I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

20

Aug

Paris Hilton’s Extensions are Showing of the Day

Ever since the sex tape came out, I knew everything Paris Hilton did was fucking half assed. I knew that anything she touched would turn out to be shit, like her movie roles, her TV show, her product lines, her club event hosting and her music career. She was just a fucking massive joke on society and for some reason society was just eating it all up because her depressing and embarrassing existance made us feel better about herself. You know, that a girl with a lazy eye could really get ahead provided she came from a prestigious family with a lot of money and a dream, all it took was turning to porn. It’s one of those motivational posters where you see a retarded kid running across the finish line or some shit, only less attractive.

The point of all this is to say that she has some half-assed extensions in her hair just after launching some line of hair extensions in hopes of making more money that she already has because extensions are more popular now than they have ever been and could mean lining her pockets and cashing in on a trend she probably thinks she started.

Now I am not business man, but when you are trying to sell stupid products, like hair you got from dying orphans in Africa and South America, you should at least rock them properly so that the rest of the world turns to themselves and talk about how nice your fuckin’ hair is and not just because it’s covering your busted face, making those who use extensions think that you’re actually wearing your own shit, so they buy it.

Showing up to a party with your extensions showing, is pretty fucking tacky, I mean I know hookers, strippers and sluts who all have extensions and I’m talking the cheap dollar store kind, and even they know how to cover shit up.

I don’t know why I just wrote this post, but I did and it’s staying…..

Posted in:Extensions|Paris Hilton

2008

20

Aug

Audrey Tautou is in a Bikini of the Day

Here’s some French actress I don’t give a fuck about in a bikini, which is pretty upsetting considering French girls are supposed to be all sexually liberated and topless all the fucking time but that’s just false marketing. I live in a French place and the girls here are never fuckin’ topless, they just take it up the ass on the first date. I know I’ve said that before but there are hardly any nude beaches and the ones that are nude are all fuckin’ fat old married chicks who you wouldn’t want to see naked even if you were desperately in the mood to see some tit. It’s the kind of thing that pretty much ruins a nude beach.

Even in the bars on wet t-shirt night, all the contestants are always the English girls trying to prove that they are just as down as the French girls who just sit and laugh, knowing that society already knows they are sluts and they don’t have to publicly demean themselves like that or some shit, but always make up for it by taking it up the ass on the first date.

Here’s Audrey Tautou and her 30 year old body for anyone out there who is a fan of hers and can’t wait to see her next movie “Coco Avant Chanel” because you’ve always wanted to see the brain behind the French Fashion house before it was a French Fashion house. You fucking homo.

Posted in:Audrey Tautou|Bikini

2008

20

Aug

Mischa Barton at Some Party of the Day

So I was emailed this picture and had no idea who the fuck I was looking at, so I sent it to my favorite celebrity pervert who loves all these bitches and keeps folders on his computer with all their pictures, he immediately told me it was Mischa Barton and I was immediately reminded that I am fucking retarded because I’ve been doing this celebrity focused website for 4 years and I still can’t recognize a celebrity for the life of me because I just don’t give a fuck about them. I guess that doesn’t matter….

What does matter is that she’s at what I assume is a themed party, because if I see a dude who is clearly a rich kid hanging with a celebrity, in a straw hat and overalls with no shirt on, I fuckin’ hope shit’s a theme party and not some kind of new fashion trend that I’ll have to see on the fuckin’ street like that Ed Hardy shit. I guess Mischa looks alright because she’s covering up that sloppy fuckin’ body, but it would still be a better picture if they traded outfits, but that’s just because I like seeing dudes in dresses, I am weird like that.

Picture Via COBRASNAKE

Posted in:Mischa Barton|Party

2008

20

Aug

Lily Allen Nipple Slip Brawl of the Day

Lily Allen doesn’t like bras but she does like brawls.

Here she is coming out of a club drunk with her nipple floppin every which way, not because it’s looking for a baby to feed because it’s still got remnants of the sour milk from her short lived pregnancy, but because she doesn’t give a fuck if the world sees her tits because she’s given up.

It’s like this woman I knew who tried so hard to have a baby for years and years and who ended up killing herself because of the emptiness she felt. Near the end of her life, it was pretty obvious she had given up, not only was she doing tons of drugs, but she was also walking around her apartment complex naked, and one day even went grocery shopping in her undewear, unshowered and was taken to the psych ward, that didn’t do a whole lot of good for her, because when she got home she ended it all.

