DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

17

Jul

Emily Ratajkowski is Pissing in the Parking Lot of the Day

This girl is amazing.

I love everything she does.

It is times like these I wish I was with her, you know as “friends”…and/or a married couple, so that I could volunteer to let her use my face as a toilet instead of that sad pavement, like some kind of homeless person, or white girl wasted girl outside the club…you know because she is a delicate flower from heaven, and I am a man who likes being peed on by the right amazing babe..who I predict will be the fucking future at least based on her naked body that I am going to tattoo on my chest so that she knows I’m serious about this endless love….

Posted in:Emily Ratajkowski

2013

17

Jul

Lydia Hearst’s Malibu Beach Party of the Day

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My friend Lydia Hearst had a beach house party in Malibu yesterday, and seeing as she’s a lovely girl whose breasts I have seen in pictures, I figured I would make an appearance and try to creep her out, possibly by staring at her from the closet, or by hugging her just a little too long…

The party was for the Launch of her site LoveLydiaHearst….a place where we can only hope she posts compelling pics of her tits, for fashion, as part of the updates, every once in a while, cuz it isn’t sleazy that way and she’s a classy lady, a classy lady that I can still masturbate to while I cry, because she has a man, and all I have is the memories…and now the stains.

So follow her site…she’s good…show support to a babe who supports stepFATHER… LoveLydiaHearst.com…

Posted in:Lydia Hearst|stepEXCLUSIVE

2013

17

Jul

Heidi Klum Wins at Instagram of the Day

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Despite being a German freak who probably likes being shit on, with an army of kids from various fathers, one of whom was rumoured to have a penis the size of a wine bottle, and being in her 40s or 50s or god knows how old but old enough to have been around for almost as long as I can remember, being amazing to look at for as long as I can remember, in a “I bed she was bred in a German Human Testing Facility back in WWII, because there is no way this is real, human, or possible”…and she’s still got it, this time for Instagram where not only does she show us the scientific art that is her body, but also, the art that she’s made on her body, cuz she’s silly like that…a perfect level of silly that I think requires more nipple, but I’ll take what I can get…

Either way, this is some feel good shit…smiles for everyone….

Posted in:Heidi Klum

2013

17

Jul

Haley Joel Osment Has Titties of the Day

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For those of you who don’t read the site, I have a theory that Haley Joel Osment has re-purposed himself as Emily Osment, because awkward child stars, who were Oscar Nominated, and loved the attention and praise at a young age, who got awkward and lost the praise by puberty, can be cleaver enough to know that as long as they have tits, a face and dick don’t matter…cuz guys will become fans, they will masturbate to your picture, and you’ll be back in the game, like you never got awkward…

I could be wrong, but it’d be good if it was fact. It would make this girl’s story far more dramatic and worth noticing, something her cleavage makes me think she wants!!

Posted in:Haley Joel Osment

2013

17

Jul

Barbara Palvin in a Bikini for Jason Lee Perry of the Day

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I may not think Barbara Palvin is all that great, but it turns out, I appreciate staring at pics of her in a bikini, which may not be saying much for Barbara Palvin since I’ll watch any and all girls in a fucking bikini provided they have a vagina, which is actually even optional requirement, because with a proper tuck job, like they were Gisele Bundchen, and a tight body with decent tits, I can be fooled…in an out of sight out of mind situation.

That’s not to say Palvin has a cock, even though it is assumed she did considering she was rumoured to have sex with Beiber and cock is the only way for him, but it is to say if she did, I’d probably still be trying to get a boner for her hot little body, that in person is probably a big body, because that’s just the kind of guy I am.

Posted in:Barbara Palvin

2013

17

Jul

Adriana Lima for Victoria’s Secret Catalog Pics of the Day

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Here are some catalog shots of Adriana Lima for Victoria’s Secret that are photoshopped to shit and shot in a way that doesn’t make her look like an old fat mom of 12. I guess she’s one of their big names and sells a lot of product for them and they are not ready to put her on the back burner of their roster and just have her show up to reunion tour events just yet, because they stupidly locked her into a 10 year contract they can’t get out of, without realizing that by 30, she’d look more like she’s 45, that never happens to models, they took a gamble, but at least the corrupt billion dollar company is doin the best they can with what they have….I guess.

Posted in:Adriana Lima

2013

17

Jul

Gemma Atkinson’s Fun Instagram Bikini Pic of the Day

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Gemma Atkinson is some Glamour Model, which is code of hooker, who probably is married to a soccer star, or some other rich guy in the UK, because that’s what these hookers do….they just Glamour Model to increase their brand image and brand profile and make people who otherwise would just get lap dances from them get them pregnant. It’s good strategy with a solid retirement plan of monthly child support payments and I can’t help but appreciate good whoring, especially when it has a body like this…

Posted in:Gemma Atkinson

2013

17

Jul

Kelly Brook Big Titties for NUTS of the Day

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Kelly Brook is always a good looking girl, I wouldn’t try to slam her for that. Her face is that of a classic beauty and her natural hanger are a gift from the heavens, you know just naturally so decadent to look at, you know the reason we even know she exists…but the problem with her, other than the fact that she’s 100 years old now, and riding the tail end of her career, is that even when photoshopped into these Glamour shots, she looks like some doughy weirdness I can still appreciate, because they are high in estrogen and seemingly fertile enough to get knocked up again before having a staged miscarriage to extend her career, you know womanly…but it’s walking that fine line of sloppy…a place no one really likes to be…especially not a titty model…except maybe Kate Upton, but that’s just cuz she’s won the lottery and sold her soul to the devil and has fans so loyal she can’t fucking lose…

Posted in:Kelly Brook

2013

17

Jul

Alexa Vega is Fun at the Internet of the Day

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Spy Kid Alexa Vega is a lot of fun on the internet, from showing off a ripped body that Robert Rodriguez may have touched inappropriately on set, you know how these hollywood stories pan out, especially with directors so eager to do Kids programming, kinda like the school bus driver so eager to pick up kids rather than do any other job they are capable of…like regular bus driving…To simulating getting fisted by some chick up her dress…

I am a fan of everything happening in here…I love me a fit girl…even if I prefer Child Stars to be more broken and dying.

Posted in:Alexa Vega

2013

17

Jul

Jo Parker is a New Amazing Glamour Model of the Day

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Jo Parker is a brand new Titty model for the UK Glamour model scene and we like titty models, especially when they are brand new, un-tarnished and amazing, cuz they do this very important thing I call, show their titties.

Now I don’t care what went wrong in their lives, or what their career goals are, or why they decided they need to get topless, whether it is revenge on an ex, or a dad or just because they are fun loving, free spirited girls who look good and the opportunity presented itself…cuz ultimately being paid to show tit is not a bad thing…it’s an amazing thing, a beautiful thing, a natural thing even when fake thing…and I endorse her and her new found career and so should you…

Posted in:Jo Parker|NSFW