I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Unsorted Category

2007

11

Oct

I am – CariDee English in a Blue Dress of the Day

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The only reason I am posting these pictures of some useless funny-faced America’s Next Top Model winning reality TV star and aspiring model is because I read something hysterical on her WIKIPEDIA page.

CariDee stated during the cycle that she worked as a photographer before appearing on America’s Next Top Model. She has suffered from psoriasis for 15 years. and believed her dream of becoming a model was unattainable. However, a doctor recommended Raptiva, a drug that she still injects weekly in order to control the disease, and it has worked well for her skin, although a small patch still remains.

I guess it’s just one of those things that happens in life. The ugly chick in the back of the high school class with allergies, asthma, braces, glasses and a weight problem grows up to be some over-compensating hot chick, while the hot chick who had all the dudes and the biggest tits grows up to be the fat slob with kids and a husband who doesn’t want to fuck her…the formative years can really ruin a good thing, but on the flipside turn a damaged pile of shit with a rash into a rose….I am so deep.

I remember running on this kick many years back to fuck all the hot chicks who I wanted to fuck in highschool who became fat and busted because I assumed would be easy because they were craving that male-attention they once had in their prime….I was wrong. Even as fat chicks they wanted nothing to do with me, I guess that’s just the story of my life.


Related Posts:

America’s Next Top Model Melrose’s Tits Pictures
America’s Next Top Models are Naked
Tyra Banks and Some Bitch Playing With Their Tits

Posted in:America's Next Top Model|ANTM|CariDee English|Legs|Unsorted

2007

11

Oct

I am – Penelope Cruz Sluttin Out in a Bikini of the Day

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I am all about spanish chicks. I don’t know why but I think it’s gotta do with fear. They are passionate people and when you wrong them they go fucking crazy and I guess the whole getting stabbed in my sleep for trying to get another girl to show me her tits makes me feel really loved because I would never kill anyone for anyone, I just don’t care enough about anyone to bother, but knowing that a girl is willing to go psycho for me is makes my heart go pitter-patter.

I met a hot Spanish girl last night who knew about the site. It was a bit of an ego boost because I didn’t realize anyone actually read this shit and I was right, she landed on it by accident and never re-visited, but she still remembered the name and that kinda gives me a boner because it means more hot girls are out there and hopefully they are a little sluttier than this one because she was too busy being hot to let me convince her to show me her vagina. In all reality I was scared to ask because she’s Spanish and I didn’t want to get stabbed…..but I did make her whisper sweet nothings in her native tongue, unfortunately not the kind of tonguing I’m into….

Here are some Penelope Cruz using her tongue in her bikini with some boyfriend.


Related Posts:

Penelope Cruz in a Bikini on the Beach
Penelope Cruz Yellow Bikini
Penelope Cruz’s Cousin Topless
Monica Cruz in a Bikini

Posted in:Bikini|Boyfriend|Penelope Cruz|Slut|Unsorted

2007

11

Oct

I am – Petra Nemcova's Tits Hugs Black People of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Petra Nemcova hugging Denzel Washington or Wesley Sinpes or Kanye West or whoever the fuck this is because I am not good at recognizing people, not because all black people look the same, you fucking racist.

I am trying this new thing called obvious joke, but I don’t think it’s going to work out too well for me, because I am not funny. So I guess I’ll stop it now. I got fucking tanked last night without realizing it. I was doing tequila shots like a good Mexican for a homies birthday and I was dropping what I thought was gold, and by gold I mean my pants. People weren’t laughing at the shit I was saying and I realized that I have no future in stand-up. I am not going to pressure myself to bring back the funny, you can just keep coming back to watch me slowly drowning in my own vomit.


