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Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day

Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day

Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day

Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day

Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day

2008

Oct

Angelina Jolie Breast Feeding on the Cover of W Magazine of the Day

2 Comments »

W Magazine was rumored to have pictures of Angelina Jolie Breast Feeding that were taken by Brad Pitt for the cover of their latest issue. I don’t have all the pictures and I have just seen the cover by that shit is not breast feeding. Breast feeding is what I suggest I do to 18 year old girls on a regular basis for them to practice motherhood, so that when they get knocked up later in life, they will know what to expect. Breast feeding is what all these mom’s in the rich neighborhood near me do when they go to the Coffee Shop for their maternity leave luncheons that I don’t get invited to, but still take part in as I listen to them compare baby stories competitively and pull out their tits to get me turned on. Breast feeding is something that I see relatively often and get busted for staring inappropriately at, but it’s definitely not going on in these pictures. I consider myself an expert on the subject, so that my friend, is fact and you can quote me on it…..the other thing you can quote is that Brad Pitt’s idea of personal intimate pictures fucking sucks and unless there’s something penetrating that stretched out twin bearing pussy, I feel ripped off, but I am not sure how to quote that….

Posted in:Angelina Jolie|Breast Feeding

2008

Oct

Brooke Hogan’s Devastating Playboy News of the Day

5 Comments »

I know you’re thinking that I am about to announce that Brooke Hogan is going to be in Playboy and issue some kind of warning that the day it hits newstands you should refrain from eating because it will guarantee throwing up all over the place uncontrolably, but the truth is, the only pussy that ever made me throw up was a meaty, mangled lookin’ mess that smelled like feces and onion, and even that could have been caused by some bad chicken I ate earlier that day. What I find upsetting is that she turned down Playboy for now, and that sucks because I wanted to compare dick sizes like this dude I knew used to do when he was 6. Yeah, yeah, saying Brooke Hogan has a penis is getting dull, but suckin’ Brooke’s penis isn’t and the only way to fantasize about that, is to see her strategically posed in Playboy and that’s not about to happen anytime soon….

Here’s the story:

Brooke Hogan has turned down an offer to pose nude in Playboy.

“Brooke just didnâ€™t feel that it was the right time,” her rep tells Usmagazine.com exclusively. “It’s not out of the question for the future, but we’ll have to see.”

Source – USWeekly

Here she is in a bikini…..

Here she is in another bikini…..

Here she is in another bikini….

Here she is performing in bootyshorts a while ago….

Here she is in FHM With the Power of Photoshop….

Posted in:Brooke Hogan|Playboy

2008

Oct

Sophie Monk Was Poor of the Day

4 Comments »

Go to 4 minutes into the video to see Sophie Monk in her natural habitat of Australia, where her couch, like mine, was covered by a sheet, to make the piss stains, holes and maggots living inside it, less offensive when sitting down to watch a movie. Sure, she wasn’t as poor as the homeless guy I met in an alley when taking a piss, who was smashing his head against a dumpster screaming in pain, only to come up to me in some kind of bloody mess asking me if I was involved in the black market organ trade, and not believing me when I said no, or the street kid with a tattooed face who was moaning to himself yesterday and when I asked him what was wrong he told me his mouth hurt, when I asked why, he lifted up his lip to show me a rotted out mess that smelled like death and that he couldn’t get fixed because he had no money for a dentist, but poor never the less.

Either way, it’s nice to see Sophie not forgetting where she came from as she climbs into her Range Rover in LA after a long day of going to Pilates, that was probably followed up by sitting on her ass, or taking a bubble bath, or calling Ryan Seacrest and talking about boys.

Posted in:Poor|Sophie Monk

2008

Oct

The Paparazzi Dis Fabio of the Day

2 Comments »

The paparazzi dissed Fabio by saying something along the lines of “hey, you still have fans”, in some passive aggressive asshole attempt to call him done did.

I think the paparazzi are just bitter that they spend their days chasing the dude who made enough money to have a Ferrari for being the topless dude on drugstore romance novel covers and the “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” spokesperson, 10 years after the fact, and despite how fun that sounds, it’s a hell of a lot more useless of an existance than being the dude who cashed out for having long hair and a ripped body who gets to spend his days “having fun” and “going to the gym”. That’s like this alcoholic friend of mine who never wanted to get off his ass to do anything, but always wanted to make his life seem worth living by lining up menial tasks, he’d call me and ask if I wanted to run errands with him. One day, it would be to go to the post office to buy a stamp, another day was to buy a pen and he always managed to find one thing he felt needed to get done, only instead of driving a Ferrari, he took the bus, and instead of being Fabio, he was fat and girls wouldn’t masturbate for him, even if he paid them.

What it comes down to is that I am even more bitter than they are because I’m the asshole writing about Fabio and the Paparazzi and that’s pretty fucking weak, but not as weak as my heart that I think is about to explode from smoking this cigar on an empty stomach.

