DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

07

Nov

I am – Jessica Biel is an Idiot of the Day

I can only assume that Jessica Biel is taking pictures of the one paparazzi that Splash or x17 or TMZ sent to cover the exciting Jessica Biel getting out of her car story to prove to her friends and family back home that people actually do follow her around and care about her existence, she’s not just making the whole thing up like she is with her “vagina”. I think it’s time for her to just give up her act and make a video of Justin doing his choreographed dance while singing in his high pitched voice while her huge cock plays the microphone.

What we don’t see in these pictures, is that the paparazzi that was sent to the exciting Jessica Biel getting out of her car story wasn’t actually the paparazzi at all, but the immigrant Janitor who was forced to take the CEO’s kid out to the dentist because he forgot to empty the trash the day before and this was his punishment. The boss is too busy raping all of the celebrity blogs up the ass to be an involved parent and figured why not give them a camera, just in case they run into someone who may be famous and by famous I mean fucking Justin Timberlake, because other than her shitty Adam Sandler movie she hasn’t been too busy since Seventh Heaven fired her for being a whore in Details magazine. I wonder what her preacher father thinks of her and her homosexual relationship now, but I bet he’s not very tolerant.

I don’t know where I am going with this, but I hate when celebs or people who think they are celebs because they were on a TV show a long time ago because they had big tits and decided to stay in LA hoping someone throws some table scraps of a job their way, take pictures of the paparazzi. I would rather they do something a little more crafty, like make Christmas Ornaments, or pullin’ out her dick and pissing on them, kinda like Hayden Panettiere does every time no one’s watchin’ and doesn’t have to pee sitting down pretending she’s a lady. I told you I’d mention her in every post today and I am a man of my word.

Related Posts:

Jessica Biel GQ Bikini Pictures
Jessica Biel in a Gay Porn Moment
Jessica Biel Taking Out the Trash in Her Robe
Jessica Biel Making Sex Faces

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Man|Paparazzi|Unsorted

2007

07

Nov

I am – Heidi Klum Reliving The Past of the Day

1 Comment »

I always like watching middle-aged women trying to relive their youth. I was walking down the street the other day and saw some annoying mother with her two tween daughters wearing the same fucking outfit. They all had tights, UGGS, cellphones with decorative bullshit on them and were all drinking an iced coffee drink from Starbucks like they were Hayden Panettiere, who by the way, I decided to mention in every post today. They were all talking like annoying fucking teenage girls and for some reason, it made me want to take the mom’s virginity, even though it was long gone.

I was at a bar the other day and saw a group of older bitches trying to rock out to Soulja Boy. They were laughing and having a good time, which was good because based on their looks they didn’t have much else going for them and it was nice to see that despite their shortcomings and bad aging, they could still have a good time. I don’t think they had any idea what the Soulja Boy song or the dance was, but they were wasted and looking for husbands. It was funny realizing that I am the same age as they are but I am way more in tune with pop culture….I got my finger on the pulse of that shit thanks to the internet being my social life and everyone knows that doing an old lady dirty get me pregnant so I can have meaning in my useless lonely one night stand filled life old lady dance to Soulja Boy just doesn’t fly, like Superman….Crank Dat.

Either way, here is Heidi Klum back on the runway for her Project Runway show, that I like to call the retirement plan, because bitch is too old to model, but still looks better than you do when you put on your mom’s heels and pose in front of the mirror, fruitcake.

Related Posts:

Heidi
Heidi Klum’s Pregnancy Weight
Heidi Klum Tight Bodied Post-Pregnant in an Expensive Bikini
Heidi Klum’s Camel Toe, From When I was on Blogger…We’ve Come So Far Together

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Model|Runway|Unsorted

2007

07

Nov

I am – Megan Fox Has Hard Nipples of the Day

2 Comments »

Megan Fox is pretty much one of the hottest actors in Hollywood right now and that’s not really saying much because I am more of a model kind of guy than an actor kind of guy, so I don’t get too excited about actors or singers being hot ever, but then again I don’t get excited for much, not even Christmas.

The reason I don’t like actors is that they remind me of circus performers. They are convinced that they’ve got some kind of talent because they can make themselves cry on demand or memorize words, and the industry pats them on the back because it lines their pockets, stroking the actor’s egos, making them think they are way more important to the world than they really are. My neighbor’s kid cries on demand every time his dad hits him and I heard him reciting the alphabet the other day so dude may be 3 but he could be the next Hayden Panettiere, he just has to grow his hair out.