Related Posts:

Petra Nemcova Upskirt Pictures
Petra Nemcova Topless and Body Painted Pictures
Petra Nemcova Hearts Brown People
Petra Nemcova and James Blunt On the Beach in Bikinis…Well She’s in The Bikini…

Posted in:Black People|cleavage|Petra Nemcova|Unsorted

2007

11

Oct

I am – Petra Nemcova’s Tits Hugs Black People of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Petra Nemcova hugging Denzel Washington or Wesley Sinpes or Kanye West or whoever the fuck this is because I am not good at recognizing people, not because all black people look the same, you fucking racist.

I am trying this new thing called obvious joke, but I don’t think it’s going to work out too well for me, because I am not funny. So I guess I’ll stop it now. I got fucking tanked last night without realizing it. I was doing tequila shots like a good Mexican for a homies birthday and I was dropping what I thought was gold, and by gold I mean my pants. People weren’t laughing at the shit I was saying and I realized that I have no future in stand-up. I am not going to pressure myself to bring back the funny, you can just keep coming back to watch me slowly drowning in my own vomit.


Related Posts:

Petra Nemcova Upskirt Pictures
Petra Nemcova Topless and Body Painted Pictures
Petra Nemcova Hearts Brown People
Petra Nemcova and James Blunt On the Beach in Bikinis…Well She’s in The Bikini…

Posted in:Black People|cleavage|Petra Nemcova|Unsorted

2007

11

Oct

I am – Kate Moss and Some Simon and Garfunkle Motherfucker of the Day

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Last night I got to talking with a couple of guys from the park about how young girls are shitty in bed. They were telling me that they would never fuck anyone under 22 because 95% of people under 22 don’t know how to fuck and it’s too risky invest time into a chick trying to land the 5% of quality that’s out there. I told them that I would only fuck girls under 22 if I could because they have tighter bodies than girls who are older than 22 and all the girls I ever fucked were shitty in bed anyways because I used the date rape drug.

The dudes then went into how they used to bang models and that models are shit in bed no matter what age because models are too concerned with being pretty and well positioned to get on all fours and take it like a man…I mean…woman…. I didn’t agree, because the models I see are usually not all the hot or put together, they just clean up nicely for pictures but really like going out and getting fucked up, and drunk party sluts who are high always means a decent fuck that ends with her puking all over your chest because the first video I ever saw on a computer was two Asians in a bathtub puking on each other and since then it’s been a fetish or a curse…

Speaking of puking models, here’s Kate Moss with some chinless Simon and Garfunkle motherfucker who looks like he’s eating his face because I love Kate Moss and because we decided she’d be a good fuck while talkin’. What were you doing with your night? Don’t answer that because I don’t really care, I was just proving that I have way more stimulating and exciting nights than you because people actually talk to me. Cuddles.


Related Posts:

Kate Moss Topless Bikini Pics
Kate Moss Leather Pants
Kate Moss See Through Dress
Kate Moss In a Leotard-Type Thing

Posted in:Hot|Kate Moss|Legs|Model|Unsorted

2007

10

Oct

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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I was in a coffee shop today and this dude who was working the cash was talking about his acting career. About how he was in some movie with Ashley Tisdale and how he’s going to be in another movie in January. He was going on about how he was at an audition that morning and then went into talking about how good looking he is to his boss. About 30 minutes later, a hot school girl walked in, I am talking tall and thin and looked like a model but was probably 15 because she was riding with her mom in their Range Rover, but as soon as dude got sight of her he started talking about his acting again and how he’s going to an audition tomorrow with his dog and how amazing it is going to be, trying to impress.

I just kept thinking to myself that maybe his story impresses 15 year olds who have never met a real live actor before but business mustn’t be too damn hot if asshole’s making coffees for people like me. Maybe he should try to act his way into a better job so that people like me don’t look down on him for being a cunt, because let’s be real here, I’m in no position to really look down on anyone….I don’t even have a job….

