I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2007

16

Nov

I am – People Who Attended the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of the Day

vs_arrivals_top.jpg

Some dude just dropped a your mom joke on me and I fucking love your mom jokes, not because I find them that inspiring or creative and totally played the fuck out, but because my mom died when I was a kid and I like to reverse the your mom joke on the motherfucker because any normal person feels bad about droppin that shit on me and that is a lot funnier than saying “your mom” or “that’s what your mom said”. So today I told some dude that he’s awesome for hooking me up with something and he said “that’s what your mom said” and I said:

You know my mom? I thought she died when i was 5…I guess she just ran away from us and the priest who ran the orphanage told us she had died because he didn’t want us feeling like we were abandoned. Tell her I say hi and that I expect my birthday and christmas gifts from the last 32 years in cash.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here are pictures of the arrivals of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, because I know that girls get off on seeing other girls in their lingerie. It’s like some competitive shit that makes them feel sexy and insecure and makes them want to suck their boyfriend’s dick harder than ever all at the same time, in some weird trying to reclaim that they are the most desirable vagina or some shit.

Hayden Panettiere’s Researching for the Day She Graduates Out of Her Midget Training Bra

Stacy Keibler’s Legs Need a Bra of their Own….cuz They Are So Long, They Are Like a Person of Their Own

Eva Longoria is Mexican and Doesn’t Buy Her Underwear in Packs of 6 from Wal Mart

Rachel Leigh Cook’s Cleavage Lookin’ For Support

Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge because they are Useless

Kat Von D wearing some Crazy fucking Pants cuz She’s Such an Original and Not Trying Hard at All….

Ana Oritz because She’s Got Some Good Cleavage, But I have No Idea Who She Is…


Related Posts:

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Picture

Posted in:Arrivals|Audrina Patridge|Eva Longoria|Hayden Panettiere|Kat Von D|Lauren Conrad|Rachel Leigh Cook|Stacy Keibler|Unsorted|Victoria's Secret

2007

16

Nov

I am – The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of the Day

vs_fashion_show.jpg

Here’s a big surprise for you, I had no idea that the Victoria’s Secret fashion show was going down last night because I am bad at this shit and generally don’t really care about shit that’s going on. So it was a morning email surprise and now I have a ton of pictures of the event to share with you, so you don’t have to watch the shit when it hits your TV later in the year, or whenever the fuck they air them because your mom will probably be watching them too, and it’s always embarrassing getting a boner with your mom on the couch next to you.

Either way I usually feel like a virgin faggot when I finish writing a post on cleavage or hot asses, because I am more into creeping on girls in real life than writing shit about celebrities I don’t care about on the internet, but the difference in this post is that I do care. I have a thing for Bikini and Lingerie models that you probably understand and have made a point in my life to marry one. Since that never worked out for me I’ve always dated half-rate, discount, bargain basements, last weeks kitchen garbage, versions of bikini models, because let’s face it, my wife would have it going on if she got Gastric Bypass, lost 200 lbs and got surgery to remove the excess skin that left huge scars and stretch marks all over her body, breast implants and maybe even a new face and time machine that turned her 25 again….so in a lot of ways I guess I am dating a Lingerie/Bikini model, I just don’t know it because I am too negative to see what I have before my eyes because she’s fucking disgusting lookin….when if I look really deep, beneath all that disgusting is a hot girl suffocating to death….

Bonus – Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham and Geri “Ginger Spice” Haliwell Performing at Half Time…..


Related Posts:

The Victoria’s Secret Angels Fly Virgin
Live Bloggin’ the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Last Year
Lima, Kurkova and Gisele at a Perfume Launch

Posted in:Adriana Lima|Fashion Show|Heidi Klum|Lingerie|Unsorted|Victoria's Secret

2007

16

Nov

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

picture-78.jpg

I have a cold and feel like I am dying but that’s a big deal because I always feel like I am dying, but today it is bad enough for me to not drink and that depresses me because it’s thursday night and that’s the best night to go creep on young girls. I’d be sad about it but I have no heart so it never burns, just when i pee but that’s a whole other issue that I am not going to get into because I’d rather just give you my links….

Here are my links.

