DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

27

Jun

I am – Lohan's Pot Belly Takes a Walk of the Day

Another day in summer camp, or celebrity rehab, or whatever the fuck Lohan is doing in efforts to clean up her image and today’s activity involves going on a hike with friends and smelling the fucking roses. It’s a hard life when you’re young, rich and think of yourself as so fabulous even though your hurting on the inside and self-medicating, crashing cars and slutting yourself out.

Lohan seems to have let herself go, I guess the lack of cocaine that I bet she’s still doing in the comfort of her rehab center that is probably provided by the staff, because she’s not really in there to get better, she’s in there to look like she’s getting better, but she’s still rockin’ a gut, so I guess there giving her food.

I am not about to call her fat, because my wife is fat and I know fat in ways you never want to know fat, but I will say that she’s fat for a celebrity and that she’s giving the girls some pretty negative example by showing off that quitting drugs and booze makes a bitch lose all of her sexual appeal, leading me to believe that being on drugs and booze made Lohan a better fuck and now that it’s all over she’s gone to shit….So I guess the lesson of the day is to stay on drugs.

It is hot outside, I just woke up and I got no fucking stories worth telling….I’ll keep trying though.

Posted in:Fat|Hiking|Lindsay Lohan|Rehab|Unsorted

2007

26

Jun

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

51 Comments »

Some guy messaged me today telling me that his 6 year old has better grammar than me. I told him to give me his email because I’d like him to write the site for me. He didn’t pull through but I know that there would be nothing funnier than having a 6 year old write about Paris Hilton’s ass or some shit. Looks like that dream isn’t going to happen though.

I am trying to find ways to make the site better without actually working. I am pretty sure one day the golden idea will come to me but until then, here are my links.

Alanis Morissette is Fucking Ugly Even in a Bikini
GO

Justin Doesn’t Care that Jessica Biel has a Dick when she wears Tank Tops and Tight Jeans
GO

Some Asshole Gets Lohan’s Email and Harasses Her Without Realizing That That is My Fucking Dream
GO

WIll Ferrell Hits the Internet with Viral Videos With Some Kid Named Pearl
GO

Hilary Duff Showing Off Her Toned Body in a Bikini Video
GO

Elisha Cuthbert Slowly Tries to Bring Her Sexy Back and by Slowly I mean Really Fucking Slowly, this bitch is a Disaster…
GO

Some Playboy Party Pictures With Lenka Janistova
GO

Kristin Cavallari is a Drunken Whore In a Low Cut Dress
GO

This is the Dutch Babe of the Year, Her Name is Fatima Moreira de Melo
GO

Some Dude Fucks his Secretary Not Sure if it’s Real
GO

Quentin Tarantino Sucks on some Bitch’s Toes
GO

Kelly Clarkson is Fat in Fuck Me Boots
GO

Kelly Clarkson is Still Fat in Stupid Shirts
GO

Girl Deep Throats on Cam and Throws Up
GO

Some Breast Hidden Camera Video
GO

Rosie Dresses Her Kid Up in Bullets to Make a Point
GO

I always Loved Kate’s Playground and her Hoof… Nice to See She’s Still Working….
GO

Girl Gets Bottle Rocket Shot Out of her Ass
GO

A Little Dog Humping Video Action
GO

A Reader Writes About Rosie Dressing Her Kid Up in Bullets in the Forum
GO

This Bunny Destroys this Cat and it’s fucking Sexy…
GO

Paula Abdul is Crazy and Has a New Show and Tits in this Photoshoot
GO

Some Amateur Sex Video
GO

Dog Licks Pam Anderson’s Tit
GO

Paris Hilton Drew A Picture for TMZ Owner and Didn’t Send me Shit
GO

Some Bikini Shoot With Some Whore Named Chris Thomson
GO

Dude Swims in a Grease Dumpster
GO

This Photographer is From Montreal and That Means So Are the Nipples in these Pictures
GO

Cops Taking Down Skateboard Punks….
GO

Some Chick Bouncing Around to Shitty Country Music in her Underwear
GO

Some Benz Honks Down an Old Lady Crossing the Street
GO

Some Coney Island Mermaid Parade Video
GO

Some Coney Island Mermaid Parade With Sluts
GO

Some Girl Fucks a Fish
GO

Lookin’ Good Kim Kardashian
GO

Dina Lohan Used Cocaine when Pregnant with Lindsay…No Big Surprise…
GO

Creepy Club Kids with Dildos and Song….
GO

Steroids could be the Cause of the WWE Double Murder Suicide…Sad
GO

Hilary Duff is Slowly Getting Hotter as Time Goes On…
GO

Hot Ass Tattoo
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart – Picture 4
GO

