Victoria's Secret Archives - Page 12 of 12 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Victoria’s Secret Category

2008

Nov

Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of the Day

I had no idea the Victoria’s Secret fashion show was happening this weekend, I don’t really keep on top of anything, but I noticed that on Thursday and Friday a lot of pictures of the models together were surfacing, so it only made sense that when they got them all in one room together, Victoria’s Secret milked them for everything they could since they pretty much own these bitches.

Sure, they have good bodies, but after an hour of lookin at these pictures, I got fucking bored. Maybe I am gay, maybe all this is repetitive, maybe I only find Adriana Lima hot, maybe I need to see pussy to really appreciate lingerie pictures, you know use them as a little masturbation foreplay before working up to these girls spread open with dick in their mouths, but I guess these are better than nothing…..

The truth is I find Klum washed up, Marisa Miller looks like a college party girl on her 35th birthday, Miranda Kerr’s got a face of an Owl, Ambrosio’s a mom, Naomi Campbell a monster and the rest of the immigrants found in various third world countries aren’t really known to me so I can’t really formulate an opinion.

I am down with the Rihanna dominatrix style in some of the pictures, you know the metal corsets and straps and boots, but I really don’t think this shit is anything worth getting excited about.

Just so you, I don’t get into these pictures because my wife is hotter than these bitches and I share a bed with her every night, but I’m not braggin’ because she’s only hotter than they are because she’s pumps out more head than a portable heater. I thank obesity for that shit…..here are some of the pics your virginity has probably already seen, saved and printed because they are everywhere, including MSN.com, so I’m just the slowest site out there, and I am okay with that….maybe if I had a job or responsibilities I’d care a little more….but that’s never going to happen, so you’ll have to be satisfied with the day old bargain bin I buy my baked goods out of….but the internet version….if you know what I mean…..

Posted in:Fashion Show|Victoria's Secret

2008

Nov

Miranda Kerr and Her Friends in White Bikinis of the Day

5 Comments »

Bikini models pretty much have the hottest bodies out there and when Victoria’s Secret that they are the leaders of the eastern European and South American Sex Trade get down to it, they manage to pay the best bodies out there to get into their bikinis and give you something to look at that you’ll never be able to afford….

I really wish I knew Victoria’s other secret and that is how to manipulate girls to get half naked. I assume that it involves money and threats on the lives of their family members, because no matter what sweet talking I do, the only bitches I have managed to get to take off their clothes have always been overweight with saggy tits, acne or red scabby shit that looks like acne all over their body, stretch marked and unshowered. The kind of girl that no one would ever really want to see even if they were fully clothed, you know the kind of girl you cross the street to avoid brushing up against, and the only time that ever really works for me is if a lot of alcohol is involved and instead of laughing at the experience, I tend to marry them, so I clearly have some work to do to get to this quality level, but I guess you gotta start somewhere, and the little mistakes you make along the way, even if they weigh 300 pounds, just teach you not to make the same mistake again, mainly because the bitch won’t let me shit without running it past her….it’s like I’m in fucking prison motherfuckers….PRISON…….but at least Miranda Kerr and her tight little body give me hope that it’s not this bad for everyone out there….that my suffering balances out all the good pussy being scored….and my happiness is a small sacrifice to make for the benefit of mankind…..

Bonus – Some Other Victoria’s Secret Sluts in Bathing Suits and This Shoot….

Posted in:Bikini|Miranda Kerr|Victoria's Secret

2008

Nov

The Victoria’s Secret “Angles” Do Some Christmas Promotion of the Day

4 Comments »

Victoria’s Secret is the number one company in the illegal human trafficking sex trade. They go to impoverished countries, find these desperate teenage girls before they get into porn or kidnapped and shipped off for traditional prostitution, and take them away under contract for legal prostitution. They work the fashion shows, catalogs, ad campaigns for years upon years, eventually being too old and replaced by younger girls from impoverished countries who have the same deal as they did, only to go onto other work, with other customers, always giving their pimp that made them who they were a little kickback, and always being willing to come to their pimp’s events when asked to, because they know what’s good for them and no whore likes upsetting their pimp…..