Some Crazy Fat Tits on Mamie Van Doren
GO

Britney Spears Walking Around With Her Ass Hanging Out Pictures
GO

Some Teen Shaking her Tight Booty Amazingness
GO

Dude Shove His Roommates Toothbrush Up His Ass and Films Him Using It
GO

The Sophie Monk Nude Scene Video Amazingness
GO

Pam Anderson Brain Washing Homeless People By Giving them Free Vegetarian Food
GO

This Loser Called in Sick TO Work on Halloween, But Posted These Pics on Facebook and Got Caught
GO

How About Some Pictures of a Hot Anorexic Bitch Showing Off How Flexible She Is
GO

This is the Nipple Song
GO

Some Girls Aren’t Built for Microbikinis….This is One of them
GO

Some Nude Latina on the Beach Lookin’ Better Than I Look on the Beach
GO

Some Chick Named Fearne Cotton in Pictures
GO

Lohan Goes To Jail for A Little Over an Hour….Enough Time to Get Raped By Me, I Only Need About 2 Minutes
GO

Kylie Minogue’s Nipple in a Wet T-Shirt
GO

Bill Gates At a Kelly Clarkson Concert Because Clearly Money Doesn’t By Taste
GO

Ashlee Simpson and Her Gay Boyfriend – Together in Love
GO

Rose McGowan Topless and Getting Fucked in Some Movie….Vintage But Good Times…and I am all About the Good Times
GO

Sexploitation Movie About “Weird Love Makers”
GO

Paris Hilton Grinding the Stripper Pole Better than She Grinds a Dick Video
GO

Alessandra Ambrosio in a Silk Robe to Promote the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
GO

Amy Winehouse Dealing With the Cops in Her Bra
GO

Hilary Duff Taking her Ass To Pilates
GO

A Natalie Portman Almost Upskirt Moment
GO

Hot Alligator Porn
GO

Britney Spears Running Over Another Photographer’s Foot
GO

Jennifer Ellison Lingerie Pics for you to Make Love To Yourself With
GO

The Sexy Chopstick Bra
GO

The Smell Yo Dick Song
GO

You Need Some “Period Fisting” In Your Life, Cuz You are Weird
GO

A Transformers Costume for the Virgins Out There
GO

LA Clippers Cheerleader Has a Secret Talent and It’s Not Very Sexy
GO

Some Guy’ Reaction to 2 Girls 1 Cup
GO

Some Brazilian Sisters Getting Naked and Wet Together to a Bad Song
GO

Some Psycho Bitch Going Crazy On People at a Party
GO

Some Dude Gets Caught Fucking His Bike
GO

Britney Spears Either Has a Bad Wax Job, Smeared Her Make-Up or is Having a Herpes Outbreak….Either Way, Her Lip Rash Is Making Me Feel Sexy, based on comparison of course…
GO

Ana Beatriz in a Hot Photoshoot
GO

Petra Nemcova is Hot at a Movie Premiere
GO

Pete Doherty is Snorting Drugs on Camera Again
GO

Some Monkey Reliving 2 Girls 1 Cup
GO

Sean Connery Claims He Lost His Virginity When he Was 18
GO

Some Cam Girl Ripping Off Her Shirt Video
GO

The Most Intense Fucking Machine a Nerd’s Ever Built Ever…
GO

Some Girls in Sports Bras Doing the Daft Punk Dance
GO

Some Man in the Fridge Prank
GO

Burnt Asshole Video
GO

This is the Sluttiest Way to Drink Water I’ve Ever Seen
GO

Some Teen Shows Her Tits and Box on Webcam…..And The Person She Showed Releases it for all of Us…
GO

Santa is Banned from saying “HO HO HO” in Australia because it is Demeaning to Women Because All Women are Whores….and Don’t Like Being Called Out on It
GO

David Letterman is Personally Paying All His Non-Writing Staff When Other Networks Have Fired Those Motherfuckers….What a Nice Guy…
GO

Dita Von Teese in NYC Cuz You Like Dead People in Lingerie
GO

Some Old Video of Some Bitch Dancing
GO

Nomal Girls Grabbing Cock Because They Are Drunk And All Girls Are Sluts
GO

Some Dirty Photobucket Album
GO

Ron’s Apartment is a Porn Site You May Like
GO

Use this Spray to Get Laid
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – Heidi Klum’s Naked in a Magazine of the Day

heidi_klum_max_naked4.jpg

So these pictures from some Max Magazine hit today and they are of Heidi Klum, not lookin’ like Heidi Klum with some kind of sheer sheet artistically covering her goods, which was probably done intentionally because who knows what damage Seal and his babies have done to her box, if shit looks anything like his face, I don’t care how hot a bitch is, that shit better stay under wraps, like an Orthodox Jewish couple trying to make babies through the sheet, so dude doesn’t have to make any contact with the bitch, but still gets to fuck her because fuckin’ her is what makes them babies to build their own army to take over the world. If that shit was a movie, it’d be called Bad News Jews.