Life’s Too Short For the Wrong Job…
GO

Joss Stone Tattoos Her Head…
GO

Some Dude Catches a Pedophile on MSN – I can’t read what’s going on but I used to do pranks like that…
GO

Emma Watson from Harry Potter is 17 and Has tits
GO

Some CNN Reporter is 4 Months Pregnant, Had a Shotgun Wedding and Hid it All From Everyone…
GO

Some Reader Sends Me Death Threats Because I Refuse to Link this Garbage
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Cum on Mary Kate Olsen
GO

Cam Girl Brianna and Her Really Short Skirt
GO

What is this Mangina Shit?
GO

Use this Spray To Get Laid, It’s More Legal That Roofies.
GO

Use this Site to Find Dates to Use That Spray On…
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

26

Jun

I am – Britney Spears Goes Out in her Bra of the Day

6 Comments »

I don’t really know why I bother, but I do, and here is a second set of Britney pics, only this time bitch is rockin’ a bra out to some club….because she’s crazy and likes getting more attention than she deserves. At first I thought it was her way back into the scene after dumping K-Fed, now I think it’s some kind of weird punk rock rebel attitude where she’s basically telling all of us to fuck ourselves. I am ok with that because I like girls who show off their tits, even when their tits are ratty old dried up milk sacks that don’t look like they did when she was at her prime.

Rockin’ a bra in public deserves some respect as most girls I know need a lot of roofies to get naked, not that I encourage that kind of behavior, you just do what you gotta do in life, that’s all I am saying….not that I am really a date rapist, my limp dick is pretty non-threatening but I am sure some of you are, because getting pussy was never easy and 10 dollars and an understanding cab driver is all you really need to get ‘er done.

In reality it’s not even really date rape if you wear a condom. Condom sex is like shaking hands with a rubber glove on. There’s a shield between you and your friend so it technically isn’t even sex. That’s what I used to tell my wife when I used to cheat on her…I’d be like baby, I used a condom and condoms mean I didn’t even bang her, the condom did but reality is I never wore a condom and ended up giving her some HPV and she wasn’t impressed.

I guess lucky for her, Karma is a bitch and now my junk doesn’t work, but at least I have the memories and pictures of Britney Spears to remind me what I am missing, which isn’t really all that much. Cuddles.

Posted in:Bra|Britney Spears|Drunk|Tits|Unsorted

2007

26

Jun

I am – Science of Love Nipple Slip of the Day

1 Comment »

So there was a show that aired yesterday on NBC called the Science of Love and it is a pretty simple concept:

An elibigle bachelor dates two separate women – one chosen by experts based on his biological and psychological makeup, and the other chosen by him based on raw attraction. Which woman will win his heart? Find out in this unique original hour-long special hosted by Mark Consuelos. Music provided by: Novillero, Spider Problem, Flyleaf, Tele.

I didn’t watch it because I don’t have a TV, it broke last week and when I did have a TV I only got one channel that wasn’t NBC. I am lucky enough to have a reader named CRAZY who felt obligated to send in this nippleslip to me and since CRAZY went to all that effort for me, I had no choice but to do a post for him. I am trying to encourage all you fuckers to give me hot leads because I am tired of having all the same fucking pictures as every other blog out there. So be a little more like my reader named CRAZY.

I have been trying to come up with reality TV show ideas that I could try to sell and make my mark on the world, but all I have come up with is making a poor desperate man who hates his life live his dream life in an all expense paid villa with unlimited booze, viagra and hookers under the age of 25. I have a feeling it won’t sell.

I could never come up with this kind of love match bullshit that middle age wives are into because I find the whole thing bullshit. We all know that people marry out of convenience and that there is no such thing as real love, it’s more a combination of lust and fear of being alone. Maybe I am just saying that and don’t actually believe it, but if all the bitches who eat this shit up were really in love, I doubt they’d be sitting at home watching it. I may be called a porn site and there may be porn sites out there that cater to men jerking off, but what you don’t realize is that this kinda shit is smut for older ladies, it’s their kind of porno and since it’s more socially accepted, has less nudity and everything sexual is implied and not made obvious it’s making assholes out there rich while I sit here getting typecast in my filthy shitbox I call home. That said, at least the editors are letting nipple slips make it to Air, because at least now we can finally say shows like this have done something good for us rather than make our wives want new cock and point out all our imperfections because we are too embarrassed to take them horseback riding or some shit. In my case, I am not romantic for the sake of the horse, but you fuckers have no excuse.

I’d like to thank CRAZY for making this post possible with his 16 inch TV and his digital camera. I guess being CRAZY isn’t so bad.