Either way, they were at some Holiday promotion, slaving themselves to their big corporate owner and they weren’t wearing lingerie, but they were showing their faces, and sometimes lingerie model faces are more appealing than lingerie model bodies, if of course you are a gay make-up artist taking notes to improve your style and use on your middle-aged clients….because that has to be the only person who gives a fuck about what their faces look like, while every straight man is trying to pull up old pictures of them modeling to imagine these pictures under better circumstances, like less fucking clothes.

Lima

Kurkova

Miller and Ambrosio

Klum

Yes, I just called them all by their last names, it’s a step up from the barcode number Victoria’s Secret uses when GPS tracking them trotting the globe, so that they don’t fall off track and get seen buying non Victoria’s Secret products….because like a bra and panty set, these bitches are property of Victoria’s Secret.

Posted in:Angels|Promotion|Victoria's Secret

2008

Oct

Heidi Klum Does Victoria’s Secret Make Up of the Day

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I guess that despite Heidi Klum’s fame and fortune she still belongs to Victoria’s Secret because here she is in pixie wings and posing with a slutty mannequin at their make-up launch. I guess it’s just a small price to pay since they saved her from a life of German Scat porn, an existence nobody really wants, because despite your love for it, getting shit on is never fun or sexy. It’s like that time I saved a girl from getting hit by a car when she was talking on her cellphone and demanded that she lets me see her naked as payment for my good deed, only in this case, Heidi Klum actually listens, where the girl I saved just called her boyfriend and told him some creep tried to get her naked because he pulled her from traffic when she was crossing the street on a green. Hey no one said my idea of saving lives is the same as your idea of saving lives, and in retrospect it was a pretty weak attempt to see pussy, but that’s not the point, the point is that I wonder what that mannequin she’s standing next to is named, she looks like she wouldn’t say no…..no matter how many fingers you’ve shoved in the hole you drilled into her after stealing her from the mall and bringing her back to your mom’s basement with you.

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Make-Up|Victoria's Secret

2008

Jun

Interview With a Girl Who Is Suing VIctoria Secret for a Dangerous Thong of the Day

49 Comments »

So this fat whore is suing Victoria’s Secret for a dangerous thong because everyone in America likes to sue for the stupidest fucking reasons in hopes of makin’ a couple bucks. The truth is that this whore just doesn’t realize how fat she is and throws on a pair of underwear that is too small for her and the shit isn’t designed to be strong enough to withstand that kind of abuse and explodes, almost putting out her eye. I don’t think the company who made or designed that shit should be liable for some fat girl in denial. I hear her next lawsuit is against the chair manufacturer who didn’t make a folding chair she sat on at a wedding strong enough to withstand her weight and then she’ll be suing Krispy Kreme and Popeye Chicken and Carl’s Jr for being the real culprit in this whole stupid mystery.

Watch her interview, bitch seems like she’s on crack and gives reason to girls everywhere to go commando because no only will you accidentally flash perverts like me, but you’ll also save your eye.

Posted in:Lawsuit|Thong|Victoria's Secret

2008

May

Some Victoria’s Secret Promo Starring Miranda Kerr, Marisa Miller and Alessandra Ambrosio in Bikinis of the Day

4 Comments »

The Victoria’s Secret cult strikes again with their distracting hot bitches in bikinis that they pretty much own like this dude I know who bough a Russian in some Mail Order bride service. Bitch did everything he told her and it was always funny seeing this tall hot blonde chick holding hands with a short, old fat guy, but she was just happy to be there until he pushed too hard and his posters of war-torn Russia that he would point to everytime she was out of line stopped working, leading to her taking the driving seat and eventually leaving him for some younger, richer dude. I just tell him he’s lucky he got out alive, because anyone from a war-torn country is dangerous and reverts back to survival mode when they really lose it but poor fucker is just broken hearted about it. I guess that just proves you can’t buy happiness, but you can buy pussy.

Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio|Bikini|Marisa Miller|Miranda Kerr|Victoria's Secret

2007

Nov

I am – Adriana Lima and Marisa Miller in the Victoria’s Secret Fitting Room of the Day

5 Comments »

I’ve been getting a lot of slack for not being a site that is accessible to girls. They get turned off because of my sleazy commentary offends them and they never come back, even though every post I write is for hot chicks, because if I wasn’t trying to get hot girls to love me over the internet, I’d just be a fag trying to impress a bunch of dudes and that’s not really my thing, but I know it’s your thing, but that’s because you gotta fine love somewhere and gay dudes are pretty horny.

So I got an email asking for Nell and my stepdaughter to come back because they added a much needed feminine voice to the site. I don’t know where either of those girls are, they kinda fucked off on me and haven’t answered my emails in the last couple months, so I figured I’d just write a post as a girl in hopes of getting hot girls back in because I want them to want my dick over the internet and come back for more everyday because I write about celebrities….and girls love celebrities and I love girls, so we’re pretty much destined to have you take a shower for me on webcam, internet soulmate.

Here is my post written as a girl:

blah blah blah blah “adjusts hair”, blah blah blah “applies make up”, blah blah blah “shows off new nails” , blah blah blah “makes a gesture representing how big the boyfriend’s cock is”, blah blah blah “giggles”, blah blah blah “giggles some more”, blah blah blah “adjusts bra”, blah blah blah “hugs girl i’m sitting with”, blah blah blah “stands up”, blah blah blah “pulls underwear out of ass and adjusts pants”, blah blah blah “walks out of coffee shop”

I am sure this post would have been a little more believable if I actually listened to girls when they talk, but I’m too masturbating my limp penis in front of them while staring at their tits and drooling through the restaurant window. I hear hot girls are into that because they like to be noticed….

Either way, here are Adriana Lima and Marisa Miller in the Fitting Room for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show that’s been hustled the last month like it was the coming of Christ, which to some virgins and married middle aged men out there, it probably is, because these bitches are some of the hottest models around and them in lingerie is better than them in clothes but not quite as good as them taking showers for me on webcam. I’m talking to you internet soulmate.

Marisa Miller

Adriana Lima:

Related Posts:

Miranda Kerr Bikini Pictures
Heidi Klum Playing With Her Tits Video
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
Victoria’s Secret Angles Fly Virgin

2007

Nov

I am – People Who Attended the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of the Day

4 Comments »

Some dude just dropped a your mom joke on me and I fucking love your mom jokes, not because I find them that inspiring or creative and totally played the fuck out, but because my mom died when I was a kid and I like to reverse the your mom joke on the motherfucker because any normal person feels bad about droppin that shit on me and that is a lot funnier than saying “your mom” or “that’s what your mom said”. So today I told some dude that he’s awesome for hooking me up with something and he said “that’s what your mom said” and I said:

You know my mom? I thought she died when i was 5…I guess she just ran away from us and the priest who ran the orphanage told us she had died because he didn’t want us feeling like we were abandoned. Tell her I say hi and that I expect my birthday and christmas gifts from the last 32 years in cash.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here are pictures of the arrivals of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, because I know that girls get off on seeing other girls in their lingerie. It’s like some competitive shit that makes them feel sexy and insecure and makes them want to suck their boyfriend’s dick harder than ever all at the same time, in some weird trying to reclaim that they are the most desirable vagina or some shit.

Hayden Panettiere’s Researching for the Day She Graduates Out of Her Midget Training Bra

Stacy Keibler’s Legs Need a Bra of their Own….cuz They Are So Long, They Are Like a Person of Their Own

Eva Longoria is Mexican and Doesn’t Buy Her Underwear in Packs of 6 from Wal Mart

Rachel Leigh Cook’s Cleavage Lookin’ For Support

Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge because they are Useless

Kat Von D wearing some Crazy fucking Pants cuz She’s Such an Original and Not Trying Hard at All….

