DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2006

03

Feb

Desperately Seeking Love Hewitt’s Nipple

For as long as I can remember, people have wanted to see these tits. I don’t think this officially counts as seein the nipple, but whatever, desperate losers everywhere have been taking screenshots from movies, just hoping, one day, they will see a slip, or something. I guess this is the closest thing, but too bad it’s a shadow. I once had a dog named shadow, he was very loyal and would wake me up my licking my feet. I felt so guilty when I had to kill him and eat him, but it was him or me, and we were in Mexico, that kind of thing isn’t frowned upon. I wonder if anyone actually reads my posts….

Posted in:Boob|Jennifer Love Hewitt|Nipple|Unsorted

2006

03

Feb

Desperately Seeking Love Hewitt's Nipple

No Comments »

For as long as I can remember, people have wanted to see these tits. I don’t think this officially counts as seein the nipple, but whatever, desperate losers everywhere have been taking screenshots from movies, just hoping, one day, they will see a slip, or something. I guess this is the closest thing, but too bad it’s a shadow. I once had a dog named shadow, he was very loyal and would wake me up my licking my feet. I felt so guilty when I had to kill him and eat him, but it was him or me, and we were in Mexico, that kind of thing isn’t frowned upon. I wonder if anyone actually reads my posts….

Posted in:Boob|Jennifer Love Hewitt|Nipple|Unsorted

2006

03

Feb

Brokeback Mountain Not Gay

12 Comments »

Anne Hathaway

Michelle Williams

All this hype about gay cowboys and Oscars and men kissing men, or men fucking men in cowboy hats and in tents is just hollywood hype. I saw the movie and I saw nothing gay about it…..Both guys were married, and here’s the proof that this movie is about Michelle William’s and The Princess Bride bitch’s tits, within a gay love story….I’m telling you, it’s a lot easier to get a bitch naked if you sell her on the fact that you are making “Art” not “Porn”. I don’t know why I am telling you my tricks….I guess it’s to prove my point that hollywood’s using my line too and that despite all the gayness, these guys were just friends, alone in the woods, with nothing better to do. They just thought they were gay, cuz they fucked each other one summer. If fucking a man for a summer made someone gay, I’d bet a lot of you would have a lot of explianing to do. Now look at the tits, Homos.

2006

02

Feb

Mariah Carey Barbados Bikini

1 Comment »

These bitch needs more than just a vacation. She should be spending her money on a personal trainer, some lipo and a little breast lift. I hate being the person who attacks bitche’s body cuz I know that’s all everyone who posts these pics is going to say. I’d like to make it very clear to all my readers, that I have no problem with fat girls, I am married to a fat girl. I don’t want to give you the impression that I am shallow, cuz I am not, I like anything with a vagina. When I used to be a dog breeder, I’d drown all the little boy dogs, cuz they didn’t have little dog vaginas, like Mariah.

Posted in:barbados|Bikini|Body|Mariah Carey|Unsorted

2006

02

Feb

Draw Your Vagina and Describe It In 10 Words or Less

1 Comment »

Her name is Oprah, she is black and despite popular belief she does have a vagina. She’s not the real Oprah, but she is a lot cooler. She’s the marketing girl at Digital Gravel and she was cool enough to submit cooter shots. I have never had the chance to sleep with a black girl, cuz I always stayed away from that side of town, but it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have when my penis still worked. This has been draw you vagina and describe it in 10 words or less of the day. The reason it is bearded she tells me, is because she’s not getting any action, oh and in real life her tits are a lot bigger. I’ve seen a pic.

Posted in:stepBOX|Unsorted

2006

02

Feb

Ginger Spice, Career Starts…Career Ends….

10 Comments »

Beginning

End

This one’s called Ginger in the Beginning and Ginger in the end. It’s a little commentary on how fast we age and how short life really is. In Geri’s useless mind, it feels like just last week when she was sitting there posing for some amateur photographer for a couple quid to pay for her flat and for her club kid drugs. Now bitch is old, washed up and is rockin a gunt. This slag’s rockin’ a carpet to cover up the fat.