The truth is that all that was crazy, but not nearly as crazy as her toilet that was filled with blood and fetus from her last miscarriage that she refused to flush and would sleep next to at night calling it Charlie the name she intended to give it while screaming and crying. It was a fuckin’ horror show, but she’s in a better place now with all those dead babies.

Unfortunately for Lily Allen, she’s not in a better place, she’s just falling apart, self-medicating and fighting, I hope the girl on the receiving end realizes that she’s dealing with a muderer, it’s one of those never fight someone you don’t know cuz they may have a weapon situations, only in this case Lily Allen’s uterus is her weapon, shit kills babies and that’s pretty fucking psycho. Either way, here’s her nipple.

Posted in:Lily Allen|Nipple|Slip

2008

20

Aug

Hollywood Undead NSFW Music Video of the Day

Here’s a music video to start the day by a band I am glad I never heard of, it’s like that rap metal shit from a couple years ago that all you fucking losers would rock out to in your pick up trucks, but the video has a lot of sluts, showing tit, dyking out, runnin around in their underwear and that makes it good enough for me as long as shit’s on mute.

They are probably pornstars or local strippers lookin’ for a new venue to show off their tits and I am okay with sluts being creative in ways and places to show their tits, I figure if they pay for them, they might as well get them out there for more people to see and that makes it better to jerk off to to that Clay Aiken music video that rubbed you the right way, you weirdo.

Posted in:Hollywood Undead|Music Video

2008

19

Aug

stepLINKS of the Day

I tried to get you some original content at the MTV VMA’s but got this email today:

Dear Jesus Martinez,

Unfortunately due to the growing number of requests and the limited amount of space, we will not be able to accommodate your credential
request for the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards. Thank you for your interest!

All the best,

MTV Communications

Well someone just rained on my fucking parade.

That said, everything MTV, I’m talking new shitty shows, current shitty shows and anything else MTV touches, including their attempt to be cool with Vice TV is banned on this site due to the growing number of requests I have been making for girls to send me nude pics, which really has nothing to do with anything but you’re still banned so fuck you cocksuckers at MTV. We’re breaking up and you don’t exist to me.

Here are my links….

10 Hottest Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Videos….
GO

Michael Phelps is Banging Amanda Beard To Make Olympic Swimming Babies…
GO

Which Bikini Would You Rather Fuck
GO

The 5 Hottest Paraguayan Women
GO

Hot Aussie Holly Valance in Some Hot Photoshoot For You Perverts….
GO

And Here I Thought Parks Were Just For Staring at Small Children
GO

Matt Lauer and Al Roker Are Amazing and By Amazing, I Don’t Mean Shitty, I Really Mean Amazing
GO

Lauren Mai Looks Delicious in Shit Lingerie
GO

Maybe Lohan Has Been Gay All Along and By Gay I Mean Looking For Attention
GO

A Shitload of Celeb Nip Slips
GO

Remember the Article About Chinese Guy Who Got Caught Humping a Bench?
Here’s the Video
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

The Olive Garden Hates Kendra Wilkinson
GO

And That’s Why You Don’t Try to Outrun Trains
GO

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
GO

Okay We Get It. You Like Yogurt
GO

Jewel Gordon Make Me Wanna Go Downunder
GO

Red Necks + Axe = Comedy
GO

Ahh to Be a College Aged Female
GO

Amy Leigh Andrews Is All Natural
GO

Find Girls to Fuck. Do You Really Need a Reason?
GO

Geeky Amateur
GO

Victoria Silvstedt Will Most Probably Sue Me Over Linking This. Oh Well
GO

Kelly Bundy’s Cancer Tits Aren’t So Cancerous Anymore
GO

Jennifer Lopez is Braindead and Needs to Be Punched in the Face
GO

More Proof Britny Can’t Sing
GO

Ellen’s Gay Wedding Photos and By Gay I Don’t Mean Shitty, I Just Mean Gay
GO

I Don’t Know How to Say This Delicately, But Kate Hudson Needs to Put Her Vagina on the Shelf For Awhile
GO

Striptease of the Day – MILF Edition
GO

An Awesome Compilation of Girls Gone Solo
GO

Motorcycle Stunt Gona Bad
GO

Porn Star Bike Ride
GO

Awesome Self Shot Gallery
GO

Use This to Help You Get Sex. Virgin
GO

Damn, I Almost Forgot How Hot Shakira Was
GO

Natalie in the Snow
GO

Lily Allen Threw Down Outside a London Nightclub
GO

Motor Cycle Mayhem
GO

I Pary Everyday I Will One Day Learn to Surf
GO

Can Someone Just Do me a Favor and Kill Rumer Willis?
GO

Traci Bingham, What the Fuck Are You Wearing?
GO

Abby Brookes and Her Giant Cans
GO

Eveytime I see this Photo, I think Michael Phelps is in a One Piece Bathig Suit
GO