Here are my links:


Charlize Theron is the Sexiest Woman Alive…Look At Her Spread…
GO

Hot Chicks Washing Cars Homevideo Compilation – Amazing
GO

Bobby Brown – Just Had a Heart Attack…Guess Which Boobs Made It Happen…
GO

2 Chicks in Bikinis Talkin’ About Booze Then Lickin’ Booze Off Each Other Video…s
GO

Like Curves On Your Girl? You’ll Love Lashea’s Hot Nude Photoshoot
GO

Lacey Chabret Rockin’ Some Serious Cleavage
GO

Some Chick Named Venessa Oilin Up Her Half Naked Friend and Working the Pole for Tila Tequila’s TV Show….
GO

AXE and CollegeHumor are Running a Contest That Could Land you on Kimmel…A Dream You’ve always had since fat Jews turn you on….But Yeah it’s a user generated AXE commercial contest. I think I should join, or one of you should produce one I write so that we can tell Kimmel to suck our dicks to his face….It’s not like he’s not used to sucking dick, he is married to Sarah Silverman after all…
GO

Some Naked Cliff Jumping For You To Jerk Off To
GO

Reese Witherspoon is Officially Divorced and Posing Like a Boring Slut in Elle…If She Wants a New Husband She is Gonna Have to Step it Up…
GO

Vanessa Minnillo See Through Dress – Titty Picture
GO

The Hills is a Totally Fake Show…Today Spencer Dropped Heidi Off and the Airport, Only For Her to Change and Shoot Him Pickin’ Her Up at the Airport…What a Fucking Scandal…
GO

Musicians Don’t Live Long Commercial With Lots of Sluts in Bikinis
GO

Some Crazy Dude Chugs Hot Candle Wax Video
GO

Charlie Sheen Likes Fucking Real Dolls…
GO

Shana Sands is a Pumpkin Pickin’ Whore and I Like It
GO

Vanessa Hudgens Does Some Ads for Marc Ecko….Even Though She’s Famous For Not Wearing Clothes
GO

Some Alicia Keys Performing Because One Of You Emailed Me Telling Me You Want to Marry Her Because She’s the Hottest Girl Ever…I Think You’re Insane
GO

Bobby Brown Had a Mild Heart Attack…Because Crack Kills…Otherwise We’d All be Smokin’ It
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Britney Spears Shows Off Some Titty
GO

Jessica Alba Hides Her Face
GO

Some Kid Drinks 1 Litre of Vodka and 2 Litres of Water Mix…..Cuz He’s More Man Than You
GO

Lohan’s New Boyfriend is some Dude She Met in Rehab Named Riley Giles and He’s Some Kind of Snowboarder Which Is Good Because it Means Her Standards Are Slowly Making Their Way To My Level….
GO

Elizabeth Hurley in a Bikini Gallery
GO

Topless Danielle Lloyd in a Thong and It’s Nice
GO

Lily Donaldson is a Model I May Be in Love With
GO

Lohan Fires Her Mom Because She’s a Bad Influence and a Whore
GO

Some Eva Mendes on TRL Yesterday….Because You Like Her
GO

Some Sarah Jessica Parker Dressed Like a Clown
GO

Some Sharapova Playing Tennis at the Kremlin Cup Where She Lost But Is Still Worth a Round…
GO

Britney Spears is Going to be a Bartender….
GO

Amateurs Having Sex On Vacation Pictures
GO

Some Nude Pictures of Some Chick Named Szatmari Bea from FHM in Another Country…Because The USA Hates Nipples You Fags
GO

The Olsen Twins Rock Out with Amy Winehouse
GO

How To Fake an Orgasm in Porn
GO

Pam Anderson is Knocked Up With Rick Salomon’s Baby…That’s the Story Anyway
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Some Chick Named Danielle Winits Lets Dudes Look Down Her Shirt
GO

Weird German Midget Laughing at a Camel Video
GO

Alley Baggett Posing On the Beach Cuz She’s Hot
GO

Some Hot Chick Walks Down the Street and Every Guy Stares At Her….Video
GO

Johnny Fairplay is Suing Fox and Danny Bonaduce Because He’s a Real Man
GO

Lou Pearlman Says He’s No Pedophile
GO

Some Forum Conversation About Jerking On Girls While They Sleep…
GO

Hilary Duff Acting a Fool on Set With a Lap Top…Not Reading DrunkenStepfather…Whore
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart on Nip/Tuck
GO

