DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2019

30

Sep

Joey King Twerk of the Day

Joey King is some dude who I guess wears women’s clothing, who does women dance, in what looks like a pretty shitty apartment, despite having been on TV, so I assume it’s not his apartment, he’s just there to dance around in slutty girl shorts that you can’t all girl shorts, because the concept of girl is no longer a biological thing, it’s a state of mind man, and that whole binary gender thing, that’s just a construct of the patriarchy to keep women oppressed…and the whole genital thing doesn’t make you what you are…you do…which is a lot like black face but with more mental illness that involves you wanting to cut off your genitals or tits, to make it all seem more real…it is the body modification of the era…when I was a kid…some dudes would get tattoos, others would get their ear pierced…that was the extent of it…this generation are getting pussies made out of their cocks…it’s wild times…

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Posted in:Joey King|SFW

2019

30

Sep

Kirsten Dunst Titty Bounce of the Day

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KIRSTEN DUNST is fucking awesome…

I have liked her big tits on a small frame since she first popped up. I liked her big tits on a small frame when she fell apart and looked unshowered and near death. I am sure I said rude shit about her because that is my brand of simplistic, mean spirited humor that is barely clever but always cheap and easy the way I like all things in my life, mainly sex workers…

I am into her new show, and even in her 40s, with her new mom body, I find her hot….I mean titties flopping everywhere in what would typically be disgusting….but she just fucking carries it so good.

Basically, she’s a fucking legend….and if you know me or the site, you’ll know I rarely celebrate the over 30 crowd, it’s the internet and we shouldn’t be forced to waste or precious perv time on old tired trash…but sometimes, good squeezes through the cracks, like she squeezes into a pair of SPANX, while her menopause squeezes into her cycle and slowly dries her out….or something like that.

Here she is at an event with Meth Damon, her husband.

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Posted in:Kirsten Dunst|SFW

2019

30

Sep

Rita Ora Bra of the Day

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Rita Ora is so boring with her attempts at being interesting or compelling.

She’s barely a celebrity, but thinks that she’s one, thanks to having a record deal, moving to America, fucking Rob Kardashian before fucking everyone else, going to every event, every party, trying to stand out so people know her name, using her tits when all else fails, cuz her tits are great…and becoming whatever it is that she is….

Instead of focusing on good music, great music, music that will define a generation, or give something good to a generation of shit, she focused on selfies, paparazzi, and that’s pretty fucking lame.

It’s like “look at me, I matter”…instead of “look at what I contribute to the music industry” letting the people decide if she matters.

I am old, and I can’t really be bothered with any of this, but from my perspective she’s a fucking disappointment, an interchangeable uneventful set of tits….

But she is a great lesson in believing in yourself, at least in your ability to titty fuck where you lick the tip, tricks of the trade that really get people helping you get where you are going.

She has been boring since she started begging people to notice her, and I guess it’s workde, a lesson in perseverance too…..or maybe a lesson that big tits can take you places if you try.

I can’t name one of her songs, but bitch thinks she’s a bigger deal than Whitney Houston and the fans just go along with it…because they are too busy taking selfies to know better…but she’s a popstar…what a joke…

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Posted in:Rita Ora|SFW

2019

30

Sep

McKayla Maroney is Slutty Again of the Day

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McKayla Maroney I think the highlight of last week, that your American Olympic gold medalist, who won her Gold Medal on the backs of the black girls on her team in what could argue is some modern slavery, made a comeback with her slutty cameltoe shorts.

The victim of the US Gymnastic team’s doctor who used to finger young girls with ankle injuries while their moms who believed in the Olympic dream sat in the other room, you know sexualized at a young age, now sexualizing herself again, because her first round of sexualization happened directly after she won the Olympic medal and became a meme….before the team doctor / finger banger scandal happened…She came hard on the social media, amassed the fans, then tapped out…only to come back, with that fit ass she’s been training for, ready to take on America the way America likes to be taken on…through slutty content masked as fitness content cuz she’s an athlete you see.

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Posted in:McKayla Maroney|SFW

2019

30

Sep

Paula Patton Wet Bikini of the Day

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Paula Patton is the girl Robin Thicke had a kid with and then left for a 19 year old which is a nice reminder that no matter how much you love a bitch, no matter how hot that chick is, no matter how many memories and experiences you have together that you think would make a solid fucking forever partnership that led to you making kids together young chicks are just better…they haven’t been destroyed by having kids yet. They don’t have all that bitterness and resentment old bitches have.

It’s a superficial world and new pussy to replace the literally OLD pussy completes most men at the core of who they are…..

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Posted in:Paula Patton|SFW

2019

30

Sep

Em Rat Cow Bikini Porno of the Day

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Em Rat Cow is the kind of self involved narcissist fuck who has really tricked people and brands with money to think that she’s relevant. She gets fucking paid and nothing she does is that interesting or great.

I guess this is her trying to polarize herself as more than just tits, because apparently now that she’s near 30, she’s got a bit of an ass too, at least when she photoshops herself.

She is barely hot, she’s definitely not interesting, but you gotta semi respect her hustle that is hardly a hustle. She goes to events she probably dreamt about going to as a kid, and all it took to get there was showing her tits. Pretty solid strategy when you think about just how much effort it goes into making money for normal people. If it was just as easy for us like it is for her, life would probably be better, but not really, since all these idiots are miserable. Just chasing meaningless nonsense.