Jennifer Ellison Says How D’you Do!!
GO

Say Hello to Miss September
GO

Have Some Fun, Fuck With Your Mailman
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

19

Aug

Nicole Scherzinger’s On a Yacht in a Bikini of the Day

Nicole Scherzinger is in a bikini and reminded me of a conversation with an older stripper who gave me some discount dances because keeping up with the young girls wasn’t really doing good for her bank account. She tried to claim that there are dudes who go in there and who want 45 year old mom tits in their face, but I knew she was just trying to lure me into a dance and it was a sales tactic to make me think that there was something wrong with me for not wanting 45 year old tits in my hands for 10 dollars a song, it’s something I feel isn’t too hard to make happen in real life for free, so I’m better off going with 18 year old sluts.

Either way, she won me over with her obvious desperation, something I could relate to and we got to talking about the next step for her career. I told her she should start a pole dance class for suburban moms because they eat that shit up and she could make a killing doing it since stripping has pretty much dried up and she laughed at my idea….I haven’t figured out where I am going with this, but I do know that Scherzinger and her Pussycat Dolls are just lucky strippers who don’t need to get naked, which is a real waste considering how good the black light and smoke machines would make her haggard face look.

Posted in:Bikini|Nicole Scherzinger|Yacht

2008

19

Aug

Kate Beckinsale’s Snorkeling of the Day

I know that Kate Beckinsale has a huge fan base and that fan base is probably so excited to see her in her bikini that they have already jerked off to these before I’ve even posted them, but in their defense, I am pretty slow moving on posting new content.

Well here she is going for a little snorkel with some dude I assume impregnated her, I guess it’s a nice change of pace for her to have something in her mouth, instead of in her vagina, proven by the fact that she has a kid. I guess she wasn’t aware that if you finish a dude with your mouth these kinds of things don’t happen, or she just totally disregarded that and got to into it, begging him to cum inside her without realizing the consequences…..

Either way, She’s got a great body for someone who has a kid, it’s like a rare phenomenon that rarely happens unless the person pumping out the baby has them before they are 20, or if they have an eating disorder or budget to hire personal trainers to get in shape like shit’s a full time job. Another rare phenomenon – me being funny when tryng to write about some chick I don’t care about in a bikini….

Posted in:Bikini|Kate Beckinsale|Snorkeling

2008

19

Aug

Some Rich Kids Doing the Cha Cha Slide of the Day

I just figured out how to steal people’s facebook videos and that is an exciting discovery for someone like me, who don’t even know how to send a fucking email.

The reason I am posting this one is because it’s a bunch of people doing the Cha Cha Slide or some shit that I saw on Oprah one day when sitting on a friend’s couch and she had this kid who was in McDonald’s Videos who looked semi retarded doing the shit and I died laughing at him despite being named a prodigy in the dance.

The other reason I am posting this video is – Green Bikini and a whole lot of other funny that doesn’t need to be mentioned (gay dude).

Here’s the Oprah Clip…

Here’s the kid in the Oprah Video doing the McDonald’s Commercial….

Posted in:Cha Cha|Rich Kid

2008

19

Aug

Miley Cyrus in Some Staged “Being 15 Years Old” Pictures of the Day

Some girls stage bikini pictures to get attention, Miley Cyrus on the other hand stages bike riding pictures, trying to secure the idea of her being a wholesome 15 year old virgin who likes doing normal 15 year old things, while we all know she’s grown up too fast, has become a cocky spoiled brat of a girl, who in no way hasn’t had sex despite making claims that she doesn’t. It’s the Paris Hilton generation and at any given time that big breasted stupid girl in the corner willing to listen to you talk her ear off in exchange for a free drink and who gets drunk enough off that drink to suck you off in the bathroom like she thinks she’s supposed to, is actually a 15 year old girl. Not that that has ever happened to you, but at the rate things are going, sluts are younger and younger and probably will and you won’t say no because a one drink blowjob from a minor is a great return on investment, until their father finds out and breaks your fuckin’ legs for being a fuckin’ pedophile.

So the real sicknes in all this is not that young girls fuck, or that Miley Cyrus fucks it’s that you wish you were that bike seat and since even you and your delusions know that isn’t possible, would totally settle with just smelling the seat. That makes me feel uncomfortable.

Posted in:Bike|Miley Cyrus