DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Sara Sampaio Shows Off her Pussy in Tight Pants Under the Guise that it is a Fitness Video of the Day

Industry Flesh Puppet Jessica Alba Propagandizes for the Machine of the Day

Sydney Sweeney is Glamour’s Woman of the Year of the Day

Paige Spiranac Feeling Herself Up of the Day

Margaret Qualley is Hot for an Ugly Chick of the Day

2009

Sep

Hayden Panettiere in Her Pink Spandex Shorts of the Day

6 Comments »

When I first saw these Hayden pics, I thought “gross, I can see her balls” or vagina shaped like balls, like she was a gay dude on rollerskates, but as I saw them from a little closer I may or may not have got a little turned on. There’s just something about tight spandex, vagina hugging shorts that drive me a little bananas, shit just gets my nuts goin nuts, even if the bitch is built like a pick-up truck, maybe even is a little manly in her stance, or short in her stature, but these shorts just cancel all that out and are a huge reason why I sit by the bike path every weekend watching rollerbladers go by cuz they aren’t just for celebs you know, they are everywhere and I love them.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Shorts

2009

Sep

Cougar Convention in San Francisco of the Day

3 Comments »

Here’s a funny convention that I think I should organize the after party to, because Cougars in their knowledge of cock, need for male attention and love for younger cock because the chances of it ending up in another failed marriage are slim to none, keeping the relationship strictly fucking sexual is amazing to come across one night randomly at the bar, but much more amazing to walk in on a whole group of bitches who have already embraced the lifestyle enough to travel to conventions designed for them, you know this isn’t a one too many drink situation, this is a lifestyle, just be sure to wear a fuckin’ condom, cuz these older whores are known to be dirty from fuckin’ a lot and not using condoms since getting pregnant is a lot of the time all they really want….

Sure this is an example of giving women too many rights, making them think this lifestyle is amazing, when really they are miserable and just wish they had a man to serve and be controlled by, but at least they put out…

Posted in:cougar|stepNEWS

2009

Sep

Beyonce Performing With No Pants on in the Ukraine of the Day

3 Comments »

Here’s a video of Beyonce performing some shitty song in the Ukraine with no pants on, which I figured was appropriate because Ukranian people have been known to love not wearing pants, especially back in the human trafficking era of communism. I don’t know anything about the Ukraine so I pulled that one out of the catalog, so if it sucked, I am sure it didn’t suck as much as life does for Jay-z, everytime Beyonce makes him come home from his real money makin’ girlfriend to play house and feed her ego by listening to her talk about when she wins that Academy award, despite Beyonce getting fed on any level being a bad idea,

Here are some pics of Beyonce and Jay Z at some pool party clothed…thank god…..

And here is Rihanna’s 10 Million Dollar Mansion Jay-Z pretty much bought her in Hollywood….Just to remind Beyonce where his priorities are…

Posted in:Beyonce|No Pants|Performing

2009

Sep

Helen Mirren Shows Us Where Her Legs End and Vagina Starts of the Day

No Comments »

Helen Mirren has one of my favorite sets of Granny tits in Hollywood, I mean they’ve got nothing on some of the immigrant Granny tits I saw when I was working as an orderly at an old folk’s home back when I had “Granny Issues” because I never had a grandma growing up, she was too busy working before leaving us high and dry, never showing up on Christmas, making me spend the rest of my life trying to fill that void, first with a cookie addiction and then with knitting classes and finally getting paid to change granny diaper and wash granny ass that would always end with me nestling up to granny tit after the medication kicked in and they’d pass out around 8 pm, and as my pervert friend from the park would say when girls in dresses walked by, you can see where her Vagina Starts and her Legs End which is something that is always quite magical….

Posted in:Helen Mirren|Vagina

2009

Sep

Pole Dancing Doll for Kids of the Day

No Comments »

Here’s a publicity stunt that I don’t think is all that bad of an idea. Some dude came out with the pole dance doll for kids and it’s obviously a fuckin’ joke to get people to check out his company or for adults to send to each other because no parent would buy this for their kids even though some of them should.
The way I see it, stripping is a good “university of life”. It teaches girls what guys really care about about how to manipulate that and make money giving them a taste of what they want.

So welfare families who already know their kids will have little to no opportunity, because they have little to offer their kids, in regards to having a better life or better future, just need to be realisitic and say “maybe finishing high school isn’t for you, when you are at your prime and could be making more money than you’ll ever make anywhere”, instead of giving them the “normal” life and letting girls come to their own conclusion when depsaration hits and they are no longer 18.

If you were to embrace their future for them and introduce them to the concept, they could seriously rise to the top of the sex trade, instead of secretly do it shamefully cuz they feel they have no other option. Shit is a legit career and really should be taught in some schools, maybe even as a gym class cuz I think it’s the greatest fallback plan…..

