DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

27

Mar

Amanda Bynes Murders My Vagina on Twitter of the Day

I want Amanda Bynes to murder my vagina….my man pussy…..like she wants Drake to murder her vagina, because they are both identity crisis Child Stars, trying to make it in this cold, scary world after no one cares about you, only Drake managed to pay off the right people to get heard…while Amanda Bynes just keeps falling off, like all child stars, and it looks like fun. Especially when she shows off her titties.

I am ready for this behavior to turn into a sex tape career. Seriously.

It may happen, and until it does, here are some cleavage shots. She’s amazing, I’m a fan. I like the impromptu photoshoot, she should be a stepGIRL.

Posted in:Amanda Bynes

2013

27

Mar

Nina Agdal Models Lingerie Like It’s Her Job of the Day

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Nina Agdal is a downs syndrome lookin’ model, who luckily has a fantastic body to distract me from some Corky fetishes I’ve once known too well. Not because I jerked off to LIFE GOES ON …but because I worked at a retard home and the girls were always masturbating, unable to really communicate well enough to tell on me, and luckily I got none of them pregnant in the process…it was a romantic time as an orderly, I get Downs like that..a romantic experience while changing her adult diaper before bed time….. Judge all you want. Haters gonna hate…

Enough about me…Here’s Nina in some lingerie making dreams come true…for her immigrant self as she steals all the American model work….

Posted in:Nina Agdal

2013

27

Mar

Kendall Jenner Models for Harper’s Bazzar of the Day

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As one of the Kardashian sisters is falling off, because like so many fat superficial fat chicks before her, she’s decided to use her pregnancy to mask her eating disorder, and taking eating for 2, something she’s been into pre-pregnancy but never did because she is on TV and people are watching, and her thick figure was already taking too much screen time….I’m talking fat as fuck, fat that won’t shed, and that will carry her into middle age looking like a bovine…..

The pimp mother has another one in place, younger, hotter, with just as much potential, and more opportunity than the half breed first batch. Not cuz this one is 100 percent white, but because the barn animal ones paved the way.

It’s just too bad this Kendall girl isn’t taking over after Kim Kardashian’s funeral, because like you, I’m ready for her to die.

Posted in:Kendall Jenner

2013

27

Mar

Hayden Panettiere in Underwear To Celebrate her Engagement of the Day

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The fact that Hayden Panettiere has this weird cult following of virgin fan boys is weird to me, but not as weird as when I visualize her getting fucked by her 6 foot 6 boxing champion boyfriend, who could have a mico-penis, making it a comical clown car experience, something Hayden the circus freak is probably used to, but who could just easily have a massive cock that breaks her in half, reminding her of a time when her mom used her in a sex ring as a child, the way her vagina likes it.

Well, turns out they are getting married…because that’s what people do for some weird reason I’ll never understand, much like how I will never understand how Hayden has a fan base.

BUT I FIGURED I’D USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO POST
MY HAYDEN PANETTIERE ARCHIVE OF BIKINIS, BRAS, MIDGET JOKES

I like making things about myself like that….

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere

2013

27

Mar

Halle Berry’s Bikini Titties of the Day

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I know Halle Berry plays the black card as hard as she can, because it’s an easy strategy to get herself Oscars, you know how affirmative action works. But the simple fact is that the Hollywood Execs created her, because of affirmative action. She was accessible and had the same white upbringing as them, so that they understood each other.

Now sure, she could have been tried as a slave in the 1800s, because half of her genetics are black, but her mom might as well been raped backstage at a concert to make these tits happen, cuz Halle Berry grew up in white schools, likely met her dad a handful of times. So when yo see her act and talk all gully and out of the projects….she’s acting. Actors are all fucking lies.

What isn’t a lie is her rockin’ set of tits. Old, Mom, whatever, it is, them mixed raced genes are mixed some kind of properly….cuz she’s lookin’ damn good.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
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Posted in:Halle Berry

2013

27

Mar

Kelly Brook Modeling Crap With Her Tits of the Day

1 Comment »

No one cares about Kelly Brook, her “Miscarriage” that I will bet was an abortion, because her career at 35 was finally starting to take a turn for the better, and she didn’t want to ruin that knowing pregnancy ruins a body that’s already walking the fine line.

