarlett Johanson on the cover of the Esquire Magazine….

YOU DECIDE!!!

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Someone just sent me a free pair of socks. That’s more than you have ever done for me, you piece of shit. Speaking of piece of shit, here is a picture a Mischa Barton’s dog sniffing her asscrack. I know that some of you dream about sniffing ass but this isn’t Brokeback Mountain. Speaking of Brokeback Mountain, Heath Ledger was at the same bar as me on Saturday. If I wasn’t so drunk I would’ve noticed him and got you an autograph, you fucking homo. Cuddles.

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Someone just sent me a free pair of socks. That’s more than you have ever done for me, you piece of shit. Speaking of piece of shit, here is a picture a Mischa Barton’s dog sniffing her asscrack. I know that some of you dream about sniffing ass but this isn’t Brokeback Mountain. Speaking of Brokeback Mountain, Heath Ledger was at the same bar as me on Saturday. If I wasn’t so drunk I would’ve noticed him and got you an autograph, you fucking homo. Cuddles.

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I guess the good news for some of you is that if Paris Hilton doesn’t die of AIDS, she will die of brain cancer. Bitch is always on her fucking phone and the sad thing is that it is never with me. We had a text message relationship for about a week that ended 2 weeks ago, but everytime I called her asking to borrow $1000, bitch would hang up on me. I remember calling her on a Sunday afternoon, about 9 am her time and she was at a fucking event with too much noise to hear me, while I was still in my underwear when the only noise around me was my whore of a wife snoring, but she wasn’t even asleep, which only makes sense if you are obese.

I am watching Degrassi and it’s about the computer geek who made the wrestling team and is trying to make wait. Dude became fucking bullemic and if that’s not gay, I don’t know what is. The fat girl on the show became a plus sized model and is rolling in it, by it I mean cookie dough cuz with her new found income, bitch can afford all the cookie dough she wants…

Let’s talk about you for a change. I feel like I always dominate the conversation and that’s not right….I am honestly interested in knowing how your life is coming along. Are you still in your mom’s basement and are you still a virgin? Did you ever end up getting your internet girlfriend on cam yet…Have you beat your number of orgasms in a day jerk off record yet? Give me an update. Thanks in advance.

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