Some Dude’s Stripper Ex Girlfriends Poses Slutty Pics….
GO

Here’s the Full Footage of the Humanities Teacher Who Got Fired For Showing Her Students Her New Cheer Routine
GO

Some Self Shot Have Naked Pics on Photobucket
GO

Some Pictures of White Booty and Half Naked Sluts on Photobucket
GO

Some Vagina on Photobucket Because They Are a Fucking Porn Site….They Just Pretend They Aren’t….
GO

Photobucket Teen Shows Off Her Clit Ring
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Who Had the Best Cleavage in Movie History
GO

Some Post Op Tranny Shoving Things in Her Man-Gina
GO

Kurt Cobain’s About a Son Soundtrack Download
GO

Jet – Shine On – Download
GO

2 Chicks Getting it on By The Pool Video
GO

Meet the Techno Viking, Because You are Never too Weird To Get Fucked Up And Dance
GO

Some Tit Grabbing at the Male Strip Club
GO

Tasty Pass Opens the Door To a Whole Lot of Porn
GO

This Will Help You Seduce Chicks…Not that Seducing Chicks is Hard…Just Tell Them You’re a Plastic Surgeon
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

10

Oct

I am – Joanna Krupa 2008 Topless Calendar Pictures of the Day

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Joanna Krupa is a model who has been on the cover of a ton of magazines and has been in Playboy because she is hot and looks good naked. I have no idea what else she’s done as far as work goes but I do know that these topless calendar pics are a good fuckin’ move because she is hot and looks good naked. She was born in Poland so I can only assume she got her career started at a young age as a contortionist who would balance on a Ball with a bear during the communist years when Poland was known for their circus performers, or maybe she was a Gypsy, like the cunt who lives in the next building over from me. The other day I was walking down the street and she stopped her car next to me and started screaming at me about shit I didn’t understand and could only assume was some kind of relapse into WWII concentration camps. Unfortunately she ended up trying to run me over but missed, because I could have used the insurance settlement and I don’t really need my legs anyway because I like to sit….on Joanna Krupa’s face…because she’s hot and looks good naked.


Related Posts:

Joanna Krupa at an Event in a Nightgown
Joanna Krupa in Lingerie at an Event
Joanna Krupa’s Tit’s Out in Miami
Joanna Krupa at the SI Swimsuit Party

Posted in:Ass|Calendar|Hot|Joanna Krupa|Model|Topless|Unsorted

2007

10

Oct

I am – Kim Kardashian’s Tits of the Day

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So it turns out that Kim Kardashian’s got some reality TV show with her sister called “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and I am sure it’s going to be some next level shit that will change all our fucking lives. I am not really sure what Kim Kardashian does but I can only assume keeping up with her is pretty fucking easy. Other than the fact that we don’t have high powered lawyers as a father, who died and left us a huge inheritance to travel the world and attend events, or the fact that we don’t fuck black men on video for the world to see, or the fact that our asses, despite being 300 lbs aren’t as big as hers, I think the only real challenges this bitch faces is putting on a pair of jeans in the morning.

Reality is that I like to think I am going to the top, and will have my own show called Keeping up with Jesus Martinez, that would involve me sitting on a computer all day and drinking myself into the gutter all night, but not at those trendy clubs, I am talking a bottle of whiskey and a park. I am not going to the top because I am talent or because I have any readers or any prospects but I like to think I am because I have a slutty reader who wants to fuck me and that shit makes me feel like a star. She’s got daddy issues and I am all about daddy issues. She probably has a boyfriend or husband and she is probably 200 pounds and likes videogames and jogging pants, but I don’t care. I like the attention. I am the flavor of the month for her and she’ll be done with this site in the next couple of weeks, but right now I guess she gets off to what I write. It’s too bad that the real me is a lot less interesting and attractive as I make myself out to be. If I ever made my way to California where she lives, which is always possible cuz I hate my wife, and set up a little meeting with her to get her to let me watch her shower, she’d only look at me in disgust and call the police. See you and me really do have a lot in common. Only difference is that bitches aren’t leaving you these kinds of messages.


