I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Jessel Pena is the Instagram Of The Day
Jessel Pena is the Instagram Of The Day
Heather Graham’s Old Flat Ass in a Bikini of the Day
Heather Graham’s Old Flat Ass in a Bikini of the Day
Em Rata Gets Called Out for Being a Titty Whore of the Day
Em Rata Gets Called Out for Being a Titty Whore of the Day
Brie Larson in the Great Outdoors of the Day
Brie Larson in the Great Outdoors of the Day
Sloppy Katy Perry is Rehearsing her Awkward Dances of the Day
Sloppy Katy Perry is Rehearsing her Awkward Dances of the Day

2008

11

Mar

stepLINKS of the Day

8 Comments »

I got this email:

Dear Sir,

I was surfing the internet, as I want to do, and somehow I think the devil himself made me stumble across your website. I have never in my life read such cruel, distasteful, and hurtful things in all my life! The people you criticize so harshly have dedicated their lives to working VERY HARD to become successful and you treat them like dirt, in addition to your disgusting personal editorial. I don’t know how you sleep at night. You need to go to church, I will pray for you.

Betsy Rogers
Des Moines, Iowa

I replied:

Thanks Betsy.

I appreciate the email. I am not sure what you are specifically making reference to, but I am glad the “Devil” brought us together.

I don’t believe that the devil actually exists and I guess that means I don’t think God does either. I know that I like to pretend I am the cumming of Christ sometimes, but usually only when I am cumming all over my wife’s ass….because my name is Jesus…she usually wipes it off, so I guess she’s doesn’t really believe in the whole coming of Christ shit either.

I know you don’t know me, but I do have issues with impotency, and sometimes I can’t fuck for weeks. That to me is the closest I’ve ever come to possessed by the devil. No, I’m not talking about my wife’s devil tattoo over he gaping vagina, which was pretty cute when she was younger, but since the weight gain looks more like Texas, I am talking about not being able to do something I really want to do that is out of my control. I guess like a paralyzed dude trying to run a marathon but only being able to roll passed the finish line kind of thing.

Either way, somehow my baby Jesus always shines through and makes an appearance like it was Good Friday and if there was a God, I’d totally give him a high five, but only after washing my hands, because my wife’s a squirter. I was always convinced she was just peeing on me, but we took a sample to the lab and it turns out she was just having really intense orgasms, which is amazing, considering I have no business or skills to make anyone cum, not even myself while watching really raunchy porn.

As for hurting your feelings by making fun of celebrities, all I have to say is that they put themselves out there and are financially compensated in their jobs for any shit I may spew. I am sure it doesn’t hurt their feeling because they are too busy sitting on beaches, doing cocaine and having pre-marital sex…..I think maybe you are confusing me for the devil, when in reality it’s these “role models” who are fuckin’ up the kids by making them image conscious, materialistic, vapid sluts who use their tits to get them ahead are really the devil’s work….maybe together we are on the same spiritual path. Send Nudes.

We should go grab a coffee next time I am in Des Moines, which may be never, since I am sure it’s as shitty there as it sounds and I’d rather be rockin’ out on the beaches of Cancun during college spring break than going to church with you, but if your tits are hot enough, maybe I’ll re-work my vacation plans.

Happy Easter,

Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here are my links:

Some Hot Fuckin’ Slut Showing Off Her Bra With Cum on her Face
GO

Hot Half Naked Party Girls
GO

THE DIRTIEST POLITICAL SEX SCANDALS
GO

A Whole Lot of Kim Kardashian Cuz You Want Her Fat Cunt
GO

Jenna Jameson’s Pussy for Peta
GO

Germany’s Next Top Model’s Leaked Topless Pics
GO

Some Crazy Huge Tit Video
GO

How To Get Rid of a Hickey
GO

Karen McDougall is Bruce Willis’ Girlfriend and This is Her Topless for Some Mag
GO

Some Hot Molly Simms Bikini Photoshoot Video
GO

Elisha Cuthbert Showing off a Hot Bikini Body
GO

Catherine Zeta-Jones Has Some Hot Tits
GO

Sunisa Kim and You Want to Fuck Her
GO

Here is a Bare Assed American Apparel Ad
GO

Some Slutty Rebecca Romijn Stamos Photoshoot Pics
GO

Her Name is Cherokee D’Ass and She’s Admitting To be a Hooker in This Dirty Video
GO