Posted in:Pole Dance Doll|Stripping Youth

2009

Sep

Asia Argento in her Bikini on Vacation of the Day

4 Comments »

Here’s one of those weird girls in the back of your class who sits at home on weekends writing poems and shit, you know the kind of person with few to no friends who takes life way too fucking seriously and who is introverted, dark and kinda scary to be around because you are scared she is going to lose her shit and stab you in the fuckin neck. One of those artist types you expect to see doing weird nude live performances in a weird theater troupe, but what do I fuckin’ know, I’ve only heard of her a few times and that was cuz of her tits.
Her name is Asia Argento, she’s been naked in a few movies, she’s writen a few movies, he’s directed a few movies and she wears really stupid fuckin bathing suits, but at least she’s got hot tits.

Here she is naked and having sex in some French Movie….

Pics via INF

Here she is topless in some other movie…..

Here she is taking a bath….

Here she is in another sex scene

Posted in:Uncategorized

2009

Sep

Camila Alves’ Hairy Stomach is Pregnant and in a Bikini of the Day

13 Comments »

Pregnant with Matthew McConaughey’s second baby that he knows about, Brazilian Camila Alves showed off her hairy swollen uterus. Maybe it has to do with her hormones being all out of wack since she’s got something growing inside of her, but I’m pretty sure it’s got more to do with her latin roots cuz those bitches tend to be hairy as fuck, which always amazes me because I’ve got latin roots but for some reason have a patchy beard that reminds me of a 13 year old french kid. Maybe that means that I’m more woman than I like to admit, depsite being forced to admit it everytime I take a piss and realize I’m squirting out of nothing more than a pathetic little clit, but that’s not the point, the point is that I’d definitely fuck this bitch well into her third trimester without a condom, just because I know she can’t get pregnant with my kid if she’s already pregnant, it’s real simple biology.

Bonus – Matthew McConaughey’s mom was also sluttin’ out on the beach with her Texan granny ass….

Pics via INF

Posted in:Bikini|Camila Alves|Pregnant

2009

Sep

Rebecca Creskoff’s Fire Bush in Hung of the Day

4 Comments »

I have never heard of Rebecca Creskoff, and I guess that’s probably why I am doing a post on her red pubic haired vagina, see since she’s pretty much 40 years old and not a household name, she’s gotta push the boundaries of legitimate acting and ender the world of softcore porn just to get some work as time is simply running out.

That’s not to say the show Hung is softcore porn, cuz I know it’s some HBO shit that isn’t, but in Rebecca Ceskoff’s eyes, it might as well be, because she only got hired cuz she flashes pussy and this is the height of her career.

I am always fascinated by redheads, when I was younger thinking of a red lipped orange haird pussy made me gag, but as I’ve got older and more open minded, I realize that I shoulda been fucking all the redheads when no one wanted them, because now it is too late and the whole “I’m a redhead, I’m a freak with asthma who has no friends but I do have severe nut allergies” is a thing of the past and these bitches have embraced their sex appeal. Assholes…

Here’s the Red Bush flash one more time…..

Here are some screenshots….

Posted in:Bush|Hung|Rebecca Creskoff

2009

Sep

Rihanna is Almost Topless in Vogue of the Day

1 Comment »

Where I come from, this is not considered topless, this is considered fucking annoying. As far as I’m concerned if there is no nipple exposed, there is no tit exposed and I’d let my 15 year old daughter go to school like this, because really there’s nothing erotic about it and if you think there is, you have some twisted perception of erotica motherfucker, not to mention you’re a fucking pervert because bitch is only 15.

The good news is that I don’t have a 15 year old daughter and I guess Vogue tried to bring it so we should give them some “props”, even though I’m over Rihanna, I think she’s got a stupid fucking face and is full of shit and even my dog barked at her when she was on TV at my neighbor’s house and he only barks at animals, so maybe I’ve been delusional all these years, you know, tricked by the fucking media…..they are everywhere….telling us what to think….we can’t escape….

Here are those pics of her as a robot, which I hope are more interesting than my useless babble…

Posted in:Rihanna|Topless

2009

Sep

Mischa Barton is Next on the Celebrity Death Watch of the Day

3 Comments »

I used to do the Lohan deathwatch before becoming best friends with Lohan and realizing that she’s not going to die anytime soon, so I stopped the shit. So the last 6 months of having no Celebrity Death Watch, except for maybe the occassional Patrick Swayze post cuz I actually know he’s gonna die and that’s way less exciting that Kurt Cobain style surprises that devastate a nation, but the last few weeks I’ve been noticing Mischa Barton getting greyer and greyer lookin, unshowered and disgusting lookin, ready to throw in the towel on the game of life and ready to see if there really is a God and if that God will cast her in one of his stage shows in the sky, which he probably won’t but he’ll probably let her be a real actresses assistant or some shit.

Either way, Mischa Barton is the start of Drunkenstepfather.com’s celebrity death watch and now we just have to wait for her acceptance speech for this glorious honor that I doubt will ever come, because even though I’m alive, this site might as well be dead….it just lays here and does nothing while I just get weirder and weirder….

Posted in:Celebrity Death Watch|Mischa Barton