Unsorted Archives - Page 144 of 511 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

16

May

I am – Kellie Pickler's New Tits of the Day

I used to think I was a great judge of who had fake tits and who didn’t, but the fake tits I was spotting were the shitty jobs that bitches with no money would get or the insane jobs that bitches with some money would get to make more money in their stripping careers. I am talking girls with implants would either look like they had disgusting round and uneven awkward looking botched tits or absurdly HUGE tits that were so obviously fake. So now that I realize that I am not a great judge of anything, I can say that I have no idea if Kellie Pickler got new tits or not, but she’s showing something off that I am sure you don’t mind looking at, because you are unemployed or on disability or on welfare, because this site is banned in offices internationally. That’s how good at blogging I am….

The thing I like about this bitch is that she looks like she is dumb as bricks at the whole world around her seems exciting and colorful. She’s the kind of girl you can keep happy by turning on the cartoon channel and giving her a bag of candy. I am pretty sure she’d get so sucked in that you could go off drinking with your friends and come back 4 days later and she’d be in the same position not even realizing that you left her….not that you’ll ever get the chance to test it out, unless maybe she ends up on the stripping circuit, which isn’t unlikely making her new tits a pretty solid investment or her future life.

Posted in:Kellie Pickler|Plastic Surgery|Tits|Unsorted

2007

16

May

I am – Elisha Cuthbert Leaving the Tanning Salon of the Day

106 Comments »

This is what Elisha Cuthbert looks like when she waddles the fuck out of the tanning salon. I used to have a thing for a girl who didn’t put much effort into getting ready. Maybe it’s because my dating experience before my wife consisted of girls who made their money off looking worthy of a $40 fuck. I know that that isn’t as high class as some of the girls you’ve thought about calling, but I know that if I am paying $40 for anything from a chick, she better have lipstick on, especially when she hasn’t showered in 3 days.

Anyway, what I liked about my wife when we first met was that she was low maintenance, she’d throw on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and be ready for the day. What I didn’t realize about this whole low maintenance shit is that she would let herself go, stink and gain 175 lbs in 4 years. So now I am back into the girls that try to dress all pretty, have eating disorders and care what people think of them, because it’s less traumatic on my sex drive.

I guess what I am getting at is that Elisha is one of those low maintenance chicks you’d think wouldn’t be stressful to be with, but reality is when you get home, she gets all sprawled out on the couch eating dorritos ruining all chances of a future movie career except for maybe playing the mother in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape 2.

Posted in:Candid|Elisha Cuthbert|Unsorted

2007

16

May

I am – Serena Williams Lookin’ Like Jessica Biel of the Day

54 Comments »

Here’s a picture of Serena Williams lookin’ a lot like Jessica Biel, only this bitch isn’t out fucking popstars, she’s hitting tennis balls harder than I hit my wife. I don’t actually hit my wife, I just figured that a hitting the bong reference would have sucked harder than my dick doesn’t get. You see, I hate weed jokes. I think people who talk about smoking weed are a waste of fucking space. They are the burlap wearing hippie fucks you see riding bikes and playing hackie sack. I don’t give a fuck if a motherfucker burns all fucking day, I just don’t want to fucking hear about it. So yeah, I am a little tightly wound about those kinds of references, but not as tightly wound as the tape that Serena Williams is using to strap her cock down so that it doesn’t show in her cute little tennis skirt…

2007

16

May

I am – Serena Williams Lookin' Like Jessica Biel of the Day

No Comments »

Here’s a picture of Serena Williams lookin’ a lot like Jessica Biel, only this bitch isn’t out fucking popstars, she’s hitting tennis balls harder than I hit my wife. I don’t actually hit my wife, I just figured that a hitting the bong reference would have sucked harder than my dick doesn’t get. You see, I hate weed jokes. I think people who talk about smoking weed are a waste of fucking space. They are the burlap wearing hippie fucks you see riding bikes and playing hackie sack. I don’t give a fuck if a motherfucker burns all fucking day, I just don’t want to fucking hear about it. So yeah, I am a little tightly wound about those kinds of references, but not as tightly wound as the tape that Serena Williams is using to strap her cock down so that it doesn’t show in her cute little tennis skirt…

