DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Jutta Leerdam in a Bikini on a Boat of the Day

Golfer Paige Spiranac’s Big Titty Golf Porn of the Day

Bulldog Faced Salma Hayek’s Got Old Lady Tits of the Day

Anastasiia Mitina is the Instagram Of The Day

Toronto Mayor Olivia Chow Cultural Appropriation of the Day

2018

Aug

Iggy Azalea’s Got Them Titties on of the Day

No Comments »

Jesus. Iggy Azalea is so fucking boring.

Even when she was trying to prove her ass was legit, when her ass is likely not legit, but may not actually have implants, but rather just fat injected into it, as these fat asses go…since no ass is that big with a stomach that small unless you’ve taken it upon yourself to get some cosmetic procedures that should not be called cosmetic at all as cosmetic to me sounds like it makes it better…like when you renovate your house, or do some cosemtic work to it, you know a new paint job or some new furniture…it’s to improve it…not to make it some freak show fucking monster….

This only happens when she’s out there marketing like they taught me to market back in business school….GET HALF NAKED ALL THE TIME PEOPLE WILL LOOK….

That’s all you need to do according to the internet, social media, and all these idiots getting fucking paid….

So take it the fuck in assholes.

$Iggy Azalea Slutty Yellow Latex Bra$

$Iggy Azalea Slutty Yellow Latex Bra$

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Iggy Azalea|SFW

2018

Aug

Ariel Winter’s Big Fat Tits of the Day

No Comments »

I don’t know who Ariel Winter’s photographer is, but he looks like some kind of Russian dude who has a kiosk in the Mall and does weird boudoir photos…but unlike the boudoir photographer with a kiosk in the Mall, the fat girls he gets pics of are on TV…and have faces filled with face injections, rather than 50 year old menopausal women going through “the change” and trying to reclaim some sex appeal for their Husbands….

I saw that episode of Roseanne. I know how it is.

That’s not to say that he’s better off than those mall photographers and their obese women they get in provocative poses…but I assure you that having Ariel Winter’s fat tits in his book can definitely lock in more fat women with a dream….to be on TV…as fat is accepted…they just never cast fat girls to play fat chicks…but rather skinny girls get put in fat suits since it’s too hard to expect a fat person to try to lose weight for a part…while a skinny person will get fat for a part…because fat people are just fucking lazy and so I am I, so I’ll stop typing now.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Ariel Winter|SFW

2018

Aug

Alyson Stoner Slutty of the Day

No Comments »

This picture is weird – but I am confident you can jerk off to it..

I figure your storyline will be that this is her O-Face and by O-Face I mean half asleep, possibly medicated, maybe on some ambien face….that you are either about to take advantage of or that she’s allowing you to take advantage of in a #metoo movement kind of “I’ll close my eyes, pretend it didn’t happen, and hopefully secure this acting job”…because she’s Lauren Stoner and needs all the help she gets…even if that help involves playing dead half naked for weirdos to get off to…cuz ultimately the world is porno…a fetish for everyone to get off to….so get off to it.

Alyson Stoner Tits Slutty Bra And Short Shorts

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Alyson Stoner|SFW

2018

Aug

Aubrey O’Day Lingerie of the Day

No Comments »

Aubrey O’Day is a wonderful creature – straight from celebrity Apprentice – who doesn’t complain about the President or his using the N-Word…whatever N-Word that may be…and she doesn’t get mad when he calls a cunt like Omarosa a dog…because she is one…and she doesn’t sell out his son the she fucked – for having a small pecker even though he looks like a muppet and it didn’t get her the win on the show – so she’s gone back to the drawing board after living off her Jersey Shore boyfriend who made a lot of money not evading taxes but rather DJing….and the drawing board is fucking amazing.

I mean sure she’s old news, an old timer, but with the proper use of angles, filters, filers, and fake tits….she’s got it going on….I mean sex that shit up while looking like a sex doll because you can…and that is feminism. That is empowering. That is wonderful.

I am a fan.

