2009
29
May
I am fucking hungover and falling asleep on the computer. My life is shittier than it’s been for a while and I feel like I’ve survived a fuckin’ plane crash but not in a good way, in a painful, burnt mess way. So I figured it’d only be fitting to give you a Travis Barker remix of Eminem’s 3 am to get all you suburban white people excited. It’s like Blink 182 and Emimem at the same fuckin’ time, this is a 1999 wet dream…..
Posted in:stepMUSIC
2009
29
May
I guess Playboy is struggling and in efforts to keep their advertisers coming back – they decided to get two of their hookers to eat a Quiznos sub erotically in their lingerie. I guess they are hoping the power of media will make people who watch it, get hungry and run out to the closest Quiznos to re-enact this performance on their desk at work, until the boss has to fire them, because men in women’s lingerie, sucking off a sandwich is inappropriate office behavior.
The whole thing is shameless, obvious and I am posting it because some of you like to jerk off to women and food, when I try to avoid that shit, because food is what killed my wife or at least her sex appeal.
2009
29
May
Lisa Rinna is on a book tour to promote her new book called “Use My Face Lips Like They Were My Vagina Lips” and it’s about how she got and maintained a career in Hollywood.
Here she is reading a chapter on technique that has proven to really work for her and can’t help but acting it out for the 3 perverts who happened to already be in the store when she got up to speak.
Posted in:Blowjob|Lisa Rinna|Tits
2009
29
May
The problem with this Amy Winehouse relationship with a black man is that you can’t tell if motherfucker is gold diggin’, you know trying to live the Good Life like he was Kanye West, by riding off this bitch’s success, or whether he’s just getting up in that because she’s white, you know because black dudes will fuck the most disgusting white girl. Not that Amy Winehouse is really pure white, I hear she’s rotting from the inside and has a black pussy that matches her soulful black voice. I actually did hear that, but definitely assume that and it’s all part of the reason why I masturbate to her pictures….
Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Beach|Bra|IRC
2009
29
May
The beauty of fat chicks is that their is no beauty of fat chicks. They are pigs and no matter how hard they try to cover shit up, they still have to struggle when getting off the couch, or out of cars, or trying to put on socks in the morning after you reached a new low and brought one of them home with you one night to fuck.
They are slobs and they are messes and you know their pussy stinks no matter how hard they try to wash, not only is it too hard to reach their shit to clean it but the warm swampy climate in their pants just always wins….
Posted in:Beth Ditto|Fat
2009
29
May
I am gonna keep this short and sweet. Kayden Kross is not only a pornstar, but also an amazing girl. Possibly my dream girl. I hit her up and said I’d make her win this contest if she would marry me. She agreed.
So all I need is 10,000 people to vote for her, yesterday’s attempt was miserable at beast and I’m starting to think you don’t like me.
I slave for you all day and it really is the least you can do for all the shitty work I do for you.
This is my future we’re talking about. I just need you to get off your lazy, apathetic kick, click the link and vote for Kayden Kross.
Notice in the pictures she took for me that she’s standing next to the Laundry machines and a vacuum cleaner. Shit’s on. She’s ready to take care of me.
All I need is to have her win. So Please Vote….
Posted in:Kayden Kross|Wedding
2009
28
May
In trying to push the boundaries of creepy on the internet – this is my new facebook message I sent to girls I don’t know. It makes me laugh. Let’s see if it gets me a date:
we should go on a date when your boyfriend mysteriously “disappears” next week
Love
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com
In trying to push the boundaries of offending people, it turns out doing an RIP Motherfucker for Mike Tyson’s baby was going too far. I even had the black baby hanging from the treadmill noose header picture, but couldn’t bring my heart to do it, because Mike Tyson scares me and I’m sure he’s upset about the shit. I was going to say how I don’t remember being 4, so his kid probably didn’t even realize it was alive and that dying at 4 is like a delayed abortion. I was also going to say that everyone wanted Tyson to burn in hell when he got charged with rape and when he got charged with beating up his cunt wife like she deserved to be beat cuz she was all high maintenace and got in his face and shit and now he probably is. So you are a bunch of fuckin’ murderes for wishing ill on a misunderstood, mistreated bi-polar person.
In trying to turn off my computer for the night so I can go get beat up at bars by strangers again because I’m a loud mouth and annoying, here’s my steplinks for the day. Click them but before you do…..