2007

16

May

I am – Justin Timberlake Slams Jessica Biel of the Day

2 Comments »

I am not really a news story type of person because I don’t really ever know what the fuck is going on. I have been doing this site for a long fucking time and still need the message board I rip the pictures off of to tell me what I am looking at. I have done a lot of Jessica Biel posts and I didn’t even know who the fuck I was looking at in these so I guess I am not like your everyday virgin blogger who sits at his computer in his spiderman suit thinking that running a celeb site will get him all the pussy he never got before he found out he could make money from all the pics he saved on his hard drive but was too scared of jerking off to because maybe it would make a mess or some shit….

Either way, Justin Timberlake is slamming this girl. I assume she’s hot in person because every vagina around was being thrown at this motherfucker when he broke up with Cameron Diaz and if this broad shouldered D-Lister is what he ends up with for another 4 years, dude’s a fucking idiot…..or maybe just into bitches who can beat him up.

I heard that people with power are into being bottoms and dominated by chicks. I knew a whore who used to go to lawyer’s houses and either step on them in high heels or fuck them up the ass with cured meat…I would just do acid with her and watch the news….but I wasn’t paying her, she just liked my company….I like to think she ended up in a Pretty Woman story, but reality is she’s probably still getting high with homeless motherfuckers…

Posted in:Ass|Jessica Biel|Justin Timberlake|Relationship|Unsorted

2007

16

May

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

47 Comments »

So it looks like I actually do make people famous:

Hey Brother. How you doin’? I wrote you a while back about my girl RYDER SKYE and sent in some pics. Well with the help of the Drunken Stepfather she has been getting getting porn work like crazy. Every since you put her pics up she has gotten one of the top porn agents in L.A. and has already worked on several websites and films for some big companies and is getting more calls everyday. Thanks man, couldn’t have done it without you. If anyone wants to check her shit out they can go to her myspace account (name is RYDER SKYE). Your the King!

-Bob Screamer

I feel like he’s lying to me to get another post about her out there. Since I have nothing better to say and he’s sucking up to me and I like hearing people suck up to me…He got it.

Now click my links asshole….

Bridal Boxing Video
GO

Lohan Hanging with a Mini Britney
GO

Britney Spears – New Wig – No Bra
GO

Fergie’s New Video In Her Underwear and Singing and Ass Shots and Shit
GO

Jessica Alba in GQ Looking Good
GO

Jenna Jameson for FHM Posing Like the Slut She Is
GO

Midget Running from the Cops
GO

Bird Flies into a Jet Engine and Forces an Emergency Landing…So It’s Not Just a Myth…
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Carmen Electra in a White Bikini
GO

Kate Middleton Pink Panty Upskirt
GO

Renee Zellweger Lookin’ Like a Clown and not the kind I want to Fuck…
GO

Aishwarya Rai Wet in Some Movie Clip….
GO

Lesbian Scene in an Asian Movie
GO

Celebrity Embarrassing Beach Moments..
GO

Lesbian Photobucket…
GO

Same Girl Proving She Isn’t a Lesbian….
GO

Alicia Silverstone is Knocked Up Cuz Someone Busted Nut in Her… Poor Bastard….
GO

Some Punk KId Punches Some Chick in the Face
GO

Petra Nemcova is Banging Stavros…
GO

How to take out a guy coming at you with a gun…hand to hand combat is the future…
GO

Two Chicks from CamWithHer Getting it On Together (Look Down and Right for Player)
GO

Terri Hatcher on Lois and Clark Being Sexy
GO

Idiots Throw Darts at Their Friend’s Ass Cuz They are So Crazy..At Least They Think They Are…
GO

Some Chick Stripping on Webcam Because That’s What Webcams are For…If you are a girl…I just said …THAT’S WHAT WEBCAMS are for…
GO