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Aubrey O'Day|SFW

2018

Aug

Get Yourself a Good Time for Under 20 Dollars of the Day

No Comments »

Hey Perverts…Do you know what you need…a Hand Free Male Masturbator so that you can keep your hands busy searching for the best pics of your high school girlfriend’s now married vacation pics…I know why social media got so popular you perverts wanting to see people in your real life in bikini…for masturbation purposes is why.

So for under 20 dollars, you can be fucking something that probably feels good, if you put shame and dignity aside…I mean we are in the future where technology allows us to replace women and their annoying and expensive ways with a nice feeling lifelike pussy and mouth…so long as you get over the whole washing it out.

I mean I had a rubber pussy once, I actually have a box full, and one night I decided to fuck it….only to realize it felt amazing and I knew it would be a problem, but I didn’t think the real problem would be busting inside it and having to hose it fucking down…only to be walked in on by my roomate at the time’s girlfriend…who decided to snap a pic off and show everyone they invited in….

It’s one of those small prices to pay for masturabtion made better I guess…and once I owned it…I realized that all those people were just jealous of my confidence in myself to fuck a masturbator….a prosthetic without looking to themselves to realize that they to are capable for fucking anything and everything….and a lot of them had…just not opening in conversation.

It was the pre internet / jerking off was seen as a loser thing to do…even though everyone was doing it….

If you’re not into Male Masturbators…you can always get yourself the best vibrating cock ring …that I don’t know from experience, because I don’t fuck with cock rings, but one of my longest running advertisers was one back in 2004…..the same year I gave up on erections and turned to blogging…but I hear they are good, and give your girl a little clit stimulation, assuming you have a girl….which you probably don’t so you can just use it on yourself…or wear it out in public, you know test it out because maybe they are the secret formula I need. Why don’t you try them out for me…maybe wear one to work, or to the gym to really get it’s intended impact.

10% OFF coupon code: drunkenstepfather at beyourlover.com for any product. All items are free shipping.

All this to say….Get your Hand Free Male Masturbator NOW!!!

Posted in:Features

2018

Aug

Caroline Vreeland Golden Shower Titty Shake of the Day

No Comments »

Caroline Vreeland really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of anything…she has massive tits, but the rest of her body is so weirdly shaped, it’s like some top heavy cartoon character, you know you’ve seen the 300 pound man who carries all his weight about the waist….looking like he’s from some vintage cartoon like the Pink Panther….

she’s like the titty version of that, obviously, I can easily buy into and support some 30 year old whore, who has been trying everything to get famous as a singer for the last 10 years, including the use of her tits, that I’ve posted before, yet people don’t give a fuck about her.

She’s tried to hang with relevant instagrammers who posted and tagged her and her massive tits and she still struggled to go viral and get followers. She was stuck at like 80k followers for 4 fucking years…

She has a relative she pretends was her grandmother who was some Vogue writer or creative director, you know a legit famous person in the fashion industry who had the same last name….to give her some credit in fashion…like I said…she tries every angle. She goes to every event. She hangs with people more popular than her. Yet the only thing she has going for her…are the monster tits, the natural huge tits, that are freakish and exciting to us perverts, but that have amazingly done very little for her.

I mean I can find you dozens of big titty women who used their big tits that aren’t even this big, in less shameless ways to get so much more.

It’s weird to see someone with such big tits sucking so hard at something she puts so much effort into…

I mean I am sure she get paid now, it’s happening for her, but it has happened to so many people with lesser tits who tried so much less, and put less personality and tit into what they do…which makes me wonder what is wrong with her..besides her weird hip to waist ratio you won’t notice cuz LOOK AT THOSE MASSIVE TITS.

