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Archive for the Ass Category

2008

21

Apr

Geri Spice Riding a Bike of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Geri Spice looking like a 7 year old on a bike ride with her dad and figured some of you would be into that. It sure beats hanging out outside the park and potentially getting arrested…doesn’t it? You sick fuck.

It’s Summer and all these French sluts are out trying to get healthy to balance out their cocaine snorting, hard drinking, chain smoking and bad eating that leaves their faces about 10 years older than they actually are. Some of them are out on their bikes getting the fucking way while wearing their spandex and sports bras, other girls are out jogging wearing their spandex and sports bras and that’s when I decided that working out in public should be banned for hot chicks. That shit is like watching a fuckin’ porno and I think less rapes would go down if they didn’t let hot chicks into gyms or out in public in spandex. Don’t get me wrong, I love the shit, but that’s all part of the problem. The state should issue treadmills to hot girls to work out at home, while leaving gyms for fat sluts no one wants to fuck because it would make the world a better place and maybe if the hot chicks in Spandex stop making an appearance, so will the fat dudes who think it’s cool to wear bike shorts will disappear too.

Posted in:Ass|Bike|Geri Halliwell

2008

21

Apr

Jennifer Aniston Bikini Pictures of the Day

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Jennifer Aniston was out in a bikini this weekend and you probably were too, which is a little awkward since it belonged to your sister and you were wearing it while watching porn because it makes you feel pretty. I guess Jennifer Aniston’s sex life involves a lot of porn since she hasn’t fully recovered from losing Brad Pitt to Angelina. The truth is that Aniston looks pretty good but there’s just something about her that makes her have little to no sex appeal. I remember watching Friends in the 90s because it was the only place to find hard nipples on prime time TV, making her like the only girl in your class willing to fuck you amongst a group of other girls a false sense of being hot.

This post is as boring as these pictures but that’s just the way it is when you’re dealing with Jennifer Aniston. The only thing interesting about her is that this Greek ass likes getting fucked because that’s just the Greek way…..and your way cuz you’re gay…way to gay….

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Jennifer Aniston

2008

21

Apr

Fergie Bikini Pictures of the Day

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I met a girl where I meet all the girls I know and that’s at the stripclub this weekend. Strippers always act like they are celebrities, or unattainable, or more important than they are and try their best to avoid having to talk to me and when they do they try to make me feel like I’m lucky to be talking to them, but the truth is that it’s one of the only places where 10 dollars puts that ego aside and leads to me grabbing their tits within about a minute of approaching them. The are just high volume shitty prostitutes that try to convince themselves that they are celebrities and I like to single out the one with the most attitude to use.

Either way, this weekend, the stripper was some fitness bitch who was more acrobatic than the other lazy sluts. She was bouncing off the walls, flipping herself in all ways possible and knew how to work the crowd because she spread her ass apart on stage like it was a cheap porno shoot. She had a hard face from years of smoking, drinking and drugs and her body was fuckin’ tight and she was doing it all to a Fergie song and I thought that I just witnessed some kind of ironic moment, but don’t know what the word ironic means so can’t be too sure….

Here’s Fergie in a bikini from this past weekend with her tight body and hard face….unfortunately she’s not spreading her ass like my Fergie was, but I guess this is as close as she gets….since she’s famous and doesn’t need to do it to pay her rent which is really too bad because Fergie was a drug addicted child star who burnt through all her money and could have either gone deeper into the gutter, but somehow managed to get out that makes us the real losers in this whole recovery shit…

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Fergie|Tits

2008

17

Apr

Hayden Panettiere Wears Short Shorts of the Day

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Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Everyone posted these pictures of Hayden Panettiere in a pair of short shorts showing off her shitty thick body and I wasn’t allowed to because they belong to my good friends at Flynet who are emailing my host to shut me down for using their pictures. Just to let them know that I may not be allowed to post their shit, I can still get my point across and that point today is that Hayden’s pretty much nothing much to look at but here are some Hayden Panettiere’s Proving She’s Got a Vagina With Her Vagina Huggin’ Shorts to make up for my inability to post the new pics thanks to the big bad paparazzi machine that hates me.

