DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

10

Oct

I am – Jane Seymour Dancing With the Stars Rehearsal Pics of the Day

I have a confession to make. I went to a friends house and his daughter’s were watching dancing with the stars yesterday and I was in the other room, because he doesn’t like me getting to close to them, because they are 18 and I am a bad influence, but I couldn’t help but overhear the shit that was going down. Basically, Jane Seymour’s mother had a stroke earlier in the year and her favorite show was Dancing With the Stars, the UK version. When Jane Seymour decided she was going to do it, she told her dying mother who hadn’t spoke in months and her mother spoke for the first time since her stroke saying “YES”. So that inspired Jane Seymour to do the show and since the stroke her mother ended up passing away and she decided to kick serious ass on her show, because she knows her mother is watching her and last night’s tango was so meaningful to Jane Seymore because it was the one dance she was going to dedicate to her mom.

Now I am all for sob stories, I think it makes for good entertainment, but the only question I had was did the Dancing with the Stars producers pay for this bullshit story for the tear-jerking drama it caused or did Jane Seymore off her mom, she is Dr Quinn Medicine Woman after all, so that she could win points with the judges. The whole thing was pretty fucking suspect and all the judges were nice to her after her dance, because none of them wanted to look like heartless bastards.

I remember when I used to use my mom’s death to get me passing marks in English class because I was a Mexican immigrant I couldn’t really write much more than “MY MOM DIED BE NICE”.

Point of all this is to say this Jane Seymour bitch looks like a fucking clown in this outfit, she is 56 years old and looks like she’s made of plastic, but not the good kind of plastic, more like the pastic wrap I used to take off of cheese slices to tape to my dick as a makeshift condom…I’m crafty like that.

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Posted in:cleavage|Dancing With the Stars|Jane Seymour|Plastic Surgery|Unsorted

2007

09

Oct

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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So some dude emailed me telling me that I am a Charles Bukowski rip off and that I am doing a bad fucking job of ripping him off because I fucking suck. I didn’t know who Charles Bukowski was before I started this site. About a year and a half in, someone told me I was a cheap rip off of him, then another person told me the same thing, then I asked this dude who reads the site who is some kind of English Major or some shit in university and he told me that I am nothing like him because I don’t know how to write and that my readers should get their dicks out of their hands and onto some books. I ended up picking up one of Bukowski’s books to see why people thought I was a rip off, I don’t really know how to read, I think it’s a learning disorder or some shit and only got through the first couple of pages and threw the book aside to seduce unsuspecting girls from Orange County over email.

Point is to say, I am not a Bukowski rip off because I have never read his shit. I don’t watch TV, I don’t watch movies, I don’t read and I sure as hell hope he was a better writer than me because dude was published and let’s face it, I never will be. So take that asshole accusing me of ripping off someone when I’m all me baby…all 350 pounds of me….now sit on my face and click on my links cuz they are the best links on the Internet that I stole from this asshole named Bukowski and reclaimed it as my own…cocksucker.