Posted in:NBC|Nip Slip|Nipple|Science of Love|Unsorted

2007

26

Jun

I am – Lohan’s Ass Goes to a Movie of the Day

53 Comments »

These pictures were taken couple days ago and they are of her going to a movie when she was in rehab. I already gave you a taste of my experience in rehab where I wasn’t allowed to do anything, couldn’t make a phone call, was forced to do chores and group therapy with other nut jobs who had been driven to drink because they were raped, molested, mistreated, had low self esteem, hated themselves, never had a father and other fucking things that were leading me to drink because my life wasn’t as bad, I just drank because it was fun. Anyway, if my rehab experience meant days at the beach, days at the movies, late night pizza parties and whatever else this slut is doing, I would have tried to stay in there longer, rather than spend my days plotting my escape.

What Lohan needs to be plotting is a way to land a better body. Bitch is boxy has no real ass, but what she does have of an ass is some weird indented shit that reminds me of her Mercedes after she crashed it while jacked on coke and drunk that lead to her stint in rehab holiday. Her legs are thick and she runs like a retarded kid at the institution during soccer hour, but I still like to think that I am connected at the soul with this bitch, I just haven’t bothered writing about it, calling her, sending her myspace messages, busing to LA to hide in her closet and stalk her proper, because her quitting drinking has really let me down. I don’t want anything to do with her until bitch drops the bible and self help books and starts eating pussy in club bathrooms again.

Posted in:Ass|Lindsay Lohan|Rehab|Unsorted

2007

26

Jun

I am – Lohan's Ass Goes to a Movie of the Day

No Comments »

These pictures were taken couple days ago and they are of her going to a movie when she was in rehab. I already gave you a taste of my experience in rehab where I wasn’t allowed to do anything, couldn’t make a phone call, was forced to do chores and group therapy with other nut jobs who had been driven to drink because they were raped, molested, mistreated, had low self esteem, hated themselves, never had a father and other fucking things that were leading me to drink because my life wasn’t as bad, I just drank because it was fun. Anyway, if my rehab experience meant days at the beach, days at the movies, late night pizza parties and whatever else this slut is doing, I would have tried to stay in there longer, rather than spend my days plotting my escape.

What Lohan needs to be plotting is a way to land a better body. Bitch is boxy has no real ass, but what she does have of an ass is some weird indented shit that reminds me of her Mercedes after she crashed it while jacked on coke and drunk that lead to her stint in rehab holiday. Her legs are thick and she runs like a retarded kid at the institution during soccer hour, but I still like to think that I am connected at the soul with this bitch, I just haven’t bothered writing about it, calling her, sending her myspace messages, busing to LA to hide in her closet and stalk her proper, because her quitting drinking has really let me down. I don’t want anything to do with her until bitch drops the bible and self help books and starts eating pussy in club bathrooms again.

Posted in:Ass|Lindsay Lohan|Rehab|Unsorted

2007

26

Jun

I am – Kim Kardashian’s Armenian Ass of the Day

4 Comments »

I don’t know when these pictures were taken but they are new to me. What isn’t new to me is how obscene this bitch Kim Kardashian’s ass is. I saw the sex tape, I have seen other pictures out there showing off this massive thing and I know that I don’t like it at all. I know that every hip hop motherfucker out there loves this kind of shit. I have seen many youtube videos of fat asses being shook. I have seen strippers with booty do things I never thought asses could do and I never really fell for it. All I could think about was how many buckets of friend chicken bitch had to eat to make this shit happen. It always represented some nature channel shit to me, like the baboon with the biggest reddest cunt gets noticed by the alpha males, and I guess that never really got me off. What I do know is that Paris Hilton probably could have stuck out her friendship with this Armenian Fashion Accessory because she could hid from the cops between her freakishly big ass cheeks. See I can make bad blog jokes too.

I think the reason I never liked fat ass, even though I married a fat chick, was because I could never get my little penis around the goods and into the right places, it created some kind of barrier that kept people like me out, the reason it worked with my wife was because her ass had no personality, it kind just hung there like a wet towel hanging to dry and was easily moved to the side. It’s a skill I am glad I don’t need to use again.