I am not hating on Geri, I actually think she’s a very talented singer, and will be likely be performing on some resort for a tab at the bar and a room to sleep in, until her uterus drys up, falls out on stage and is sold on ebay, so Geri can afford estrogen therapy and a one room apartment, cuz no one wants a singer with no uterus.

2006

02

Feb

Hilary Duff Live in Concert

3 Comments »

My stepdaughter and her celebrity obsessed friends who think they are socialites went to the Hilary Duff concert here in Montreal. I don’t really understand why, because Hilary is a piece of shit performer, but worth a round cuz she’s young and has money, but I don’t think they were thinkin’ that when they went. They were too busy trying to touch her sweater, and by sweater I mean article of clothing, not her cooter.

The last time I flew, I was stuck on a plane that played her movie about bloggin’, it really hit close to home, not cuz I have a blog but because I had to move around a lot as a child.

Here are the 2 useless pics they brought back to me. I clearly asked for an autograph made out to “jesus martinez, my drunkenstepfather, love Hilary”, that reminds me, if any of you fuckers know famous ppl get autographs for me. I am going to start a celeb autograph section on the site, but considering I never leave the house, you are going to have to help me.

Posted in:Concert|Hilary Duff|Teen|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

02

Feb

80s T-Shirt of the Day

4 Comments »

I love how every fucking loser and their best friend rocked a pink shirt last year. You know the kind of guy who goes to the gym a lot, rocks gelled hair, enjoys talkin’ shit about “faggots” and “pussy”, meanwhile loves hangin’ out in the gym locker and lookin’ at his friend’s dick in the shower. You know the kind of pink shirt wearing homo that has a wop accent, that wears alligator elf boots and a tight pair of Energie jeans. Well, I am not gonna let those Gino motherfuckers fuck with the pink t-shirt. I think they are over that trend, so the cool kids can officially rock pink again. This Miami Vice shirt is hot, I don’t care how homo you think it may be. Sometimes Pink is the New Blog, othertimes pink is a safe choice for t-shirts, especially when it says Miami Vice on it, cuz everything in Miami is pink, except for the spic pussy, which is a nicer shade of brown/purple/black/baby factory. Don’t let gino’s ruin your steez.

Get Yours Now

Posted in:80s|Unsorted

2006

02

Feb

Penelope Cruz Yellow Bikini

3 Comments »

I like when the Paparazzi take pictures of celebrities on the beach, during their vacations. They deserve it, considering an Actor’s life is a fuckin’ vacation. Try working in a factory you motherfuckers, an entire life to just pay the fuckin’ rent, while you sip your cocktails, play on your cell phones and order around some local slave you hired. Point of the story is I like that Penelope’s boyfriend dresses like he’s homeless and is still recognized as one of people’s most beautiful people. If you’re wondering why I know that, my fat wife like to read magazines and recite the whole motherfucker to me when I am cornered, and forced to talk to her. Either way, here are some of the bikini pics all the loser celebrity bloggers will be posting, remember you got it here first. I am watching phone sex infomercials. My life is fucking complete. Fuck you.

2006

02

Feb

St Tropez Tits

3 Comments »

Kylie Minogue

Elle McPherson

There’s something really sexy about France. Everytime I hear a french word I get a little tingle. I am not a well travelled man, I’ve been to a handful of places, and I am not here to discuss my pathetic life, I am here to say that in St Tropez which is in the South of France according to google, bitches go topless. Lucky for you these pics are topless pics of semi-famous bitches. Now Kylie still has tits and hair so I am not sure how recent these are, but the McPherson pics look new. Bitch is gettin’ thick, like a nice pair of wool socks. The irony of this picture is that bitch is washing her cooch, she’s in france, french bitches don’t know what washing means, all they know is cheese, bread, wine and pubic hair. I fuckin’ love pubic hair. I know this post was just a waste of your time, probably a lot of time to some of my semi-literate readers, who mulled over this for 45 minutes, just realize I woke up with a wheeze, and think I may be dying. Cuddles.