Download the New Radiohead – In Rainbows – Leak
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Pregnant Nicole Richie in a Bikini With Her Piece of Shit Baby Daddy
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Pornstar or Popstar?
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A little Teen Wolf Featuring Liz Taylor Video Because Bitch is Crazy
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Britney Gets Topless in the Uncensored Gimme More Video
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UPS Saves Lives Video
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Katherine Heigl’s Sister Doesn’t Look Like Her
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Jeri Lee and DJ Ladytribe Half Naked a Whoring
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Ashley Tisdale’s Good To be Me Video
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Some Chick Named Caroline Murphey’s Sex Tape
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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Holly Madison Got a Promotion…
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Some Fat Dude Singing Video
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Scarlett Johansson In Panties for November Elle Spread
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Lohan is Going Be Playing a Playboy Bunny in a New Movie
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Hayden Panettiere Getting Raped on Set of Heroes in a Cheerleading Uniform
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A Little Katie Holmes Is Ugly Action
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Chloe Sevigny See-Through Dress Action
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Victoria Beckham’s Hard Tits
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Halle Berry’s Pregnancy Tits
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Lohan’s Post Rehab Interview
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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Jordan Wants New Fake-American Style Tits For Christmas
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The Paris Hilton Diary Excerpt She Read on Larry King Was Sent in By A Fan…Hysterical…
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Some Chick With Big Tits in a Mesh Top
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Rosario Dawson’s Legs in Bust Magazine
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Eliza Dushku Gallery
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Hayden Panettiere And Her Strange Friend
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Teacher Gets Fired For Shaking Her Ass In Class
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Avril Lavigne’s Hot Video
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Kid Rock’s Advice to Rick Salomon about Marrying Pam Anderson
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Britney Passes Her Drug Test
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People Fucking On Top of a Bridge
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Some Danica Patrick Slutty Poses With a Hot Rod
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Jennifer Garner is Boring as Shit…Actually Some of My Shits are More Exciting Than Jennifer Garner…
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Britney Spears Used to Beat K-Fed But She Paid Him Enough Money To Pretty Much Do Anything she Wanted to Him…
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart Video
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Some Interview with Elodie Otto from The Hills, Since You’re Already Jerking Off to Her, You Might As Well Hear What She Has to Say
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The XXXChurch is Fighting Jerking Off Because They Think It’s the Biggest Sin by Introducing National Porn Sunday….
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Some Fresh Off the Press Nude Lucy Pinder 2008 Calendar Pictures
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New Gemma Atkinson Bikini Pictures
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Some Chick Named Roxeanne Pallett in a Bikini
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Some Dude Named Bill Ricchini’s mp3 that Will be on Grey’s Anatomy, Because You’re a Closet Case….
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Some “The Media is Fucking With Our Kids To be Hot” Video…I Say Keep It Up Because I’m Tired of All The Fat People….
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Some Photobucket Chicks Posing In Their Bras and Shit….
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Talkin’ Dirty in the Bedroom – What Women Want…
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Some Chick Named Magda Gomex Topless Pics
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Watch the Sean O’Donnell Show Because He Always Cries To Me on IM to Link His Shit….and If He Becomes Famous I want Him To Remember I Got Him There…
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Caballero Classics is a Whole Lot of 70s and 80s Porn
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Sex is Good – Use This Spray to Get Laid
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Hot Topless Beach Pics
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More Hot Topless Beach Pics
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Asphyxiation Fetish Gone Wrong…Fucked Up…
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Japanese Ass Squirting Distance Olympics
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Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

09

Oct

I am – Rihanna’s Dog’s Got the Coolest Job of the Day

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Rihanna is one of those girls who I watch sing and think about how badly I wish she was using my mic for a dick. I mean my dick for a mic. The reason she gets me going is because she is a hot black girl who isn’t all eyes and teeth, she’s like some Caribbean mix from when the white man rape the locals and it looks good. She is the first black girl I ever really wanted to since Aunt Jamima broke my heart. I was really only into her because she was a provider and had big tits and makes good pancakes and owns some kind of empire and I woulda totally be fucking her wallet and living the good life, but then I realized that bitch didn’t exist and was a figment of my imagination fueled by her hot pic on a box in my cupboard, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t devastated and couldn’t look at another black girl the same until this bitch Rihanna came along.

The funny thing about Rihanna is that she’s carrying this dog around with her everywhere she goes. I am jealous of the fucker because not only does he get to follow her around, see her naked, accidentally sniff her cunt, watch her shit and suck dick and shower and everything you’d want to see her do, but he also gets to lick her dirty panties and eat her used tampons, and there’s nothing more that I want this second than to be Rihanna’s tampon. Sure I am not all absorbent and shit, but I am not good at anything and that doesn’t stop me from trying….see how inspirational I am. If I was you I would totally turn to me for advice because ending up in the gutter isn’t that bad of a place to be as long as you’ve got cheap cigars and some kind of song and dance routine you can take to the street to make money to eat, cuz no one likes a talentless bum….

