DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2020

20

Apr

Jordyn Jones is a Dick Sucker of the Day

Jordyn Jones is simulating an intro scene to a porno because young people know more abotu porn than they know of any other type of content. They are all porn addicts, they are all producing porn for their subscription sites, they are all posting porn on the instagram….porn is normalized, sex working makes fiscal sense…so they are all doing it….

When you were young making working the record store was cool, or the skate shop or even the movie theatre….now, you’re a sucker if you’re not selling panties, or sucking dick in videos for your pervert fans that pay you monthly…far better than sugar babying…the future is now.

So when someone like Jordyn Jones, who I assume is pretty mainstream and not some sort of alt or porn weirdo, is simulating a dick suck, or at least the early stages of a dick suck…you know society is moving in the right perverted direction…

I think this is the new generation, that is younger than the annoying and boring woke generation, so another 5 years of great content, Girls Gone Wild but with double penetration…is all in our post Quarantine futures…

Crazy times…

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Posted in:Jordyn Jones

2020

20

Apr

Charlotte Lawrence Being Slutty of the Day

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Charlotte Lawrence doesn’t like when we post pics of her on this site. She has asked to have images of her removed at least once because they were all over the internet and thus not something open for someone to post on their site with commentary…even if it’s free exposure to those of you would wouldn’t know what a Charlotte Lawrence is without the likes of sites like these….well she doesn’t care what ya’ll think, she’s got Zuckerberg’s platform and probably TikTok for the self promotion….websites are for losers….

I guess she doesn’t understand how the internet works despite being raised on the internet…..

She also doesn’t understand the humor of the site, or doesn’t see humor in the site, because her idea of Humor is when her dad who created SCRUBS, has Zach Braff over to the family BBQ to talk about the scam that was SCRUBS and all the money they made, where the real joke was that it got made in the first place and not the comedy within the show while Zach tries to wseduce Charlotte Lawarence’s friends because Zach Braff only fucks 19 year olds. You can do that when you scam that SITCOM money.

I like to think it’s typical dumb 20 year olds who were raised on inclusion and anti-bullying, and thus have no real sense of humor or understanding of things that aren’t literal or memes….but she’s probably right, the jokes aren’t funny and this site isn’t the “cool” young “hip” site….it’s not TikTok, Instagram or one of those sites the girls of instagram use for members.

Because they want a bunch of old perverts jerking off to their pics, just not unless they pay the 10 dollars a month…

While this one’s a rich kid, so she doesn’t need that route, she just produces the same sort of content for the fun of it….

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Posted in:charlotte lawrence

2020

20

Apr

Rashida Jones Wet Swimsuit of the Day

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How about some “maybe I’m glad I’m in Quarantine so that I don’t have to see bodies like this on the beach anymore”…and a little “some bodies need to stay clothed and nice weather and open beaches isn’t an invitation to take off said clothes”….with some “the last person I ever want to see in a Swimsuit”…

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Posted in:Rashida Jones

2020

20

Apr

Sarah Hyland Tits of the Day

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Sarah Hyland brought her titties to her social media workout that all these idiots are broadcasting to remind you to keep moving in your Quarantine, where I encourage you to sit on your couch until you develop DVT and you die off before the COVID gets you….because sitting is pretty fucking luxurious until you get hemorrhoids and other ailments…but none of that matters since we’re all going to die…

Anyway, you know she’s ovulating, or put in some push up bra pads, or maybe she got implants during one of her Kidney Transplants like she was Selena Gomez…I don’t have an answer, I don’t believe Sarah Hyland is an actual human and looking at her too long creeps me the fuck out.

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Posted in:Sarah Hyland

2020

20

Apr

Suki Waterhouse Topless of the Day

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I don’t know what this Suki Waterhouse topless pic is from, but I assume it’s something she’s been self promoting because why not try to use your tits for as many hits as possible.

The Brad Cooper fucking aspiring actress who has dipped her toe in acting possibly thanks to fucking Brad Cooper, which is a far nicer momento than the herpes she was willing to risk getting from the womanizer, in exchange for the clout of fucking Brad Cooper. You know when you have an in you take it, you ride it and you hope it doesnt fuck off with a hotter model who he knocked up so that the free ride continues.

ANYWAY…that’s way too much time spent on Suki Waterhouse and her uneventful topless pic, just posting it is giving her what she wants!

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Posted in:Suki Waterhouse

2020

20

Apr

Julianne Hough Hard Nipples of the Day

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Every time I look at Julianne Hough – I imagine her having sex with Ryan Seacrest, not because I like to think of Ryan Secrest in a sexual way, that’s not really my vibe…I’m more into sexualizing girls on the internet posting nudes with captions that read “stop sexualizing me creeps”…..”but I’ll sell you pics of my feet”…..”and my dirty panties….but only if you sign up to my memebership site”..

