I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

20

Nov

Benji Madden’s Gone Gay Since his Breakup to Herpes of the Day

I heard that Benji and Paris broke up yesterday because Paris Hilton went off and fucked Stavros the other night and it was all over the news and Madden had no choice but to break up with her to keep his manhood, a manhood that Paris Hilton has murdered, or maybe it was because Benji was caught jerking off to pictures of him and his brother in concert, or some shit, but like his suburban tattoos, Paris left her mark on him for life and that mark is herpes.

I guess, dude was hoping to marry her because like any guy who gets a permanent STD off a chick, he throws in the towel nd doesn’t want to have to go back into the market and have to tell the new girls he gets with that he’s tainted and will not only tickle their pussies but also make their pussies itch for the rest of their lives, because it is embarrassing, not that any of his groupies would really turn him down, because the chance to get his herpes would a fucking dream to them and they’d take pictures of the scabs and frame them on their wall or post on their Myspace, like the girl I used to know who collected used untensils from a guy she was in love with but who wouldn’t love her, because she was ugly….

Either way, breaking free from that cunt is a fucking blessing and it’s nice to see that he’s moved onto new prospects, like going home late at night with Steve Aoki, but in his defense, bending Aoki’s skinny asian body over the couch isn’t all that gay, you know he does have long hair and all…but it is the gateway to accepting that Paris Hilton helped him realize his true love for cock, because after being with her rank pussy, there’s really no fucking way you’d ever see pussy the same way again…..or want to see pussy again.

I hate Paris Hilton, but texted Stavros this message, because someone sent me his phone number years ago:

Stealin’ Benji’s girl man? She’s got a lazy eye! Is Paris a better fuck than she is in the movie?

I was drunk and I am sure could have come up with something better, but I didn’t and he never answered me! What a waste of a celebrity or a rich kid who fuck’s celebrities phone number, if i was smarter, I’d call him and fuck with him like those French Radio hosts did to Palin, and not send a weak text message because I have nothing to say about Paris or Stavros but I do hate myself.

Posted in:Benji Madden|Break-up|Paris Hilton|Steve Aoki

2008

19

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

I got this email….

Hello,

QVC is searching for Men and Women with a background in hosting television, internet broadcasts, radio or live events. You MUST have host credits to be considered.

Host must be energetic, upbeat, intelligent and enthusiastic with a natural curiosity. You must have a passion and drive for sales as well as be a quick thinker and good listener. Hosts should be friendly, credible, entertaining sincere and sophisticated with a sense of style and fashion

Your website has a great readership and I was hoping you could let them know of our search.  
 
Information on the casting can be found here:
 

My response….

Dezmon,

I may not be experienced in hosting television, but I am pretty persuasive. Seriously, every time I want to get a blowjob, I just take 50 dollars out of my wife’s purse and get a random street whore to rock my shit. I think that skill could really be used to QVC’s advantage when lookin’ for a new host…

I am also overweight and feel that that would really speak to the losers who are at home in front of their TVs watching QVC…ya know.

Let me know if you are interested and I can send you the headshots you need, but they may not be the headshots you’re used to.

I look forward to your response….

With Love, 
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

Here are my links…

Because One Day Your Cock Will Be Old and You Won’t Be Able to Use It…So Take Advantage When You Can…
GO

Victoria Beckham’s Got Some Hot Tits
GO

Here’s a Fast Fucking Hamster
GO

Megan Fox is Your Obsession
GO

Brad Pitt Really Hates Jennifer Aniston
GO

Carmen Electra Crotch Shot Throwback
GO

I Think This Cat is Smarter Than I Am
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The Hottest Puerto Rican Chicks Ever
GO

A Diving Board Fail is Always Good For a Laugh
GO

I Guess Grandma Was Hungry
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
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Web 2.0 Will Solve Your Browsing Needs
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Were I Just a Bit of Black Spandex Cloth, I Would As For Nothing Else
GO

Lohan and Ronson Need Their Own Reality Show
GO

You’re the Man, David Hasslehoff
GO

How NOT to Drive You Car. Ladies, Take Note
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Cat Box Fight
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Rhianna’s Gucci As Almost Made Me Touch Myself
GO

Ashley Dupre is Hanging on to What Little Thread of Fame She Had With All Her Might
GO

Nicole Graves Doesn’t Need a Man, She Needs My Cock In Her Mouth
GO

Here’s One Hot Ninja Who I WOuld Gladly Let Kick My Ass
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

Human Speed Bump
GO

Fuck You Ed Hardy
GO

Dutch Babe Flys Solo
GO

Paris Hilton and Benjo Broke Up Because She Fucked Stavros and He Was Caught Jerking Off To Pics of his Brother
GO

I Wanna Bang Kate Beckinsale So Bad It Hurts
GO

Anna Kournikova May Be Back Out On the Market
GO

IT Couldn’t Have Been More Perfect If It Had Been Planned
GO

Let’s Call Bush The Puppet Master
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Sex Tape Goes Oh So Wrong
GO

A Man Gets Caught Having Oral Sex With a Jar of Pasta…I Prefer Fucking a Bag of Chicken Skin..
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Wedgie Gallery
GO