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Rihanna’s Got Some Fuckin’ Legs Yo….
Rihanna Hides Her Forehead But Not Her Tits…
Rihanna Performing in Latex
Rihanna Rocks a Onesy Pictures

2007

09

Oct

I am – Rihanna's Dog's Got the Coolest Job of the Day

No Comments »

Rihanna is one of those girls who I watch sing and think about how badly I wish she was using my mic for a dick. I mean my dick for a mic. The reason she gets me going is because she is a hot black girl who isn’t all eyes and teeth, she’s like some Caribbean mix from when the white man rape the locals and it looks good. She is the first black girl I ever really wanted to since Aunt Jamima broke my heart. I was really only into her because she was a provider and had big tits and makes good pancakes and owns some kind of empire and I woulda totally be fucking her wallet and living the good life, but then I realized that bitch didn’t exist and was a figment of my imagination fueled by her hot pic on a box in my cupboard, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t devastated and couldn’t look at another black girl the same until this bitch Rihanna came along.

The funny thing about Rihanna is that she’s carrying this dog around with her everywhere she goes. I am jealous of the fucker because not only does he get to follow her around, see her naked, accidentally sniff her cunt, watch her shit and suck dick and shower and everything you’d want to see her do, but he also gets to lick her dirty panties and eat her used tampons, and there’s nothing more that I want this second than to be Rihanna’s tampon. Sure I am not all absorbent and shit, but I am not good at anything and that doesn’t stop me from trying….see how inspirational I am. If I was you I would totally turn to me for advice because ending up in the gutter isn’t that bad of a place to be as long as you’ve got cheap cigars and some kind of song and dance routine you can take to the street to make money to eat, cuz no one likes a talentless bum….

Related Posts:

Rihanna’s Got Some Fuckin’ Legs Yo….
Rihanna Hides Her Forehead But Not Her Tits…
Rihanna Performing in Latex
Rihanna Rocks a Onesy Pictures

2007

09

Oct

I am – Pink Does Lady-Like Things of the Day

1 Comment »

The great thing about Pink is how committed she is to pretending that she’s got a vagina, when we all know that bitch is packing the biggest pair of balls Cary Hart has ever seen. Here she is getting a manicure like every normal tranny because having nice nails distracts people from the bulge in her fucking thong.

I got no tranny stories for you today….so just look at the pictures and make up your own or remember that night you slipped up because you were so horny and knew bitch was a dude, but told your friends that you only figured it out after you sucked its dick….if you know what I mean…which you do because it’s your story not mine. Get it together asshole.

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Pink is a Man in a Leotard
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Pink’s Pink Nipples Pictures

Posted in:Man|Manicure|Pink|Tranny|Unsorted

2007

09

Oct

I am – Some Young Slut Named Adele Silva’s Fake Tits of the Day

1 Comment »

I am all about young sluts because they are insecure and easy to get naked. They are also raised on porn and start banging when they are 12 making them pretty experienced by the time they hit 20. The world is going to shit and everyone is going to die of AIDS, even if AIDS is a made up disease and doesn’t really exist.

Speaking of AIDS, my friend is a DJ at a gay club and he gets laid from every angle every weekend, but not from the fags but from the hot chicks who hang with fags because fags are trendy and hot chicks think having a fag makes them cooler, like an expensive purse or some shit. Anyway, these hot chicks accompany their fags to clubs and since fags are bigger sluts than the hot sluts are they are usually left alone in the corner and that’s when the predators like me move in because we aren’t gay and just want to see them on all fours in the bathroom stall, because we are in a gay club after all and have to keep shit classy.

Either way, this Adele Silva chick is unknown to me, but she looks young and has implants because that’s the generation we live in, a generation of sluts. It’s like the sexual revolution or some shit….and for some reason you still can’t get laid and least you can always jerk off to other people getting laid, that shits pretty accessible, just hit up Google.

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Hayden Panettiere Bikini Pictures
Kate Moss Topless Bikini Pics
Rebecca Gayheart Topless Murderer on a Yacht Pictures
Eva Longoria Vaginal Definition Bikini

Posted in:Adele Silva|Bikini|Fake Tits|Impants|Unsorted

2007

09

Oct

I am – Some Young Slut Named Adele Silva's Fake Tits of the Day

1 Comment »

I am all about young sluts because they are insecure and easy to get naked. They are also raised on porn and start banging when they are 12 making them pretty experienced by the time they hit 20. The world is going to shit and everyone is going to die of AIDS, even if AIDS is a made up disease and doesn’t really exist.