Hayden Panettiere Gets Tickled.
GO

Hot Asian Girl of the Week – Fumina Hara
GO

Photobucket Vibrator Video
GO

Jessica Simpson Look Alike Giving a BJ – NSFW – There is Penis…
GO

FHM’s 100 Sexiest Uncensored….
GO

Sanjaya from American Idol Performs with Drag Queens….
GO

Some Singers with Cameltoe, Nipslips and Other Exciting Stuff…
GO

Jessica Biel Pictures from Vaniety Fair
GO

Impressionists Piss Me Off I Don’t Know Why But I Have Probably Written About It Somewhere in the Archives…Here is an Impressionist doing Cosby, Kramer, Ray Romano…It is as Fun as I Just Made It Sound…
GO

Some Chick Named Neriah Davis Posing Naked
GO

The Game Humiliated On a Dating Show Before He is Famous
GO

If you haven’t seen it yet…Breakdancers Kick the Shit Out of a Kid
GO

Horny Swamp Monster Sex That is Dirty, NSFW and Fucking WEIRD as FUCK
GO

Hip Hop Person Named Lil Cease Getting Naked…
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Some Chick Driving her Naked Self Around in a Convertible.
GO

Celebrities Vs the Paparazzi – More on Lohan Running Down Some Dude
GO

Some Fat Assed Chick Walks Upstairs With a Bottle Stuck Between Here Ass Cheeks, That’s How I used to Store my Cigars…
GO

Sienna Miller’s Sex Scene in that Warhol Movie That You May Have Seen But Should Watch Again
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Big ball Sex that is NSFW but so retarded you HAVE to See It..
GO

Use this to get Pussy
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

15

May

I am – Lohan is at the Top of the Charts for Maxim's Top 100 Girls of the Day

No Comments »

I have been stalking Lohan for about 3 years now. I know that it’s been pretty lazy stalking because I just left her a couple of voicemail messages over the course of those 3 years and emailed random people that she had been in contact with, whether it be producers or hairstylists or girls from her hometown and even though I never got anywhere with her, I am convinced we are connected at the soul.

Unfortunately she is connected at the vagina to ever penis in the fucking industry and connected at the nose to as much cocaine as she can snort and connected at the mouth to booze, but I guess that’s not really unfortunate, because I have never been into sober girls, mainly because they were never into me, and because they want families and kids and all that shit girls who like getting fucked up don’t want and that works for me. But she doesn’t spend enough time on the internet to know who I am and that makes me cry on the inside.

Either way, I have been getting so many emails telling me how much Lohan sucks and how she’s washed up and disgusting because she has herpes and looks like someone smeared shit on her. They tell me how no one’s into her anymore, and how her time in the spotlight is over and that she is just a childstar trying to hang onto the fame as hard as she can. They started throwing Hayden Pannettiere pics my way saying she’s the next big thing and I just stuck it out with Lohan because I am hooked.

So I am happy to say she’s the number 1 girl according to Maxim and Maxim knows girls more than I do because they never pose in photoshoots for me, they usually just give me dirty looks, and being number 1 in Maxim is like winning an Academy Award for a girl, so let’s hope she does it in style, by sucking as much dick as she can, doing as much blow as she can and being as drunk as she can because that’s the kind of Lohan I want to K-Fed.

To see Lohan’s Winning Moment:
GO

To see the rest of the list:
GO

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan|Maxim|Tits|Unsorted

2007

15

May

I am – Lohan is at the Top of the Charts for Maxim’s Top 100 Girls of the Day

59 Comments »

I have been stalking Lohan for about 3 years now. I know that it’s been pretty lazy stalking because I just left her a couple of voicemail messages over the course of those 3 years and emailed random people that she had been in contact with, whether it be producers or hairstylists or girls from her hometown and even though I never got anywhere with her, I am convinced we are connected at the soul.

Unfortunately she is connected at the vagina to ever penis in the fucking industry and connected at the nose to as much cocaine as she can snort and connected at the mouth to booze, but I guess that’s not really unfortunate, because I have never been into sober girls, mainly because they were never into me, and because they want families and kids and all that shit girls who like getting fucked up don’t want and that works for me. But she doesn’t spend enough time on the internet to know who I am and that makes me cry on the inside.