The other reason I don’t like actors is because they are short and in an ideal world, girls would have legs that pretty much end at my face and models do. The model lifestyle is also a lot more interesting to me because they go out and party, do a lot of drugs, sit on beaches because their work is about as demanding as just showing up on time, and if they are big enough, they set the time they start and they make insane money for just being hot.

Either way, here are Megan Fox’s nipples that the dude from 90210 sucks, and better cherish the fucking moment, because she’ll eventually realize that he’s a joke and even if he’s got a big dick, she’ll be movin’ on to less embarrassing dudes because she won’t need their failure to make her feel better about her career, cuz that shit’s about to pop.

Related Posts:

Megan Fox Hot in Red
Megan Fox Hot in Shorts
Megan Fox in Skate Shoes With Her Asshole Boyfriend
Megan Fox Grabs Her Boyfriend’s Boner

Posted in:Hot|Megan Fox|Nipples|Tits|Unsorted

2007

07

Nov

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

2 Comments »

I still haven’t sorted out my internet connection, so I am all fucking confused. The internet is my second best friend besides booze. I was trying to interview some crackheads tonight that I found in an alley and they weren’t too into the whole thing and ended up going fucking insane on me. When I asked if they’d suck my dick for crack money, they lost it. I wasn’t going to actually let them do it, it was all for comedic purposes. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a camera, I was just doing it for my own personal entertainment. Maybe next time…

Here are my links:

NYC’s Hottest Models
GO

Some Crazy Old Black Crackhead Has it Out with the Cops
GO

Nicola Roberts has a Panty Upskirt
GO

Yamila Diaz, Heidi Klum, Petra Nemcova and Daniela Pestova Shoot For Sports Illustrated Video
GO

Some Girl Showing Off Her Disgusting Fake Basketball Tits
GO

Rihanna at the World Music Awards With Her Tits
GO

Alessandra Ambrosio for Armani Exchange
GO

Game Show Host Beats Up His Guests
GO

Some Arab Chick Shows Off Her Tits on Webcam
GO

Check Out the Most Beautiful Ass in the World…
GO

Amy Fisher is Suing the Porn Company that is Going to Release Her Sex Tape
GO

Jessica Simpson Almost Falling Over in a Dress
GO

Keira Knightley is Jokes in an Elle Interview
GO

Kate Moss’ Dirty Mattress Makes me Horny, Not Because Kate Moss Shit Herself, But Because Dirty Mattresses are Fucking Sexy
GO

Eva Longoria Gives the Writes on Strike Pizza
GO

Some Teacher Beats the Fuck Out Of His Student
GO

Katie Holmes New Movie is Under Lock and Key and It’s Going to Suck Harder Than Tom Cruise in a Back Alley
GO

Hilary Duff Gives Lap Dances cuz Every Girl Dreams of Being a Stripper
GO

Hayden Panettiere Leaves the Gym Lookin’ Tough
GO

Some Asshole Shoots Off AssRockets
GO

Katherine Heigl Smoking Pictures for Horny Lohan Wanker
GO

Jail Bait of the Day is Actually Legal…
GO

Ron Jeremy Parodies Britney Spears’ Gimme More A Few Months Too Late
GO

Leticia Cline and Her Friend Showing Off Their Tits
GO

Brande Roderick for Playboy Pictures
GO

Ashley Tisdale Photoshoot Video
GO

Glamour Women of the Year Awards
GO

Asian’s Eat a Live Fish Because They Are Weird
GO

Lohan’s Loser Boyfriend is Already Making Statements About Lohan’s Mom and Their Move to their New Pad in NYC…Dude’s Won the Lottery But It’s Not Going to Last
GO

Lily Allen is the New Fat Chick for Agent Provocateur
GO

Some Chick Named Candice Michelle’s Bikini Photoshoot
GO

Some Band Named Endever After’s New NSFW Video With Titties and Girl on Girl Action
GO

In response to the 30 Reasons Movement on Facebook – This Site Compiled Their Own Collection of Drunken Sluts from Facebook. I wish I was smart enough to get the same publicity as the guy who started his facebook group, because 30 reasons is a lot easier to write than this site for 3 years. I am Bitter. Look at the sluts:
GO

Some Lesbian Chicks Gallery
GO

Blondes from The Girls Next Door, The Real Housewives of Orange County and Sunset Tan Talking About Useless Shit in Bikinis
GO

Some Amateur Nudist
GO

Halle Berry Naked Sex Scene from Monster’s Ball – Vintage
GO

The Winona Ryder Sex Scene that Sucks So Much It’s Not Banned on YouTube Video
GO

