DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

27

Jun

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

I accidentally went in the kitchen and ate food that was in the fridge that had been left over from over a month ago. I was hungry and didn’t think it through. I guess the real highlight of the experience was that I was too lazy to wash a plastic fork I have lying around so I used a spatula with caked on tomato that’s been sitting in my ratty fucking sink for the last 2 months because my wife doesn’t clean and I figure that if I hold out, she’ll crack. I was wrong.

I went to my neighbors to watch the Paris interview, because my life is that pathetic, I lasted about 30 mins before my stomach decided to punish me for being lazy. What I got out of it is that bitch is a business woman and does business things in board rooms with the people who work her businesses and that she’s not a party slut, she’s an aquarius who likes to socialize. She also went on and on and read her shitty writing, forgot to mention me and most importantly forgot to expose herself. She’s full of shit and I am happy I ended up running home to throw up for an hour. She was boring, lacks substance, proves that she is a waste of space and the one thing she wants to change about herself is that her voice gets high pitched when she is nervous, she is trying to pretend to be a wholesome Jesus lover who couldn’t quote the bible, because she never read it. Anyway, Enough of this shit….

I may go out and get drunk tonight. Wait for the update. In the meantime, Click My Links…

Tomb Raider Model Photoshoot Worth A Round….
GO

Pretty Hysterical Paris on Larry King Clip
GO

Mariah Carey Showin’ Off Her Tits in Paris
GO

More Hayden Panettiere Licking Other Things
GO

Playboy Cybergirl of the Year, Breann McGregor Posing…
GO

Miley Cyrus Dressed like a Slut and is Underage. Watch Out.
GO

Dude Makes a Bet With His Wife and Loses. So She Gets to Fuck a Black Dude While He Watches
GO

Serena Williams Bikini ASs You Probably Don’t Want to Fuck, Her Wallet Is Probably Something You Would Fuck…
GO

Slut Shay Laren’s Big Tits In Lingerie
GO

Pimp Beats Up His Whore cuz it’s a Trashy Life…
GO

Beyonce is a Robot in Concert
GO

Nicolette Sheridan is a Pretty Hot Old Slut
GO

Guess the Celebrity Thong
GO

Gemma Atkinson Bikini Candids that I am Not Going to Be Posting
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Some Self Shot Hot Slut
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This Reporter has Heard Enough About Paris
GO

Alicia Silverstone’s Got Meth Skin…
GO

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen Pretend to Eat in Gladiator Shoes…
GO

Sienna Miller Lookin’ Hot in Fuck Me Boots
GO

Hot To Dance Like a Whitey
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Adriana Lima at the Victoria Secret Beauty Candy Store
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Dad is that you?
GO

This Jordan Sparks Bitch is 17 but Looks 40
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Playboy the Movie Gets Hef’s Approval
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Some Porn Slut Masturbating in the Gym
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Some Slut Shows Off Her Ass
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A little “Can You Take My Picture while my Bikini Top Falls Off Prank…” video
GO

Rihanna Lip Slip
GO

I am Pretty Sure I linked this New See Through Bathing Suit Already, But Whatever….
GO

Stupid Viral Video that will Get People a TV Deal
GO

Zoo Weekly Has Made Lots of Sluts Famous – Here Are A Lot of Them
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart I May Have Posted
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You Need Sex, Since I can’t Be There For You, Try This…
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

27

Jun

I am – Hayden Panettiere Lickin’ Ass of the Day

1 Comment »

Girls these days are crazy. This Hayden slut has grown up so fast. Bitch is already being funny by licking bronze asses and to me that is one step away from giving rim jobs while jerking off random older men in attempts to further her career and have a good time. This is the kind of joke I’d expect from a middle aged drunk woman at the company Christmas party or at a family wedding, who is all jacked on estrogen therapy to balance out her high testosterone levels leading her to grab her tits and smack her ass while simulating a blowjob on the wine bottle.

I used to watch Oprah and heard all about teens thinking anal sex is safe because they can’t get pregnant and would have parties that if I was there age, wouldn’t get invited to, where they all get together and suck dick. I don’t know how old some of you fucks are, but when I was 17, I don’t think girls shaved their boxes, bikini waxes weren’t common, virginity was and so were bad fit jeans and turtleneck sweaters. Whenever I’d asks girls about masturbating they’d get offended, when I’d get them alone in a room, they would barely want to make out, but on those lucky days they’d let me rub them over their panties. The only blowjobs anyone was getting was from the class whore who was molested by her father and knew all the tricks, but I always stayed away from her….because I felt bad for her. I was never a fan of molestation despite popular belief because I think my stepdaughters are hot.

