I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2009

18

May

Penelope Cruz in Panties of the Day

I don’t know what this stage show is all about, but I do know I like it. Sure bitch has a big ol’ nose that kinda fucks with my head and I am sure fucks with any dude she’s giving head to, you know trying to get your dick deep throated with that shit poking into your pelvis is fuckin’ annoying and not fully attractive, but she manages to pull it off and that’s all that matters. Maybe I’m just being nice becuase she’s got no pants on.

That said, I met some radom cute girl and I got to talking to her. She told me she just got back from some Russia circus she was touring with, now I know you don’t know me, but if you want to get me excited, all you have to fuckin’ say to me is circus. Anyway, I got excited and got to asking her about what she did in the circus, you know since it’s a magical fuckin place and she could be anything from the person who picks up the elephant shit to the fuckin’ contortionist who can eat herself out.

It turns out she’s a fuckin’ acrobat, so instead of seducing her, I decided to ask her if she ever considered doing porn because I feel her skills would come in handy, and that pretty much concluded that future love affair.

Here’s that Cruz bullshit.

Posted in:Panties|Penelope Cruz

2009

18

May

Brooke Hogan’s Flat Ass of the Day

Nothing like a bitch who is built like a fucking tank, you know too thick for her own kind to get with, forced to a cursed life of inter-racial love affairs, who is missing one key fucking element about being the fat blonde chick that black dudes fuck, and that’s a fuckin’ ass. I don’t really understand what’s going on in these pictures, but they oddly remind me of after hour parties with trannies in their panties, and despite my straight friends having the ability to neglect the fact they have a cock, and appreciate their luxurious hair extensions, make up and sometimes fake tits long enough to bust in their mouths, something I could never really fuck with no matter how drunk I was because I was never very good at lying to myself, I’ve always been forced to deal with the cold hard truth which has always been pretty fucking depressing, but not as depressing as waking up with tranny cock in your ass….

Either way, my advice to Brooke Hogan is to take some of those “CCs” out of her tits and jack that ass up.

Posted in:Brooke Hogan|Flat Ass

2009

18

May

Tara Reid’s Got France in her Pants Pics of the Day

Tara Reid’s heart may be close to death from all the cocaine she’s done over the years. You know, one more line and bitch gets Heath Ledgered/River Phoenixed/Chris Farleyed/John Belushied.

But she’s never gonna be dead to me.

Here she is in a bikini in Cannes showing off that sometimes a set of fake tits are like the cherry on the sundae, even though I hate fake tits, not to mention knowing the kind of partying this bitch has gone through over the years, I am sure their perkiness would be a nice change of pace from her sloppy, mangled, hanging vagina.

Here she is after partying….

Here she is arriving in Cannes….

Posted in:Bikini|France|Tara Reid|Tits

2009

16

May

stepLINKS of the Day

So I was watching The View in McDonald’s and Sheri/The new Star Jones was talking about heaven. She said something about how she will be reunited with all o her babies that she had aborted and I found the whole thing a little awkward.

So I went to twitter and wrote to her:

SherriEShepherd talking about seeing her abortions in heaven is pretty fucking awkward real talk @barbarajwalters

She answered me, I guess I’ve made it. The View, my daily masturbation material reached out and messaged me.

SherriEShepherdnot awkward for me

Jerking of to her tits in McDonald’s bathroom is going to be a lot more satisfying, I guess I can quit the site now, before I do, here are my stepLINKS

Hey Ladies….
GO

Sean Penn is Totally Fucking Natalie Portman
GO

Look at Jennifer Lopez’s Tits Get Smaller….
GO

How Do I Get a Pizza Vending Machine in My Living Room?
GO

Cassies Hottest Pics Ever
GO

I’d Leave My Wife to If She Wore One of These Fucking Things
GO

Amanda Bynes in a Short Dress is a Nice Way to Round Off the Week
GO

Being a GILF is a Full Time Job
GO

Pam Anderson Takes Her Diseased Ass Some Place or Another
GO

Autumn Reeser is a Breath of Fresh Air
GO

Because You ARe a Loser Virgin Who Loves All Things Star Trek
GO

Proof That Prayer Doesn’t Work
GO

Blonde Ambition Striptease of the Day
GO

Ashley Simpson is Most Probably Knocked Up Again…Gross
GO

Jesus Christ Tyra Banks is Fucking Scary
GO

I Love You Eva Mendes
GO

WHy Hello Megan Goods Nipple
GO

I Would Totally Bang Vanessa Hudgens
GO

Call ME Crazy But I Am Looking at Jennifer Love Hewitt and I Actually Don’t Want to Vomit
GO