Local Virgin is Considering IPO of her Vagina
GO

Kids are Getting High Off Human Waste
GO

Monica Bellucci in Some Trasy Lingerie Photoshoot
GO

Watch the Naked Pumpkin Run Video
GO

Spankrock’s New Dirty Video Called Pu$$y by Splunny
GO

Ron Jeremy’s Got a Coffee Table Book
GO

Some Goth Chick Takes a Picture of Herself
GO

Lucy Pinder Topless
GO

Petra Nemcova’s Blowing Some Kisses
GO

Some Webcam Chick – Webcammin’
GO

Crave Online Interviews The Cast Of Family Guy
GO

A Whole Lot of Micro-Bikini Action
GO

This Will Get You Laid
GO

School Girl Cream Pies Only Gets an 80
GO

From the Forum:

Download Rihanna – The Singles Collection Because You Are Probably Single
GO

Download Pink Floydd
GO

Download Maxim’s Porno Goes Pop
GO

Download the PDF of some Hustler Magazine
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

06

Nov

I am – Tyra Banks Talking About Vagina of the Day

11 Comments »

I was emailed this video from someone and basically Tyra tells her audience to go home and take out a pocket mirror to check out their box to see what they are dealing with, kinda like what you do with your asshole every night before sticking things in it, weirdo. The fact that her audience don’t know anything about their vaginas is fucking obscure to me, because ever girl I have ever met has been pretty good friends with her vagina and so was every guy who had ever crossed their path. Maybe I’m hanging with the wrong crowd and should hunt down bitches who have no idea how their cunt’s work, but I have a feeling that someone who knows what’s going on in their pants is a lot more willing to let me find out what’s going on in her pants too, kinda like sharing the wealth, than some bitch who pretended her vagina never existed all her life.

To me, there is no perfect vagina, I’ve come across so many variations and they all feel the same, so girls who are insecure that your pussy looks like a roast beef sandwich, don’t worry about it. Guys are fucking horny and desperate and have no issues sticking things in your brown-edged, pink, meaty junk. Tyra, I’m talking to you.

Related Posts:

Tyra Touchign Her Tits
ANTM – CariDee English in a Blue Dress
ANTM – Naked Photoshoot
ANTM – Melrose Topless Pics

Posted in:Tyra Banks|Unsorted|Vagina

2007

06

Nov

I am – Alyson Hannigan Lookin’ Good in her Pajamas of the Day

1 Comment »

I am a huge fan of low maintenance girls who can just role out of bed and go out and do their errands lookin’ hot as fuck without any effort, while rocking a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. It’s some natural beauty shit that you never really get to experience, because most people look like shit when they wake up.

Here are some pictures of Alyson Hannigan rockin’ out in her pajamas like she just woke up and she’s doing it as well as she can, because let’s face it, the only way this bitch will ever look hot is if someone replaced her with a new cast member and locked her away in some cage in a basement or some shit. Even when she is made up and out at events , she still looks like a fuckin’ monster, and I’d love to just blame it one her being a Ginger because Gingers generally scare the fuck out of me since they aren’t human and spawns of the devil, but I think it’s got more to do with her face.

I guess we can keep dreaming that one day Alyson Hannigan will be replaced like she was on a soap opera or like she was the mother on Fresh Prince of Bel Air, or like an old condemned building being torn down and replaced with luxury condos and no one would really notice the change, because all of a sudden this bitch no one notices now will become some hot slut we all want to bang and will just accept the new version as if the old falling apart version never existed.

Either way, here she is lookin’ low maintenance, like she just crawled out of bed, like the hot chicks I see running errands or studying in the library, when she should be putting all the effort and money she can into herself if she ever wants dudes jerking off to her, which she does, because all girls want that.

Related Posts:

Alyson Hannigan in Fuck Me Boots (no thanks)
Alyson Hannigan Bikini Pictures
More Alyson Hannigan Bikini Pictures

Posted in:Alyson Hannigan|Busted|Gross|Ugly|Unsorted

2007

06

Nov

I am – Alyson Hannigan Lookin' Good in her Pajamas of the Day

1 Comment »

I am a huge fan of low maintenance girls who can just role out of bed and go out and do their errands lookin’ hot as fuck without any effort, while rocking a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. It’s some natural beauty shit that you never really get to experience, because most people look like shit when they wake up.

Here are some pictures of Alyson Hannigan rockin’ out in her pajamas like she just woke up and she’s doing it as well as she can, because let’s face it, the only way this bitch will ever look hot is if someone replaced her with a new cast member and locked her away in some cage in a basement or some shit. Even when she is made up and out at events , she still looks like a fuckin’ monster, and I’d love to just blame it one her being a Ginger because Gingers generally scare the fuck out of me since they aren’t human and spawns of the devil, but I think it’s got more to do with her face.