She does have great tits, real or not, who cares, cuz Rat COw as a whole is so fucking low quality fake that it cancels them out….

She was smart enough to leverage the audience and how stupid they are by starting a shit brand to sell to them….rather than just get paid by brands, you make more money with your own….so that’s what this is probably for…I mean that and boring the fuck out of us. Get some creative direction, maybe some concept you lazy cunt.

Here she is #metoo’ing Ashley Graham and her unborn child.

Em Rat Cow Pregnancy Porno Ashley Graham

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Posted in:Em Rat Cow|SFW

2019

30

Sep

Delilah Belle Hamlin Nipples of the Day

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Woah…Delilah Belle Hamlin’s face….

This is the unfiltered version of her I guess. No instagram photoshop you know EVERY single loser bitch trying to be an influencer because she’s got no fucking soul…it is all a fucking lie and thee fact that people follow and buy into these people despite them being straight up clowns, who aren’t even that hot, producing barely interesting content. It’s really just clown shit, like a modern day circus, some Ringling Brothers shit…and their big red noses are nose jobs, and their clown make-up is highlights and countouring, and their big clown shoes are in the form of lips…

The funniest thing about this, is that I see girls in everyday looking like this. I guess they are INFLUENCED…or have some sort of dysmorphia, or insecurity that they think will be fixed by migrating your face into becoming a muppet.

She crawled out of Lisa Rinna’s cunt, so I wouldn’t expect her to not have that clown face…it is just crazy she thinks this is a good look or that this works and by “THIS” I mean the face, the whole nipple thing is great thoug I will never get bored of that.

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Posted in:Delilah Hamlin|SFW

2019

30

Sep

Elle Fanning Got Them Tits Out of the Day

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ELLE FANNING is one of the Fanning sisters. The Fannings creep me out.

She’s the understudy to her sister Dakota, which basically means she was the backup plan for the stage parents.

If you’ve been on instagram – you probably follow a bunch of porn chicks on instagram – you’ll know they hav th back-up account in case the main one gets shut down.

When you’re dealing with child stars, you never really know how it is going to pan out. They can grow up to be ugly, they can have mental breakdowns, they can kill themselves or die of some diseases….it is just too much at stake and it is so hard to breakthrough it’d be a real waste if all that work only paid out for 5-10 years….so you need to strategically divert from that bad one to the new one, give the buyer some options, rather than saying no….plus with two kids you can have both simultaneously working making you so much more money than just one…as the stage parent the money goes to you and you can pay yourself out. Maximize profits…

Anyway, that’s my take…they aren’t that hot or interesting as a family, but they are rich, dialled in and can speak to your sister-sex-fetish….I mean the dream of men married to the ugly sister everywhere….wondering whether the hotter sister has the same pussy, does she fuck the same, how much is nature and how much is nurture through sexual experiences and is it even cheating cuz genetically they are basically the same person.

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Posted in:Elle Fanning|SFW

2019

30

Sep

Cindy Bruna Nipples of the Day

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CINDY BRUNA with her nipples out at an event because how else is she going to be noticed honestly..

Don’t confuse Cindy Bruna with the other BRUNA with her nipplees out, they are different BRUNAs, and showing your nipples is more than just something people with the name BRUNA can do….everyone can join in the fun because if you’ve got nipples that you crave to have stared at all you need to do is put on a slutty sheer shirt.

It is basically a zero fucking effort thing to do, especially if you’re going to wear a shirt anyway, it’s just a clever shirt option cuz people will pay more attention and either say “look at her nipples, I love nipples”…or “Look at here nipples, what an attention seeker, the clickbait of clothing” but ultimately still the same outcome which is us seeing her nipples.

I’m glad it’s a trend because trying to convince girls to show you their nipples in this #metoo era, especially strangers over random DMs comes with a lot of risk as everyone is so fucking uptight and quick to call you out for being a creep and by everyone I mean chicks you want to see topless….Just wait it out…you will end up seeing them topless eventually thanks to trends like this..

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Posted in:Cindy Bruna

2019

30

Sep

Christina Aguilera Titty Tape of the Day

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Christina Aguilera is looking like the human version of a Hemorrhoid. You know all bloated with age because the integrity the structure of your rectum is destroyed from all your sitting and doing nothing all these years…but the human version.

I guess she’s decided to do a quick cash grab, why not, she’s Christina Aguilera, the third most popular popstar from the 90s, forever in Britney’s shadow, only now hard to miss while in Britney’s shadow because she’s 4 times Britney’s size.

The skinny, tiny, how fake titty stripper looking Disney Kid who was clever enough to go DIRTY when going DIRTY allowed her differentiate herself, but that ended up realizing that her true passion was eating….

I am not here to make fun of how fat she’s become, she’s been fat for a fucking decade, we are just here to laugh about how she dresses like she’s not fat, I assume thinking that fat empowerment in this body positive world means it is ok to get into slutty outfits like she was 25, and it is OK, but OK doesn’t mean it’s hot or looks good…OK means yeah, sure, wear what you want, but that doesn’t mean it’s not digusting. It is disgusting.

Here is her scary fat yet flat ass…

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Posted in:Christina Aguilera|SFW