Top 10 Banana Blow Job Videos
GO

Mentos Rocket Cunt Punches a Chick Video
GO

Emily Scott Looks Pretty Amazing in This Photoshoot…
GO

Some Naked Blonde Amateur Chick
GO

Her Name is Louise Glover and She is a Rejected WWE Diva You Want to Fuck
GO

Some Horny Couple Fuck in Public
GO

You’ll Want to Fuck Miguel Tejada’s Wife
GO

Emma Watson has a Borderline Upskirt Moment
GO

Guess the Celebrity Side Boob
GO

MTV Banned This Gnarls Barkley Video
GO

How To Make a Bong Out of a SoBe Bottle
GO

Ivanka Trump is a Spoiled High Maintenance Cunt
GO

Here’s a Crazy Lowrider Video
GO

Some Party Girl Showing the Bottom of Her Tits
GO

Nothing Says Good Times Like a Set of Bouncing Boobs
GO

Some Security Guard Stripping a Girl Video
GO

The Tranny is Quitting Pussy Cat Dolls
GO

Amy Winehouse’s New Party Trick is Snorting Vodka
GO

Nicole Richie is Showing Off Some Pregnancy Tit
GO

New Orleans Mayor Supports Vaginas
GO

How To Make People Naked on Photoshop
GO

Nickelback Chad Kroeger Can Suck His Own Dick for Beer
GO

Some Giant Chick in a Chick Fight Video
GO

Some Coco’s Got Some Crazy Fuckin’ Ass
GO

Bush and McCain are Lovers
GO

American Idol Success Leads Sanjaya To Rockin’ Out at Bar Mitzvah’s
GO

Adriana Lima Ruins an Upskirt Moment
GO

Gene Simmons is Completely Bald – I just Thought He Had Bad Hair
GO

A Chick in Booty Shorts and a Bra Shows Us How To Do a Sexy Work Out While Doing the Laundry
GO

Some Jackass Dancing in His Car Deploys The Airbags Video
GO

A Whole Lot of Self Shot Amateur Slut Pictures
GO

This Jewish Kid Doesn’t Believe in God
GO

Dita Von Teese Does a Burlesque Show in Vegas Video
GO

Cindy Crawford’s Picture Perfect Family is Obnoxious
GO

Fuck With Webcam Sluts Cuz You Are Bored and They are Willing
GO

From Photobucket

Some Nasty Speckled Ass
GO

FROM THE FORUM

RUN DMC – Tougher Than Leather
GO

Grandmaster Flash – The Message
GO

The Blow – Poor aim love songs
GO

2 Louis XIV CDs
GO

Velvet Revolver – Melody and Tyranny
GO

Violent Femmes – Why do Birds Sing?
GO

Joss Stone – Mind Body and Soul
GO

Fat Joe – The Elephant in the Room
GO

What Aim!
GO

How do You Eat Your Pussy?
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Use this to Find Girls to FUck – Because Girls Make Sex More Fun
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

10

Mar

Patricia Heaton Doesn’t Have a Belly Button of the Day

38 Comments »

Here are some recent pictures of old lady Patrica Heaton in a bikini, something I could have died without never seeing, but that’s just because you all know how I feel about a bitch in a bikini who has no business being in a bikini, even if you’ve jerked off to her a few time when the only show on late night TV was an Everybody Loves Raymond re-run, because we all know that was just an act of desperation.

I know you are used to just staring at a girls vagina when you see her in a bikini, so if you just take your eyes off whatever the fuck she’s hiding in her bikini bottoms that make her pussy-sag, you’ll see that bitch doesn’t have a fucking belly button. I have no idea what the hell that means, maybe she’s a robot or maybe it’s some tummy tuck bi-product but whatever the fuck it is, it scares me. I guess the unfortunate thing for her is that they couldn’t have had the same disappearing effect on the rest of her sloppy body….I guess those advancements in medicine haven’t been made yet….but I am sure these superficial celebrities are pumping all kinds of money into it, why bother finding the cure to cancer and aids when you could invest in finding a way to make your ass look good enough to fuck….

