So these girls were caught on the street stealing a bike at 3 in the morning and it was recorded for stepTV. I am really only posting this in hopes that the one in gold pants and plaid emails me begging to take it down, because I think she’s hot and will negotiate taking it down in exchange for nude pics of her, I am pretty easily manipulated when nude pics are involved.
Either way, I am pretty jealous of their fucking thieving ways. They pretend they don’t know what they are doing and act all innocent so when the cops drive by they believe their bullshit story. I am convinced the bike belonged to a guy one of them banged who ended up fucking them over some how, and they thought it would be a funny way to get back at him, because girls get crazy when you bang them. Either way, they didn’t get caught, and just sat there laughing about it while some jackass videotapes. them.
I get fucking cuffed by the cops when I am picking cans out of the garbage trying to pay my rent. My black friend, yes I have one black friend was stepping out the front door of his apartment at 2 in the afternoon and got jumped by the cops, gun to his head type jumped all because they thought he was robbing the fucking building at 2 in the afternoon one day when he was just going to ride to the store to get some beer and chicken. But these girls look all cute and shit, and cops just pass them by.
If you’re out there gold pants, feel free to email me…I am open for negotiations….
UPDATE: The Girl Sounds Like a Rich Jew Who’s Father is Probably a Lawyer and She Didn’t Seem to See the Humor in the Video because She Looked Like an Idiot and I said her Friend was Hotter than her. I decided to take it down, because she is a fucking headache nineteen year old who thinks she knows everything and tries to sound smart…unable to take a fucking joke, and blaming the joke on me hating women or something equally stupid, because the truth hurts, no one likes to admit that they have a lesbian haircut.
Here is the first email she sent me:
Dear Drunken Step Father,
We are the girls from the video: “I am – hot girl and her friends stealing a bike” the one that you so “delightfully” posted on your website. We hope to explain to you now that not only was your post of the video itself insulting but the comment paragraph under it along with the comments from the PIGS that view your website are ALSO extremely demeaning and offensive towards us. We ask you now to simply realize that fact and hopefully have more respect towards others in the future. Please remove the post from your website as soon as possible or else we will seek legal action against you.
🙂 Thank you
So I sent a nice response I thought I hipster would appreciate….
Lesbian Haircut,
I am pretty excited that you found my site. You may not be familiar with my site, and upon the first visit may think it is some kind of offensive site. But my site is not a smut site, despite what you may think.
It is a celebrity blog, that gets a decent amount of traffic and respect. I do my best to not take much seriously, make jokes out of almost everything and I do my best to not hurt people in the process.
I posted the video that was taken by one of my readers because I didn’t think it was offensive, I didn’t expect it to be hurtful and I know my readers don’t think it was a malicious intent to defame anyone.
In all honesty, the feedback that I have been getting from the video is that it’s pretty funny, possibly one of the best videos to date. It has been seen by people at Vice, thecobrasnake, American Apparel and some other major sites and I have heard nothing but good things about it. It is probably one of the hottest videos on the internet right now, and you are in it. In a way, you are now famous.
I am willing to shift out the content a little bit in a way that is less offensive to you, but to take it down would really be a shame. In all honesty, I’d like to do a follow-up video either interviewing you guys, or maybe even turning you guys into field reporters and sending you on random adventures. We could really turn this into a great opportunity for you. You owned the camera and have the look and personality I want in stepTV.
We can really sort all this out over a few drinks, or maybe I’ll get you tickets to the next show you guys want to go to. I am pretty reasonable person. I ask that you re-consider your stance, think about the potential opportunity and try to laugh it off, because it was meant to be funny and not hurtful.
With Love,
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com
Here is the second email she sent me:
Dear Jeezus,
Through your reply to us, I think you fail to realize that not every teenager is clamoring to become an internet celebrity. We are not dumb girls who are charmed by your name dropping of supposedly “hip” media outlets like Vice, american apparel, or thecobrasnake.
It’s not that we don’t have a sense of humor, and it’s not that we care that it seems like we are stealing a bike in the video (which we are not doing, but your charming commentary clearly ignores that fact). If we were to steal a bike, we certainly wouldn’t choose that shitbox of a ride, and we definitely wouldn’t stick around to be videotaped for upwards of five minutes while doing it.
The problem that we have with the entire ordeal is the disrespectful attitude that the men filming the video had towards us, in addition to the completely disgusting and demeaning comments that accompany the video on the website. Not only does the editing not convey the fact that we were being harassed by a large group of guys – not just a couple, but the lecherous and chauvinistic comments that were yelled at us are completely pathetic. If is not socially acceptable to convey racist attitudes, then it should certainly not be acceptable (or encouraged) to show such a lack of respect for women. For you to call the one of us who stood up for herself a “dyke” exemplifies the mistaken attitude that women embrace lecherous male attention, and those who don’t must be not like men at all. In fact, the sentiments expressed by the girl in the leopard-print pants were felt by all three girls, and it is incredibly offensive that the one who stood up for herself was berated and insulted.
