DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Sara Sampaio Shows Off her Pussy in Tight Pants Under the Guise that it is a Fitness Video of the Day

Industry Flesh Puppet Jessica Alba Propagandizes for the Machine of the Day

Sydney Sweeney is Glamour’s Woman of the Year of the Day

Paige Spiranac Feeling Herself Up of the Day

Margaret Qualley is Hot for an Ugly Chick of the Day

2008

Oct

Holly Madison Before Hugh Hefner Renovated Her of the Day

5 Comments »

My breast loving, like seriously, breast obsessed, possibly because his mother didn’t breast feed him and that is why he prides himself on using over 100 different terms for breasts, probably because he only lost his virginity after making his first million off his site after coining the term Yorkshire Puddings for tits, I know, next level life changing shit, friend over at HollywoodTuna.com, got some exclusive pictures of Holly Madison before she was swept up and renovated by Hugh Hefner, who originally wanted to flip her, because she was run the fuck down, in the seedy part of town, crackheads and aspiring rockstars had been living in her and her pussy stank of piss and shit, but after investing so much money into her, pretty much giving her an Extreme Home Makeover, he figured he’d keep her for a while, and all she had to do was sign a contract pretending to be his girlfriend.

It was a Pretty Woman situation, from whore to high class escort with a permanent client who didn’t make you feel like a whore, because your life was so much more luxurious than the trailer park you came from, put your daily allowance was far more than those other Johns, and you don’t even have to touch his dick, all you have to do is feed his God Complex by lending herself as a , or guinea pig, as he and his doctors and designers, craft the perfect busty, fake blonde, dreamgirl.

That’s what happens when you have fucked tens of thousands of beautiful girls, you get bored and go out doin’ weird shit to broken down pick-up truck lookin’ whores, and I guess the good news for Holly, is that he’s not luring to his home, tying them up and shooting snuff films to get off, but instead giving girls with no hope new beginnings, because she’s a fuckin’ mess in these old pics of her.

To See The Rest of the Pics, You Gotta Follow This Link, Cuz It’s The Only Place on the Internet That Has Them….
GO

Posted in:Hefner|Holly Madison

2008

Oct

stepLINKS of the Day

12 Comments »

I am getting some hate over the Jennifer Hudson post, you racists are calling me a racist for saying it’s irresponsible to let an attempted murderer into your home and near your kids and for saying they lived pretty ghetto for being relatives of successful hollywood folk. I was just throwing the idea out there and it doesn’t really reflect race, it could happen to anyone, and it wasn’t meant to discount the horrible nature of the crime or discout how sick or sad it was. I definitely don’t wish that kind of thing on anyone of any ethnicity, not even the Arabs in Iraq that are being shot up daily, and the fact that shit like that can happen in broad daylight in a seemingly civilized, educated, rich country, is insane, so I don’t really get why you hate me over what I said and I also don’t really get why you bothered reading what I said…..

The other issue is how am I a racist, nothing was a reference to her race and for the record I am not even white. The other truth is that my wife got a black dog the other day and I still love it like it was white or beige dog so I think you’re just hating me for being Mexican and you’re the fuckin’ racist.

Also, prior to posting my possibly insensitive recount of the events that possibly ruined Jennifer Hudson’s life, I consulted my wife’s dog since he understands black issues and he gave me a bark of approval before taking a shit on my floor, so I’ll just let you all know, the post was researched and run by my team of consultants before making it on the site, so I’ll just assume that the people emailing me are plain crazy and don’t know what you are talking about.

Sure, I only got 2 emails ripping me apart for my post and I am making a big deal out of nothing, but for someone with no friends, that is a lot of email and that’s why I decided to write about this instead of the white dude I saw getting arrested today for stealing people’s recycling, because bottles and cans can make you a small fortune where I’m from….and I already wrote about the lesbian coffee house girls who were going at each other hard, like they werent in the middle of the street causing a fucking scene, even though they were, so I’m sticking with it depsite my dog telling me I shouldn’t bother interacting with assholes who come across the site and waste their time judgin’ me, because the truth is I don’t really care about what you think and that’s the reason I’m not the one emailing you in this relationship, asshole.

I am also sticking with my whole stepLINKS of the day shit, because it seems to be working….and by working I mean sending you to other sites that are better than mine and worth reading….because I’d hate for you to get stuck here since I am not very good company and definitely a horrible host. I’m the kind of guy who won’t offer you a drink, will leave you in a bathroom with no toilet paper and who would be grabbin’ at your wife in front of your face, so I guess it’s better if you head on over to some of these other people, but I guess you can come back again tomorrow, since I’ll be doing the same shit I’ve been doing the last 4 years, it’s pretty much all I know, which is sad considering I’m not all that good at it, even though you’d think with all that practice would come some improvement, but that’s just not how things work in these parts….