She knew there were a few more good years, that she could spend fighting off her natural propensity to be a fat pig, something that up until now, she’s been able to keep very focused in on by reserving for her tits, it is like her obesity genes goes straight for them titties. Probably cuz of enemas, eating disorders….but babies woulda fucked all that up.

But we do care about those tits, that are natural, but almost unnaturally large,in some born next to a nuclear plant situation.

I am sure she starver herself for a week, took a lot of enemas, in the making of these pics, promoting some garbage that has been done before, but that she hopes to make a few million off of, to carry her through her fat years during retirement.

Eventually, that gut catches up to the titties. It is a medical fact.

Posted in:Kelly Brook

2013

27

Mar

Gretchen Rossi Bikinis of the Day

2 Comments »

Gretchen Rossi must be a Real Housewives chick, I wouldn’t know, because I have never watched the show. I just know what a gold digger, or someone who associates with gold diggers, who have succeeded at gold digging, and who make up the upper crust of society, look like…..and that’s a gutter stripper, all full of Botox, fake hair they get done weekly, fake tits, and a fit body from the best trainers, personal chefs and a prescription pill diet. Because like strippers, they are just fucking broken and have no souls, they are just on the opposite side of the wealth spectrum, but on the same level of insecurity, trying to be hot and have sex appeal like a bitch from the 90s, when they Playboy shit is fucking done.

Sure, she’s looks ok in a bikini for a 60 year old, but that medicated look in her eyes, and that lack of soul that screams “I am a prostitute and I want to die”….doesn’t really turn me on. I only like when they look like this and are in the gutter, trying to pay for their next fix. The whole mansion, luxury vacations, fine dining, best designer clothes, fancy car component to her makes her totally uneventful….

But luckily for her, I’ll still look at pics of her in a bikini. Something that is every girl’s dream.

To See the Rest of the Pics
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Posted in:Gretchen Rossi

2013

27

Mar

Emma Watson Wax Figure Will Turn You On of the Day

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I hate these Wax figures, I find them insanely creepy, but figure since you probably have sex with plastic figures that resemble the girls from your favorite sci-fi fantasy movies, who you’ve already set up fake marriages with, and who you have morning coffee with, this dead stare probably drives you fucking crazy. I mean it is the only human interaction you’ve ever had, or the closest thing you’ve had…and your dream is to one day craft something like this, cuz you have loved her and known that Emma Watson was your soul mate since she was 12…and this model of her, like your model of the Death Star, may be as close as you can get to that love, which to you is better than nothing. You virgin loser freak.

So I’m posting it, cuz I like to humor you. I’m a good guy like that – and this is creepy as fuck.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
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Posted in:Emma Watson

2013

27

Mar

Kesha’s Hipster See Through Hipster Dress is the Worst of the Day

1 Comment »

I am all for hipster chicks sexing up ugly dresses…showing off their midriff, their bras, their nipples and their bush. Pretty much exposing themselves for fashion, cuz they are hipsters, they are ironic, and putting yourself out there is just part of the way they deal with their insecurities. The hipster movement is mainstream, hipster is the new pop music and GAP, it is obvious, repetitive, but hot chicks are up on it and when I was going to hipster parties, all the girls were nasty, so I celebrate that good pussy has leaked through the cracks of what was otherwise a horrible lesbian thing.

I am just not into it when Kesha is taking part in the movement, because Kesha is a fucking monster. Anything Katy Perry creates out of her pre-fame BFF, is bound to be shit, and here’s the proof.

But I am an optimist, and at least she’s not FLASHING HER PUSSY LIPS , PEEING IN THE STREET , LEAKING SEX TAPES or worst of all…. wearing a bikini….

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Posted in:Kesha

2013

27

Mar

Myleene Klass Bending Over in Leggings of the Day

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Myleene Klass is an older mom, who was once a popstar, but who is now out doing errands, because she’s worth a fucking fortune, and that’s what rich people do

But more importantly, she’s bending into her car, in leggings that don’t have enough fabric to contain her ass, cuz like so many middle aged moms, she’s still rockin’ a size small, when maybe it is time to size up, but no one likes to admit they are getting thick, and that fabric is seemingly forgiving, until some asshole snaps a pic, and you realize the window to your soul and your success is on blast.

I see this almost everyday, it is the best side effect from leggings, other than just being leggings, all vagina hugging and amazing.

IF THIS IS PORN TO YOU AND TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
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Posted in:Myleene Klass