Speaking of molestation, I was told that I could get arrested for posting pictures of an underage girl doing slutty things on a site that links to porn, I really hope that doesn’t happen because I would hate to get charged with kiddy porn. I know that that is probably the worst fucking crime out there and I always hated creeps that fuck with kids and get off to kids because kids are harmless. The thugs in prison feel the same way as I do and kill motherfuckers who end up there for doing that kind of thing, but I am banking on the fact that Hayden Panettiere is almost 18, makes her own money, does her own thing and where I am from, 14 is legal. So if she does this for a picture, it’s good enough for me to post it. So that’s why these are going up. If anyone asks, I blame Paris Hilton for turning this generation onto being porn stars. Maybe it’ll land her back in prison or at least paying out some Civil Suit when some young girl get AIDS or pregnant by following her lead. If people could bring down Judas Priest for people committing suicide or Marilyn Manson for columbine, someone needs to get on the blame Paris train and make some motherfucking moves.

Posted in:Ass|Hayden Panettiere|Lick|Unsorted

2007

27

Jun

I am – Hayden Panettiere Lickin' Ass of the Day

1 Comment »

Girls these days are crazy. This Hayden slut has grown up so fast. Bitch is already being funny by licking bronze asses and to me that is one step away from giving rim jobs while jerking off random older men in attempts to further her career and have a good time. This is the kind of joke I’d expect from a middle aged drunk woman at the company Christmas party or at a family wedding, who is all jacked on estrogen therapy to balance out her high testosterone levels leading her to grab her tits and smack her ass while simulating a blowjob on the wine bottle.

I used to watch Oprah and heard all about teens thinking anal sex is safe because they can’t get pregnant and would have parties that if I was there age, wouldn’t get invited to, where they all get together and suck dick. I don’t know how old some of you fucks are, but when I was 17, I don’t think girls shaved their boxes, bikini waxes weren’t common, virginity was and so were bad fit jeans and turtleneck sweaters. Whenever I’d asks girls about masturbating they’d get offended, when I’d get them alone in a room, they would barely want to make out, but on those lucky days they’d let me rub them over their panties. The only blowjobs anyone was getting was from the class whore who was molested by her father and knew all the tricks, but I always stayed away from her….because I felt bad for her. I was never a fan of molestation despite popular belief because I think my stepdaughters are hot.

Speaking of molestation, I was told that I could get arrested for posting pictures of an underage girl doing slutty things on a site that links to porn, I really hope that doesn’t happen because I would hate to get charged with kiddy porn. I know that that is probably the worst fucking crime out there and I always hated creeps that fuck with kids and get off to kids because kids are harmless. The thugs in prison feel the same way as I do and kill motherfuckers who end up there for doing that kind of thing, but I am banking on the fact that Hayden Panettiere is almost 18, makes her own money, does her own thing and where I am from, 14 is legal. So if she does this for a picture, it’s good enough for me to post it. So that’s why these are going up. If anyone asks, I blame Paris Hilton for turning this generation onto being porn stars. Maybe it’ll land her back in prison or at least paying out some Civil Suit when some young girl get AIDS or pregnant by following her lead. If people could bring down Judas Priest for people committing suicide or Marilyn Manson for columbine, someone needs to get on the blame Paris train and make some motherfucking moves.

Posted in:Ass|Hayden Panettiere|Lick|Unsorted

2007

27

Jun

I am – Daisy Fuentes Bikini Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

I know that none of you really care about Daisy Fuentes, she was hot in the late 80s and early 90s being on a lot of obscure shit like MTV Latino and in magazine spreads shit. She was considered some hot piece of ass for the era. Then in the late 90s she got to hosting America’s Funniest People and emotionally ate herself into disaster that lead her into all kinds of informercials for some Pilates bullshit but I could be wrong because I don’t have a TV. I had no idea that she was in her 40s, so I guess that means she’s lookin’ good for her age, eating pizza and drinking champagne making all her cuban brothers watch in jealousy as they eat their rationed bread and build rafts out of tires to make their own way to Miami to live a similar dream thanks to Daisy for paving the way for them….

I once had a Cuban hooker but you don’t want to hear my stories about communism. So I’ll just stick to the Daisy Fuentes Bikini Pictures.

Posted in:Bikini|Daisy Fuentes|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

27

Jun

I am – Michelle Marsh Has Huge Tits of the Day

6 Comments »

I saw these pictures of Michelle Marsh trying to cover up her tits while running down the beach yesterday, I was going to post them, but realized that I never break stories, no sites link me, so why bother rushing it. I woke up today and saw them all over the place, so maybe it was my big break, but I doubt it.