I should probably stop rambling and post the links now. You know what, that’s just what I’ll do.

Because I Know You Need to Start the Week Off Right
GO
Jennifer Aniston Whoors About Town
GO

Don’t Forget the Parking Break
GO

HOlly Madison Clearly Isn’t in the Halloween Spirit in her Girl on Her Period Costume…
GO

CINDY CRAWFORD IS AMAZING!!!
GO

Cheryl Tweedy Upskirt
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

Cute Puppies Make Bad News Better
GO

Vanessa Hudgens: Ho Or Housewife?
GO

Tila Tequila’s Lesbian Birthday
GO

Urban Touch Down
GO

Anybody Can Be Cool, But Awesome Takie Practice
GO

Mila Kunis Ass Flash
GO

Please No. Please GOD No, Jessica Biel Has Balls?!
GO

Handi Capped Guy Kicks Kid and Gets Knocked the Fuck Out
GO

Because Sex is More Fun When There is Another Person Involved
GO

Lohan Still Wants Peen
GO

Body Check Through the Glass
GO

Obama Versus McCain Dance Off
This is Really Awesome
GO

Rock Band Homos
GO

Some JLO Gallery You May Be Into
GO

there’s No Place Like Home
GO

Nothing But a Belt
GO

Lookin’Good Sweetheart
GO

Rachel Bilson Dressed as a Shitty Hippy But Still Worth a Condomless Fuck and cumshot to her bush…It is the 60s Afterall
GO

Nichollette Sheridan Walks Down the Stret in Barely Anything At All
GO

Time to Hang Up the Thong
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Zoe Duchesne is in Lingerie
GO

Even Monsters Get the Munchies
GO

Stadium Molestation
GO

Because You Need All The Help You Can Get
GO

Weirdo Weddings
GO

The 13 Hottest Dead Chicks….
GO

13 Dead Actresses You’d Have Sex With
GO

HOT Voyeur VIdeo of Some Israeli Sluts
GO

Jessica Oils Up
GO

Insert Silver Spoon Joke Here
GO

Mischa Barton Gets a Little High
GO

Father of the Year
GO

Ball Pit Bar
GO

Danny Bonaduce is ready to jump in the ring once again, this time against Jose Canseco!
GO

Jenya in Cold Water
GO

Prank Your Friends By Changing Your Caller ID
GO

You Fucked Up My Pussy
GO

Rogue Collector’s Photobucket Finds:

Some Small Tits on a Fat Lookin Chick….
GO

Body Paint Halloween Costume Throwback
GO

Looks Like Kim Kardashian Was in Toronto At a Party
GO

BONUS!!

ENTER THE EAGLES OF DEATH METAL FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN TICKETS, BACKSTAGE PASSES AND TIME WITH THE BAND….
GO

Another Bonus that isn’t a Bonus…

Facebook Allowed me to create a page for the site, so if you read the site and use facebook, become a fan, I figure I can do something with this when there are enough people there….
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

Oct

Rumored Nude Pictures of Obama’s Mom of the Day

14 Comments »

There is an email going around saying that these nuded pictures are of Obama’s mom posing at some point in the ’60s, probably around Christmas time. I have no idea what the legitimacy of these claims are, I mean the fact that they are tagged “vintage porn” or whatever the fuck they say, pretty much leads me to believe that they are definitely not Obama’s mother, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they were Obama’s mother, considering it was an era of hippies, free love and nudity and she was a bit of a rebel, you know with the whole getting pregnant from a African man shit that was pretty unheard of at the time, and was something that took a real forward thinking woman to tell the haters to fuck themselves as she defied normal social conduct, embarrassing her family and friends in the process all because she did what she wanted, like the two dykes I saw today making out in front of a coffee shop who didn’t seem to care that there were old ladies walking by them who probably aren’t down with dykes who have a total disregard to being normal in a judgmental world, so it’s not unlikely that she’d be in this photo op situation, but I still don’t think they are really her, but I am posting them anyway, because I like the idea of masturbating to old ladies when they were in their prime so when I change their diapers I can reflect on the pussy that was, not that I work in old folks homes or change old lady diapers anymore, I just pretend I do when necessary, if you know what I mean….

Posted in:Mom|Nude|Obama

2008

Oct

Christina Aguilera Performs in Abu Dhabi of the Day

4 Comments »

Since the United Arab Emirates is pretty much the richest place on earth, so rich that these oil tycoons will own your country one day, I figured I’d refocus the site to cover the happenings there, since it is pretty much the future.