I was always so disappointed every time I’d get with a hot girl who had a perfect body only to find out that her vagina either looked like a pinkish brown bowl of cottage cheese or smelled like a fuckin’ sewer. I am sure I wasn’t as disappointed as they were when they found out that my penis looked more like a vagina that their vagina did, because let’s face it, girls like huge cock and not over-sized clits, unless they are lesbians/rape victims, in which case they don’t like any cock, and I never really minded fucking a bowl of cottage cheese, as long as it wasn’t too cold…because I have no real standards.

Either way, here are those Klum magazine pics:


Related Posts:

Heidi Klum Relives the Past
Heidi Klum is a Cat on Halloween
Heidi Klum Likes Black People
Heidi Klum Does All The Work While Seal Watches

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Magazine|Naked|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – Hilary Duff Leaving a Massage Parlor of the Day

hilary_duff_massage_top.jpg

Finally, Hilary Duff and you have something in common. These are pictures of her leaving a massage parlor, something you’ve got a lot of experience with, but you usually sneak out of that shit with a hood on a 4 am because you don’t want us knowing you get hand jobs from 40 year old asian bitches.

I went to a massage parlor a few times, I didn’t have the money to do the rub and tug shit, and I didn’t really want her dirty hand job hands rubbin’ me up and down, but I was drunk and thought it would be funny to see how they work.

Basically, you walk in and the pimp seats you in your own private room. He sends in 10 drug addicted chicks in bikinis to do a little show for you, one by one, for you to decide which one you want. So as each girl came in one and did their little dance, I’d reject them for whatever flaw I could find after making them flash me their pussies, or touch their toes or crawl around the floor or balance on one leg or do the running man or whatever stupid shit I could convince them to do because I am into making whores look like assholes.

I kinda felt like the king of the massage parlor, you know making these girls do embarrassing shit for me for free until the guy was out of girls and I caused a scene about how shitty his girls were and that I just came to get a hand job and now I’ve wasted an hour of my life and went to storm out… but the problem was that the drunk dude I was there with who was in a room of his own, wasn’t as poor or strong as me and ended up getting a massage from the rattiest lookin’ slut in the place and I was forced to sit in the waiting room for another fuckin’ hour like a total asshole.

Speaking of assholes, I wonder what the slag who rubbed Hilary Duff out looked like. I bet she was all high end and designer because Hilary Duff’s got more that 15 dollars to spend on that shit….and based on her fuckin’ ear-to-ear smile, she was pretty fuckin’ good.


Related Posts:

Hilary Duff Does stepTV
Hilary Duff Eats Ice Cream
Hilary Duff’s Wet and Has Nipples
Hilary Duff’s Ass at the Latin Music Awards

Posted in:Hilary Duff|Massage|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – Kim Kardashian’s Apple Bottom Like Apples of the Day

kim_kardashian_ass_top.jpg

I think she did this shit on purpose. What are the chances of a bitch with an apple bottom posing with fuckin’ apples? It’s like she went out with her on staff paparazzi and was like, people always freak out over my ass, how about we get a shot of me bending over with an apple in hand, it’ll be so funny and ironic and creative and reality is that it’s none of those things, it’s just lame and her ass isn’t comparable to an apple, but more to apple pie and way too much of it. Bitch needs to hit the stair master in a big way, and by big I mean, she’s fat.

I am pretty sick today, been in bed all day, so writing about Kim Kardashians fat ass is about as exciting as waking up with a snot covered face and pillow making me feel like I was just in a gay orgy or some shit.

I don’t know why she’s wearing two different outfits in these pics, I can only assume it’s because she shit herself. I guess that would also explain her shit smeared skin color….it comes with the territory when your ass is that massive. It’s like wondering why your hummer burns so much fuel, not that you have a hummer, you’re too busy being unemployed to ever really afford much more than a skateboard, even though you aren’t even cool enough to skateboard…you’re more of a rollerblader like DJ AM, only he does that shit in bicycle shorts and is so gay that he makes them shorts look straight.