I guess we can keep dreaming that one day Alyson Hannigan will be replaced like she was on a soap opera or like she was the mother on Fresh Prince of Bel Air, or like an old condemned building being torn down and replaced with luxury condos and no one would really notice the change, because all of a sudden this bitch no one notices now will become some hot slut we all want to bang and will just accept the new version as if the old falling apart version never existed.

Either way, here she is lookin’ low maintenance, like she just crawled out of bed, like the hot chicks I see running errands or studying in the library, when she should be putting all the effort and money she can into herself if she ever wants dudes jerking off to her, which she does, because all girls want that.

Related Posts:

Alyson Hannigan in Fuck Me Boots (no thanks)
Alyson Hannigan Bikini Pictures
More Alyson Hannigan Bikini Pictures

Posted in:Alyson Hannigan|Busted|Gross|Ugly|Unsorted

2007

06

Nov

I am – Liv Tyler Needs More than Make-Up to be Pretty of the Day

2 Comments »

I guess the unfortunate thing for Liv Tyler is that the make-up she’s buying isn’t going to do much for her busted face except for maybe make little kids happy and ask her for some balloon animals. It’s not like the shit is the re-constructive surgery in a bottle that she would be better off getting but that’s only because I think she’s ugly and you probably don’t and neither does she, otherwise she’d spend some her hard earned Aerosmith Daddy Was Never Part of My LIfe as a Kid But His Guilt has Given Me a Career and a Hefty Trust Fund and Inheritance that My Groupie Mother Could Have Never Delivered On…on some plastic surgery. Either way, I hate Aerosmith and everything they have produced including Liv Tyler…..the abortion his groupie should have had but realized it coulda been a solid meal ticket, like winning the fucking lottery.

P.S. I know the real story is that her mom was a slut of a model who banged musicians and she just thought that Liv was her boyfriend’s kid and not Steven Tyler’s because she probably didn’t want the boyfriend knowing she was slamming the dude from Aerosmith on the side and either would you, not because cheating is wrong, but because Steven Tyler is. None of that really matters and the true story kinda ruined my post. Thanks truth, it’s true, you really do hurt.

Related Posts:

Steven Tyler is a Clown of the Day
Fergie and Steve Tyler Rock Out Together

Posted in:Liv Tyler|Make-Up|Ugly|Unsorted

2007

06

Nov

I am – Leelee Sobiesky’s Tits at Some Event of the Day

1 Comment »

My internet has been down the last 4 hours and by my internet, I mean the wireless connection I steal from someone in the neighborhood, which actually surprises me because everyone around here are hurting more than I am, but that’s only because I have a wife on disability, paying all my shit for me and I distract myself from my unhappiness with this site. So I called tech support for every internet company I could find in the phonebook and no one was willing to help me because I have no idea who’s connection I am stealing and they don’t seem to keen on helping people who call complaining about connections they steal being down, I think I should write them a letter because I think that’s discrimination but that’s not the point, the point is that I am back on now and so are Leelee Sobieski’s tits at some event, because you all know I don’t discriminate against big tits because they make an ugly woman much more appealing to fuck, unless she is fat, in which case you just close your eyes and ride that shit out, all over the floor.

Related Posts:

Leelee Sobieski is Boring as Fuck on Halloween
Leelee Sobieski Has Big Tits in PVC
Leelee Sobieski Has Big Tits in a Bow Tie
Leelee Sobieski Has Big Tits in a Dress

Posted in:cleavage|Leelee Sobieski|Tits|Unsorted

2007

06

Nov

I am – Leelee Sobiesky's Tits at Some Event of the Day

No Comments »

My internet has been down the last 4 hours and by my internet, I mean the wireless connection I steal from someone in the neighborhood, which actually surprises me because everyone around here are hurting more than I am, but that’s only because I have a wife on disability, paying all my shit for me and I distract myself from my unhappiness with this site. So I called tech support for every internet company I could find in the phonebook and no one was willing to help me because I have no idea who’s connection I am stealing and they don’t seem to keen on helping people who call complaining about connections they steal being down, I think I should write them a letter because I think that’s discrimination but that’s not the point, the point is that I am back on now and so are Leelee Sobieski’s tits at some event, because you all know I don’t discriminate against big tits because they make an ugly woman much more appealing to fuck, unless she is fat, in which case you just close your eyes and ride that shit out, all over the floor.

Related Posts:

Leelee Sobieski is Boring as Fuck on Halloween
Leelee Sobieski Has Big Tits in PVC
Leelee Sobieski Has Big Tits in a Bow Tie
Leelee Sobieski Has Big Tits in a Dress

Posted in:cleavage|Leelee Sobieski|Tits|Unsorted