Posted in:Complex|Fabio

2008

Oct

Randy Spelling and His Dog of a Girlfriend in a Bikini of the Day

10 Comments »

Every time I have dreams about being a multi-millionaires son, who flies to exclusive events on a private jet and who dines in the best restaurants in the world, stays in the best hotels in the world, visits the most beautiful places in the world. The girls by my side and in my bed never look like the slob that’s with Randy Spelling, Tori Spelling’s brother, in these pictures. It’s safe to say that either motherfucker is one of those fucked up rich kids with major emotional issues and who can’t really live a normal life, because of his fucked up upbringing, leading to hot girls to stay the fuck away from him for fear he’ll have another one of his episodes, or he’s gay, because the only person who can love something that looks like this, is someone who is scared of admitting his sexuality and who can see past her disgustingness to really embrace the beautiful person she in on the inside, while straight dudes just go for the tits and pussy.

Posted in:Fat|Girlfriend|Randy Spelling

2008

Oct

The Paparazzi Asking Audrina About What She Thought of the Debate of the Day

1 Comment »

Asking Audrina about politics is like asking a gerbil for it’s opinion on the genocide in Rawanda. Both are entertaining for some, but leave you little to work with. The empty whore with no soul who everyone is in love with right now is fucking useless and despite not really having any obligation to answer the canned shitty questions from the paparazzi, could at least use her platform for some insight on something, if she just knew what the definition of insight is, and for girls like Audrina, thank fucking god there’s such thing as breast implants, because without them, she’s be scared and alone in her parents house with an exciting future of marrying someone rich lined up for her. Either way, the video sucks, but I am posting it anyway.

Posted in:Audrina|Debate

2008

Oct

Lauren Conrad Bought an Audi R8 of the Day

3 Comments »

Everyone hates on Lauren Conrad and the cast of The Hills for making shit loads of money for being useless cunts, but the real person to hate, is yourself. What it comes down to is that you or people you know watch the show and get caught up in their fabricated lives and feed into its success. That is the reason why she gets paid enough money to buy herself 115,000 dollar cars, while the rest of America is going bankrupt and losing their houses, and I feel like she deserves it because she’s the one on the fucking show and if she was getting paid any less, that money would be further lining MTVs pockets and their already making enough off this scam. So here she is in her nice new car she recently had delivered while I’m about to go out on a drive on my mismatched running shoes I got at the Salvation Army.

Posted in:Lauren Conrad|New Car

2008

Oct

Chanelle Hayes Works it for the Paparazzi of the Day

2 Comments »

Chanelle is some UK slut who I don’t really know what she does and I am too lazy to check, but am posting because I like the way she’s playing it up for the paparazzi, like they are real photographers and this is some kind of fashion shoot. It’s like everytime a girl gets her camera out for myspace profile pictures, and pouts her lips and tilts her head, thinking that that is a proper representation of them, or even like time I tried to convince some girl I was a pornographer and got her all excited about giving her her big break, only to show up to the shoot I had set up with a dollar store point and shoot camera.

It’s also like every time you see girls out on the town taking pictures of each other, because now it all ends up on facebook and you want to make sure you look your best. Whenever I come across a scene like that, I try to jump in an act like a porn director, telling the girls to work it, and throw out challenges like “you’re scared now”…”no, you’re sad, your puppy just died” and 4 out of 5 times girls tell me to fuck off, but the ones who don’t, end up playing it up and despite them never getting naked for me, I feel like I have purpose.

Posted in:Chanelle Hayes|Poses

2008

Oct

Tara Reid Eating From a far of the Day

2 Comments »

This video is straight out of a modern love story, where a dude falls in love with a girl he sees in his pharmacy and spends the next year following her every move and admiring her from a far, never being formally introcduced, despite the numerous times the dude tries, whether bumping into her in line at the grocery store, or coincidentally showing up at the same bar as her, hoping that his familiar face with strike something in her and lead to their marriage when all it does is make her realize that some motherfucker is following her every where she goes and taking videos of her eating and she needs the evidence for the police to catch him….so she busts out her camera to snap a shot of him. Only, in this video, Tara Reid isn’t acting which is a good thing, because it’s something she’s not very good at, her skillset lies in being able to do 14 pussy shots in under a minute and that’s a far more interesting skill to have, when you life is an endless college spring break.

Posted in:Eating|Tara Reid

2008

Oct

Lil Wayne’s Million Dollar Birthday of the Day

4 Comments »

I like Lil Wayne. I’ve been forced to listen to his music and his rhymes are funny. He’s like a comedian and doesn’t take himself too seriously and it makes for a good time. The other reason I like Lil Wayne is because so does every single young hot girl out there and it gives us something to talk about when I see them out in bars and I’m trying to get invited back to their house for a warm shower and meal….

This past weekened, Lil Wayne celebrated his birthday at Mansion in Miami, he turned 26 and his adoptive father/ lover, Birdman, who apparently made him who he is today and they even have matching crosses on their foreheard to show their love for eachother and despite that making me feel really uncomfortable, like the time I saw a street hustlin’ kid get into a Mercedes with some rich Jewish guy to service him, it matches all their other tattoos that leave them lookin’ more like a public bathroom stall in a gay bar, and god knows I know what those look like, than a rich famous rapper.

Either way, Birdman brought him a breifcase with a million dollars as a gift and it’s nice to see that the economic crisis is really taking a toll on their spending and lifestyle. I hear he’ll be eating cereal with water for the next couple months to make up for this gift, but it’ll probably be worth it as Lil Wayne and him pop some E and pretend each other’s asses are vaginas for the rest of the week, because I hear that’s the kind of thing you gotta do to make a million dollars these days….and it’s probably worth it.

Posted in:Lil Wayne|Million Dollars