Posted in:Ass|Hayden Panettiere|Shorts

2008

15

Apr

Sophie Monk’s Got a Dumpy Ass of the Day

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I guess I should have known that something wasn’t right with this Sophie Monk character. I was all excited about her a couple weeks ago but never even thought about the condition of her ass. The fact that she was with Good Charlotte was the worst I thought it could get, but I was able to pass that off as some kind of mistake since she’s a foreigner and maybe Good Charlotte is a big deal in Australia…like Hasselhoff was huge in Germany and I figured I couldn’t blame her for falling into a culturally confused decision…but now I see her ass and whatever the fuck she’s doing to it. It looks like she’s trying to hold in her shit by clenching and that’s making it look she’s already dumped out some mangled ground beef already and it makes me cry on the inside. You know, I don’t expect anyone to be perfect, but when you look this tight from the front, it’s a total downer to catch yourself wondering if that shit’s a tall skinny 95 year old from the back.

I still will say she’s a better catch than Paris Hilton and bad ass or not I’m still a fan, but now that she’s onto Ryan Seacrest, I think it’s safe to say that Sophie Monk is dead to me.

Bonus – Sophie Monk Showing Off Some Tit to Distract Us From Her Dumpy Ass

Posted in:Ass|Sophie Monk

2008

14

Apr

Sarah Silverman Sings With her Vagina and Ass of the Day

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Everyone finds this bitch hysterical and I don’t see the funny in what she does, what I do know is that her shoulders are so fucking broad she probably didn’t land much cock growing up and that’s why she’s overcompensating, kinda like the funny fat kid in the back of the class who makes everyone laugh so he always gets invited to parties instead of made fun of and left in the corner where he belongs, and sometimes the hot chick decides to fuck him when she’s wasted because he makes her laugh.

I was never that guy because I am not funny, I am just an asshole and that usually makes one other asshole laugh while just hurting the feelings of person I am making for of and that doesn’t get you invited to the parties, but this isn’t about me, what it’s about is Silverman.

This is her stupid act that involves her disgusting vagina and ass singing along with her. It is harmless and would go over huge at a frat party meaning that you’ll probably like it because you are a loser. I always thought girls thinking their pussies having a mind of their own was kinda cute, but the thought of Sarah Silverman’s ass or pussy makes me think scary things, that don’t involve singing but do involve a weird alien creature crawling out of the shit like some kind of miscarriage gone wrong and grabbing you by the dick and forcing you inside.

I know you really like the idea of an ass and pussy talking because in your fantasy they are convincing their host to give you a shot, an while you’re in there they give you words of encouragement as to just how good of a job you are doing. When the truth is that if Vagina could talk, they’d all be begging you to stop poking them there and screaming for help while the woman they belong to is passed out in the back of a cab and you’re taking advantage of the situation. You’re such an opportunist and I guess I have no choice but to respect that.

Posted in:Ass|Sarah Silverman|Song|Vagina

2008

14

Apr

Rita G and Her XXL Video Shoot of the Day

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My computer is running like shit, which is kinda to be expected since I got it for 40 dollars 2 years ago, but I’m still posting today, even if it takes me a long fucking time to do it. I guess it doesn’t matter, what does matter is this Rita G video shoot for XXL magazine. Rita G is the hot chick from the Kanye video you all jerk off to when watching MTV between episodes of The Hills.

I don’t read XXL magazine cuz I am not Urban enough and by Urban I mean black or a white kid in the suburbs who thinks I am black. I do however have jungle fever now and it all started last week with Serena Willams in a bikini, not because it brought back my first memories of the zoo as a little immigrant kid, but because it reminded me that in all my sexual conquests I have never got a chance to experience a black girl.

I never really investigated why this has never gone down, I think it’s gotta do with the way I look, the size of my little penis and maybe my fear of black girls because they look like they’d hurt me if I got out of line with them. So I’ve never pursued them, I’ve never been in their circle and never really had a chance to even socialize with them.