Related Posts:

Kim Kardashian’s Pussy Preview
Kim Kardashian’s Tits are Insane
Kim Kardashian’s Tits Blow Out Candles

Posted in:Apple Bottom|Ass|Booty|Kim Kardashian|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – Elle Macpherson Posing to Promote her Lingerie of the Day

elle_macpherson_lingerie3.jpg

I am obviously not very good at marketing, I have a shitty website no one reads and I can’t even get the 2 girls who read my site to get naked for me, but I do know one thing and that is that if Elle Macpherson is promoting her lingerie line, she’d be better off doing it in lingerie and not fully fuckin’ clothed. The only thing she is showing off is the one thing she probably should be keeping locked up, because her fuckin’ feet are big and scare me.

I know that some of you are into this whole foot fetish shit, and that for some reason that fetish has become accepted even if it’s fuckin’ weird, but like most supermodels, bitch is tall, and when a bitch is tall, she usually has big fuckin’ feet to help her balance her 6 foot tall frame, and as much as I love models, I hate girls with big feet.

But this isn’t about me, it’s about Elle Macpherson being a boring old lady when she’s still got it going on and could have made all of our day a better one, but instead decides to cock tease us by not getting naked even after we’ve all seen her naked. It’s like hanging out with a girl you’ve bagged in hopes of recycling that shit cuz it’s good for the environment, and by environment I mean balls, but she won’t give it up because girls control the vagina and think you’re gross but like you’re company. Maybe next time you get with them, you can carry their bags for them and compare stories about when you got you first period, because bitch just amputated your vagina and turned you into a bitch.


Related Posts:

Elle Macpherson’s See Through Shirt

Elle Macpherson is Surfing in a Bikini
Elle Macpherson Rides Bikes

Posted in:Boring|Elle Macpherson|Lingerie|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – Hayden Panettiere is Ugly of the Day

hayden_panettiere_ugly3.jpg

The problem is the world is that people can never agree on anything. If everyone agreed on everything, there’d be no fights, there’d be no differences, there’d be no hate, and despite that being boring as fuck at least I’d be able to drive the fact that Hayden Panettiere is not fuckin’ hot down all your fuckin’ throats, because my new pet peeve is that bitch is being seen as some kind of sex symbol, when she should be doin’ backflips at the local carnival or workin’ stunts on a Japanese Game Show…

The weirdest shit for me is when I see a hot girl and turn to my friend and point her out, not because having a friend is pretty unheard of, which it is, but because dude never agrees with my choices. Some dudes like blondes, some like brunettes, some like young, some like old, some like chubby with fat titties, some like skinny, some like short and some like tall, some like anything they can get their dicks in, some only like supermodels and can’t get it up for table scraps but never get supermodels, so spend a lot of time jerking off all over themselves.

But I have faith and feel like we should all be able to agree that Hayden is about as attractive as the bucket of shit we had lying around my apartment when our toilet broke and my wife refused to take shit out to dump in the alley until it was overflowing….it’s nice to see stalky/stumpy bitches getting work, but constantly telling them how hot they are isn’t positive affirmation, it’s lies and the equivalent of telling a retard he’s a genius because he figured out that smashing his helmeted head against the wall til he bleeds isn’t as fun as he originally thought it was and went back to hitting rocks together like he’s supposed to. Retards are always good times.


Related Posts:

Hayden Panettiere and Her Dogs
Hayden Panettiere Making Sex Faces
Hayden Panettiere is King of the Midgets
Hayden Panettiere is Flashing Her Bikini for the Dolphins

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Stalky|Ugly|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

picture-81.jpg

I decided that I am tired of being impotent and shit’s a mind over matter situation. I realize that my wife is fucking disgusting and I can’t stomach the thought of slammin’ her, but I am convinced that young hot girls will be able to fix my problem. I tell myself it’s the booze and hard living, but I feel like if I believe shit will work proper it will. So I’m now on that hustle and willing to take applications from any hot sluts out there who think they have to skills to bring me back to life and are willing to get busy.

The funniest thing about girls, is that any chick you talk to is convinced they give the best head in the world. They are convinced they are the best fuck, and as of today, I am willing to take anyone up on their confidence and report back on the site about it because I am pretty convinced that you can’t get me off, but you can sure as hell try.

Remember, this site’s only for hot chicks now, so if you haven’t left yet, go, you’re ruining our sexy party, you fuckin’ buzzkill.