Help Me Get Married To a Pornstar By Voting for Kayden Kross and Her Ass
GO
Here are the rest of ’em….
Well This Britney Spears Story Pretty Much Made Me Puke
GO
Luigi Finally Snapped
GO
Hot Models With Vampire Fetishes
GO
Your Business Card Sucks
(This Guy is Such a Cunt Its Amazing)
GO
Jennifer Hawkins Makes Good Lingerie Even Better
GO
Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO
I Would Totally Throw It In Diane Keaton
GO
Kitty Wants to Cry
GO
How To Survive in Prison
GO
Beer Opener App is Pointless and Amazing at the Same Time
GO
The Life of the Party?
GO
Striptease of the Day
GO
SO Drug Dealers Accept Amex Now, Do They?
GO
Danny Masterson Has the Best Fiancee Ever
GO
Jodie Marsh is a Body Builder Now or Some Shit
GO
Abby Titmuss Bikini Top
GO
Katherine McPhee Made a HaHa
GO
Kendra Wilkinson is a Hot Mess
GO
Tom Sizemore Got Arrested AGAIN Because He is a Mess and It Is Amazing
GO
Gabrielle Union Gallery
GO
Elana Grimaldi Could Sell a Baker a Loaf of Bread
GO
Scooter Cop Bails – VIDEO
GO
Susan Boyle Almost Had to Lay the Smackdown
GO
Petty Loves Roses and Hard Core Sex
GO
Angel Dark Strips Down on the Stairs
GO
Proof You Should Use Condoms
GO
The Lovely Cody Lane
GO
If This Shit Goes Down, Somebody is Getting Fired
GO
AHHHHH VIDA GUERRA
GO
Great Tits, Great Ass. Just Plain Great
GO
Some Homo is Suing Chris Brown
GO
Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO
Ashley Tisdale is Actually Lookin Kind of Hot
GO
No Boys and No Toys, Just Lesbian Sex
GO
Tera Patrick is a Sucker
GO
Haylie Duff Got Her Chin and Nose Fixed
GO
Joan Rivers is a Cranky Old Bitch
GO
Beauty Bowling
GO
Prime Beef Curtain
GO
Rhianna WILL Be Testifying Against Chris Brown
GO
Amazing Redhead
GO
Most Talented Street Drummer Ever
GO
Diary of an NYC Drug Dealer
GO
Get Your Slut Fixed Here
GO
BONUS –
NAKED BUSTY GIRL EATING ICE CREAM ON THE BEACH….
GO
ANOTHER BONUS –
Seriously Vote for Kayden Kross It Will Make Me a Better Person and By Better Person I Mean I’ll Finally Get to Fuck a Pornstar With My Miserable Dick.
GO
Posted in:stepLINKS
2009
28
May
You’d think a bitch who has the balls to make a fucking workout DVD wouldn’t be ashamed to take her fucking sarong or whatever the fuck those ass covering devices for insecure girls at the beach are called.
I know if I am obnoxious enough to claim I am good enough at something to have an instructional video for the shit, I’m going to put my money where my fuckin’ mouth is, to try to show the world that I am not some money grubbing hack who attaches my name on anything that sells, especially if it is DVDs of me in compromising positions that show off my big ass for black guys to use as fetish porn instead of for the marketed purpose of the shit.
I guess I shouldn’t hate Kardashian for providing a service to dudes, because in writing this post, I realize that no one is going to buy her workout DVD to workout to, this is strictly a PG porn project and that’s work worth recognizing, despite the fact that her look’s not my thing, but her attitude in exploiting herself should be every girl’s thing.
Posted in:Bikini Top|Kim Kardashian
2009
28
May
If the way a girl sings is representative of how they fuck, Mandy Moore brings the fucking boring. Is this even fucking music. I can’t dance to the shit and god fucking knows I love dancing. This shit doesn’t even make me want to cry or feel sadness or loss or any fucking emotion that music can sometimes bring up in me, it just sounds like something I’d unwillingly fall asleep to while driving down the fuckin’ freeway causing me to drive off the fuckin overpass only to wake up mid-air to experience the horriible crash where I don’t die on contact but live long enough to hear the blood pouring out of my painful wounds drown out this fucking shitty song before dying a horrible death.
Fuck you Mandy Moore and your singing career.
Here’s Another boring video of her Performing
And a boring video of Soundcheck at the same event…
273340″>
Posted in:Mandy Moore|Singing