Posted in:Bikini|Patricia Heaton|Saggy

2008

10

Mar

Danica McKellar’s Got Some Cleavage of the Day

14 Comments »

TV in the late 80s and 90s made me question my sexuality, not because I actually thought I was into dudes but because the girls they used to play the love interests on the shows were always pretty fuckin’ busted. I am talking about Winnie Cooper from the Wonder Years, Topanga from Boy Meets World, Claire Danes in My So Called Life and I am sure there were a lot more girls who were wrongfully casted on some Hayden Panettiere shit, but I was too busy getting drunk to care. They were successful into brainwashing the public into thinking these girls were worth jerking off to, while leaving people like me, who actually were into hot girls and not girls that were pretending to be hot confused because the guys on these shows along with every other easily manipulated horny teenage dude thought they were.

I always knew that if that bitch was at my school or lived in my suburb, the only dick she’d be getting would be from an uncle trying to live out some kind of sick fantasy, and I guess their careers since those shows just prove that I was right. I guess you can only trick us for so long TV.

Here is Danika McKellar at an event because I guess she still gets the occasional invite since their shows are still on TV even years after their 5 minutes dried up. I am just posting this as a reminder of how evil TV is.

Posted in:cleavage|Danica McKellar

2008

10

Mar

Paris Hilton’s Tits Rock Out With Good Charlotte Sister of the Day

7 Comments »

Paris made another appearance with the Good Charlotte sister, only this time it was in Vegas at a club because hosting events is pretty much the extent of Paris Hilton’s contribution to the world.

She is wearing some kind of miracle bra that would piss you off if you ever met a girl in a club with tits like this and brought her home to find out she’s staked like a 12 year old fat kid, but I guess that’s not really anything you’d know first hand, since the girls you get don’t actually exist and are just things you fantasize about in your depressing basement apartment.

I guess you could understand the frustration if you switched your fantasy up a little. So next time you jerk off, imagine the girl who you picked up at some exclusive event, with tits bigger than your head gets into your exotic sports car and starts suckin’ your 10 inch dick. Once you get her back to your luxury hotel suite that costs you 2500 dollars a night, but that doesn’t phase you because you’re so rich, she starts to undress. First the dress comes off, and her body is banging in some expensive sexy lingerie set and you pounce on her like a rabid dog. You go for her tits and all you find are silicone inserts and a really strong push-up wire bra that you awkwardly try to take off but can’t so she does it for you and next thing you know you’re trying to stick your dick into you best friend from elementary school who you spent everyday of summer vacation with.

I guess that’s the beauty of fantasy, they always go into weird dark places but no one needs to know how fucked the shit that makes you cum is. It’s your little secret to yourself. Kinda like when the Good Charlotte sister used to dyke out on each other back when they were 14 and experimenting their sexuality together. It’s their little secret that is only remembered by the matching soul-mate tattoos they got, but they never re-visit except when fuckin’ their 14 year old boy lookin’ girlfriends.

I guess the only thing faker than Paris’ Cleavage and Good Charlotte’s rockstar persona, because that shit is posing harder than the bra is squeezing her tits, is this staged relationship. Enjoy.

Posted in:cleavage|Good Charlotte|Paris Hilton|Tits

2008

10

Mar

I am Not the Britney Spears Stalker but You May Be of the Day

3 Comments »

It turns out that Britney Spears has a stalker and unfortunately it isn’t me. This is the kind of media attention that would really take the site to the next level, not to mention getting charged as a celebrity stalker would be a hell of a lot better than the other crimes I’ve been charged for, which are actually all really embarrassing, like the time I got charged for kidnapping my neighbor’s cat because bitch wouldn’t stop making noise complaints against me or the all the times I got arrested for public drunkenness when all I was going for was a couple of laughs from my friends when strolling around the park naked that unfortunately happened when there was a group of kids playing there leading to a way more serious offense, but I managed to get off and not the way you would, you sick fuck.

Either way, here’s the story:

“It started about six weeks ago with just letters being sent once a week, and then it quickly escalated to larger packages that now arrive two to three times a week — always to the same L.A. address, but never to one of Britney’s homes.”