Ana Oritz because She’s Got Some Good Cleavage, But I have No Idea Who She Is…

Related Posts:

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Picture

2007

Nov

I am – The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of the Day

4 Comments »

Here’s a big surprise for you, I had no idea that the Victoria’s Secret fashion show was going down last night because I am bad at this shit and generally don’t really care about shit that’s going on. So it was a morning email surprise and now I have a ton of pictures of the event to share with you, so you don’t have to watch the shit when it hits your TV later in the year, or whenever the fuck they air them because your mom will probably be watching them too, and it’s always embarrassing getting a boner with your mom on the couch next to you.

Either way I usually feel like a virgin faggot when I finish writing a post on cleavage or hot asses, because I am more into creeping on girls in real life than writing shit about celebrities I don’t care about on the internet, but the difference in this post is that I do care. I have a thing for Bikini and Lingerie models that you probably understand and have made a point in my life to marry one. Since that never worked out for me I’ve always dated half-rate, discount, bargain basements, last weeks kitchen garbage, versions of bikini models, because let’s face it, my wife would have it going on if she got Gastric Bypass, lost 200 lbs and got surgery to remove the excess skin that left huge scars and stretch marks all over her body, breast implants and maybe even a new face and time machine that turned her 25 again….so in a lot of ways I guess I am dating a Lingerie/Bikini model, I just don’t know it because I am too negative to see what I have before my eyes because she’s fucking disgusting lookin….when if I look really deep, beneath all that disgusting is a hot girl suffocating to death….

Bonus – Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham and Geri “Ginger Spice” Haliwell Performing at Half Time…..

Related Posts:

The Victoria’s Secret Angels Fly Virgin
Live Bloggin’ the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Last Year
Lima, Kurkova and Gisele at a Perfume Launch

2007

Nov

I am – The Victoria’s Secret Angels Fly Virgin Airlines of the Day

2 Comments »

I guess the best thing about the Victoria’s Secret Angels flying Virgin Airlines, is how many virgins jerk off to their pictures everyday. Yes, I am talking to you.

Speaking of talking, I was trying to seduce some model who is in Tampax commercials that I came across on the internet, because I feel like despite having the shittiest website on the internet, models in Tampax commercials should try to get all the free publicity they can get, even if it means letting me watch them shower on webcam to reachout to 6 masturbating dudes, so I figured I’d ask her on a date, not that I’d ever leave my house, but it felt like she’d respond better than asking for nude pics, as I often do and never get. When she rejected me I wrote this:

You weren’t going on a date with me regardless, because I don’t do dates, they are a waste of time, and I don’t leave my house, but I used to fuck wannabe models and they were also a waste of time, but at least I get to see them doing things they wouldn’t want their father seeing, unless they were from a dirty family….which sometimes happens because I met them at the bus stop and they were teenage runaways, who weren’t really wannabe models, but didn’t seem to mind the camera when they were sleeping….

She never responded. Either way, marrying a lingerie or bikini model’s always been a dream of mine that I kind of fell short on, like I have with most of my dreams. I never thought I’d end up with someone you’d think would be a good spokesperson for Dunkin’ Donuts, until we got our rejection letter from them because despite bitch being a great customer, her morbid obesity takes away from the message they are trying to get out to young mother’s on the go. Apparently fat doesn’t sell, but it does kill, just not fast enough, not that I want her dead, but it’d be a nice vacation….but not as nice as one on a plane with these bitches, because I hear there are no laws once you’re off the ground….and exposing myself vagina shaped penis, because I am an inny not an outty and that would be the best way to convince them that I am one of them and that they can trust me enough to show me their vaginas and let me watch them pee. When I do it in the park, I always seem to get in trouble.

Related Posts:

Heidi Klum is a Cat on Halloween
Alessandra Ambrosio is a Playboy Bunny on Halloween
Alessandra Ambrosio is a Slut
Adriana Lima is Hot of Pirelli in a See Through Outfit

Posted in:Adriana Lima|Alessandra Ambrosio|Heidi Klum|Unsorted|Victoria's Secret