I imagine her fucking Ryan Seacrest because she has fucked Ryan Seacrest and that is hilarious…

The naughty mormon who denounced mormonism, who claims to have been sexually molested by the mormon church, possibly with her dancing brother who moved to the UK to train as her dance partner because they are weirdos…

So she knows a think or two about sexy dance, it’s just unfortunate that her form of sex work is being on TV and not on the stripper pole cam show…but it doesn’t mean she’s not a slut…if anything she’s just a better slut than other sluts reduced to basic slut measures.

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Posted in:Julianne Hough

2020

20

Apr

Zoey Deutch Fucks the Fridge of the Day

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Zoey Deutch is some celebrity rich kid, if you consider Caroline in the City a celebrity. You probably don’t even remember who that is. Which is probably the reason that Zoey Deutch is on the quest to be famous in her own right, because she needs to use the foundation built by her mom, to next level it…while most celebrity kids try to get famous to break out of their parents’ shadow, this one is doing it to get their name on the map. She was raised with all these LA rich kids, so she had to be lower profile her whole life and that’s the fuel to her fire….I assume…I mean I know nothing about Zoey Deutch, meaning everything I just said was nonsense…

What isn’t nonsense is that I see videos of girls fucking pillows online, I see girls fucking suction dildos online, I see girls doing all kinds of crazy things with inanimate objects….but I don’t see girls fucking fridges enough. It’s like girls like to pretend they don’t eat, or they like to pretend they do eat but then puke it all up, but they never seem to show the proper appreciation for their fridge that houses that food they pretend to eat, or pretend not to eat.

I guess that can be Zoey Deutch’s legacy.

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Posted in:Zoey Deutch

2020

20

Apr

Babe Makes a TikTok for Instagram of the Day

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Her name is Jenny Mosienko and she’s surprisingly from the Ukraine. It is never the Eastern European girls who are out there being the hottest girls on social media, cam sites, and all things good in the world. It’s like they are trained for this shit at communist work camps while their moms are waiting in line for toilet paper, something that used to be a communism joke but that is now a COVID joke, where people feel like they live in communism as they protest America to go back to work, like the annoying kid who cries on a snow day, instead of just taking it in and chilling…

Point being, this Jenny Mosienko can be found on INSTAGRAM where you and 1.2 million other people can fight over her attention, or sign up to her paid site like a bunch of SIMPS who forget about free porn, because you like the connection the girl has with you and her 1000s of other 10 dollar a month idiots.

Point being, her TikTok on Instagram is a win.

Posted in:Videos

2020

20

Apr

McKayla Maroney Short Shorts of the Day

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McKayla Maroney was the Gymnast who went viral for becoming a meme when she was underage and ya’ll Olympic Gymnast fans who are already rearing up for this year’s Olympics, were all about her and who are likely the same pervert fucks occupying the VIEWS on every TikTok video you see of a girl dancing with her tits out, her vagina out…..or whatever else she has out….like this TikTok…

I guess when you’re an Olympic gymnast, your TikTok dances are better quality than the amateurs TikTok people, and this is one of those dances…

I like to think she’s sexualizing in her slutty shorts showing off her less than athletic quarantine 15 body…but we give her a break because she was the one who took a payout settlement against her Gymnastic doctor who finger banged her….instead of ratting him out like the other girls….which caused negative press and a lot of hate that has kept McKayla off the radar…..

Take the money and run, the finger bangings while fixing swollen ankles aren’t going to magically disappear because you testify against a pervert with 100 other girls testifying against him….and money heals all wounds…

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Posted in:McKayla Maroney

2020

20

Apr

Kiernan Shipka Bra Dance of the Day

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Kiernan Shipka in a bra doing a dance like she is on TikTok, and she is probably on TikTok, which is China’s answer to give sexual predators hours of content, while giving confused kids with shitty parents that were raised on porn a venue to post bra dances and other really perverted shit, all while giving China access to track EVERY SINGLE AMERICAN trying to get on the latest trend, especially now in Quarantine with all the time in the world, awesome..

Only I don’t think this is for TikTok, I think it’s for her shitty Sabrina show, that they are likely still filming despite essential work being the only thing that should be working, the entertainment industry is above the law, just ask Natalie Woods’ killer….

I don’t find this girl hot at all…if anything I find her ugly, so I don’t know why I am bothering, I guess a bra dance is all it takes to get featured on this site, pointed and laughed at, and/or jacked off to…

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Posted in:Kiernan Shipka