Michelle Marsh has retardedly big tits. I am not really a fan of huge tits because they are usually either fake and remind me of dudes who get off to Anime cartoons and those guys make me feel uncomfortable, or they are on a fat chick and fat chick tits are fat tits and fat tits are usually pretty dumpy. I also like living in the future, you know thinking about where the fuck things are going, instead of just enjoying shit for what it is today and every time I look at these fuckers I see a 80 year old woman with the biggest fucking hangers around. But I guess I shouldn’t be so against this bitch just because she’s stacked. It’s not her fault that she feels like having basketball tits is a good thing, and so do you and that’s why bitch has a career, so who I am to really say anything….

I was on the bus the other day because I take the bus sometimes when I have places to go which is pretty much never, but I was bored and thought it would be a good 2 dollars of entertainment. You see in the summer bitches wear less clothes and some days while lookin for inspiration, I like to get it out of everyday people. Anyway, this one girl, who must have been a stripper, but a bad stripper, because real strippers have black drug dealing boyfriends drive them around, had these insane set of tits. Her face was busted up bad enough for me to think she shoulda invested a little less on the tits and more on a new face, but that’s not the point because no one was looking at her face. These things were half exposed and everyone stared, so I guess if you’re a chick, you can get all that attention you’re craving by exposing your tits. It’s a pretty simple life lesson. You could also get attention by not wearing panties an short skirts, by fingering yourself in public or by talking about how badly you like taking it in the ass.

Michelle Marsh does it well, take her lead and send me pictures.

2007

27

Jun

I am – Noelia the Puerto Rican Singer’s Sex Tape of the Day

21 Comments »

I have no idea who this is and I assume she’s not that famous because Puerto Rico isn’t big enough to have celebrities, unless they come to America and dress like J.Lo, but I do know that she was in a Sex Tape and that this is that Sex Tape. The fucking quality of the sound makes me assume these fuckers are using some 1950’s video camera because they are all third world and shit, but she takes it in the ass and that’s really what dreams are made of.

The reality of the whole thing is that if you are a popstar anywhere, even if you’re from some middle of fucking no where russian town, you shouldn’t let your boyfriend film you fucking, it’s going to hit the internet. The dream may be that it launches you into international fame, but reality is that people like you just like seeing girls fuck and it doesn’t matter who they are or what they do. I can guarantee that none of you fucks are going out to buy her CDs after seeing this, but at least you got to see it.

I love that celebrity sex tapes don’t use condoms. I don’t think this bitch is a celebrity, but I do think that real celebs don’t wear condoms either, that’s why they all have herpes. I was sent a few porno movies a while ago and every fucking dude in them wore condoms, I guess it’s the law after that whole AIDS scare a few years ago, but I was raised on watching condomless sex, and I don’t think you should bang that random without a condom on, because STDs suck, but if you’re going to jerk off to some porn, why the hell would they throw in a tool that fucks up your hard ons in real life. That would be like throwing in a picture of your mom in the top right corner like they do for deaf people on Sesame Street saying shit like “Son, I know what you’re doing, stop that, your mother is watching”.

Either way – Here’s the video – It’s NSFW – It’s from Rapidshare – It’s a RAR File – I don’t Know How To Convert/Upload – If you can do it, send it my way, thanks….
GO

You can stream it here
GO

Posted in:Noelia|Popstar|Porn|Sex Tape|Unsorted

2007

27

Jun

I am – Noelia the Puerto Rican Singer's Sex Tape of the Day

21 Comments »

I have no idea who this is and I assume she’s not that famous because Puerto Rico isn’t big enough to have celebrities, unless they come to America and dress like J.Lo, but I do know that she was in a Sex Tape and that this is that Sex Tape. The fucking quality of the sound makes me assume these fuckers are using some 1950’s video camera because they are all third world and shit, but she takes it in the ass and that’s really what dreams are made of.

The reality of the whole thing is that if you are a popstar anywhere, even if you’re from some middle of fucking no where russian town, you shouldn’t let your boyfriend film you fucking, it’s going to hit the internet. The dream may be that it launches you into international fame, but reality is that people like you just like seeing girls fuck and it doesn’t matter who they are or what they do. I can guarantee that none of you fucks are going out to buy her CDs after seeing this, but at least you got to see it.