THEY ARE MAKING ANOTHER HANNIBAL MOVIE YESSSS!!
GO

A Lingerie Show Will Always Make a Bad Day Better
GO

Milly Morris is On the Floor
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Bungee Jump Fail
GO

Holy Shit I Gotta Take a Trip to Spain Now?
GO

Sophia Santi Will Blow Your Mind
GO

When Daddy Got Pranked on the Crapper
GO

Come On Now, We All Get the Shits On Time or Another
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

Becky and Mel Get It On
GO

Iveta is Nude in Public
GO

There’s No Saving Bruce Jenners Face
GO

Georgia is On My Mind
GO

I’d Totally Throw It In Nikki Reed
GO

Uhhhhh….Hmmmmm
GO

The 17 Sexiest Suicide Girls
GO

Anya in the Buff
GO

Mischa Barton is Topless
GO

What the Fuck is Happening in Our World’s School Systems
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Adam Carolla & Jay Leno Are Having a Party
GO

Now There’s a Babe I’d Like to End My Week With
GO

Finger Break Dancer is Second Only to Finger Banging
GO

Cowgirl Cameltoe I’d Like to Ride into the Sunset…and By Ride into the Sunset I mean Fuck Up the Ass…Because She May Be a Man
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2009

15

May

Tara Reid in Cannes of the Day

Tara Reid is still alive. Just a heads up.

I feel like death.

Let’s hope this is some Ghost whisperer preminintion shit to rid the world of a cunt like me.

Posted in:Cannes|Tara Reid

2009

15

May

Marisa Miller Cleavage of the Day

Here is some supermodel cleavage, I hear that it’s better cleavage than the slutty teenage girl who works at the dollar store where I get my canned food down the street, but that’s because she’s fat and smells like mothballs and doesn’t really have guys jerking off to her photo spreads, but may have creepy poor guys she meets at work jerking off to her, because lets face it, when you shop at the dollar store, pussy isn’t really falling onto your lap….

Posted in:cleavage|Marisa Miller

2009

15

May

Pamela Anderson Titty of the Day

Here are some Pam Anderson cleavage pics for you in the event you’ve forgotten who she is and haven’t been paying attention to her hanging onto her sex appeal with all she has to offer.

On a sidenote, I started using Purrell as lube when I fuck nasty bitches, you know that hand sanitizer shit, I am testing it as a cure or weapon in this STD war…I think it’s genius. I’ll let you know how it works out for me, ideally with photo evidence, hopefully with my dick still in one-piece, and I don’t mean the bathing suit kind.

Posted in:Pamela Anderson|Titty

2009

15

May

Some Pornstar Protests Nude of the Day

Some pornstar named Laura Perego was in Rome or is from Rome and decided to get political, so she hit up the Embassy of Afghanistan, got naked and protested the whole law allowing men to rape their wives and guarantee sex twice a week, a law that I think I should start protesting in America to instill.

I may not believe in her cause, but I do know that this is the kind of protest I can get down with, you know whores naked and causing ruckus, even if I firmly believe in whores, rape, oppression to women and all those other good things about Afghanistan.

Here are those pics.

Posted in:Pornstar|Protest

2009

15

May

Lindsay Lohan’s Robber is Not Me of the Day

Lohan’s house was robbed, or her alarm went off, or something that involved the police showing up at her house, only to find it messy, and for some reason the media went nuts about that shit, like being a sloppy fucking slob of a girl is that big of a deal. Pretty much every girl I’ve met has been a fucking pig, they never pick up after themselves and expect me to do all the work, and I am not even talking about my wife, who doesn’t even bother washing and smells of rotting fucking pussy.

Either way, I just wanted to clear up that I wasn’t the guy who tried to break into her house, despite my unrequited love for her, because if I had broken in, I would have done it when she was home and forced her into marriage or at least into letting me jerk off on her dirty panties. True story.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Robber

2009

15

May

Jessica Alba Gets Some Tickets of the Day

Oh Shit. Jessica Alba got 2 parking tickets, one was because her meter was up, the other because she was parked too far away from the curb and guess what, she’s gonna have to pay them. A whole 100 fucking dollars at most to the city, like she can’t fucking afford that shit. Tickets are only fun when they happen to people you don’t like, who are down on their luck, who just lost their job, who have maxed out credit cards and have resorted to food stamps and food drives to survive, when it happens to celebrities, it’s boring, they don’t even get inconvenienced enough to take the shit off the windshield and have hired help take care of it. If we really wanted to get a good laugh at Jessica Alba, in some kind of revenge for ruining her body and sex appeal, it’d have to be more hardcore than a couple tickets, I’m talkin’ hit by a bus,or rushed by a stalker, pretty much anything but this….

Posted in:Jessica Alba|Parking Tickets