Speaking of AIDS, my friend is a DJ at a gay club and he gets laid from every angle every weekend, but not from the fags but from the hot chicks who hang with fags because fags are trendy and hot chicks think having a fag makes them cooler, like an expensive purse or some shit. Anyway, these hot chicks accompany their fags to clubs and since fags are bigger sluts than the hot sluts are they are usually left alone in the corner and that’s when the predators like me move in because we aren’t gay and just want to see them on all fours in the bathroom stall, because we are in a gay club after all and have to keep shit classy.

Either way, this Adele Silva chick is unknown to me, but she looks young and has implants because that’s the generation we live in, a generation of sluts. It’s like the sexual revolution or some shit….and for some reason you still can’t get laid and least you can always jerk off to other people getting laid, that shits pretty accessible, just hit up Google.

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Hayden Panettiere Bikini Pictures
Kate Moss Topless Bikini Pics
Rebecca Gayheart Topless Murderer on a Yacht Pictures
Eva Longoria Vaginal Definition Bikini

Posted in:Adele Silva|Bikini|Fake Tits|Impants|Unsorted

2007

09

Oct

I am – Tara Reid Does FHM of the Day

9 Comments »

People who like to get wasted get a lot of slack. I have been told over and over in my life that I get drunk because I have a void to fill and I try to tell people that that void is the fact that I am not drunk. It’s got nothing to do with hating myself and trying to forget my problems, because that shit follows me wherever I go and no matter how fucked up I get, what it does have to do with is that being drunk is fun and the chicks are easy, they get wild and show me their tits and let me watch them shower and shit which sober girls only do once you charm them and as a person with no charisma, charming isn’t much of an option. So getting drunk is fun and allows us to live out all the fantasies we want to live out because sober is too fuckin’ dull and that’s all there is to it.

The real degenerates in the world are the people who pretend they aren’t degenerates. The people who rock the 9-5 middle management job to put food on the table for a family they resent. Or the guy who married his highschool sweetheart or some chick because his parents approved of her, or the person who was a great artist growing up but decided to pursue a Law Degree because that’s what their family wanted, or the person who got married to a woman he hates out of fear of loneliness, and every chance he gets he goes across the street to fuck the neighbor or maybe even beats her up emotionally or physicially because he hates her or maybe the guy who has a high powered job but jerks off to teenage boys playing soccer but since he lives in a good house, he’s gotta be ok. Or the dude who feels inadequate because all his neighbors have BMWs so he goes so deep in debt to maintain his image that he ends up killing himself, or even the rich parents who are too busy being self absorbed or making money to raise their kids proper, so they give them an immigrant nanny to boss around and treat like shit at a young age and carry that asshole attitude into adulthood but have a credit card to get whatever they want so they are going to be okay, even if daddy was too busy working to give them the time of day and mommy was too busy fucking her tennis pro or getting her hair done. Superficial, Materialistic, status hungry assholes are the fucking trash of the world, people just don’t realize it because they have money and seem to have it together…but we all have fucking demons.

So the real degenerates in the world are the fuckers who don’t think they are degenerates because they have money or jobs or are living by the boundaries society has set for them. Bars and clubs are made for partying and partying is never a bad thing because it’s a fucking celebration and even if it kills you, because you know what, everything out there kills you and you might as well have it happen when wasted, because it will hurt less.

Either way, Tara Reid is a party slut and despite having no respect for party sluts, I do still love them because without them so many fun things wouldn’t go down and here she defends her party ways while dissing Lohan, because we all know alcoholics are all about excuses because it was a friends birthday and I had a rough day at work and I only had 3 drinks.