Listen to the Message She Left Me Today .

Either way, here are pics of Kim Kardashian’s tits at the premiere of her shitty show….


Related Posts:

Kim Kardashian’s Mom Jeans
Some Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Preview Pics
Kim Kadashian’s Bikini Pictures
Kim Kardashian’s Armenian Ass

Posted in:Big Boobs|cleavage|Keeping Up With The Kardashians|Kim Kardashian|Premiere|Tits|Unsorted

2007

10

Oct

I am – Kim Kardashian's Tits of the Day

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So it turns out that Kim Kardashian’s got some reality TV show with her sister called “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and I am sure it’s going to be some next level shit that will change all our fucking lives. I am not really sure what Kim Kardashian does but I can only assume keeping up with her is pretty fucking easy. Other than the fact that we don’t have high powered lawyers as a father, who died and left us a huge inheritance to travel the world and attend events, or the fact that we don’t fuck black men on video for the world to see, or the fact that our asses, despite being 300 lbs aren’t as big as hers, I think the only real challenges this bitch faces is putting on a pair of jeans in the morning.

Reality is that I like to think I am going to the top, and will have my own show called Keeping up with Jesus Martinez, that would involve me sitting on a computer all day and drinking myself into the gutter all night, but not at those trendy clubs, I am talking a bottle of whiskey and a park. I am not going to the top because I am talent or because I have any readers or any prospects but I like to think I am because I have a slutty reader who wants to fuck me and that shit makes me feel like a star. She’s got daddy issues and I am all about daddy issues. She probably has a boyfriend or husband and she is probably 200 pounds and likes videogames and jogging pants, but I don’t care. I like the attention. I am the flavor of the month for her and she’ll be done with this site in the next couple of weeks, but right now I guess she gets off to what I write. It’s too bad that the real me is a lot less interesting and attractive as I make myself out to be. If I ever made my way to California where she lives, which is always possible cuz I hate my wife, and set up a little meeting with her to get her to let me watch her shower, she’d only look at me in disgust and call the police. See you and me really do have a lot in common. Only difference is that bitches aren’t leaving you these kinds of messages.


Listen to the Message She Left Me Today .

Either way, here are pics of Kim Kardashian’s tits at the premiere of her shitty show….


Related Posts:

Kim Kardashian’s Mom Jeans
Some Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Preview Pics
Kim Kadashian’s Bikini Pictures
Kim Kardashian’s Armenian Ass

Posted in:Big Boobs|cleavage|Keeping Up With The Kardashians|Kim Kardashian|Premiere|Tits|Unsorted

2007

10

Oct

I am – Giada De Laurentiis Paddle Surfs of the Day

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Here’s some big breasted Food Network host named Giada De Laurentiis paddle surfing with her big breasts and a pair of shaping panties that most middle aged women like to squeeze themselves into to make their legs and asses look less sloppy than aging has made them. I am really against this paddle surfing shit, but I am willing to let it slide this time because Giada is an immigrant and immigrants never really know what’s up, they are just trying to fit in.There’s really nothing wrong with trying to fit in other than the fact that the people you are trying to impress are usually useless and only really care about themselves and won’t give you the time of day when you’re no longer the Big Breasted Food Network girl, but compromising yourself for those fleeting minutes of acceptance is okay, especially when it involves you showing off your vagina burger like it’s some kind of new recipe everyone’s gotta try.


Related Posts:

Brooke Burns Paddle Surfs Like a Fag
Jennifer Aniston Paddle Surfs Like a Fag
Kate Hudson Paddle Surfs Like a Fag
Jennifer Garner Paddle Surfs Like a Fag

Posted in:Big Tits|Bikini Bottoms|Giada De Laurentiis|Paddle Surfing|Unsorted