DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2016

15

Feb

UK Fame Whore of the Day

I don’t even know who this girl is, but I like her hustle. She knows that when she is to leave a club or party where the paparazzi are present, to flash and strip down however much clothing she can manage to rip off before exposing herself, in order to ensure being talked about in the tabloids, because to some people, being in the tabloids is a stamp of approval that they matter or exist, and without that coverage, they are just slutty girls past their prime, but those same people are the kind of people who behave like this in public and it is glorious enough for me….being the pervert that I am….

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Famewhore

2016

15

Feb

Christina Milian’s Big Cleavage of the Day

No Comments »

I am not a fan of Christina Milian or her comeback tour. Where she’s managed to leverage everything she can doing the low level tricks of fame whoring to get followers and attention…

She was a one hit wonder, who had a kid with this dude who is a very famous producer and has song writing credits on major hits, so many that when they were together he was able to get her on some, because he probably knew the residuals would mean less alimony since bitch doesn’t work….

She’s a second tier host on a singing show that is hugely successful, working as their social media person, but only this past year has been able to get a following because she gets more and more aggressive with her pics..because tits get his..

So if it’s not some pool party, see through shirt, bikini paparazzi pics, it’s cleavage…as she knows how to get talked about…since we’re all as basic as she is in her hustle…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Christina Milian|SFW

2016

15

Feb

Elle Fanning for Vogue Australia of the Day

No Comments »

Elle Fanning is the sister of creepy Dakota fanning…

She’s 17…

So I guess Vogue Australia thinks it’s ok to dress up 17 year olds in lacy outfits…which isn’t as bad as you jerking off to 17 year olds in lacy outfits….who I guess don’t count as 17 because they are from Hollywood and in movies and thus have no parents or souls…having sex at 12 with creepy perverts because it’s the Wild West with no rules..they are the fucking rules…and they distract their vapid and disgustingness with morally sound movies…

Oh wait, she does have a dad, his name is Steven J. Fanning, who played minor league baseball for teams affiliated with the St. Louis Cardinals and now works as an electronics salesman in Los Angeles..

I guess at 17, it’s grey area legally, but knowing you – you’ve been a fan since “I am Sam”…

Posted in:Elle Fanning|SFW

2016

15

Feb

Hannah Ferguson’s Twerking of the Day

No Comments »

I think you can see her asshole…

I spent an hour doing some Sports Illustrated Coverage – because I don’t bother producing my own content that often and would rather point and laugh at the lack of creativity from my soiled poverty stricken couch…it’s the life of a loser critic….

When Sports Illustrated pops off every year, there’s hours of footage and outtakes for each of these girls they use…so for the next year random shit they do will come together and be promoted…their brand depends on it almost as much as most of the girls depend on SI promoting them to get work…

Here’s Hannah Ferguson….doing a stripper dance twerk – which is not all that far off from where she probably should be working – but thanks to SI 2014, doesn’t have to…

Shoutout to Bob for sending this in…

Posted in:Hannah Ferguson|SFW

2016

15

Feb

Bella Thorne’s Tits in a Bikini of the Day

No Comments »

Some dude was ripping into me on twitter yesterday because he finds me a pussy bitch who writes pussy bitch commentary about girls like a pussy bitch….or something equally well thought out…

He was really mad, despite claiming to not know who Bella Thorne was, that I call her 40 years old, every single time I post about her….like a bad joke I keep killing over and over again…despite how he doesn’t read the site, because I am a pussy bitch of the internet….

The reality of it, is that Bella Thorne probably isn’t 40 years old, but I keep telling the same story about her being 40 years old, because I only have so much to say about a vapid little self absorbed girl in the entertainment industry…that bros and frat boys and dads are into because they are perverts or are forced to know..because she’s the hot pussy in the shitty shows their kids make them watch…

I mean this girl posts compromising selfies on the regular..more often than actual substance…so the repeating the same story – comes hand in hand – with her repeating the same marketing tactics…and really, I am not a comedy writer, trying to be funny, but rather an angry pervert who thinks telling the same joke over and over becomes awkward and thus hilarious over time…

You just gotta let it simmer, while Bella Thorne simmers her pale skin in the sun, on vacation because life is rough for a 40 year old pretending to be an 18 year old…because pervert dudes buy into the lie…because they want to believe it’s real…

Now when someone takes that premise and makes a Judd Apatow movie – 40 year old stage mom can’t handle her daughters being hipster anti-stage kids, so she takes it upon herself to get BOTOX and make it happen

Or maybe it’ll be the next Elizabeth Smart Pitch Perfect franchise…

Either way, I won’t get credit or paid for it..

All while Bella Thorne will continue to to self promote herself aggressively, maybe even getting the part, thanks to the perverts…because the perverts will continue to buy into it….keep her going…and well…believe the lie…

Posted in:Bella Thorne

2016

15

Feb

Xenia Deli Eats Herself Out of the Day

No Comments »

Xenia Deli been around for a while, but I saw her big break while getting a lap dance at a strip club a few weeks ago, when their background video wasn’t the usual porn, but rather music videos set to the song they were playing…and Xenia Deli’s song happened to be one of Bieber’s songs….and she’s pretty much fucking him in video, which would make it safe to assume she’s fucked him in life…and when you’re some immigrant model naked after a place where meat runs rampant…in what could be your big break piggy backing on the massive pop star…you do what you gotta…

You see, she’s from a place where hotter women then her are sold and traded for less than she makes an hour, making her a bit more grateful in her life, being the different kind of prostitute, the better kind of prostitute…who does it on her own terms because she is considered a model…which to rich guys, is interchangeable..and when it looks like this, it should make you want to be a rich dude….