Some guy told me that these Arab oil companies made 10 times their projected amount this year alone, there is no income tax and now they do things like throw crazy private parties, build the tallest buildings in the world and overall just blow tons of money and not have it affect them because they have so much more of it, not to mention a pretty much guaranteed revenue stream for at least the next 50 years. So as you all lose your homes, don’t worry, there is still money out there, just not in your bank account.

Watch X-Tina.

Posted in:Abu Dhabi|Christina Aguilera

2008

Oct

I am – Not this Ice Cream Truck Driver of the Day

6 Comments »

With a name like DrunkenStepfather and content like mine, that sometimes makes sexual references to 16 year old girls who look like the mature kind of 16 year olds who are out giving blowjobs already, I do not promote sex offenders. Sure 14 is legal in Canada, or at least in my part of Canada, so I’ve never broken any laws in regards to the shit, but I am also a firm believer that if you aren’t 18, you should not be taking pictures of you topless, in your bra, doing amateur porn or any of that shit, because it always gets out there and it makes me a criminal for watching it. I never ask girls who are under 18 for nude pictures, or to get nude, even if they are drunk in a club and starving for male attention. So this ice cream truck driver is not me, despite what a reader who emailed me thought.

For the record, if I was a sex offender, I would be way more creative to get girls to flash me than to offer them ice cream or ask them to come to my van to check out my puppies, that shit’s too cliche, I’d just promise to introduce them to Miley Cyrus, but in his defense, he seems to be from Africa and in Africa girls are married and having kids by the time they are 13, or at least that’s what I’ve been told.

Posted in:Ice Cream|Pedophile

2008

Oct

Kelly Ripa and Gisele Sing Some Karaoke of the Day

2 Comments »

Here’s a video of Gisele showing off her bass singing skills like she was Lance Bass after he his puberty but I was too lazy to find the actual video of and was stuck with more Kelly Ripa stealing the spotlight because girls are jealous and catty and she’s trying to wants the spotlight on her and not on the leather pants wearing model legs. I think the highlight of the clip is the way she introduces “Bon Jovi”, it sounds a hell of a lot like “Blow Job”, maybe it’s a freudian slip because she’s sitting there feeling like getting her dick sucked, but it’s probably just the language barrier, either way, it’s worth watching, otherwise I wouldn’t be posting it. Asshole.

Posted in:Gisele Bundchen|Karaoke|Kelly Ripa

2008

Oct

Annalynne McCord in Some Halloween Costume of the Day

4 Comments »

Her name is Annalynne McCord and she’s been pretty busy trying to make her famous, that she didn’t realize that Halloween was next week. Actually, it’s possible that she just dresses like this all the time, because it gets people to look at her, and let’s face it, the only reason she wanted to be an actress on shit like 90210, is because she wanted people to look at her, it’s some kind of daddy issue that went all wrong, because daddy issues that have gone right lead girls to getting naked and giving back alley blowjobs, and not back to my house blowjobs, because the daddy issues that lead to back alley blowjobs, are usually daddy issues that involve being molested by daddy, and when you want to get off, sometimes that kind of daddy issue is just way too much to handle, especially when she’s on your bathroom floor crying and convulsing about how broken down she is, smokin’ some rock and asking why the one man she should have trusted went too far and why the one man who was supposed to protect her, hurt her so much, as I’m trying to get her to shut the fuck up because my wife may be a sound sleeper, but definitely not that sound of a sleeper, so instead, we’ll just forget about the hot shower and get it done here, kind of daddy issues.

Either way, Annalynne reminds us of what we’re going to be getting ourselves into in just 5 days time, I am planning on seeing at least 6 bare vaginas over the course of the weekend, and more if the people at Playboy pull through by paying for me and a guest to come down to their Playboy Mansion party, I just need to find someone who works there to make it happen and in the meantime, here’s Annalynne McCord, someone, I’ve never heard of until today, so I guess her plan’s working…

Posted in:Annalynne McCord|Halloween|Slut

2008

Oct

Nicole Richie’s Got Some Titties of the Day

4 Comments »

I hate Nicole RIchie. I like to think she’s my enemy. First she annoyed me on the Simple Life, even though she was the funny one on the show, because compared to Paris Hilton, anything is funny, even the immigrant kid in my building who is learning english by watching reruns of Friends and reciting the bad jokes from that show, in bad english, which may not be a great comparison, because after writing that out, I realized how funny that immigrant kid actually is and I should get him on camera making his Chandler jokes, because it could be the next huge viral video, I’m talking Chris Crocker big, and it may make me famous….or at least famous enough to be a cunt like this Nicole Richie adopted child no one wanted and Lionel felt bad for….