So you did do a lot of partying?
Everyone does, but youâ€™ll never read a story about me going out and partying when Iâ€™m supposed to be working, showing up on a set drunk or missing a day, never. But when Iâ€™m not working why shouldnâ€™t I have fun? Am I supposed to stay at home and live in a cage? I like to have fun and have people around me. I think the reason I never ended up in as much trouble as Paris or Lindsay [Lohan] is that Iâ€™m not stupid, so Iâ€™d never do a lot of the things those girls do, and Iâ€™ve always had good friends around me.

So they are stupid?
Yeah. Like, Lindsay makes $15 million a movie, so why doesnâ€™t she have a driver? I donâ€™t get it. If you get drunk, thatâ€™s fine, but donâ€™t drive. They need to straighten up a little bit and make better investments. And they should surround themselves with better people who donâ€™t let them get themselves in trouble.

Are you friends with Paris, Lindsay or Britney?

No, Iâ€™m older than them. I know them all, but I donâ€™t hang out with them.

Check Out Tara Reid’s Spread in FHM Lookin’ Hot Enough To K-Fed
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Posted in:FHM|Lingerie|Tara Reid|Tits|Unsorted

2007

09

Oct

I am – Hilary Duff Eating Ice Cream of the Day

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These pictures remind me of a time my stepdaughter was still young and vibrant, before she became a cocksucking club slut and taking her out to get ice cream was all she needed to know that her stepfather cared, what she didn’t realize was that I was too distracted to listen to her lame fucking stories about her friends and her day, by lookin at the 18 year old girls and new moms sucking their ice cream cones while imagining it was a cock, but not just any cock, my cock.

Unfortunately, my fat wife has ruined this ice cream fantasy for me by eating a tub of the shit every couple of days in one sitting. I just sit and watch her go at that motherfucker like it’s her last meal and see her slowly get fatter and fatter and realize why people who work in ice cream shops don’t eat the shit ever because of how disgusting it is.

I guess watching Hilary Duff eat ice cream is interesting for some of you perverts who are into watching girls with horse heads eat ice cream, but I am more interested in the diary she has stuck to her wrist. Could she be writing a book or a movie, or is she just writing about her useless day like keeping track of how many tampons she’s gone through, or maybe even how many dudes tried to stick their dick in her that week.

I guess none of that matters and you should just watch the creamy white drip down her chin, you sick fuck.

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Hilary Duff’s Wet Nipples
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Hilary Duff Bikini

Posted in:Cock Suckin'|Hilary Duff|Ice Cream|Unsorted

2007

09

Oct

I am – Sienna Miller’s Vagina Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

Here are some Sienna Miller frontal nudes from her movie about being a hippie. I don’t know about you, but the hippies I know rock serious fucking bush, none of the manicured bullshit that she’s got going on. I have always been a fan of bush, in theory, because bikini waxes are too fucking mainstream and I like to see a girl go against what’s popular, but the problem is that most girls with bush are either lazy, don’t fuck or are tree hugging dykes.

I got this email from a reader today:

well i started growing my bush, for you, obviously, because everyone else i try to tell about this thinks im gross, and i have really straight hair, like asian people straight and i fucking hate those asians, but anyway, i wanted my bush to go POOF right, no. its goes down. i now have pussy bangs.

I thought it was funny that my one reader is a chick and that she’s willing to grow her bush out for me. It makes me feel like she’d probably lick my asshole with shit still in it and I guess this kind of power makes me feel like some kind of important celebrity type that groupies run up to to bang when they see them out in bars. Unfortunately, that’s probably not the case with me, and this girl is probably in her 40s, hates her life and has a weight problem but at least she made the effort to make me feel like she’s actually doing something so dirty for me, even if she never sent a picture to go along with it.

Either way, here’s that Sienna Miller Pussy, that’s probably seen more cocks than you have and possibly more cocks than my 84 year old prostitute friend who’s been doing this suckin’ dick money shit for over 6 decades, but I’d still like to bounce quarters off the shit, even if I’d have to hit the streets and beg for change, because quarters are pretty much my life savings and I don’t think Jude Law’s sloppy seconds are worth my life savings, but with other people’s money, I am totally down because let’s face it, her junk’s not as meaty as most pussy out there, and meaty pussy is about as sexy as sucking on a fucking scrotum.

I don’t know what I am talking about, look at the pics.

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