Posted in:SFW|Xenia Deli

2016

15

Feb

Sara Jean Underwood Has Figured Out Instagram of the Day

No Comments »

I think we should take a minute to give Sara Jean Underwood some credit – where credit is deserved….

You see, we know that instagram is a place where pretty much every girl with an instagram is using it as a platform to post sleazy pics of themselves…but we have to remember there was an evolution to this.

There was a time when only the real strippers and bar maids, before bottle service girls even existed, would use Myspace to post cheesy half naked shoots…but the average girl would debate or even be reprimanded by family for posting anything remotely sexual…

They worried about “career as politicians” or “professionals” or whatever…

While this Sara Jean Underwood – was like – I want to do Playboy, I’m hot, I’m 18, fuck school, let’s get fucking naked…

She knew the dream, the fame, the possible fortune all for getting naked was the fucking answer and didn’t worry about what anyone thought…

She went onto fuck Seacrest up the ass for a while, TV host for the nerds, but now…now she’s on instagram in what some could see as “doing what the insta whores are doing”….but for the old timers like me…she’s doing what’s always been hers to do…

Here she is some video

Posted in:Sara Jean Underwood|SFW

2016

15

Feb

Ex-Team USA Gymnast Ass with Mckayla Maroney of the Day

No Comments »

Mckayla Maroney was an American hero back in 2012 when she won at least one Olympic medal, but who as soon as that was over appeased her “stage parents” or what we call in Canada “Hockey Mom” with her version of a NHL Draft, which allowed her to focus on what I guess she was more into…being slutty on the internet..

A long time ago, there was that whole Band Camp girl on American pie, who was obviously and blown out version of these kids who are forced into a close knit circle, where they develop their perversions together, all while being socially awkward…where the cool kids aren’t staying in hotels together, which opens the door for fucking…so Gymnastics, or any sports, along with Band…is really just a great place for kids to fuck each other…and develop weird perversions…all with the help of their coaches…

So it’s possible that paved the way for being slutty on the internet, but it probably had more to do with everyone being slutty on the internet…or even more likely, loving all the attention she was getting with tweets directed at her by fucking perverts…everywhere…allowing her to find herself as a booty model..

Because I just googled her to see if she was on Team USA for 2016 in rio..and she’s not..
but her ass is on her social media…and that could be better than another Olymic medal, because it requires less work….just ask Bruce Jenner.

Posted in:McKayla Maroney|SFW

2016

15

Feb

The Day Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Died or Not of the Day

No Comments »

Who the fuck is the adviser at SI, and do they have access to Instagram?

Do they have any idea who their target market is, or are they more into appeasing the outspoken haters who don’t read their magazines, but rather just complain about the fact that they objectify women.

Is this the skin issue that was a special feature for their subscribers to jerk off to in an era when porn wasn’t available, an issue that made stars out of girls or are they just bottom feeding and struggling to find their little niche in this media landscape.

I don’t know who they are speaking to, but they aren’t speaking to the bros and frat boys who read their shit…and really neither am I, but the frat boys like to call me a whiney little bitch thanks to their inability to read.

I am just watching the human condition unfold, and I will say that risk taking has been lost….there was a time when the previous editor of the Swim supplement would think taking a risk was showing a nipple in a Sports Magazine as to bot seem obscene like their porn competitors….

But now – it’s putting a fat chick on the cover…because the reality is, a magazine doesn’t even need a cover, it’s all online anyway, so they could put anyone on the cover..

I am juste surprised that since this is clearly their strategy, why they didn’t put Bruce Jenner, an athlete on the cover, instead of a pig like Ashley Graham, who’s idea of fitness is eating as many donuts as she fucking can…

Yes they put Ronda UFC on the cover too, good an Athlete, makes sense…even if she’s got a dick…but a fat chick…who is everything but Sports Illustrated ever was…unless their readership is all black dudes, but I think they prefer their fat white chicks to be blonde…

I guess we should celebrate them for not being obvious in their THIRST by putting a Hadid or a Kardashian on the cover, unless of course it was Bruce, since that’d be jokes…WHY ISN’T BRUCE JENNER THE SI COVER GIRL?!

We should also encourage the people at the company to consider hiring a new editor, let this editor work at Cosmo. Keeping things status quo when competing with Instagram photos that are better than these photos, because instagram has proven how simple this “art” is…

I guess no one really knows what to do with themselves or how to handle themselves in this happy world filled with angry social justice warriors…but I am pretty confident that this isn’t the best approach and that they are just digging and digging that SI Grave they’ve started to dug…Just FIRE the fucking bitch running it and hire someone with some vision… Enough with the fat chicks to be progressive for the feminist protesters….when you should want the fucking protesters…

Oh, I get what they are doing, they want to shut up the haters and feature the whores in peace….SO enough of the rant, because the good news is that they still had some hot bikini pics…there is something pure and amazing in bikini pics of bikini models…like old times…classic…even if semi irrelevant they are still worth looking at…

They put the fat chick on the cover so that they could get away with all this AMAZING on the inside….Seriously…some of these pics are good…and distract from the 3-5 pics of the fatty, and produced 1000s of the babes, models and sugar babies…

It’s the “I have a black friend” excuse for a racist….CLEVER JOB SI….I guess you’re not dead yet..but speaking of BLACK friends…you forgot to feature enough dark skinned girls…SI SO WHITE AND FAKE SPRAY TANNED ….#SIsoWHITE haters will find things to hate….but they feature fat girls on the cover because no one gives a fuck about a cover to produce softcore porn with esorts…WORKS FOR ME….

TO SEE THE WHOLE FEATURE VISIT SI SWIM

Gigi Hadid Because her Dad’s an Advertiser…and she looks amazing…