The Most Masculine Man Bra Ever…Well Not Really…But It’s a Bra Made for Men
GO

Megan Gale is Looking Good At the James Bond Premier
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Skipping in the Nude
GO

This Video is Fucking Vile….
GO

Mel B and Kelly Monaco to Perform Topless in a Vegas Show
GO

Ladies Beware of Frank….He Shits on Kitchen Floors
GO

O-Face or Melrose Face
GO

The Hottest Women Celebrity Chefs
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Lucy Pinder Very Naked in Nuts Magazine
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Amy Winehouse is a Vampire…
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Because I Know You’ll Never Ask For Help
GO

Geraldine Bazan Does a Good Job At Looking Good
GO

Mya Will Make You Sweat
GO

Lanni Barbi is Slammin
GO

I Can Think of Many Places For Jessica Simpson to Put Her Newly Injected Lips
GO

Aly Michalka is All Sorts of Sexy
GO

Dance Like Beyonce
GO

How NOT to Spice Up Your Sex Life
GO

Jennifer Garner Stalker May Be One of You…I Mean…It is Probably One of You…
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS….

Hot Young Topless Chick
GO

Some Slut in a Tube Top
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

19

Nov

Snoop Doggy Dogg Does Martha Stewart of the Day

Snoop Dogg was on Martha Stewart and I don’t really have much to say about it, because shit’s a strange fucking mix, but not as strange as when you see Martha Stewart bust her gangster speak from when she was in prison getting rapped by some random fists. It is 16 minutes long, I just thought it was so obscure that I had no choice but to post it. Dude’s obviously trying to reach a whole new market by charming middle-aged moms with his parenting skills….because he’s trying to show the world a whole other Snoop dynamic as a married man with kids…like he’s Will Smith or some shit….

Here’s his 5 tips to being a good parent….

1-Know when to lie to your kids….

2-Know when to be mean, know when to be a friend….

3-Always stay in control….

4-Serve Them Gin..Juice but Hold the Gin….

5-When a kid gives you attitude, pop it when it’s hot…

He’s just so clever at self-promoting, you know droppin’ his lyrics into the shit…..then they go off an make mash potatoes…and introduce his entourage. Then he goes off teaching his Snoop-Linguistics because he doesn’t really we are tired of his shit and that’s when I dropped this video cuz it sucked.

Posted in:Martha Stewart|Snoop Dogg

2008

19

Nov

Jennifer Ellison Topless Bikini Pics of the Day

When Jennifer Ellison goes to the beach with her boyfriend, she always takes off her top because everyone has seen her tits already. When I watch porn, I always turn off the speakers off, because I don’t like my neighbors thinking i am raping a girl cuz they know by the way that I look, there’s no way i am doing that to a chick who is willingly letting me. I guess that’s got nothing to do with Jennifer Ellison, but she’s probably in a bikini as much as I watch porn, so I’m trying to take what she does and make it about me. It’s a bad habit.

Posted in:Bikini|Jennifer Ellison|Topless

2008

19

Nov

Eva Longoria Has an Spanx Upskirt of the Day

Here is a picture of Eva Longoria telling the world that she’s a fuckin’ sloppy bitch, who needs smoke and mirrors to look the way she does, and those smoke and mirrors are a pair of fucking spanx she borrowed from Oprah. I guess since marriage she’s had one too many enchiladas, fajitas, tacos and burritos and her shitty Mexican genetic code is catching up with her, and you know that the second those things come off her ass drops, her stomach pops out and she looks like a little troll who rolls cigars in her armpit for a living in her poncho and sombrero. Spanx are just that magical, until you get the bitch home and half naked and have to deal with all that she’s been hiding in them….because we all know that there’s nothing sexier than sliding your hand down the front of some girls really tight undershorts before having her awkwardly take them off in front of you after a party, only for you to be left with the sad truth of what you just got yourself into…..

No spanx….Eva Longoria….No Spanx….

Get it, I just played on the word Spanx and Thanks, and that was pretty lame of me to even think up, if I had shame, I’d be embarrassed right now…

Posted in:Eva Longoria|Spanx

2008

19

Nov

Shoshanna Lonstein Big Tits in a Bikini of the Day

I know that Jerry Seinfeld is not really a looker, but he is rich, and as a rich guy, he can get any pussy he wants….But in his defense, at 17, her nose hadn’t quite matured yet…..and she does have big tits…so big that she started a clothing company for girls with big tits….

With a loan from her father, Zach Lonstein, chief executive officer of Infocrossing, she started her clothing company in 1998. Its mission is to create clothes – including dresses, underwear and swimwear – that can be worn by women who, like Lonstein Gruss herself, have a large bust but maintain a slim waist.

I guess Jewish girls are only really something a Jewish guy can appreciate, you know since psychiatrists say we always go for people who remind us of our mothers, I guess that’s why I have an affinity for whores.