I love that celebrity sex tapes don’t use condoms. I don’t think this bitch is a celebrity, but I do think that real celebs don’t wear condoms either, that’s why they all have herpes. I was sent a few porno movies a while ago and every fucking dude in them wore condoms, I guess it’s the law after that whole AIDS scare a few years ago, but I was raised on watching condomless sex, and I don’t think you should bang that random without a condom on, because STDs suck, but if you’re going to jerk off to some porn, why the hell would they throw in a tool that fucks up your hard ons in real life. That would be like throwing in a picture of your mom in the top right corner like they do for deaf people on Sesame Street saying shit like “Son, I know what you’re doing, stop that, your mother is watching”.

Either way – Here’s the video – It’s NSFW – It’s from Rapidshare – It’s a RAR File – I don’t Know How To Convert/Upload – If you can do it, send it my way, thanks….
GO

You can stream it here
GO

Posted in:Noelia|Popstar|Porn|Sex Tape|Unsorted

2007

27

Jun

I am – Geri Halliwell’s See Through Outfit of the Day

1 Comment »

Ginger Spice is a little washed up. I think that she was even washed up when she started in the Spice Girls many years ago after being a stripper and amateur nude model so I guess this attempt at being sexy is expected from a girl who’s tits brought her to the top. She also just had a kid and as Britney Spears proves everyday, having a kid means months of being sprawled out on the doctor’s table for everyone to examine your box. It also means months of pulling your tit out where ever you are to make your baby stop crying. So when you have a kid, you usually forget what your lady parts were made for, well maybe that is what they are made for, but to every dude out there, they are made for other things like not having babies and only being sucked by them for the 15 minutes they last. That said, I guess a lot of pregnant chicks and post pregnant chicks never fully bounce back to where they were before their bodies were ravaged, so the day they look in the mirror and think to themselves that they’ve got it back, they want the world to know it and dress like this.

I am not really complaining, I am just too distracted by her clown hair, I feel like I am watching some new age kids show and I’m just waiting for bitch to start juggling.

But celebrities in bras are celebrities in bras and it’s my job to post them so here’s a little more Ginger Spice than we’ve seen in a long time and I guess that’s a good thing to some of you.

2007

27

Jun

I am – Geri Halliwell's See Through Outfit of the Day

1 Comment »

Ginger Spice is a little washed up. I think that she was even washed up when she started in the Spice Girls many years ago after being a stripper and amateur nude model so I guess this attempt at being sexy is expected from a girl who’s tits brought her to the top. She also just had a kid and as Britney Spears proves everyday, having a kid means months of being sprawled out on the doctor’s table for everyone to examine your box. It also means months of pulling your tit out where ever you are to make your baby stop crying. So when you have a kid, you usually forget what your lady parts were made for, well maybe that is what they are made for, but to every dude out there, they are made for other things like not having babies and only being sucked by them for the 15 minutes they last. That said, I guess a lot of pregnant chicks and post pregnant chicks never fully bounce back to where they were before their bodies were ravaged, so the day they look in the mirror and think to themselves that they’ve got it back, they want the world to know it and dress like this.

I am not really complaining, I am just too distracted by her clown hair, I feel like I am watching some new age kids show and I’m just waiting for bitch to start juggling.

But celebrities in bras are celebrities in bras and it’s my job to post them so here’s a little more Ginger Spice than we’ve seen in a long time and I guess that’s a good thing to some of you.

2007

27

Jun

I am – Lohan’s Pot Belly Takes a Walk of the Day

1 Comment »

Another day in summer camp, or celebrity rehab, or whatever the fuck Lohan is doing in efforts to clean up her image and today’s activity involves going on a hike with friends and smelling the fucking roses. It’s a hard life when you’re young, rich and think of yourself as so fabulous even though your hurting on the inside and self-medicating, crashing cars and slutting yourself out.

Lohan seems to have let herself go, I guess the lack of cocaine that I bet she’s still doing in the comfort of her rehab center that is probably provided by the staff, because she’s not really in there to get better, she’s in there to look like she’s getting better, but she’s still rockin’ a gut, so I guess there giving her food.

I am not about to call her fat, because my wife is fat and I know fat in ways you never want to know fat, but I will say that she’s fat for a celebrity and that she’s giving the girls some pretty negative example by showing off that quitting drugs and booze makes a bitch lose all of her sexual appeal, leading me to believe that being on drugs and booze made Lohan a better fuck and now that it’s all over she’s gone to shit….So I guess the lesson of the day is to stay on drugs.

It is hot outside, I just woke up and I got no fucking stories worth telling….I’ll keep trying though.

Posted in:Fat|Hiking|Lindsay Lohan|Rehab|Unsorted