Either way, today’s not working so well for me, but you can still look at bitches ass and say she should be spending some of Daddy’s inheritance on a personal trainer because one day soon that fucker is going to drop and even though I think she’s fucking dumpy right now, everyone else will too soon and no black dude or white guy trying to be black is going to want to film sex tapes with her anymore and that is pretty much considered failure where this bitch is from…

Posted in:Ass|Booty|Kim Kardashian|Unsorted

2007

26

Jun

I am – Kim Kardashian's Armenian Ass of the Day

4 Comments »

I don’t know when these pictures were taken but they are new to me. What isn’t new to me is how obscene this bitch Kim Kardashian’s ass is. I saw the sex tape, I have seen other pictures out there showing off this massive thing and I know that I don’t like it at all. I know that every hip hop motherfucker out there loves this kind of shit. I have seen many youtube videos of fat asses being shook. I have seen strippers with booty do things I never thought asses could do and I never really fell for it. All I could think about was how many buckets of friend chicken bitch had to eat to make this shit happen. It always represented some nature channel shit to me, like the baboon with the biggest reddest cunt gets noticed by the alpha males, and I guess that never really got me off. What I do know is that Paris Hilton probably could have stuck out her friendship with this Armenian Fashion Accessory because she could hid from the cops between her freakishly big ass cheeks. See I can make bad blog jokes too.

I think the reason I never liked fat ass, even though I married a fat chick, was because I could never get my little penis around the goods and into the right places, it created some kind of barrier that kept people like me out, the reason it worked with my wife was because her ass had no personality, it kind just hung there like a wet towel hanging to dry and was easily moved to the side. It’s a skill I am glad I don’t need to use again.

Either way, today’s not working so well for me, but you can still look at bitches ass and say she should be spending some of Daddy’s inheritance on a personal trainer because one day soon that fucker is going to drop and even though I think she’s fucking dumpy right now, everyone else will too soon and no black dude or white guy trying to be black is going to want to film sex tapes with her anymore and that is pretty much considered failure where this bitch is from…

Posted in:Ass|Booty|Kim Kardashian|Unsorted

2007

26

Jun

I am – Paris Hilton Leaving Jail of the Day

1 Comment »

So this is the video of Paris Hilton walking out of jail with a big smile, shaking hands with the people, like she just ran a marathon of hope for retarded kids. I am convinced that bitch hasn’t changed at all, now that it’s over she can go back to her whore life of being self absorbed useless waste of space and she can also make a little money from the whole experience with her book and sudden spike in media interest in her. I wrote her a letter, she never responded. So bitch is dead to me, unfortunately she’s not dead to all of you and you motherfuckers will just keep feeding her story and ego as the next months unfold. She’ll be in magazines, on TV, in newspapers on the internet, making appearances and speeches and being interviewed It’s a whole new beginning for Paris in the limelight, and probably not a new experience for her to make a difference with her celebrity. What you will see happen is simple, young girls everywhere will be trying to get DUI’s on a suspended license so that they too can live the Paris life. It’s like the sex tape revolution all over again, only girls going to jail is a lot less interesting to me than girls sucking dick.

Posted in:Jail|Paris Hilton|Released|Unsorted|Video

2007

26

Jun

I am – Britney Spears Tit in Public of the Day

1 Comment »

I bet you feel like an idiot for thinking this whore had fake tits. I think it’s pretty clear that she’s stacked like a fat 13 year old girl who just got her period. Shit’s not made of silicone, it’s made of donuts and loose skin from once being filled with milk.

I had so many different things to write about today, I was sleeping and so much shit came to me that I was dreaming about how inspired I was, I had at least 10 amazing stories that I didn’t write down so I am drawing a fucking blank and that’s probably one of the most frustrating things in doing this site.

If more girls were like Britney, I’d be spending a lot more time in the changing room at stores around the city. There was a time when I’d get drunk with my friends in the morning and we’d have no where to go so we’d hit the mall and watch girls buy lingerie, bikinis, and shit like that. I never saw tit slips but I was escorted out of the mall by security after they got too many complaints from stores. It took them about a month to catch onto me though.

Seeing Britney stage a tit slip and not being able to jerk off to it because it’s not hot enough for you is pretty depressing. Not that I could have really jerked off to it with my not being able to get it up issue, but you know what I mean. There was a time when this was the fantasy of many, but now that it’s out there it’s not as good as you’d want it to be making the fantasy over. It’s like bringing home that hot chick you’ve always wanted, fucking her and finding out that she sucks in bed and did things you couldn’t fucking stand, and now that you’ve done it you never want to do it again, not that you’d know what that feels like, virgin. What it comes down to is that tit is tit and this is expensive tit and we should just appreciate what she’s doing instead of rippin’ into her for not being in her prime anymore, because that is usually happens when chicks have 2 kids.

The paparazzi scare the fuck out of me on this one, this is some climbing up the telephone pole with a telephoto lens creepy voyeur shit that’s got me arrested a few times…and the quality of the picture is so fucking good it doesn’t even look like bitch has a nipple, shit’s so grainy. Either way, I am posting them…

Posted in:Britney Spears|Tit|Topless|Unsorted