Nicole Richie is responsible for DJ AM’s fame and success and I hate that he is famous. I also had the chance to meet her 5 years ago, when she was with DJ AM in Montreal and security thought I was friends with the couple for some reason and brought me to her. She was too stupid to realize I had no business ther and assumed I was friends with DJ AM or some shit and I spent the night being carted around with her and some publicist chick. Everytime I made conversation with her, since it was just me and her in the booth, she acted like a cunt to me and would talk to me through the publicist and smoke cigarette after cigarette doing everything she could to ignore me, until she caught me trying to swipe her phone, something that at the time, would have provided lots of content for the site and it made her mad, when I tried to explain that I just wanted to prank text Lohan, she asked security to keep me away from her and that was the end of our love affair….and the start of my hatred.

So when I was sent her phone number a while back, I’d send mean spirited text messages to her in hopes of getting my revenge, but she took herself too seriously and changed her number a few hours later….because I guess she was too busy getting knocked up by one of the Good Charlotte sister’s suburban mall tattoos, despite them only really loving each other, and for some reason, she’s suddenly got tits and I guess no one really cares about her and tits aren’t going to change that, it’s not like they make her hot, or worth fucking, so I haven’t quit figured out why I am posting this.

Posted in:Nicole Richie|Tits

2008

Oct

Kristin Cavallari Gets into the Wrong Car of the Day

1 Comment »

Kristin Cavallari was out getting stalked by the paparzzi despite not having anything going on in her career. She was the genius who didn’t agree to do The Hills after MTV decided to do a spinoff of the show she starred on called Laguna Beach. I am not sure why she decided against The Hills, maybe she wanted to get her life back, or maybe she thought she had talent that was worthy of getting actual acting roles, instead of playing herself in scripted reality show, but who really cares, especially considering no one really gives a shit about her, we’re too busy hating her “friends” while making them all get richer and richer despite hoping they cancel that smut they are in so Heidi can go back to suckin’ dick in dormrooms where she belongs….

Either way, the paparazzi as her about politics and she gets confused, blows them off and gets into the wrong fucking car, because the paparazzi have the same BMW as she does. Sure, Kristin Cavallari doesn’t fully deserve a BMW of her own, since she’s kinda a joke of a celebrity, but the paparazzi definitely don’t deserve a fucking BMW. That just goes to show you that the prices they try to get me to pay for pictures are way too fuckin’ high, when the immigrant asshole crawling through garbage to get the pics is driving a luxury german automobile.

The whole thing offends me, not because I can’t afford to drive a BMW, but because the paparazzi clearly make enough money as paparazzi to let my site slide for posting their images, because deeper pocket paying the bills for them, while I don’t make money doin’ this shit. It’s like charity work.

The truth is that I am happy not making money and driving my neighbor’s 80’s Hyundai when my wife needs to do errands or go to the doctor, but that’s just because seeing her squeeze into an Asian 4 speed hatchback piece of shit is fucking hysterical and seeing how long it takes her to get out, is one of the great joys in my life.

Posted in:Kristin Cavallari|Paparazzi

2008

Oct

Traci Bingham’s Nipples Brings Out the Trash of the Day

9 Comments »

You know you are dealing with a quality chick when she no only brings out the trash and doesn’t get on your ass about doing it for her, but also color coordinates her outfit to the trash can and makes sure that the shirt she is wearing is a revealing as possible. It reminds me of a time I stumbled upon a nudist camp years ago because I heard all about it and wanted to see everyday nudist pussy, but instead got there, only to find 60 year old men standing by a BBQ talking about Golf, because seeing people do everyday things naked or half naked is not always hot, somethings, just don’t translate into being masturbation worthy, because all I can think about is the used condoms, dirty tampons, dog shit, rotting food, and other disgustingness she produced, you know smelling bad and all over her hands, not that she’s the kind of girl who uses condoms, or like that’d stop me from sniffing her trash, but you know this is a shitty photo-op.

I was at Wal Mart earlier today, because they rollback prices, and I saw a 400 pound woman shopping for garbage bags. She put so much thought into the shit that it looked like she was out buying a summer dress or something. She was pulling out the bags and sizing them up against her body and that’s when I realized, that she wasn’t lookin for a place that would fit all the table scraps from her really large meals, but instead, something that she could use for underwear because the store didn’t have any in her size. Sure, I gave her some credit for creativity, but the overall vibe of the experience was pretty disgusting….

Traci Bingham’s not quite as disgusting as the garbage bag woman was, because despite her plastic surgery and stupid tits, she’s not fat and she looks like she knows that just wouldn’t bother wearing panties, if she couldn’t find panties that fit, something that the 400 pound woman’s boyfriend and everyone who knows her’s worst nightmare, becuase the whole plastic bag idea was theirs and was in efforts to mask the smell of her kitchen garabge vagina they’ve been forced to deal with, everytime she walks in the room.

Posted in:Garbage|Nipples|Traci Bingham