For a site that is seemingly obsessed with females, you show a shocking ineptitude for dealing with those who exist in “real life.” The celebrities like Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton that are featured on your site make their living by compromising their dignity and selling themselves to the public. Asking us to do the same – and expecting us to be flattered by it – is not only presumptuous but absolutely insulting and simply reveals what an inept and rude bigot you truly are.
Our demand that the video be removed from the site stands, despite your (shallow, insulting) offers of more videos or concert tickets. There is no “deal” to be made here. The ultimatum is this: remove the video, in its entirety, or we will pursue legal action. For you to think that we would be easily wooed by offers of fame or employment is absolutely laughable.
Hopefully this email can also lead to a bit of self-reflection for you about your beloved website, and perhaps you should reevaluate the manner in which you are spending your time and energy, as well as your misguided (and self-damaging) attitude towards women, and people in general.
Thank you for your time.
P.S. The Facebook add was way out of line.
Here is our facebook war:
Lesbian Haircut
Today at 4:16am
Report Message
listen you tool, this is the girl with the cheetah pants and i am the last fucking person you want to mess with right now.
looking forward to meeting you on the street sometime soon,
xoxox
the hot chick’s “DYKE FRIEND WITH KNOBBY KNEES”
hearts and stars and unicorns,
Lesbian Haircut
Jeezus Martinez
Today at 5:03am
does that mean you didn’t accept my friend request?
good thing I can’t afford a bike for you to steal.
ps – you won’t know who I am on the street, I don’t leave my house and the guy who shot the video is just one of my readers. But I will forward the message his way and I’ll be sure to tell him that you’ve been doing bicep curls and punching the wall to prepare for it like any self respecting lady would….
I am working on getting through your recent email, it was pretty wordy, you may want to learn how to cut things down and get to the point a little more effectively. Shit’s like grading a fucking gender studies term paper, a class you probably excel in since everything you wrote was fucking cliche and text book.
You definitely need to get a sense of humor, you need to grasp the concept of satire, you shouldn’t let drunk guys film you, you shouldn’t be so insecure with your sexuality to think you were called a dyke based on your actions and not on your stupid haircut. I am not a sexist, chauvenistic asshole, I write comedy and 60% of my readers are married women.
In closing, do you have any nudes?
With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
Jeezus Martinez
Today at 5:11am
PPS – My god – reading your profile makes me think you are joking…not one of the thing you mentioned is original, it’s all standard fucking bullshit. You are the Gap, you just don’t realize it. I call this fucking textbook. No wonder you are so uptight when you come across a new thing, you need ever hipster and hipster poser to tell you it’s ok before pretending you were always into it.
I guess what it comes down to is that your video isn’t really the joke but you are.
Cuddles….
Favorite Music:
pavement, the pixies, modest mouse, broken social scene, neutral milk hotel, the moldy peaches, girl talk, clap your hands say yeah, animal collective, sufjan stevens, the arcade fire, ladyhawk, the smiths, new order, bob dylan, david bowie, the velvet underground, and probably everything you like, too.
Favorite Movies:
the films of s. kubrick, w. anderson, s. coppola, m. gondry, t. twigoff, c. guest, k. smith, g. ritchie, m. july, m. dowse, j-m. vallée, t. gilliam, d. aronofsky, q. tarantino, c. kaufman, and d. fincher.
Favorite Books:
kerouac, chekhov, dostoevsky
Lesbian Haircut
Today at 5:15am
Report Message
oh my, isn’t it clever of you to call our attempt to defend ourselves “cliche” and “textbook” – pffft, women standing up for themselves, such a novel concept.
well guess what, fuckface – joke’s on you: what you said is just as fucking cliche and textbook of a response, if not even more stale and tired.
best of luck with your “satire” and “humour” website, i wish you nothing but the most delightful butterfly kisses from paris hilton herself.
i await your groundbreaking and enlightening email with bated breath. and good luck with that those married women – i bet your own wife is just thrilled with what she’s ended up with.
Jeezus Martinez
Today at 12:34pm
I am not trying to be clever – or witty, you are a defensive angry person and you don’t realize that you are the problem and not your gender.
It seems like you are trying to accuse me of being a woman hater because you didn’t like what was said about you and instead of just taking responsibility or taking the hit you had to justify what I said by making it a bigger issue.
It’s like they can’t just be saying that about me, there must be a bigger picture. He must have called me a dyke because I am a strong woman who stood up for herself, when in reality, i called you a dyke because of your stupid haircut.
It had nothing to do with you standing up for yourself. In fact there was no sign of you standing up for yourself in the video.
It’s always emotionally to blame the big picture than to look in t he mirror and question your actions and ask yourself why people would respond to your video they way did. It must because they are women haters.
What a fucking joke. That’s like a black dude getting busted for stealing bikes, blaming being black for getting arrested and not the crime he commited.
Always the fucking victim, attaching yourself to a bigger cause, creating problems out of nothing. Watch the video again, watch that tantrum..you are more of a 2 year old than a woman, so maybe you should be sending me slanderous emails on how I am an emotionally immature person hater….or a spoiled jewish kid hater. I don’t think it’s got shit to do with you having a vagina, or at least claiming you do, because it looks like you’re packin’ heat in those leopard print pants Steven Tyler.
Cuddles.