Either way, I have been getting so many emails telling me how much Lohan sucks and how she’s washed up and disgusting because she has herpes and looks like someone smeared shit on her. They tell me how no one’s into her anymore, and how her time in the spotlight is over and that she is just a childstar trying to hang onto the fame as hard as she can. They started throwing Hayden Pannettiere pics my way saying she’s the next big thing and I just stuck it out with Lohan because I am hooked.

So I am happy to say she’s the number 1 girl according to Maxim and Maxim knows girls more than I do because they never pose in photoshoots for me, they usually just give me dirty looks, and being number 1 in Maxim is like winning an Academy Award for a girl, so let’s hope she does it in style, by sucking as much dick as she can, doing as much blow as she can and being as drunk as she can because that’s the kind of Lohan I want to K-Fed.

To see Lohan’s Winning Moment:
GO

To see the rest of the list:
GO

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan|Maxim|Tits|Unsorted

2007

15

May

I am – Nick and Vanessa Minnillo at the Pool of the Day

4 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson’s ex-husband who left her and ruined her by driving her into weight gain and alcohol abuse, proving that tits aren’t enough to make a girl worth living with but the potential of making millions of a reality TV show used to market the shit out of you is…either way he’s with his new girl Vanessa Minnillo and bitch is in a bikini and riding him all sexy like and shit and dude looks all uncomfortable, probably because he wishes she was his brother so that they could “wrestle”.

The whole concept of having a sexual history is fucked. You may be married, you may be in a relationship, you may have been laid once, but that doens’t change the fact that everytime you’ve thought about a girl who isn’t the one you are with, the girl you were with was thinking the same fucking thing, you know remember all the guys who fucked her better and had a bigger cock than you, so you shouldn’t feel guilty about the fantasy, trust me, your bitch is totally just setting for you…

If you may have no sexual history, you do have many masturbation experiences you can look back on to get all hot and bothered, like the time you did it in your parent’s bed, or outside in public, or in front of an open window so the neighbors could watch, or at that party in the bathroom while people were knocking, or on the roof of an abandoned building, or in the park in the rain…you know where I am going with this….

I am sure Nick still jerks off thinking about slamming Jessica, you know when he’s bored of that Vanessa box, he digs into his metal archive of every position he got his ex wife into, but he’s probably just doing the whole girl thing to get girl fans who dream about being his next love interest and the reality of the situation is that he really thinks boys is where it’s at…that’s why he shaves his chest as a notice to all the fags out there that he’ll be waiting behind the local gay bar for you….That’s why she’s so excited and he looks annoyed by the whole girl in bikini thing…cuz chicks dig fags.

I know you all think I am a racist, so notice that I didn’t say she looks Aboriginal.

Posted in:Bikini|Sex|Unsorted|Vanessa Minnillo

2007

15

May

I am – Pamela Anderson Nip Slip of the Day

49 Comments »

I am only posting this because her tits are like a fucking science experiment. I feel like watching her tits is like watching Bill Nye the Science Guy make a fucking volcano with Baking Soda and Vinegar…It’s like how many times can you slaughter your tits and fill them up with goop, only to take the goop out and then put 4 times the amount of goop back in before your tits fall off or some shit. In all honesty, lookin at these pics makes me wonder how bitch sill has fucking nipples…

I used to hang out with a couple of whores who had been strippers in the 80s, this was in the late 90s and they were pretty washed up and old and had no where to go but the streets. I guess that’s where addiction takes you, because stripping doesn’t come with a retirement package. Anyway, these girls were career strippers and had the biggest set of fake tits your lap dance money could buy. Either way, one of them had an exploded implant that left her pretty much mutilated and in extreme pain all the time and only her crack could control it. I totally banged her because she would charge a discount price I could afford, but it turned me off of fake tits for life and looking at Pamela Anderson just makes me think of that thing I used to pay to suck on….

Either way, my life is pretty boring now, so I’ve got an idea of a science experiment on my own and that is to see if a mother fucker can get hepatitis from sucking the goop out of a bitch’s tit….not that I don’t already have hepatitis but I’ll pretend she gave it to me and that’s how I will make my millions as long as you promise not to tell anyone?

Bonus – A Few More Pics of Pam in a White Shirt….

Posted in:Nipple Slip|Pamela Anderson|Unsorted

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