And according to the source, it’s a good thing these boxes never made it to the still-recovering singer’s doorstep, because what’s inside could not be good for her mental state.

“The first thing you see when you open the box is a huge, lavender-colored, battery-operated sex toy, still with the price tag on it.” And alongside the mechanical apparatus are two letters — one handwritten and one written on a computer — both threatening and pornographic in nature.

“The handwritten one is on note paper and it’s written in a crazy, all-caps chicken scratch,” says the source, who adds that the five-page typed letter contains vivid, pornographic details of the writer’s fantasy exploits with Britney, none of which can be printed here.

That doesn’t sound like a stalker to me, it sound like someone lookin’ for a good time and Britney should appreciate the attention she’s getting from him, because most dudes have thrown their Britney fantasies into the back of their masturbation catalog because she’s so fuckin’ damaged.

If anything, dude’s doing her a favor by sending her a vibrator to service herself, because it will get her in a lot less trouble than an actual penis that will lead to pregnancy, then losing her babies and being forced to pay the motherfucker crazy amounts of money for life and shit, which turns out to be a lot more expensive than just pullin’ a whack.

It’s like giving a rapist a rubber vagina to have his way with to keep him off our women and the fact that the price tag is still on it, just proves that it’s never been used and is good to go without giving it a wash down. Every girl I’ve ever given a vibrator to has had to soak that fucker in bleach because it had seen more dirty pussy than a gynecologist in the poor part of town. Dude even went so far to give her erotic stories to use the vibrator with and if anything dude’s just a romantic and not a threat to the world, because I usually just throw on the dirtiest porn I can find to get a girl in the mood, I stay as far away from writing drug store erotica to get bitch in the fuckin’ mood. So if motherfucker is being labeled a stalker, I wonder what the girl who I followed home and left a pair of her panties that I stole from the laundry mat that I jerked off on or even the girl who caught me in her closet wearing one of her dresses after breaking into her apartment thinks of me…

Either way, I just wish that the cake I made Britney and planned on mailing out to her before my wife got her greasy hands on it and ate made it to her….because then maybe I’d be on my way to being the next K-Fed and not one of you…..

Posted in:Britney Spears|stalker

2008

10

Mar

Ashton Kutcher’s New Show Fucks with Us of the Day

3 Comments »

So a while ago I told some TV show producer that I wanted to do a show where we get celebrities to fuck with the media by pulling pranks that all the celeb sites to cover as fact because that’s how obsessed the motherfucker’s are with celebrities.

Obviously, I didn’t get the show because I am still writing this shitty site for no money and I don’t even know how to write, but I did mail it in on a cocktail napkin to some dude did call me back to tell me that me that Ashton Kutcher may produce it. I also sent it to Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and a few other people’s myspace. Well, I never got called back but I did get an email that said Ashton launched a new show called Pop Fiction, where the celebs do pranks on the media and come out with the truth after they fooled all of us.

The first stunt was Paris Hilton seeing an indian priest in what we all thought was her hoping alternative medicine will cure her terminal illness (aids) since the daily medical regiment she has to take daily has been hard on her little stomach, but unfortunately, the only aids this bitch has is the person who wrote her books and runs her business as she sleeps all day and does coke/cock all night.

The second stunt was Avril Lavigne going shopping with a baby bump under her shirt so the people would speculate that her annoying little ass was knocked up. They went so far as to have Avril’s friends email certain blogs confirming the story with “hot tips”, something I’d never believe if I got one, because no one reads my site, so I’d know it was some fucker trying to fuck with me, but these other blogs who think they are actually the media and bringers of news feel like they are Barbara Walters when that happens and publish the stories…and celebrate that shit over a bottlle of wine or some shit, like they’ve really made it.

I guess it’s good to know that celebrities have nothing better to do than get back at us for talking about them. It’s like that time the dude who worked at McDonald’s punched me in the face for buying their burgers. I think they should just appreciate the fact that we buy their smut and go to their fuckin’ movies and make them a lot of fucking money talking about their useless existance. They should leave us the fuck alone and let us watch their boring fuckin’ rich lives because they are more interesting than our lives and stop trying to trick us, like the jocks in fuckin’ highschool. I guess it’s them against us and the war has just been declared, so it’s on.