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Caroline Vreeland|SFW

2018

Aug

Christina Applegate Gets Wet of the Day

No Comments »

Christina Applegate is making some gagging faces – because I guess she saw herself in a bikini – which is why she decided to wear a fucking snow suit to the beach – like some kind of Muslim – but is not quite a Muslim but more a celebrity who relied heavy on being a babe – no longer a babe – which is worse than what typical Americans thing being a Muslim is…something you can’t live with or don’t want to be put on the tabloids half naked and judged as she nears 50….so instead she draws attention to herself more aggressively that just wearing a damn bathing suit…

I do remember her as the hottest thing, I remember Married with Children in all it’s sexist / racist / comedy that was allowed…that was still shocking yet allowed people to laugh about things and see how ridiculous we all are…instead of making everything so fucking serious like they are today. It’s like you can’t say anything to stimulate any thought comedically…everyone’s a fucking autistic person who takes it all literally…what happened to “Just Joking”….to which people collectively laughed…and said LOL that’s great…or that’s bad…I can’t believe you said your thought that you devil you….instead of this internet warzone we live in.

I like to think it is because there is no mental capacity to process shit, the people on the internet these days are everyone, but back in the day it took a certain level of nerd to understand it, so they’d understand sarcasm trough text….but now it’s just HICK ON FUCKING INBRED HICK mud wrestling their way through their keyboards like they were wrestling their lawn furniture….

Point being….Christina Applegate represents a simpler time, her bathing suit options on the other hand are too damn complicated.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Christina Applegate|SFW

2018

Aug

Halsey Hard Nipples of the Day

No Comments »

Halsey is just out there maximizing her story, her experience, the fact that DJs know they are a scam and bring random people they like along for the scam ride they are on, because if there are thousands of idiots into the noise they make, even millions, you might as well cash in on it and get stupid rich with it.

I do remember certain DJs always making big fucking money, the Euro Djs of the 90s the attracted the cheesy fucking club kids, that weren’t anything like the club kids today….which are the mainstream frat kids….doing drugs and dancing like idiots to EDM….

I remember massive raves….with 100 dollar ticket prices…I rememebr when Chemical Brothers, Daft Punk and Prodigy were mainstream with music videos selling out Arenas….so it’s not this NEW thing that happened with Diplo / Avicii / DJ Snake, whoever the fuck else is out there getting paid heavy for bullshit noise….it’s just that everyone is into it, so there are so many DJs now, all getting paid insane amounts of money that woud have gone to actual musicians in the past…but instead go to the videogame / porn generation simplistic sounds their brains can grasp….

So in their scam, comes a bitch like Halsey, also scamming, who sucks their dicks…cuz DJs get BJs as Borat has shown you…and they always have, it’s 89 percent of the reason the DJs became DJs in the first place…to get laid…the getting rich was just bonus.

Anyway, this one was scraped off the club VIP room floor, got to lay down some vocals and is now an annoying celeb who likes to talk about herself, her drugs, her party days…she’s 22 years old, fuck off with the hard life thing, I am not buying it…hard lives happen at 50 when you lose your leg to diabetes from actually having a hard life…not from being a millionaire with HARD nipples for the social media channels cuz tits get hits.

Her new angle is that she’s black and dealing with the plight of the black people…despite being white a fuck…which is annoying to all…except I guess the mainstream who like her…

So here are some of her hard nips…because as shit as a person is, I can always stare at nips

Here she is with her Aunt Jamima / Mamie Hair you’d expect to see on a house slave working the kitched of the plantation…you know in her racist attempt to reclaim her culture and ethnicity….

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Halsey|SFW

2018

Aug

Blanca Blanco Nip Slip of the Day

No Comments »

Blanca Blanco was invited to Oscar parties, or maybe she stood outside Oscar parties, or maybe I am confusing her with some other clickbait idiot who draws attention to herself via the paparazzi and sites like DailyMail who rely on clickbait to make all their stupid money, while classy high brow sites with integrity like myself, sit here being called porn sites, totally unable to sell ads, not even to Grand Theft Auto, a game you can literally kill your street whore, because I am too hardcore….that will always be my favorite rejection letter from an advertiser…like are you all fucking burnt out on crack or just fucking stupid….GIVE ME MONEY.

That said, her tits are out, and I have nothing against tits out for paparazzi, it’s a level of shameless and pathetic that feels right to me. I guess I like the smell of desperation.