DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2009

28

May

Kristin Cavallari is a Racist in Shorts of the Day

I always knew Kristin Cavallari was a fucking racist, but I just can’t believe she’d generalize that all Mexican’s are drunks and jacked on Tequila who can’t support their families because they are lazy and unmotivated drunks jacked on Tequila. It offends me that her statement implies that we Mexicans are just illegal immigrants or second rate citizens who don’t belong in her country, unless we’re doing her fucking yard work to make enough money to buy ourselves fuckin’ Tequila instead of paying our rent for our shanty or saving for our kid’s college education.

This kind of ignorance makes me sick, but not as sick as the 8 shots of Tequila I did last night instead of working or spending time with my family did. Sure, I was a fucking pirate for a few hours, but now, I am officially dead.

Posted in:Kristin Cavallari|Racist

2009

28

May

Hefner Takes His Prostitutes to a Lakers Game of the Day

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Hugh Hefner treats his whores pretty fucking well. He takes them to events and gives them careers and pays them huge money. He probably has benefits and pension plans and the only thing shitty in the whole thing is that they have to fuck an 85 year old who in reality is a trophy for their kind, because he pretty much invented fake blonde hair and fake tits, and has a lot more money and power than the scummy blue collar dudes they used to fuck back home after work at the local chicken joint.

When I get whores, I just cum on their faces for an extra 5 dollars, if I am not making them lick my bleeding hemorrhoid asshole, to test if they are desperate enough….

I guess we all can’t be as classy as me.

Posted in:Hugh Hefner|Lakers|Playboy

2009

28

May

Kendra Wilkinson’s Promoting With Her Tits in Poland of the Day

10 Comments »

Kendra Wilinson was promoting some garbage in Poland because you know Poland is the place you go to promote when you’re a real big star, not when you’re a desperate whore trying to hold onto any fragment of fame you once had. In her defense though, maybe she was already in Poland trying to get abducted and thrown into the Eastern European sex trade, and when that didn’t work out for her because she’s not 12 years old, she had to resort back on her failing career. Nice tits.

Posted in:Kendra Wilkinson|Promo|Tits

2009

28

May

Honoring a Hero of the Day

1 Comment »

Here is our soon to be fallen hero, because the motherfuckers know who he is, but he needs some credit for having a good fuckin’ run at being the campus Peepin Tom. Sure he’s going to take one for the fuckin’ team and his catalog of work will be pulled off whatever website he’s been submitting to, never to be seen again, but the least we can do is give him a tribute, a parade, maybe a statue, maybe even assign a local school to get their fifth grade glass to do a poetry contest about him, or maybe this post is all he’ll get. Either way, watch the video.

Posted in:Hero|Peeping time

2009

28

May

Hilary Duff Does the ATM of the Day

5 Comments »

Hilary Duff is thick, I don’t know what happened to her and I can only assume it was a product of the emotional damage of having to satisfy her boyfriend’s team and other weird jock requests that are borderline gay because the anal sex with each other in the locker room is really a matter of dominance and not of sexual satisfaction. Sure they cum in each other, but that’s how you connect with one another, you know absorbing their seed, and the second they aren’t on at practice, or playing, they opt of chicks.

Yes, she’s posing with a sign that says “deposits never made easier” and I guess it’s only really relevant because of her willing stretched out asshole has the ability to take multiple loads at the same fucking time thanks to the huge shits she’s been taking from all the eating, and an honorable mention to the gangbangs….

Posted in:ATM|Hilary Duff

2009

28

May

Vanessa Hudgens Wears Short Pants of the Day

1 Comment »

Here’s a video of Vanessa Hudgens in shorts. I could hate on her, but I feel like she does enough of that to herself, I mean at least based on the whole dating a gay dude, hoping he’ll straighten out for her, because it’s in a Disney contract and she is in desperate needs of getting her pussy fucked, to the point where these shorts started out as pants eariler in the day, but her sexual frustration lead her to trying to sex them up by making them hug her pussy while giving her easier access to slide a finger or inanimate objects in herself while she goes about her daily errands.

Posted in:Shorts|Vanessa Hudgens

2009

28

May

Some Lindsay Lohan in Leggings of the Day

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I like to think that Lindsay Lohan is a really good friend of mine. Sure I’ve never met her, I’ve never really spoke to her, my only relationship with her is when I left some creepy messages on a voicemail that someone claimed was hers, but she is the person who comes to me in my dreams, wearing nothing but a sheer top, like some kind of guardian angel who will one day carry me away to a better place and I guess it could all stem from my imagination, maybe from the hard drug use, but I really think it’s something bigger, it gives me hope…a hope that one day lost lovers can be reunited a few months after a public break-up, as she constantly runs back to Samantha Ronson’s house, not that I ever think she was dating her, I mean how could she commit to someone while constantly coming to me in my motherfuckin dreams.

Sidenote, I am dying on the inside today

And with a costume change….

Posted in:Leggings|Lindsay Lohan

2009

28

May

Help Me by Voting for Kayden Kross of the Day

4 Comments »

I need your help. Kayden Kross is my future pornstar wife and I told her that I would help her win this competition. If she does she has to fly me down to Vegas and officially marry me while we stream the shit.

So she’s 10,000 votes behind. All you have to do is click her fucking name. I know there’s at least 10,000 of you out there willing to help me and by 10,000, I mean 1.

Here’s the Link to Vote for Kayden Kross and her Great Ass
GO

Posted in:Kayden Kross|Vote

2009

28

May

Reese Witherspoon Practices Softball for a Movie Not For Lesbianism of the Day

2 Comments »

I wonder if Reese Witherspoon took her role in Legally Blonde as seriously as she is for this softball movie, where she, like other lesbians I know, is training hard.

I don’t really get the appeal of softball. There’s a league that plays near my house and sometimes I walk by them and see if there is any decent pussy or asses, usually there isn’t. One of the teams is a group of bull dykes and the other one I saw was a group of awkward, non-athletic jewish women who I guess are unmarried career girls, who are done with college and trying to find ways to entertain themselves and stay connected with old friends, and the whole thing is pretty fucking boring to watch, so I assume a movie on the shit, starring Academy Award winning Reese Witherspoon is going to fuckin suck.

Here she is practicing.

Posted in:Reese Witherspoon|Softball

2009

28

May

Fergie’s Got France in her Pants of the Day

3 Comments »

I got in a race war last night. I was drunk at a bar, pretty much alienating everyone that crossed paths with me while progressively drinking harder and harder and I don’t think I pissed anyone off officially, but when I left at the end of the night, a group of hispanic dudes were screaming at the bouncer, calling him a ni**er and I guess I took offense, despite the world thinking I am racist, I really find that kind of behavior unacceptable. So I probably said something that triggered something in one of the dudes, who happened to not be hispanic, but brown, and as soon as I stepped onto the sidewalk he fuckin’ bitch slapped me full force, with a running fuckin’ start and got be right on my ear. The bouncers who I know made me go back inside and before I did, I kept asking him if he was going to make me eat out his vagina and shit like that. My ear is blocked and ringing. I am hungover and the whole thing was fuckin’ ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as Fergie’s ass in these jeans.

Posted in:Fergie|France|Pants