Either way, this is why I resent Holocaust survivors, but maybe I am just bitter because Jews own the world…..and I own a pair of shoes, broken lap top and cell phone I got for free…

Lonstein married Joshua Gruss, son of Martin Gruss, a financier and philanthropist. Joshua Gruss is an investment analyst at his father’s firm and heir to his estimated $500 million fortune.

They currently reside in a $10.3 million townhome on East 61st Street in New York City. They also spend time in their weekend home in Southampton.

Here are those tits…

Posted in:Shoshanna Lonstein|Tits

2008

19

Nov

Kourtney Kardashian Straddles Her Boyfriend in Her Bikini Video of the Day

It was never assumed that Kourtney Kardashian wasn’t an attention seeking slut like her big sister (literally) Kim. I mean their dad was a powerful lawyer who was too busy to give them the attention they needed, so instead just handed over his credit card. I am sure he’d be proud of his little sluts if he was still alive today, you know being able to watch them and masturbate to them in his office behind closed doors and still walk them down the aisle on their wedding nights, instead of having to do it like all dead relatives have to do it, by being an ominous presence overlookin from above, in disappointment than when he was alive, he didn’t take advantage of the opportunity to accidentally let them play with his gun collection when they were 10.

These girls have absolutely no fucking substance, they are drunk, talking stupidities in broken sentences but luckily droppin’ bitch, bitches, motherfuckin so we get what they are trying to communicate, you know dumb rich slut is a dialect of its own, before Kourtney gets on top of her lame lookin’ boyfriend and rides him a little in her bikini. It’s about as exciting as the Kim Kardashian Sex Tape, which isn’t say much, but at least Kim got naked and pissed on, in this shit, I just see some slicked hair lookin clown kissing a piece of shit person….

Posted in:Kourtney Kardashian|Slut

2008

19

Nov

Obama’s Sisters Fightin of the Day

Here’s a girl fight that was sent into me and I figured I had to post it because the dude filming it is fucking hysterical. He says something like “Oh She’s got her pussy on her face” and I laughed. I don’t think they are actually Obama’s sisters, but black guys refer to each other as brothers, so I figured they call each other sisters too, but I am not that engrained in the black community so I don’t really know. All I know is that these girls go at each other pretty hard, making the American ghetto the real African Safari, fuck watching zebras and lions eat their young and shit, get this up on the nature channel, because poverty and addiction bring out human’s animal instincts and I know that I like seeing a couple poor crackheads go at it……..On a side note, I love when the dude filming says “I’m going to make some money off these motherfuckers…”, he is amazing, someone needs to get him a TV show…..

Video Sent In Via Scuzzy.tv

Posted in:Girl Fight|Obama

2008

19

Nov

Mormon Pole Dancing To Be in the Olympics of the Day

I don’t know what drugs these whores are on, but I like to think it’s the word of God, because these Mormons in Utah are trying to claim that Pole Dancing should be an Olympic sport, and that it is some kind of legitimate sport and that they are athletes, which is something I’ve always argued because I like to give strippers more credit than being money hungry, drug addicted, fake tit party girls.

I assume that these Mormons are pushing this because Religious people are repressed and they are trying to feel better about doing something that makes them feel wet inside and sparks the conception of their next 15 babies when practicing in front of their husband when he gets in from working the fields and going door to door like he was Prince/The Artist Formally Known As….and that it is appropriate because they are only dressed like whores in fishnets and stripper heels because it’s the equipment needed for the sport without realizing the only equipment really needed for this sport is big tits and a pussy……I know that the only thing more frustrating that watching a stripper who doesn’t get naked doin’ her routine on a pole dance so you have to take her for a private dance, is watching an suburban ugly Mormon mom, struggling on the pole while not stripping and not having the option to grab her tits for 10 dollars….because you feel sorry for her for embarrassing herself in front of all these people….

I guess tryin to legitimize an illegitimate thing is somethin Mormons are good at, you know with the whole polygamy wife beating shit, I guess if it went through and made it to the Olympics like it was the Jamaican Bobsled team or Michael Phelps, it’d make the Olympics the biggest cocktease event on TV, I mean besides the Teen Choice Awards, Disney Channel and all things starring Dakota Fanning….I don’t know where I was going with that, but figured you’re a bunch of perverts who get off to young girls, so I did it for you man…..

Posted in:Olympics|Pole Dancing

2008

19

Nov

DJ AM Wants Nicole Richie’s Pussy Exclusive of the Day

He announces that on Thanksgiving he plans on going down on Nicole Richie like the old days…Shit’s so crazy…She’s got a baby and shit….I guess if plane crashes, suicide and blood clots can’t stop this guy, either can dudes who suck off their twin brothers before getting suburban tattoos to make them look like real life rockstars….but maybe I am reading his code for Nicole Richie’s loose skinned vagina wrong and he’s really just talking about his girlfriend Mandy Moore’s fat ass , maybe I am just reading into it too much and the truth is, who really cares, this is DJ AM we’re talking about, dude’s pretty much a fuckin’ nobody no matter how many clubs he’s DJed at, or how much money he’s made doin’ it….On a side note, I think this whole joke totally bombed…it happens at least 5 times a day….I am so misunderstood.

Posted in:DJ AM