This weekend, I went to my local stripclub and this tall, thin, hot dark skinned black girl with an insane body was on stage and I was hooked. I told her she was the hottest girl in the place and all she wanted was me to pay her for a dance. I had no money but I did cross paths with her on the way to the bathroom and she was talking to her friend about how her dress got stolen and how it was a 400 dollar Liz Claiborne. She was running her mouth off about how she doesn’t fuck around and that she’s not like other strippers and is classy but will still kill this other whore, so I decided to chime in and said “I thought all strippers were classy, where I am from getting naked for money and letting guys grab your tits for money is considered high society, but then again I am one step away from being homeless and I haven’t changed my underwear in 4 days”.

As she stared back at me like she was going to kill me with her fake Chanel earrings shining back at me, I realized that she didn’t find my joke funny and either did I, but she wasn’t charmed by me and needless to say, I have still never got with a black girl.

Posted in:Ass|Rita G

2008

11

Apr

Kristin Cavallari’s Ass in Jeans of the Day

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Not only is Kristin Cavallari useless, but so is her ass, and here it is in a pair of jeans. One of entertainment’s big mysteries is that people actually watch The Hills. I have been forced to watch a few clips of the shit and seeing the scripted bullshit and horrible acting, confuses me. I just don’t understand the appeal. I also don’t understand how shit got on the air in the first place, let alone becoming a success. It’s one of those shows that makes me want to kill myself because it’s popularity makes me realize just how doomed our world is. I know that may sound a little dramatic like I’m some kind of Liza Minnelli dancing around on stage, making a big deal out of nothing, but the truth is that making celebrities out of people who are shit and pimping out shows that are shit and seeing it work despite being shit makes me think the majority of the world is shit and there’s no hope for me despite also being shit by on a different level of shit that can’t relate to this shit.

Posted in:Ass|Kristin Cavallari

2008

10

Apr

Natalie Pinkham Bikini Pictures Day Two of the Day

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I posted pictures of Natalie Pinkham in her bikini yesterday. She’s some kind of TV personality in the UK that my one UK reader never heard of. I generally don’t take anyone who reads this site’s word on anything, because I can only assume they are as useless as me so I’m stickin’ to my story and even if she’s an unknown, someone’s taking pictures of her so she’s important enough to post here.

This as her second day in a bikini, forces me to reflect on my experience with her yesterday. I ripped into her for having a vulgar last name, not vulgar in a good way like “DrippyCunt” or “AnalWhore” but in a name that made me think of eating a ham sandwich and not the kind attached to a hot chick, but a 3 day old one that I found in the trash and had no choice to eat because my drinking left me on the street and it was the only food I could get my hands on.

The good news is that with a new bikini comes a whole new outlook on life and I realize that complaining about a girl’s name is pretty fuckin’ weak. The reality is that I am a horny fuck and her body looks pretty fucking good to me. A name really means nothing and bitch could not only be named PileOfShit but also smell like a pile of shit and I’d still try to pretend I was a grain of sand as I irritated her pussy while she laid there in her wet bikini drying off in the sun. When she’d ask me what the fuck I was doing, I wouldn’t answer because I’m that good of an actor and everyone knows that sand can’t speak.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Natalie Pinkham|Wet

2008

04

Apr

Gisele’s Ass in Some Jeans of the Day

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Nothing says creepy pervert like standing across the street from a girl and watching her either put things in or take things out of her car in hopes to get a good look of her ass, except for maybe following a chick from the bar home and climbing her fire escape to watch her either drunken masturbate or have a booty call while you sit there jerking off like you’re watching some kind of live-action porn. It’s on the same level as watching a girl shopping at the mall and seeing her reach down for the perfect bikini or watching her model it for her friend before buying the perfect one. It’s like peaking into the curtain-doored changing rooms to watch them change without getting caught or even like hanging out at the bottom of open-backed stairs and watching girl walk up and down the stairs.

These are some pictures of GIsele putting things in or taking things out of her car and you can see the top strap of her panties, and those panties are actually touching her pussy,which must be pretty exciting for someone who has never seen a vagina….but is probably not all that exciting for the rest of the world. I call it the process of desensitization, like when I used to get a boner holding hands with a chick or seeing her in a bra and now I can barely get hard for a hot girl on all fours with a finger on her clit, begging me to stick it in, but I still try and thats all the matters to me, even if it turns out to be the worst sex for her. Let’s face it, I am not trying to impress anyone.

Posted in:Ass|Gisele Bundchen|Jeans