This whole spitting on the people who make them who they are is more obnoxious than them just being themselves. I can only hope that the next Pop Fiction prank is the 500,000 dollars Demi Moore spent excessively on plastic surgery while the rest of the country is poor and homeless, was actually on a sex change because after seeing the kind of shit her uterus menstruates (Rumer WIllis), she realized she had no business having one….and a dick makes fuckin’ Ashton’s hot pink man pussy a lot easier than the strap on he always begged for….

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

07

Mar

Claudia Schiffer’s Hot Mom Body of the Day

8 Comments »

I get a lot of hate mail from both men and women for making fun of pregnancy and how it rapes your body. I say shit like the reason a woman loves her baby so much is because of that baby, no other man will ever love her. It’s kinda like how every girl I’ve ever dated has turned lesbian for a couple of years after dating me, and it’s not because I was too much man and destroyed them physically, it’s more like I’m vile and turned them off the gender as a whole because I am just that good at being vile, but I gotta give it to Claudia Schiffer, she’s really bounced back and has a nice slim body after making babies. Sure her ass is kinda flat, but I’d take a mom with a flat ass over a fat ass, but then again my opinion is not fact since she’s wearing pants and I can’t see the kind of damage passing that kid has done to her vagina…I heard she couldn’t walk for a week…no wait that was you, after letting your friend fuck you up the ass because you were dying for human contact and didn’t care where it came from…..

Posted in:Body|Claudia Schiffer|Hot|Mom

2008

07

Mar

Jennifer Hawkins Undressing Some Model of the Day

2 Comments »

Jennifer Hawkins is some Miss Universe contestant from Australia and she’s now taken on work as a stripper, but not the conventional kind of stripper we love, the kind of stripper who pulls sheets of girls to unveil some kind of bikini or lingerie clothing line in some kind of promotional bullshit. I know that I am more into seeing girls strip girls in Spring Break videos because I don’t have the budget to go in person, or even the kind of stripping that involves a pole and private dances for 10 dollars a song, but I guess I am just old school and have trouble adapting to the changing times. Maybe that’s why I am scared to get off my salvation army couch, that’s seen a fair share of my ass and only cost me 40 dollars…this couch is cheaper than any woman ever has been and it’s much more supportive. I feel like you when you rationalize your relationship with a rubber vagina, see we do have so much in common.

Posted in:Jennifer Hawkins|Model Bra|Undressing

2008

07

Mar

Kristin Cavallari in a See Through Top of the Day

No Comments »

So Kristin Cavallari is the most recent victim of wearing a black shirt for high powered flashes and you can kind of make out her bra. I know this is a huge deal to you because that bra is so close to her tits that it’s pretty much touching her nipples and that’s something that you can’t even get to happen, even after introducing lots of alcohol and sedatives to your date.

That bra actually has a much better life than you have, not only does it get to play with her tits by tricking her into thinking it is a utility, but it also gets to spend the night on the floor after being ripped off by some dude and watch her get fucked from behind. I guess the realization that you are envious of a bra is a pretty depressing realization, but I think it’s inspirational because at least you know what you want out of life, even if it’ll never happen, but my bet is that there will be one old, ugly, useless bitch desperate enough to find you charming and she’ll let you play with her tits as long as you promise to give her a baby…

Posted in:Bra|Kristin Cavallari|See Through|Tits

2008

07

Mar

Kristen Bell Showing Off Cleavage of the Day

9 Comments »

Kristen Bell and I connected at the soul because we were featured in the same magazine and if that’s not love. I don’t know know what love is. No seriously, I really don’t know what love is. All the love I’ve ever lied to myself about having has been for personal gain or for booze.

Either way, here’s Kristen Bell showing some cleavage at an Alzheimer’s party, because you know you can never forget how to get down proper….no matter how much you forget everything else about your life. In reality, the party only really gets started when Alzheimers becomes full blown dementia, because nothing gets the party started like flinging feces at the guests while screaming insanities…it’s so in style right now that celebrities like Britney Spears have started sporting the look.

Ok, enough of this stupidity, just look at her tits. Pervert..

Posted in:cleavage|Kristen Bell