Here are my links:

The Crazy Cat Fight on a Shot at Love With Ass Shots Video…I guess it’s true that love hurts….
GO

A Set of Tits Doing Math
GO

Miss Italy 1991 – Topless and Bending Over in a Bikini
GO

Britney Gets Her Fat Sucked Out
GO

Miranda Kerr is Hot in this Victoria’s Secret Commercial
GO

Some Pervert Hides in the Bathroom and Records Unsuspecting Girls Peeing…Watch Out….
GO

Bjorn Borg – Tennis Star’s Got a New Underwear Line….So Here are Pics of Girls Wearing His Shit and By Shit I Mean Bras and Panties…
GO

Jessica Alba at Some Movie Premiere Lookin’ Boring
GO

Prince is on a Mission to Destroy the Internet
GO

Some Hot Slut Named Bianca Balti in GQ Italy
GO

An Andy Warhol Portrait of Liz Taylor Sold for 24 Million Dollars
GO

The Pixyland Internet Celebrity is Getting Married to a Woman…
GO

Office Hackysack Video
GO

Kelly Ripa’s got a Weird Fucking Belly Button You Want to Fuck – Weirdo
GO

Melissa Midwest Gets Painted by Baseball Player Aubrey Muff
GO

Rihanna Performing in Her S&M Outfit
GO

Some Mardi Gras Brawl Video
GO

Justin Timberlake Gets Jessica Biel a Surfboard for Xmas and Sex Wax, Which is Code for a Sex Change…
GO

Some Ronald McDonald Mash Up Video that Scares Me
GO

Some Tattooed Chick Posing Naked Video
GO

Rumer Willis is Going to Be a Golden Globe Girl….Because She’s Got Some Serious Career Going On
GO

Dudes Who Look Like Lesbians Blog
GO

Henry Rollins Hates DJ AM As Much as I Do- Video
GO

Some Girl Shows Off Her Tits By Pouring Water on Her Wifebeater Video
GO

Hayden Panettiere Showing Off her Stubby Self and Big Head and Cleavage
GO

Some Girls Naked Ass on the Computer
GO

Lesbian Video of the Day
GO

Paris Hilton is a Not So Private Dancer
GO

Some Canadian Hockey Player on the Maple Leafs Sends a Girl Nudes and She Throws them Up Online
GO

Girls Best Friend Is The Vibrator and They Prove It For You as a Group
GO

Some Girl Thinks She’s Hotter than She Is and Takes Pics of Herself Half Naked….I Blame All The Dudes Who Complimented her Along the Way to Get in Her Pants Making Her Believe it. FUCK YOU.
GO

Look at the last pic in this set, it’s like “Oh what did i just do”
GO

Lance Armstrong’s Kid Takes the Olsen Stepmother to her School’s Show and Tell
GO

A Little Ali Lohan Action cuz She’s the New Lindsay or at Least is Trying to Be
GO

The Victoria’s Secret Angels Get a Star on the Walk of Fame
GO

Lesbian Ronson’s Sister – Charlotte
GO

Girls Dyking Out hard at an All Girls Party
GO

Carrie Underwood Doin Some Christmas Concert Bullshit Cuz You Like Christmas, Even Though No One Buys You Gifts
GO

Girls Fucking Machines…
GO

Some Weird Japanese Fetish With a Girl Rockin a Strap-On Slammin a Stuffed Animal
GO

Use This Spray to Get Laid
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

14

Nov

I am – Rachel Bilson Does Santa Claus of the Day

rachel_bilson_santa_top.jpg

There was a time when I used to dress up as Santa Claus at some shitty discount strip mall to make some extra money because Christmas is expensive, even when you don’t buy anyone in your family gifts because you hate them.

I used to sit there thinking about how much I’d rather have the mother’s of these annoying crying kids sitting on my lap asking me for dirty things for Christmas, that’s how I got through the job, but also the reason I got fired, because one time I had a little too much to drink before my shift and this slutty mother with the biggest tits walked up to me, put her kid on my lap and bent over, tits hanging out trying to calm her kid and my mind started racing and I got a boner…..the boss wasn’t impressed that Santa practically came all over his bright red suit like he was coming to town, while a 4 year old was on his lap.

I guess even ghetto stores frown on pedophilia, even when the whole concept of Santa is one of a man who sneaks into homes and lures little boys and girls with presents their parents can’t affort, like this dude I met who hangs with teenage boys and buys them things in exchange for them cleaning his house in their underwear…..

Either way, Rachel Bilson is one of those girl’s I wouldn’t mind giving my candy cane to, and by candy cane I mean impregnating her with tongue, because my penis doesn’t work, unfortunately for her, my rotting mouth doesn’t smell like peppermint, but she can always pretend. Cuddles.


Related Posts:

Rachel Bilson and Her Dog
Rachel Bilson Eating Cheetos
Rachel Bilson is Fucking Hayden Christensen

Posted in:Hot|Rachel Bilson|Unsorted